Understanding and Living
The two are not opposed to each other, in fact, they are suppose to compliment each other, but it seems for me anyways a very easy thing to divide. I understand my theology, but it’s hard to live it. …except, I don’t think that it’s not easy to live… just that I haven’t given myself wholly over to it yet. I’m not certain how, when, and where to do that. I’m pretty sure I’ve got the what and why. I suppose that’s a start of sorts.
Right now I feel a lot like the rich young man, but I want to give up all my possessions. They are His after all. No doubt about that in my mind. Everything I have today, even this computer, are by His providence. But I’ve got a wife and children – I can’t just sell everything and go on a spiritual journey. I have to provide for them. I can’t just abandon them – God did give them to me after all. So, perhaps I’m sitting like Abraham did before God told Him to pack up and leave his family – well to do but with better things to come. I think it’s coming. I hope so anyways. I just hope I truly am prepared to answer: “Here I am, Lord.” and “May it be done according to your word.” It may not be to new lands… it could be as simple as a new job.
But I want to be more than what I am. I want to follow after Jesus – to serve as He said to serve. Or at least to be able to understand how I’m contributing and/or should be contributing. ‘Cause right now, I feel like I’m only serving myself… and even in that, I’m doing it poorly. I can be better. Lord, show me the way and give me the strength and perseverance to follow.