Coming Clean

Finding Brothers On The Road

This is perhaps a story that Jeff has not the wholly heard.

So, by the time I was off to college, I was more or less getting back on the straight and narrow, and I was looking to involve myself with similar people. But I have this tendency to track fellow geeks, nerds, fantasy buffs, and other “social rejects”. Oh yes, do not let all this personality fool you. I am a social reject. I can be “that guy” at the drop of a dime.

So, my first couple of days at college, I was a little depressed because I was finding myself among “my people” and not the people I wanted to be with. As a result, I reluctantly and dejectedly went with a bunch of guys to the Fall Fraternity Rush. We were all going for free food and entertainment. A few of the guys were going under the pretense of hooking up. Me, I was just going to be with these guys. Along the way, we passed a place I would have never expected. I probably would not have even noticed it if we had not deliberately passed it by. The only reason why I noticed is because one of the guys said, “Oh, do we really want to go to a place that has that?” And he pointed to a cross up on the side of a house. …a fraternity house…

Well, we passed by it and got our free food and had our entertainment. It was all fun and games, but I kept thinking about that place with the cross on the side of the house. It was probably just some kind of gimmick or “ritual” thing, but it was the only frat house I had seen with a cross on it. Curiosity won me over so that by the end of the night, when we were heading back to the dorms, I feigned I had left “something” behind at a house, and I went and visisted the house with a cross.

As it turned out, this house didn’t merely have a cross on it. It had Christians living in it. They publicly identified themselves as Christians and seeking Christians for membership. What and how could this be? Fraternities are social beer orgies. Not so with this one.

After talking with a number of the guys, I realized I liked this place a lot. This had a lot of guys that I wanted to know more, that were interested in living and growing as I was, that liked to do a lot of the same things I did. I decided I wanted in, and so I returned over the next few days.

It also happened during this time that the brotherhood took an interest in me. A cool and cautious interest. Apparently my interviews were not all up to snuff. For example, I argued against predestination. I argued for the freedom of man. I did not deny the omnipotence or omnipresence of God, but I would not name it as predestination – namely because I identified predestination as an active and forceful predetermination on God’s part.

I never really learned what was and was not said about me. If I had, I probably shouldn’t say anyways. What happened during this time though was that it became apparent that there were some Calvinists/Reformed in the crowd, and they wanted to hear it said their way. So, I’m a smart guy, I know this is the right place for me, and I know what they want me to say. So I said it. And then, after talking with a guy in private – in a bathroom stall – I got saved. Again. Sitting next to a toilet. …I wish I could remember how we ended up in there…

I was pretty miffed at this whole “saving” business, but, again, I was pleased by people’s desire to faithfully and truthfully serve me. I got over it. Besides, there’s nothing wrong about professing your belief a thousand times over if it will be of some benefit to someone – and I don’t mean me.

But still, pretty awful, huh? Probably the best lie I ever told though! And to tell you the truth, I’m not really so sure it was a lie. It was just confusion on both parties parts. Probably mostly mine. I’d like to hear what I said that got everyone so concerned – but no one has ever been able to tell me what it was. …who knows… But after that, with a few minor personality bumps along the way, I was brought into the brotherhood.

My time in the fraternity has all been of tremendous benefit to me. I really blossomed in my faith and as a man during this time. I became very close with a number of great and Godly men, and I spent a lot of time in prayer, study, and discernment with them. In a lot of ways, it was the spiritual environment that my church and family should have provided me – the kind of thing I had with Scott back in the day. It was not hyped. It was not one gimmick and flashy thing after another. It was raw, personal, challenging, encouraging… it was a communal life of faith. It was Christianity for the glory of Jesus and for our sake.

This chapter of this fraternity has in many ways has helped and shaped me into the man I am today. I love Theta Xi.