Coming Clean

(I wrote most of this two days ago. I saved it, forgot about it, wrote about the park in the meantime, and then Lisa, being nosy (and taking advantage of my lack of logging out) found it, liked it, and so I’m posting it after a few very small edits.)

Alright, so, I’ll say it: I’m in love. But in general, I tend to try to avoid that phrase as it makes me cringe. I cringe because I tend to think that people don’t really understand what it means and what they do mean is merely “I’m really excited and infatuated about this person or thing.” So, since I don’t want to be a part of that crowd, I try to avoid saying it.

But today I cannot avoid saying it because I am thoroughly in love, and I need to get it off my chest. So let me first tell you about my day.

My day started after a night of bad sleep - bad sleep being waking up every few hours to help Lisa with baby William. I was up around 7:30-ish to fetch Joshua out of his room because he was awake and beginning to grumble about his bedroom prison. After cuddling with Lisa in Mommy-Daddy bed, Lisa heads off to shower, and I head downstairs to start the morning routine: breakfast, childrens’ clothes, then shower. We’re out of the house at 9:20 for the baby’s first doctor’s appointment.

We arrive around 9:40. Josh is watching the fish in the aquarium, Lisa is filling out paper work, and I am relaxing. Josh grabs a book, and we read it together. Josh, not being interested in the book, puts it down where another boy picks it up to have it read to him. Josh gets jealous, and so I enter into Operation Distraction. Operation Distraction is a mild success, but it utlimately results in Josh initiating Operation Terrible 2. After a few unsuccessful attempts at Operation PD (Public Discipline), I have to resort to Operation MD (Mean Daddy). Josh and I go have “a talk” in the van, where I force him into “the chair” (his carseat), let him scream, turn up the music, and wait for the screaming to subside. Operation MD continues to have tremendous success. We go back inside, and the rest of the doctor’s visit is pleasant.

We return home where we all have lunch. Lisa and William nap for the afternoon while Josh and I mess around. I keep asking Josh if he would like to go to the park. He consistently answers no until it reaches 2:00. At 2:00, I begin to inititate Operation Nap Prep, and Josh initiates Operation Guilt. Operation Guilt goes a little like this: “Park?” “No, Josh” “Park! Park!” “No, Josh, it is time for your nap. You know this.” “Park! No Nap! Paaark!”

Because of Operation Guilt, I let Operation Nap Prep last much longer than it should. This results in me losing my temper. Josh suffers the pain of Operation TL (Tough Luck/Love) - he is thrown into his crib to sort out this nap thing for himself for the next 1.5 hours. I crawl into my own bed, desperate for sleep now.

My merry housewife, however, awakens from her blissful afternoon nap at the same time William does. They share a feeding in bed next to me - which typically I wouldn’t mind, but it was an awful distraction today. My nap essentially stunk - even after Lisa and William left the room. But, at least Josh’s nap was good - because he woke up happy and ready to go.

Josh and I then headed to the park as I promised.

We headed back home where Josh balked at dinner all night - I did not give in though, and he went to bed without a decent dinner. Perhaps he’ll eat better tomorrow (nope!). He and Lisa got to have some quality Mommy-Josh time during bath time and bed time, but Lisa, not yet recovered from the pregnancy, cannot be firm with Josh like you must be. So, I, the enforcer, had to finish the job.

William and I bonded tonight while I was on the ‘net and reading. He slept in my arms the entire time. Lisa and I shared desert and tea and read The Screwtape Letters. And now, I’m preparing to be off to sleep.

But the point of this whole post is to show that I have all these things, a lot of which is not fun, but none of which I’d abandon. This is being in love - often it’s retrospective more than in the moment - and I cherish every moment of it. And above all, I thank God for it. I cannot imagine how else I could have come by it all. How fortunate and blessed I am… I am so not worthy of it.