Cowards and Meanness
Roger replied to a comment I made on his blog yesterday that (1) people looking for cowards are looking to beat someone up and (2) mean people suck.
It’s true. My very experience testifies to it.
At the time, when I created this moniker (originally AnonymousCowared but now AnotherCoward), I thought it was just kinda funny in a geeky, not-so-clever kind of way. Yet, every now and then, it gets thrown back in my face. As though, I really am a coward.
Well, to be fair, there is a certain element of truth to it… I have yet to be wholly honest about myself, but I think I’m making good strides to do so. But, truth be told, those who make the point to call me out as coward are exactly those who I’m trying to hide from: those who don’t care one way or the other about who I am – they’re just looking for my label. Coward fits for them right now because they know there is something else I’m hiding.
And so, the label coward becomes more goading than anything else. “Be honest so I can REALLY be horrendous to you.” That’s pretty much when I decide to leave the conversation if direction doesn’t change shortly thereafter. It’s not worth it to carry on. Their opinions aren’t worth it. What they’re trying to be is little fact machines that spill all the points out in front of you, overwhelm your ability to address the issues, and, especially, keep from personal dialogue. I know. This use to be me.
That is the very definition of meanness – lack of personal relationship, dehumanizing. They don’t want to know you. They just want to know to what extent you conform to the label they approve of. It’s the kind of crap we tried to kill after the Civil War, the World Wars, in former Yugoslavia, and in Africa. People are people. People don’t conform to labels. Oh, sure, they may be able to talk like a label… but I mean, I can talk like a label. Labels are crap when having a relationship and dialoguing with people. Sure, there are ideas that we capture about people – but those ideas, those labels, are many, particular, and hardly over-broad as we got to know someone.
So, what’s the point of talking if you’re not going to bother getting to know someone? Meanness. What’s the point in holding stuff back from people – lack of trust and probably more cowardice than I care to admit. But I don’t like being a coward. It’s why I’ve got this blog. But mean people… they like being mean. I did anyways.
Great insight. I really heard the ring of truth in some specific parts, though I wish it wasn’t so. Glad I could evoke yet another post.
This might turn into a post on my blog, but for now…
For the day when cowardice dies, and all truths are revealed, we pray to the Lord;
Lord, hear our prayer.
For the day when we learn the falsehood of all labels, and all divisions are broken, we pray to the Lord;
Lord, hear our prayer.
For the day when the One who is alone capable of knowing us, and teaching us that we are truely known: as we affirm to ourselves, and deny to ourselves, we pray to the Lord;
Lord, hear our prayer.
For our hearts on that day, that each person I love may be divided to the right, and not to the left, for this we pray to the Lord;
Lord, hear our prayers.
I know what you’re talking about, Spencer…unfortunately from both sides of the fence. It occurred to me the other day tha maybe the reason I sometimes have bullied people with words or “intellect” is that when I was young I was usually the defenseless brunt of physical brutality.