Coming Clean

When I Have Met the Lord

I’ve got Andy Peterson up on the play list, and it’s Come, Lord Jesus. Man… talk about evoking emotions and thoughts… it might behoove you to listen to this song as you read this post… wait for “oh well there’s a burning down inside of me”…

Foremost in my mind are the times when I’ve met the Lord – when I knew He was present to me – around me and in me.

The one I’m remembering now was on my night of homecoming to the Catholic Church. The whole night stands out like a mystic story – something too fantastic to be real. Oddly enough, while receiving our Lord in the Eucharist along side my fellow sojourners stands out as a pivotal point from that night, it’s not the highlight that I remember. The highlight came before when I was presented to be Confirmed. To my right was a boy not much older than 7 or 8 – an age that I recognized as the time I started on my own journey with the Lord.

As we walked up to the altar, I was a little taken back yet overjoyed to see this child. I said to him, “Happy Easter.” And he answered, “Yes it is!!!” with the excitement normally reserved for Christmas in his eyes. And He said something like, “Are you receiving Jesus, too?” And I remember smiling ear to ear more than what I said, but I suppose I answered, “Yes, I am. How about you?” And he answered, “Yes! He is coming into my heart, and later I’m meeting him in Communion!!!” The joy this child showed really humbled me and gave me the emotional grounding I was needing for the night. I’ll never forget him, and I have no idea what his name is – but I think of him as a messenger of Jesus to me.

I know where that boy was in his heart –
he was in the Spirit and with our Lord.
What an exciting time! What a thing to share!
How fortunate I was to be in his presence!
How fortunate I was to be brought into His presence by him!

The other time was recently at the Eucharist. As a convert, you often wonder: “Am I believing in this as I should be?” God knows I want to, that I pray – at times feverishly – for something more than just a trust and an act, that I try to see what I want to believe is there – what our forefathers say is there. Perhaps it is a foolish endeavor – a work and not obedience.

This time I went to receive and as I took His flesh into my mouth, I prayed, “I eat the flesh of the Lord.” And I felt overcome. And I thanked Him. And then as I received His blood into my mouth, I prayed, “I gulp down His blood.” And I felt reassurance. And again I thanked Him. Perhaps not every time you receive something you are to feel, but the few times you do, you cherish them. They are personal. And I have cherished and reflected on that experience a fair bit lately. I now try to remember saying that particular prayer now as I receive Communion. With a guilty conscience, I’ll admit part of it is a hope to find again that confidence of presence and reassurance, but also because it was in that prayer that He gave another glimpse into His presence around me and in me. And I’ve been looking for that lately. That and where He’s leading me.

Come, Lord Jesus. Amen.