Coming Clean

Marriage and NFP

So one of the conversations I had participated in lately (that I forgot to include in my previous post) was over at Josh about one Al Mohler and his views on marriage and “twixters”.

Something else that piqued my interest was a discussion about sex at Matt Lickona’s blog. Sex is a popular topic over there – namely due to the RCC’s “counter-cultural” stance on sex. Anyways, I posted my feelings on NFP. Instead of making you chase that, I’m posting it here – it belongs here. It is slightly edited from what I originally posted on Matt’s blog.

When I first got married, I hated NFP.

First, all of our other friends were newly weds and busy like rabbits (well, some left that impression anyway) but without the reproductive element. Second, we spent over three quarters of the time in the off-season because we were trying to be certain that we would not get pregnant. Those two elements combined caused me to really resent NFP.

But I think it was a good thing. Within those first few months, the stress of NFP made me re-evaluate the nature of (1) the relationship between my wife and me (2) children and (3) my trust in God the Father.

After 5 months of marriage, we became pregnant. It was not planned. It was not exactly a surprise. And it was, above all else, welcomed. Now I’m two months over 27 and nearing my fourth year of marriage with two beautiful children.

I still can’t say I’m a huge fan of NFP – like a child doesn’t like broccoli: it stands in the way of desert but you know it’s good for you – but I have a deep appreciation for it and highly recommend it. It has caused me to appreciate our bodies. It has caused me to appreciate new aspects of my wife and our relationship. It has caused me to embrace my children more properly as true gifts of God. And it forces me to actively live a sexual reality, that a lot of Christians don’t, which is accepting personal responsibility of my God given natural and good sexuality while also trusting in God’s providence regardless of what happens.

…and I don’t think you can have these kinds of earnest realizations about sexuality and family if you’re living in an artificial world that insulates you from the reality of sex.