Coming Clean

Christian Radio Tempts Me To Road Rage

Perhaps the most irrelevant market in the world is Christian Television. Right behind that is Christian Radio. I can’t stand either. If I were old and bedridden, perhaps I might be able to appreciate it, but I suspect even more so it would encourage me to be more angry at my local parish.

But nevermind that. That’s not why I’m venting about Christian Radio today. Nevermind, too, that Christian Radio is more insanely bubble-gum flavored than the local teen pop radio station. Nevermind, also, that Christian Radio seems to believe that traffic doesn’t exist. Nevermind, as well, any number of laments I could get into. These are not why I’m posting about my oft time vitriolic relationship with the irrelevant market that is Christian Radio.

I’m posting because one guy on a local station is way to freaking happy. It’s disgusting. It’s like tuning in and having a 500 pound happy baby falling down on top of you, drooling and squealing like the world is the best place ever. You can hear the smile on this guy’s face. And it’s so fake. It’s utterly not in touch with the world I’m in. The world of traffic. The world of trouble. The world of need, let alone unsatisified want. This guy is happier than Jesus ever was, and it makes me want to reach through my speakers, pull the guys through to my dashboard, and smash it endlessly.

I listen to this guy for about 5 seconds. It takes me that long to realize it’s “that guy”, and by that point the blood pressure is already through the roof. So I quickly change the station. Usually to the least Christian I can find so that the loud percussion and bass and squealing guitar can drive every last vestige of “that guy” from my mind. Life resumes as normal, and I’m not troubled by that guy any more.

But the thing that really gets me beyond all that … is that I know I utterly ought not react that way to this guy. And, man, that bothers me more than how fake that guy is. A vicious cycle of aggravation and self frustration – a foolish insanity – that doesn’t seem to have an end in sight.