Coming Clean

Last night, I was in the office messing around while Josh was getting ready for bed. I saw that Lisa had a book by Flannery O’Connor, so I picked it up and start reading. It was a collection of short stories.

A few minutes later, Josh comes in yammering about something, and I absently tell him to get continue getting ready for bed. So he leaves but returns 5 seconds later, but in those 5 seconds something in the book has caught my attention.

He snuggles up behind me, still talking, but I’m still reading through the paragraph … no time to bother with him yet. Then I realize he’s saying … something … something … familiar and yet nonsensical.

“What are you saying, Josh?”
“I’m trying to reeeeeeeaaaaaaad.”
“You’re what?”
“Trying to read!”
“What are you talking about? What are you reading?”
“A .. good .. maaaane .. is hared .. to fend”
“What? Point to what you’re reading.”
Josh points to the top of the page where the title of the short story is: “A Good Man Is Hard To Find”

Awesome!!! Josh is reading! So we work through the proper phonetics, he gets all spun up, and then off to show off to momma!

After that, instead of me reading to him for bedtime, I help him read to me. It’s pretty awesome.

So I have been reading Managing Humans and Rands in Repose the past week. Rands makes me feel less like a jerk and more like a guy with legitimate managerial issues.

I was talking with my old boss (now like 1 or 2 levels of management over me) about the book and just some of the stuff I’ve been reading, how I felt kind of validated in freaking out, the lessons a manager should learn in any and all freak outs, and just some of the communication problems I see in our group. He looks at me and dead pans, “It can’t be a very good book then.” I really love my old boss. He gets it.

Today, I decided that my current project manager is a coward. His first line of status is email and IM. No phone. Not unless the poop is about to hit the fan, and he needs the “took personal time with employee” checkbox checked.

This afternoon I got an IM wherein he was checking status on a particular project. This came up just after I had replied to an email he had sent relaying that our intern, who is not very capable and is increasingly less reliable, bailed out of a week of work - the week where we were trying to get him spun up on a special project. This whole situation has begged the question of who should my manager be talking to with regards to what’s going on in the project, what’s our personnel situation, etc. As far as I’m concern, with no disrespect to my teammates, it should be me.

So I picked up the phone and called him.

Mgr: “So you want to talk?”
Me: “Yeah, more than just status. We’ve got a few things we need to talk about them and now is as good as any.”
Mgr: “We’re not going to talk about those things.”
Me: “Yes we are, after the status report.”
Mgr: “No we’re not.”
Me: “Yes, we are.”
Mgr: “No, I’m not on a private line.”
Me: “What do you mean private line? Why do we need a private line?”
Mgr: “Because we can’t talk about personnel.”
Me: “Well, if we talk about personnel, it will be because you make it an issue. I want to talk about higher level stuff.”
Mgr: “Oh …”

Yeah, see … when we talk, this is the way it always goes. He thinks he has a handle on the situation, but he doesn’t.

Skip forward to after status

Me: “Look, our process, my understanding was that you put so-so in a position for moderating process - not for technical control or personnel issues. I thought that was left to the team lead.”
Mgr: “It is.”
Me: “Well, then why are you talking to so-so about our technical status and personnel issues? And why are you giving so-so crap about the decisions I made the call on?”
Mgr: “Well, I didn’t realize you made the call. I thought there was team consensus.”
Me: “There was team consensus by my sheer force of will and the absence of project management. I said I’d take the fall. Everyone’s backing the decision now it seems.”

At this point, my manager begins a series of excuse making wherein we start talking about what he explicitly outlined he didn’t want to talk about. And in the process, he all but says that the hub-bub he’s created here in not letting the team manage itself has been wasted effort - he’s back to where we started. Skip a few minutes …

Me: “Mgr-person, do you want me on the project?”
Mgr: stunned silence
Me: “It’s just a question. But every time I have to work with you, it’s a fight. I don’t get it.”
Mgr: “Well, just because you don’t get what you want …”
Me: “What I want? I mean, I’m opinionated and strong wilked, sure, but when have I been wrong? I mean specifically, when?!” (hubris, it’s bad … but I do have a solid track record at the moment)
Mgr: “Look, I don’t know why we’re talking about this … how this happened. We’re both frustrated. So lets take a breather and talk about this later.”
Me: “Fine, we can do that.”
Mgr: “Just schedule a meeting …”
Me: “No, you schedule the meeting. If you want me on the project, show that you care and make the time.”
Mgr: “Fine”

By the time I left a few hours later, still no meeting notice. He did try to hit me up for another phone conversation (via IM instead of just, you know, calling me). We’ll see where we get tomorrow … but I’m ready to check out, and I’m making contingency plans for those I’m going to be leaving behind. Couple with my possible departure with the imminent departure of our resident senior free electron, and my project is pretty much screwed.

So … one of the big jokes amongst the developers is my constant scheming to “pull one over” on management. Generally there is something that we know they (irrationally) will not want but is in the best interest of pretty much everyone else. Every now and then, I also host a game of “dream team org chart”.

Today, though, I think I hit a real resonating chord with the senior developer. He’s da’ man on the project. I’m pretty good at getting a vision of what ought to be done and how it will look - certainly better than your average bear. He’s significantly better. In fact, one of the best I have ever worked with - and I’ve worked with a number of crazy smart people. Everyone looks to his expertise, and when he isn’t brought in, quality suffers.

Today, I pitched a covert coup to the senior developer. The main thrust is that since we have the best handle on the development efforts in progress and have the most to say about design and implementation, we need to be overseeing the design process before it gets handed off to the developers. Thing is, there is already suppose to be a structure for all of this as part of the existing systems engineering team.

So, the coup is simple - we are put in charge of developers, and we manage the work that developers do. As part of that (and this is where the coup is manifest), we facilitate the process of system design becoming software design, which is where we are perhaps the strongest of anyone else on the team. This amounts to a coup because the senior developer and I almost always view the system design we’re presented with as a very rough draft that needs a lot of refinement - and in the end, we have something that kinda resembles but mostly doesn’t look like the original design.

The present justification we can use is that, really, the systems engineering team is presently too busy to address the needs and concerns of the developers … and we get bugged by all the developers when systems engineering is not available (i.e. all the time). There’s also the added benefit that the system architect doesn’t need to be a language weenie - he can focus on being a systems engineer, which is what he really only has time for it seems.

Right, so how is this covert. We’re making this covert in that we’re going to try to make this the system architect’s idea. This is the tricky part, but … it’s doable. The system architect already knows he’s overworked and too spread out. He freely admits to this. So, the plan is to bring up his workload, try to get him to express his frustrations (which he rightly has), and then do the whole “so what I think I hear you saying is …” and voila. It’ll take some time for it to ferment and mature for him, but it is so logical and “duh” that I don’t think it’ll take long for him to get on board. And if/when he comes on board … score!

This will free us to really optimally design our software and keep the engineers engaged and busy as appropriate. It lets us manage people we’re already managing more or less. And it lets us decide to take some risks within reason of our areas of responsibility to get things done.

All in all, I’m really pumped about this. I just need to make sure senior engineer is with me to follow through on it.

The one thing that is like the central theme for all my angst at work lately is simply: I see no value in my immediate leadership and management.

And this, according to them, is a virtue of our project.

I don’t get it. I don’t appreciate essentially making up work and doing said work while they loom over my shoulder and waiting to decide when they are going to step in and take over or take “corrective action.” I know it sounds crazy - especially making up work - but that’s more or less what I’ve been doing of late.

Management, in my view, is very much a flow down activity. You work with customers, you identify requirements, you identify design needs, you work the design, then you pass off to developers but hang around to monitor the situation, and eventually take back to work things through verification/validation/QA. Nearing the end of design and preparing to hand off is when the full team begins to get engaged - this is what we’re doing, this is why we’re doing it, this is how we plan to do it … any questions? anything people think we’ve missed? lets do it then.

The dynamics of my current project is such that the developers get dragged into meetings with customers, listen to what customers say, and pretty much do all the systems engineering on our own even though our leadership/management state they are to be doing these things … and get all in a tiff when they realize they are behind or cut out.

Over the past 3 days, I’ve talked with different people on the systems engineering/leadership/management team of my project, and I’ve been overly blunt and probably disrespectful about all of this. Do I think it will change anything? … no, not really. yet here I am, with this small core of hope deep inside that won’t give up.

So, when I’m where they are, the people underneath me will know how I’m working for them. They will know - even if it is just a high level - what I’m doing and how I impact them and the value I provide them. I do not want to ever engender this feeling of being left to figure it out alone while also being responsible to some nebulous, unidentified higher standard that no one cares to share until after the fact. My people have a right to self confidence, empowerment, and assurance that their leader is working in their best interest and how he does that.

Quick question for all you management types out there: is that really too much to do/expect/ask?

So, in between being heard by upper management and being offered a promotion … I forgot my immediate situation: my current management sucks.

Today, I had a urinary joust with my project lead. Loads of fun. I have a hard time being told to do something I don’t want to do … and I have a tendency to throw it back: “You want it so bad, do it yourself. In my judgement, it’s unneeded.”

Then I had a rant fest with #2 on my project. I leveled with him - I don’t know what he does, I’ve expressed interest in knowing, I feel like I have a right to know, and in the absence of knowing, I’m left to assume that it’s zero value added because I never see any product coming from the management team to help us do our job.

He didn’t like that. He was fine when I said they should be doing more by way of leadership; he was not fine when I said I had a right to know what they did.

After all of this, I found myself wondering … why did I stay?! Oh yeah, I have a get out of jail free card. I think I had better play it sooner than later.

So I’m thinking about the “cool” present for this Christmas. What will it be?

Up until a few days ago, I was thinking I wanted to get my hands on Super Mario Galaxy for the Wii. One of the cool things with SMG is that while it has a single player story mode, a second person can interact with the game at the same time - assisting or pestering as they so desire … that is until I decide to impale my wii-mote into their skull. Josh and I really enjoy playing games together, so I’m thinking this could be a real winner.

But now, I’m thinking about the OLPC laptop. The cool thing about buying an OLPC is that the commercial price is about that of a low-end laptop ($400) - but that price is actually purchasing 2 laptops: one for you, and one for some kid in the world that would otherwise have no chance of seeing a laptop. This strikes me as a very “in the Spirit” kind of gift … though really, to be really in the Spirit, I guess I’d buy two and give them both away.

But then I got to thinking that really, it would be cool to give my kids an OLPC, even though they are a bit young for it. Josh may actually be at a good starter age - that of 5. But then I think that it would be really hard for me to just let Josh play with the laptop - I’d be dying to mes with it myself. All the same, I think there is very good potential here.

Lisa just mentioned an idea (she saw my tip-tap-typing and loomed to see what I was doing). The kids REEEAAALLY like taking pictures and having their pictures taken. So Lisa was thinking about getting them some kid digital cameras. That would be a lot of fun, too. They’d never put them down, though, and we’d be eating batteries like never before.

So, anywho, that’s the ideas I have skating in my head for the Chastain Christmas. Anybody have any extra ideas, suggestions, thoughts?

If only I were to be writing an original piece for this title. But no. I’m not so creative and original.

Upon the recommendation of Geof Morris, I have purchased Managing Humans by Michael Lopp. It will arrive in the coming weeks - I’m a cheapy, and don’t like paying for shipping.

In the meantime, I started reading through the blog that gave birth to the book: Rands In Repose

I’m hoping that reading the blog won’t spoil the book.

Anyways, tonight I found a particularly lovely article: Definition of a Bad Bug

First, I’d say it’s a fair crack for defining a bad bug. Second, it scores major points for paralleling with the catechetics for Mortal Sin.

…no more publishing melancholy blog posts before going sleepy, sleepy.

If in trying to find meaning, today is without any, then why should any of the others? I ask because today felt like a pretty meaningless day.

Whatever meaning there is, we should be able to relate to it at any given moment. Perhaps it is just the soft silhouette of a setting sun upon my childhood, but I seem to remember a time when I knew why all things were special yet reasons were unneeded.

It seems to me our hallowed souls have been harrowed hollow by the wisdom of the age. We know instinctively that there is something to draw us awake from our sleep, to put one foot in front of the other, and continue on with the trappings of life … yet when we ask ourselves what that is, the resounding echo of a faithless soul is too familiar and near overwhelming. For some, the words of faith come to us by rote and litany - as empty as that may seem, I can take comfort that there is at least that much.

It all makes the lyrics terrifyingly familiar:

There’s not time for hatred
Only questions:

Well I’ve got a message for and your twisted head!
You better turn around and kiss your hope goodbye
to life eternal
Angel

Individuality gives way to hedonism and self righteousness. Corporate identity gives way to thoughtless anonymity and slothfulness. Surely there is a middle way.

I think I’ve lost taste for mere ideas. I want to see the example I seek living before me. And I pray I’ll be found willing to follow.

If you read the quotes below, I’m stealing some of the thunder of this post. But if you don’t trust me, read the quotes before clicking through. They are for me the highlight, though they lose some of the authenticity without the backdrop.

The wonder, it seems to me after just thirty-odd years of living, is that there is any hope for change, that nature and grace may so conspire as to lift a man out of the ruts he has dug for himself. … Just ground reclaimed, gradually and painfully, from the unsleeping enemy.

…

As the last bit of daylight drained away into cloudy darkness, Alexander and I arrived at the question of what keeps a man holding on, what makes belief possible in the face of everything that argues against it. … I gave him my own answer – that the holy people I have known had a love for something real, that they could not have loved an illusion the way they loved God.

…

I must keep the faith. If I lose the faith – if I can no longer even say with the centurion, “I believe, help my unbelief!” – then it will all be to me waste and horror. It’s not that this world doesn’t matter to me, or wouldn’t – if anything, it matters too much. But if God isn’t behind things, if love doesn’t undergird the world, then I will lose heart.