Coming Clean

wrestling with how to explain the communion of saints to protestants … and needing to do better after this first pass, I think

In my experience, Protestants have absolutely nothing to say to a Catholic who is grounded in the Sacrament of the Eucharist. It is the genuine empasse between the Reformed churches and the Catholic Church. Sola Fide … Sola Scriptura … small change in comparison. For a Catholic who understands and believes in the Eucharist, to deny it is equivalent to denying Christ.

The Eucharist generally does not get a lot of discussion from evangelicals, particularly those looking to convert Catholics. Evangelicals are not prepared to discuss it … and if they do have something to say, it’s usually a misrepresentation or misunderstanding of the teaching of the Church. Always reminds me of the Collective Soul album cover … big mouth dude carrying the sign, “Hints, Allegations, and Things Left Unsaid.” I’d tack on a line, too, to read, “if not outright lies.” A lot of it is honest ignorance by today’s evangelicals, but someone somewhere along the way had to know what they were doing when pushing some of the garbage I hear, and I imagine there is a hefty burden for such an individual. But as it is, most of the time Evangelicals try to nab Catholics on faith and works, unbiblical hierarchy, unscriptural teaching, blah blah blah. Not that I can’t engage in this discussion, but it’s such small change when stood next to the Eucharist. And so, that’s where I try to point my story.

In Vatican 2 and again in the Catechism, the Eucharist is summarily described as the source and summit of Church life. And so it should be summarized because the Eucharist is Christ, the head of the Church. It’s in the Sacrament of the Eucharist that we take the body of our Lord into our own bodies to be united to Him and, in that, find forgiveness of sins, strengthening of the faith, and establish our communion with the whole Church – both those alive on earth and those alive after death – among other graces.

And it’s on this last point, the communion of the Church or the communion of saints, I really want to talk about for this post, though it’s taken me some time to get here. Specifically, I want to deal with the communion of the Church with regards to how the Catholic Church believes and lives it out in comparison to the Protestant churches.

Growing up, I was raised between 3 different Protestant churches. Now, perhaps it was just me as a kid growing up, but I never felt or really thought that I belonged to a church beyond the 4 walls I visited every Sunday, and even that, I learned – first through observation and then through experience – was subject to change. And in public discourse, there was some camaraderie to be shared between folks who claimed the name Christ, but things, even as a child, would quickly become muddled once we moved beyond that – defintely if the name Catholic came up. And by the time I was in highschool and later had moved on to college, I realized that there was something distinctly lacking about the notion of the body of Christ that churches were suppose to be presenting to the world. Intra-denomational recognition of churches was at times difficult enough; Inter-denominational recognition was generally not much to hope for and a happy thing to have while you had it. The only thing that ever held “communion” between churches together was intellectual assent to the other’s teachings … not a good foundation for something that should be Christ rooted, and certainly a shifty foundation as we’ve seen time and again through the politics of various denominations and theological conferences.

Now when I learned in highschool that my best friend was Catholic, I was to some degree disturbed but at the same time curious. He was my first insight into Catholicism, and so far not too bad. Taking me to Mass though was an experience that certainly seemed to validate everything I had ever heard. But that’s not to say that I didn’t come away with some positives … such as I was distinctly impressed that communion was held weekly (oh, ignorant me). But when we attended a different Mass, one that my friend thought was a little more inline with my Charismatic upbringing, I immediately latched onto something I really hadn’t seen or thought about before.

What I saw at this second, livelier parish was … the same service with different tunes and an arguably better preacher. …but I realized that… this was more than just a Service. This was something tantamount to an Event. I had had my first taste of not just liturgy but more importantly started to perceive Sacrament, and I was liking it.

It wasn’t until some time later that I started studying Catholicism for Catholicism, but two of the first things that should ever come out of such a study is that (1) the Eucharist is, perhaps, the most important thing in the life of faith and (2) liturgy is the foremost if not only place the Eucharist has ever been celebrated and consecrated since the earliest days of the Church. The form of the liturgy of the Mass follows that of the Last Supper, which is an instance of the Passover Seder with Jesus’ own flair, and has grown through variation from this core into the liturgy we have today. All time in Christian history has texts that concern themselves with the proper exercise of Christian liturgy and exhortations that the Eucharist is truly, really Christ and should be so revered.

Now, perhaps not everyone thinks this an important detail, but for me, who was and is vastly curious about where the Church came from, I found this point intriguing. Catholics do things, more or less, the same … day in, day out, since the time of Christ. Add to the notion that the Eucharist, where all the faithful are drawn into the one, final, perfect sacrifice on the cross, and you’ve got yourself more than just a powerful sign of belief but, for believers and unwitting participants, a powerful reality … Something no Protestant church can come near to touch or express in its beliefs, except to say that such things are heresy. And I, for one, cannot believe something so obviously foundational to the praxis and beliefs of the Church throughout history, especially so strongly present in the early Church, to be heresy.

But what does all this mean and do? Well, first, when the Catholic Church says it is catholic, it means it. Catholic with respect to geography and time. In the Eucharist, the Church believes that all the faithful are made present to the cross … like a kind of time travel without anyone going anywhere, in some mystical way present before the same, one cross Christ died on. And just as we are, in the particular moments of the Mass, mystically present at the cross, so are we mystically joined with every other man, woman, and child who has ever lived and lives in Christ. And in receiving the Eucharist, uniting with Christ in a real, tangible way, we find our common unity in each other, the rest of the body, in a real, tangible way. And in this reality comes the awareness that all of who we are, all the gifts and riches we have been given by God, are not gifts for ourselves, not just gifts to be used for Christ, but gifts meant for the service of the entire body.

Now, we can assent to all these things intellectually, big deal that Catholics have a sign to go with it. And, I guess if that’s one’s perspective, so be it with the whole lot Christianity. Baptism – eh … who needs it, really? But if signs are the mechanism of sanctifying grace as is a common belief with regards to Baptism, how could such a sweet gift like the Eucharist be ignored?

I don’t think the Protestant churches could legitamately lay claim to the Eucharist today, though I know a number try. The Eucharist is tied intimately with liturgy and liturgy with authority and authority with Bishops and Deacons and all that falls out from that. That’s a pretty big hump to have to get over, and I often wonder if Protestant churches can. But all we Catholics are left to do is pray that somehow it does and keep faithful to Christ through the Sacraments as a sign to the world, especially our separated brethren, that indeed there is more to what is seen, it is real to us today, and it is a better way … it is The Way.

So, following the notion that where there is no sin, is the idea that there now does not sit a void, and I find penance making a good deal of sense. If I make my Confession in earnest repentance, I cannot content myself to just moving on as if nothing will now occupy my time and energy where once stood a sin. Instead, I have to exercise that time and energy in some other way. More often than not, I have found that when I “conquer” a sin, another just fills in where the last left off. That doesn’t make much of a repentance.

Now, one of the common objections to Catholicism while I was among the Protestant fold was that Catholics have to “confess their sins”. I didn’t think that was a particularly bad idea, though some inexplicably do. But, even still, that was not the worst of it. Oh, no, it gets much worse. They have to perform penance!! They think that by doing good works, they will buy their way into heaven!

Mrmmm … no. Catholicism isn’t quite that shallow. The whole idea is that when I make a confession, I need to now occupy my time and energy on holy works instead of the sinful works I just confessed and had forgiven. And the Confessor, at this point serving as a spiritual director, will provide us with a direction on what kind of holy works we should think about doing.

Unfortunately, I have found many of my penances shallow, save one, which I find myself continually thinking about because, well, it’s so good and I’m so bitter with regards to it (God help me!) that I often doubt I’ve actually performed it. But at the same time, even the shallow ones are just shallows leading into deeper waters. I suppose if I should actually make those shallow waters my home, my penance may actually challenge me to go deeper.

More often than not, my real problem is thinking I’m better than I am. Working with those in need, for some reason, helps remind me I’m not … probably because they always remind me I’m just God’s will away from their situation.

The Pope gave an address 22 December 2005

In it, he explains and reflects on … well, a lot.

He talks about Christmas, Christ, JP2, World Youth Day, Worship, Evil, Suffering, Vatican 2, the right and wrong way to understand Vatican 2, the reason why Vatican 2 needed to happen … there’s probably some other stuff … but that’s the stuff I remember off the top of my head.

Now, this is a long read … probably took me an hour to parse my way through it (I am a slow reader because I like to be sure I’m understanding as much as possible, so that means a lot of re-reading) … BUT YOU SHOULD READ THIS.

It offers … so much … oh, it even touches on religious freedom … and the nature of the deposit of faith and the expression of faith and historical continuity in the deposit of faith and the seemingly historical discontinuity in the expression of faith. Did I mention I found this read awesome?

I’ve read elsewhere that this should be viewed as a kind of mini-encyclical before the Pope’s first encyclical due out later this month. Rumor has it that the Pope will be on something of a rescue mission for Eros – Romantic/Sexual Love – in his encyclical. Judging by the way that this man has stirred my noodle even in small passages, I can’t wait … even if the rumors turn out wrong.

I had my first blog dream last night. I dreamt I was at Mass, I think. And across the way I saw Rachel and her family and Matt and crew.

I got so excited to go across and finally meet them face-to-face.

And then I woke up.

And then I was sad.

I really like Matt and Rachel’s blog because they (on the surface of their blogs) seem like genuinely beautiful people … not in the sense that they are attractive in their physical features but in the sense that they exude Beauty in their writings about their thoughts and daily lives.

****

Last night in the parish parking lot, I saw my friend Tony, the grandfather of one of Lisa’s best friends. He is perhaps one of the most beautiful people I know. We talked for a bit, and he was telling me the joy he had found in working with the teens again: teens were receiving his love and finding love in him, the Church, and our Savior and reassuring his love. Some had adopted him as a grandparent figure as their own grandparents had passed on.

I told him that it wasn’t hard to believe – he’s one of the most beautiful people I know. For me, at the moment, that’s a pretty big compliment.

Maybe it was a lack of context of the thoughts I’ve had lately … maybe it was because of self-doubt … but it seemed to me that he drew back from my statement. And I saw, for a moment, a mirror of my own self-doubt.

****

I’ve been thinking a lot about my last post lately. Mainly wondering how willing I am to accept the call to Love and Beauty. And while I think I’m an alright guy, I have a real difficult time looking at myself as Beautiful.

I have never really thought of myself as having a problem loving myself, loving my being … but when I want to go so far as to say that I can see, in myself, Beauty … I honestly can’t do it. I don’t see it. I know my wife sees … something. I know others do, too. But me … I can’t see it.

Maybe I’m scared to see it. Regardless, there’s a lot that remains un-Beautiful in me … maybe seeing myself as Christ sees me is the first step towards solving all these questions and doubt. And for once, I can see a real need for prayer beyond a sense of duty from the exhortations to pray. If I am to see as Christ sees, it will only be through prayer.

U2, be my muse, one more time:

I’ve seen you walk unafraid
I’ve seen you in the clothes you made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

Thanks for saying it, Bono.

Funny this … it comes a year after my last crisis of faith.

For me, there are few places I retreat … places where there is no sin … places where there is only beauty, that watermark of God’s Divine Being and Perfection. My parents showed me nature – mountains, streams, woods, animals – and taught me music. I didn’t realize any of this until tonight while listening to U2.

The song You Can’t Make It On Your Own climaxes with the following lyrics:

Can you hear me when I Sing,
You’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why
The opera is in me…

It’s really sweet lyrically and musically because the entire song is about the strife and tension between Bono and his father, but here … this is the first affirmation … non-accusal … a heart felt thank you. This is the place that Bono’s father has shown Bono where there is no sin … the place that Bono cannot escape the love his father … the place where Bono ever knows that he is indebted to his father and so cannot ever leave his father alone.

Beauty is not to be horded: it is meant in its being to be shared. So it is that in a world where there is sin, it is not enough that we may be satisified in the pursuit to attaining to merely not sinning – to believe otherwise is the mistake (and sin) of the scribes and Pharisees. If it were only and ever about not sinning, God would not need to manifest Himself as part of the world … because God’s perfection by definition is undeniable. So if God makes Himself part of the world to be known undeniably by the world, then there has to more to it than just demonstrating His Perfection.

And what it is, is Love: to take the beauty you know, inside and out, to others. To merely not sin is to make a person’s concern beyond himself, at first glance, unimportant. But what it truly means to not sin is to love and love unconditionally. And when you love, you don’t love selectively and partially. You don’t go through the motions to fulfill a requirement. You don’t hold back, keeping some beauty for yourself or keeping beauty from some others. You give it all up … in your home … in the grocery store … at work … where angels fear to tread … the very heart of the den of your enemies … on a cross … because that’s the only cure to sin – to love it out, to take beauty everywhere as you can. Without fear, without hesitation, without doubt, you go, you share … you say, “Yes,” against the odds … in hopes that people will accept that cure and in turn begin themselves to love. It is necessary to have the hope that each and every person can truly, freely say,”Yes,” or else love, again, loses its meaning.

Christ’s invitation to and atonement on the cross is not offered for a few. As much as He is the All in All, He offers His All to all … or else it’s meaningless … Love is something a good deal smaller and finite than what I believe it to be.

And so, I find myself, wondering how and why I got from Bono, to love, to sin, to salvation. And what it is, is this: I’ve been missing what it means to love … to love as Christ/God loves. I have until now thought of “loving” as something I do to others … but it’s more organic than that. Bono’s father loved Bono and so took him to the opera. My parents loved me and so took me into nature. God loved us, breathed on us, walked before our eyes, touched us, healed us, died for our freedom, and has never hence stopped talking to our hearts and to our lives through silent words and the love in the lives of His lovers. If I am to love, it’s not something I do to someone else. It’s being unselfish in who I am … showing beauty … taking people to places in the world where there is no sin … telling them the story about a path to a cross whose beauty knows no equal … learning what it is I have to give … and giving it.

Dear Lord, show me what I have to give.

…Or should I say MoinMoin? Well, MoinMoin is the WikiWiki I’m running. Confused yet? Well, don’t be.

Go check it out.

I particularly like the Calendar.