If you know me at all, you know that I love Derek Webb . And if you didnt already know, he’s got a new album coming out November 9th. From what his wife has told me about it and the very little sound clips Ive heard, this is going to be one amazing album. Different than anything he’s done with Caedmons or his first solo album. Even if you may of not liked Derek before, I encourage you to download Reputation and tell me its not an amazing song. Maybe its just because I’m in a relationship and can relate greatly, but this song is so very moving to me. This is what Derek says about this song…

This is a song I wrote for my wife. Actually, we were down in Florida this last year and I wrote this song just following–my wife and I had a, what would you call, a “miscommunication”? And so I found myself at 3 o’clock in the morning sitting in the only place I could find light, which was in the bathroom, on the floor, writing this song. seemed like the best place for me at that point, writing this song as an apology to my wife.

Me: “The governor just called.”
Mom: “He’s called a couple of times. I think he has a crush on me.”

I have a pence (twenty actually) in my jean jacket pocket. For some reason this brings a smile across my face every time I wrap my fingers around it and walk in the rain.

The opening scene from “About A Boy” always stirs something in me. I’m a people watcher by nature, just last night at dinner I was being not-so-nice to the couple across the way from us (I assumed they got up and left, where as they actually walked over to the salad bar). As I stood watching Jace go through security I felt like I could of stood there all day. The weekend wore us both out so I was numb to anything I was truly feeling. A girl walked by me dressed like she was off to work while carefully crying and patting her tears away instead of wiping. I watched her walk quickly away with her arms hugging her stomach. So many stories where around me and yet I could only make up in my mind just a taste of really why they were there. Hers may have been the same as mine or completely different. Maybe this is why when I travel I always seem to have to say something to the person sitting next to me (if they look approachable). Its not that the book I brought along isn’t interesting enough, I want to know the story sitting next to me more. I bet you could met some pretty interesting people who you have to share an armrest with for hours, but mostly we just bump elbows without every saying a word to one another.

Something that I learned over the weekend that is very different about Jace and I is our taste in music. Mind you, this was truth to our relationship already, but I actually kind of understand it now. I ask all the time Jace questions on what he thinks about things or why he did something (whether good or bad). I need to have a grasp on why he’s wired that way somehow. So when we got into a… how shall I say… heated discussion, as Share the Well filled my car, I need to know why he didn’t like it. It was fine that he didn’t, the problem was I didn’t know why. As much as it pains me to say this, he said it was wonderful music but then over it was a cheesy CCM voice. I gave him a dirty look and turned up the radio to squeeze some goodness out of that moment. What I found in that conversation was my key to our differences. It was that lyrics matter to me more so than the music. And to him music matters more than lyrics. He said that he like it when music doesn’t need words and can get across what they are trying to say or feel. I like that, though I can only take so much of no one singing when I listen to music. This comes partly to the different backgrounds we hold when it comes to music. He is a musician and I am not. He so sweetly bought me one of his all time favorite albums this weekend, which is all instrumental. I do feel smarter somehow listening to this new addition to my cd collection.

I realize this “needing to know” is kind of wide spread trait in girldom. Its not enough for the reason to be that it just does. Hence my endless questions to Jace about everything. To going outside of my skin and sitting down next to a person in the airport to know their story. Collectively, everyone at the airport is there for the planes in some form or another. There’s something deeper than that though, the story, which is what I want to know. When I don’t know, it what gets my wheels turning to why people do what they do or say what they say. But the eternal question is why .

As to not steal the idea from other certain blogs, I may be companying my posts with quotes more often than not. I used to be a quote nerd, you could say. My past journals have been filled with quotes from movies, songs, shows, and friend’s rambles. This past journal I just laid to rest and shelved did not have enough to me some how. In my room in the past Ive had quote on the wall, I didn’t put them back up this time around decorating. I didn’t think much of it till every Mondaywhen Im at Jenna’s house when I’m there for bible study I see a quote above their back door that always makes me smile. “I live in the city but I dream of the mountains twice a day.” Pictures on the wall say a thousand words, but I think quotes also say a lot about a person as well. My quote for today comes from this past weeks Gilmore Girls. It just may fit perfectly for my upcoming weekend.

Luke: “What brings you here?”
Lorelai: “Caffeine withdrawal and I like looking at you.”

I haven’t been posting due to my computer getting new RAM from my ever so gracious parents and my ever so slow poke of a brother installing it. Apparently my parents computer doesn’t have cookies. Making cookies would make it so I could check my email and even log in to be able to blog. I’m on my brother’s computer, which apparent has lots of good cookies cause its allowing me to make this post (don’t tell him I was in here. He really wont finish my computer!). So if you read this and have emailed me, I haven’t gotten anything that’s been sent to me over the past few days. I’m quite sad about it too.

Its been raining for a full three days now and I love it. I love the rain I’m realizing. I started a new journal last night (its really cute, has a picture of a girl drinking coffee and it says “Cafe Girl” below the photo) with my thoughts on the rain and how it effects southern Cali folks. We freak out which is funny to me since I’m still waiting for weather warnings to go off telling me to get to my safe place, as if I was still in Alabama. Its not much colder ether, which makes me sad. I forever now wish when it gets fall it gets cold like it did in Alabama. But, I do have a sensable reason to bust out my scarfs. Yes, rain means scarfs, don’t mess with me and my scarfs. Its sometimes hard to look cute in warm outfits cause your layering and trying to be warm and dry over cute. So, naturally, a cute scarf is a useful and helpful accessory to making a “winter” outfit cute. I have not yet worn a scarf but Ive seen others doing so, which means I’m more than allowed to do so.

I also started “Mudhouse Sabbath” last night and LOVE it. I’m only to chapter three, but find so much connection between the effects of the rain on me and this book. The first chapter about setting a day a side. To me as a Christian Ive never taken time during 6 days to prepare for one. It seems like a neat part of the Jewish walk, the way she writes about it at least. The rain makes people slow down, wether staying home more or taking time and preparing to go out in the rain. Theres no spiritual connection there, but I found that I could apply that to my rainy days if I tried. Mudhouse Sabbath, when she explained the title, warmed me. Mudhouse is a coffee shop in the authors home town which she spends, in her version of Sabbath, time of rest there. I used to do that, escape to a coffee shop for some rest time. I did that not too long ago at The Living Room in La Jolla. Sitting in the rest that I can really only breathe in deep and know deep down in my soul is at peace really during those times. Ive stopped to study the rain a lot over the past few days, even for a brief moment have found myself more at peace. I’m in awe of His creation which San Diego has been without for six months. It brings me back to the simple truth that I know for my heart to be still and walk on the Lord’s leading, I have to rest. The rain has just really been the final puzzle piece in all the little whispers in my life telling me that lately.

“My audience is not only going into a Christian book store,” Ms. Billerbeck said. “I sell better at Barnes & Noble than at Christian Booksellers Association stores.”

This may be because the genre is still a bit racy for Christian bookstores, many titles feature hot-pink covers, and Ms. Billerbeck describes her heroine’s thong underwear, which apparently shocked some Christian Book Association book buyers.

Still, there’s no bed-hopping or other sexual shenanigans. Fans of these books “are looking for something a little more wholesome – they’re not looking for just the smutty stuff,” Mr. Gallagher said.

This quote came from an article that I read today. I love the fact her book are selling better in a Barns and Noble vs. a Christian bookstore. Is that bad? I mean, I worked for one, I shouldn’t be saying such things, right? I wonder why does it sell more though. Her book is still over in the “religious fiction” section. Do women who don’t call themselves religious walk over there and pick up a book because of its colors? Be an interesting pole to take. Also, I giggle that the board the article talks about didn’t like Kristin Billerbeck talking about a women’s underwear. I’m sorry, do Christian women not wear that? Oh whoops, that’s probably worse to say isn’t it? Seriously though, lets be real here. Women in their 30s (as Billerbeck’s character is) do care about such things. Single for a season not a reason. Why wait till your out of that season to care about things apparently you should only care about when your married? I think its a great message she’s sending to women reading this book: its okay to buy fancy underwear! Id never thought reading Kristin Billerbeck’s books that they would stir so much up. Id love to hear this board comments on how she described kissing a guy. I mean, it was wonderfully written, but could be a little to spicy for Christian minds. I think that’s part of the reason I love Kristin’s writing style. She has a wonderful balance between chic-lit friendly with a healthy helping of Jesus in the mix.

I also found this , which makes for an interesting read. It asks the writers that any stories they write and send in should be just like life — except with the right comeback at the right time. then they say Though the stories may take place in urban environments, hanging out in bar settings, drinking alcohol or becoming involved in sexual situations is not appropriate for Christian characters. So just like life they mean what? I understand they have to have guidelines and that’s more for not giving the reader juicy details about a characters sex life (as Carla and I say we don’t mind if our book characters have sex, we just don’t want to read about them).

Did Redeeming Love get this much up roar when it came out?

I’ll admit, as a pretty faithful Caedmon’s Call fan, I wasn’t really looking forward to this album when I first heard about it. After “Back Home” and the new songs off of “Chronicles” I really wondered what Caedmon’s had up their sleeves. I’m happy to report though that after being able to have so much preview of “Share the Well” , by the time October 12th came around I was so excited for this record. I had the privilege of having few of the songs from “Share the Well” early which only fueled my excitement from what I heard the band share live. If you don’t know the story behind “Share the Well” please read this before finishing reading my thoughts on the record. Okay now that you’ve read that and have more of appreciation than you did before, lets dive in.

The cd opens with some brothers singing the chorus of the title track, Je Ra, Ji Ra, De Ra… then busts right into Cliff’s strong vocals. This song made me smile, dance a little in my seat and wanting more. Its a great opener to this experience that Caedmon’s takes you on through music.

“There’s Only One (Holy One)” is probably my least favorite song on the record. I know, only into the second song too, but its the most radio friendly. I tend to hate anything close to CCM sounding and to me this really sticks out cause it sounds more of a song you’d find on “Back Home” than this very different sound record. I’m still on the fence on how I feel about Randall Goodgame writing so much for Caedmon’s. I love Randall, but for Randall songs (say “The Opener” or the army pants song, which I wish he’d record somewhere) It seems to me he’d probably never put the songs he wrote for Caedmon’s records on a record of his. This song seems a mix to what you may find on “In the Company of Angels” and “Back Home” . Both which don’t hold real high on my Caedmon’s favs.

Between songs they have little clips of different people from countries they visited in recording this album. Before we get to listen to Danielle’s first song, we hear a little clip of a gal named Jenny Farza sing something in her native tongue. Now, forgive me for saying this, I mean this in the highest respect, but it reminds me of a song from the movie Moulin Rouge. Very pretty, but that’s what it reminds me of.

Mother India was written by Andrew Osenga and he sang it at the Caedmon’s show I saw this past summer. This song gave me hope back then that I may like this album the band was so excited about. Jenny Farza appears again with some wonderful background vocals along with Osenga. I love the chorus of this song, probably because its something I can relate to inside.“Father, forgive me, for I have not believed. Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved. Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace. Your spirit falls on India and captured me in Your embrace.”

The next song is a very cute song. I don’t know how else to describe it other than cute. I think its adorable that “International Love Song” is sang by Danielle and Cliff together, in almost a conversational type vocals. I did guess correctly, this has Josh Moore’s fingerprints on it. It just sounds like something he’d write, and I don’t say that in a negative time around. Be proud you Josh Moore lovers, he’s starting to grow on me.

I’m going to kind of contradict myself with “All I Need (I Did Not Catch Her Name)” by Randall Goodgame. I could see him recording this one, this stood out to me (along with “Share the Well”) as *the* Randall song on this record. I really love the story it paints of showing this solid, what the world views as poor women’s life. This is another song sang by the lovely Danielle Young. (Gees, I almost wrote Glen, that’s pretty bad.)

Ready to be happy and move around a little?“Volaconland” is just what’s going to hit the spot for you. I cant explain how I know, but I just know Josh Moore songs. This one is a fun song, nothing I’ll probably ever quote (lyrics mean a lot to me, little more than the music almost) but I like moving in my seat to it. Cliff does a great job on vocals in this one, including some foreign speaking. This seems like a song the band could replace for “Hands of the Potter” on this tour. I could also see Sarah swooning over a part of this song.

“The Roses” is the gem of this record to me. Its one of the preview songs I listened to on repeat. Its written by the great Andrew Osenga with Jeff “Doomsday” Miller. I’m happy to see he had a hand in the writing, if its keeps up like this, Id love to see others by him. For a song that I just love, I don’t have the words to describe it. “Honey, that’s all they have and they’re happier here, than any of my friends back home. They’ve met Jesus and they really know Him” It seems a song these guys wrote to their wives that didn’t come along on the trips overseas.

I’m SO glad that Andy has hand in writing for the band. He could write all the songs and Id be beyond happy, but what makes me happy that he sings his very own “Bombay Rain” . Ever since Andy joined the band Id hope they’d let him sing lead vocals on some songs and not just his solo stuff or old Normals hits. This reminds me of something you’d find on a Normal’s record, but it works very well for Caedmon’s. I think Danielle and his vocals go quite well together as well on this song.

Danielle sings Josh’s “The Innocents’ Corner . This song is the other reason that Josh’s writing is starting to grow on me. I also think this is a first for Danielle to sing a Josh song too. This song has a different sound to it. Not different like Ive never heard it before, but different for Caedmons, kinda like a “Long Line of Leavers” sound, but it seems to fit on this record. I love its sound, but clincher for me is its blend with Danielle’s voices. No one else could of sang it and make me love it. Its the different mix with her strong voice that make me like this song. It took me a couple of listens, but I see it turning into a classic Danielle song.

“Sarala” is a very pretty name and is also the next song captured on this record. I believe that this song shares part of the story that inspired the band to do this record.Cliff had a hand in writing this song (wonder if he’s gonna keep that up since this isn’t his first appearance as a writer) though I wouldn’t know since he has written enough for me to know his writing style well yet. A phrase that stuck out to me was “these cows aren’t sacred” . For you old Caedmon’s fans, does that ring a bell with you too? I wonder if that has any connection to the other song that was recorded oh so long ago.

Another song with strong vocals by Danielle. I enjoy this song, but I cant put my finger on why. Her voice kind of echoes through the song and its mixed with a basic guitar chorus and very eastern sounding verses. “Wings of the Morning” a good song to listen to loud. And lets out them… that’s… 5, FIVE! songs sang by Danielle. I personally think that’s great because her voice was the best part (besides Sandra McCracken’s contribution) of “Back Home” and hoped she’d get to sing lead more than she has in the past.

Dalit Hymn is a good closer for the album, but I just don’t get into it. The only thing I love listening to about is the passion you can hear in Cliff’s voice. His heart his behind the mission of this album and its shown here if you had somehow missed it through the rest of the album. I love the fact they have “hidden songs” on this record too. Some reason I never thought they’d do that since its something they could save for a Guild cd or something like that. I love the song Andy sings with just him and his guitar. It hits way too close to home but comforting at the very same time. If your not careful, the last hidden song will scare you. Well maybe that’s just me because I can be a bit jumpy. *lol*

This album seems like progressively it should of come after “40 Acres”, and this coming from a fan who loves “Long Line of Leavers”. But it seems to fit more on the Caedmon’s time line than LLOL. All and all, yes, Id recommend this record to anyone who likes good Christian music. I do wonder how Caedmon’s will follow this cd, not top it or anything, just follow it because this is so big. The stories in the songs. The changes in the band members lives. The effects it will hopefully have on the fans. Its neat to see what God has taught these old musical friends of mine, it can only get better.

(the guy leaving room for the Holy Spirit between Cliff and Danielle is my friend Bryan who is the creator of [www.caedmonscall.net] and was invited to go with the band to Ecuador for part of this record. Be sure to check out his travel journal.)

If you were able to see my room right now you would not say I’m an organized person. Its mainly clothes everywhere, I know where everything else, but it looks like a mess I will admit. A 10 by 10 room gets messy real quick Ive been learning. I never keep things neat all the time. But when I want something clean, its clean . I, for some reason work better working for a longer period of time (say an hour) to clean my room than just a little bit every day. I don’t know why this is or why the piles don’t bother me till they are out of control and I cant see the floor (its not that bad, but you get the idea).

Talking over things with Jace about what he may or may not want to do when he comes out here next week he thought I was cute for being so organized. Its cute now a days to have a index card for each day with a list of things we can do with how long each will take us? Well then heck, I am cute. Its more for me to remember what would work better what days (say going to IKEA is better on Friday cause some folks are still at work rather than the weekend, so less people) and being able to give Jace a good experience of San Diego without being overwhelmed with what to do. Its already planned out, we have our index cards, all we gotta do is pick something to do in the block of time we have.

Right now I’m off by 93 cents according to my checkbook and my bank statement. Its driving me crazy. I’m not losing sleep over it, but I gone over and over from the start of my statement and my checkbook and I don’t see where that 93 cents have run off to. Did it go into my gas tank? Is it in the knitting of my new skirt? Where is? I like having a balance to things, to know what’s going on and when its going. I get excited when I see that people have cashed checks Ive used to pay them. I know, I’m strange, but check number whatever for this certain amount shows up on my statement. I know who went to the bank and cashed my check. But it bugs the snot of me when people wait forever and a day to cash their checks. I mean, 20 checks have cleared and I’m still waiting for the second one Ive ever wrote for this account to come through. Come on, I’m trying to give you money! I thought everyone likes money, I guess I was wrong.

So it’s true, I like to know what’s happening, planning out my days, packing a week before I leave for a trip (even write out what I’m packing before I actually pack). Is this a control issue? I see that it can be in some ways, but it helps me stay sane really. On a rerun of Friends last night Monica worked for 8 hours to help find Chandler a new career. Alphabetical, then by subject, the whole deal and the first one was advertising, he picked that one and didn’t look at everything else she had done researched on. She wasn’t bummed, that only meant she got to use her shredder. It was done for Chandler, but at the same time, she enjoyed doing it. So it was a win-win situation really. I hope that’s how what I try to be organized what others who its being inflicted on feel too.

I’m reading “Searching for God Knows What” by Don Miller right now. I really enjoy this book and I’m only to chapter 6. Its lay out reminds me a lot of “Blue Like Jazz”, but Miller’s writing has grown a lot richer since that book. Ive really been taken back by the deep but yet the simple truth of the words that make up this book. I was sitting in church this morning listening to the “special music” guy giving his testimony in a nutshell, which included what you normally find in one: drugs, jail, God saving him during his darkest times. Just last night I watched the movie “Saved” (Scott, Id love to have a few email about this movie with you) so between all these different factors, I was barely listening to the music. “Saved” got me thinking because, as much as the movie rubbed me the wrong way of what the world may think of Christians, they aren’t far off. They may have taken it to the extreme of what they were doing, but its not far fetched. Growing up in the church I was the so called “good church girl” who sat and listened to dozen and dozen of people tell about being head deep in drugs, alcoholic, sex and everything else “of the world” you could think of. I always felt I didn’t have a testimony or a “good enough” one if that. I realized later in life that I had just been saved from the deepest depth of my sins, as anyone else who stood up and gave testimony.

Biggest thing I think Christians get wrapped up in, is being a Christian. What I mean by this is that they for-go an actually relationship with Jesus. They busy themselves with works of the Lord or saying all the right words, but yet, nothing inside of them has change. I say that merely because Ive experienced that. I think as someone who has grown up in the church its the easiest thing to do. “Being” a Christian is an easy thing to do. You know the church thing to say or what not to say, whether you believe or not is besides the point. It kills me when I see my Jr. High kids doing that. Ive even said to them at times “that’s the nice church answer, but what do you really believe?” They don’t know what to do with a question like that. No one really asks them to think for themselves now a days, which is very sad. What Ive had come to great truth(yet simple) that its about having that great relationship with Christ. Everything else in my life is married to that. If my walk with the Lord sucks, then the rest of my relationships will be effected. If I don’t give with a heart for the Lord’s, no one else may know it, but I will and more importantly God will.

Going back to “Searching for God Knows What”, Jace and I both are reading it. He sees “Blue Like Jazz” more of a book for a new believer or someone who isn’t a believer to read. I actually disagree to the fact I only feel that this book would be better. I could see it scaring some people because its more of a “religious” book because he uses God, Jesus and Heavenly Father a lot more. But its very real. What Don Miller thinks about isn’t the typical church answer, and he grew up in the church. That’s what I love about people who are honest with God, then themselves and then with others. It really really shows and it comforts me greatly to find the not so known people who take on this in sharing it with the world. Don Miller will never sell as many books as Rick Warren may have, but I don’t think Id like it if he did. So as not a new believe why do I think “Searching for God Knows What” would be better for a person new to the faith? Well, its very human. We all can relate to that. We all have a need for God, we were designed that way (created in His image no less). Like I said, I’m only 6 chapters into so I could change my mind, but I think this is one of my favorite books you could ever find on any bookstore shelf.

“If the gospel of Jesus is relational; that is, if our brokeness will be fixed, not by our understanding of theology, but by God telling us who we are, then this would require a kind of intimacy of which only heaven knows.” ~Don Miller

Its officially fall. It has been for a while actually, but the only way I’m aware of that fact is that Starbucks is now serving “pumpkin spiced” lattes (which I don’t recommend really). The weather here in San Diego is really as they say, “perfect”. It gets a little cooler this time a year, but no colder than say 60. That isn’t cold, I know. I did live in a place that had actually seasons and I’m going to miss it very much this year. I very much want to take a visit to NC during the snowy season. Only snow Ive really “lived in” was the weekend trips I took in high school to Utah with the youth group. Mind you, my time wont be much longer than that in NC, but, it wouldn’t be a snowboarding trip. Id have to drive around in it, sit close by the fire (hopefully), drink warm drinks to really warm my insides. Not just because its this thing to do (and that gingerbread lattes are much better hot). I wish I could look out my Northport window again to see that tree that blocks my view of Main Ave to see its leaves turning. Instead I look out to see palm trees that have been green and will stay green all fall. My family has all sorts of pumpkins as fall decorations around the house. There are four on the front window seal. Their fate of whether or not they will be carved has yet to be decided. My mom bought baby baby pumpkins yesterday and are sitting on the kitchen table (one even has a curl of vine left on it which how she made her pick to which bag of them she bought). And last, but not least, Walden Jr. Some of you may remember Walden, my normal size pumpkin from last year that sat on Carla’s and my’s porch too long. Of course I named this pumpkin, Id have to be sick not to. Well, even then I probably would. Its just what I do. (I will post a picture of Walden Jr. when I’m able to post pictures again.) I found the following from a journal I wrote in two years ago during the fall season. Makes me smile at the time I was a single gal, living in southern California.

Fall is a season that brings the leaves tumbling down from the trees. The streets are covered with colors of red, orange and yellow. The crisp air makes you see your breath as you walk quickly to that place you long to be, you smile as you think of it. You grab that warm blanket that has been waiting for you all summer. You sit in front of a fire to get warm. You are in your most comfortable sweatshirt that you’ll never get rid of. A warm drink that you have your hands wrapped around. And wrapped around your middle are arms that are holding you so close. The whispers of sweet words land on your ears and you’ll never forget them. Your head is rested against his strong chest, only moving by his soft breathing. You turn to look up at him to make sure this is for real. The firelight dances in his eyes as he looks down and smiles at you. You lie back against his chest and smile as you sip your drink. No words are in the air, none are in need to be said, you are together and the world around melts away.

Silly me asked my mom if an open area a couple of neighborhoods behind ours was a nice walk. She said that it was and that we should walk it after all my short shifts this week. My eyes got big at the thought. The reason for me asking was not to turn this into an exercise routine. I was merely wondering if that would be a nice place for Jace and I to take a walk if we chose to when he comes in a couple of weeks. Well, apparently she talked me into it because I’m sitting here feeling a tad big warmer than I normally do at this time of day.

Probably the reason I “let her” talk me into this was because, well, I have actually gained some weight. Now, don’t yall roll your eyes at me at once. Yes, I can gain weight and no, its not good for me. I was quite annoyed at the fact when I set on the scale to see I hit over the 100 mark. I’m by no means “fat” nor do I think of myself that way (no matter what my brother tells me). But when you are a girl known for being small and weighing less than 100 pounds all of your life, its nothing to cough at. My friend David told me when his wife quit Starbucks she lost 15 pounds. He said this not knowing of my weight gain, just merely talking about working there. I was amazed, so yes, in a way, I blame the world of lattes.

Ive known for a while that Ive needed to eat better. Not a diet mind you, but just watch and care what I’m stuffing into my mouth. My body will thank me later down the road, so I’m told. I’m one of those people who very much enjoy something sweet at the end of each meal. It doesn’t have to a desert or high in sugar, just sweet, even say a piece of fruit. Especially after a more salty meal. I know some of you have taken this approach to eating, which is comforting that I’m not alone in this endeavor. So maybe making a public statement in way will help me stick to this more (as much as I think I’m a fool for sharing this). Don’t even ask how much I weigh now, I’m not telling. I know your mother taught you better to ask women such things anyways.

Yesterday I had a great conversation with my dear friend Sarah. Her and I were talking about being a witness to others. When I lived in Alabama I kinda felt like I lived in a “christian bubble”. I worked at a christian bookstore, where my most of the friends I made where from and my other friends where from church. I loved my time there, but I never really felt I allowed myself to be in a place where I could witness to anyone. Now that I work for a rather popular coffee shop, with many non-christians as co-workers and customers who I have come to be on friendly terms with. I feel at times I fail as a witness for Christ when I’m bummed about something. But as I talked with Sarah, I realized that a christian walk isn’t happy go lucky all the time. A “real” (by real I mean reality) walk you go through those valleys. Why fool somebody that its going to be easy? God never promised it would be easy, but yet the world expects Christians to be “happy” all the time. Yes, I have found this joy that has impacted my life greatly. A love that is beyond any I can find on this earth. But, I still struggle because, I am still a sinner. A sinner covered in the blood of Jesus, but sinner non the less.

A challenge to myself at work is the customers really. I get along with all my coworkers most of the time. There are times we all get frustrated with each other, but that’s more do to the stress we are under. Customers can be snobby, rude, and impatience. I don’t show them the love of Christ a lot of times I will admit. But after the refreshing conversation, I was ready to face a new day in showing Christ to customers. I should know by now that when I commit to something like this, most always the extreme comes my way. Remember the great movie Good Will Hunting ? I love that movie, despite the f-word being every other word said. A guy came in this morning reminded me so much of Matt Damon’s character (unfortunately not in the looks department) when he was upset. The customer recognized me from high school as the girlfriend of the guy I dated back then. He kept talking and talking but I couldn’t hear him do to the steamer. He sat down and drank his grande water. My shift lead and co-worker where kinda weary of him cause he was kinda aggressive with his conversation to himself and random customers (cussing and kind of loud). Of course he lets everyone he “knows” me because I walked more water over to him when he asked for some (he was on crunches with a very bursed and swollen foot) and asked my name. So my shift lead asks me what his story was, I told her I did not know him personally. She was ready to call the cops on him because he was acting kind of scary to her. I normally would of been quick to want to get him out as well. But, my heart when out to the guy. You could tell no one gave him a time of day like my co-workers wanted to. Of course my coworkers thought I was being too friendly to him thinking he wasn’t stable. He may not of been, but out casting him wouldn’t help anything, that I knew.

Now, its not like he was yelling at my because I made his coffee wrong. Its not that I had to bit my lip and smile and take care of his need. He was just kind of out there. I’m usually weary for safety reasons mostly of people like that. I did more than once wish Jace lived closer to have him just come sit to make sure the guy didn’t pull anything. But I felt I needed to show this guy love that no one else was going to show him. How often do I go out of my way to avoid those who are “out there”? Their need for a savior is just as great as mine. Who am I to not tell them about Christ’s love? Has it not change my life so much that I keep it from others? Even though Christ has commanded me to share it? It seems that a lot of times as a Christian I have the mind set that I will only share the gospel to those who are approachable. Many more would probably show kindness to a “normal” person on the street. Jesus said “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40) That verse came a live to me this morning.

Lets see… what have I been up to lately. Not a whole lot really. Getting more and more addicted to tea mistos. If you don’t know what those are its half tea, half milk and its SO yummy. You can do it with coffee too, but its perfect with the tea. I don’t drink soy, but a coworker made me try green tea with soy and it was actually quite yummy. But once it started to get warm, I was a little discussed.

Speaking of discussed, I saw “Super Size Me” last night. Documentarys seem to becoming more main stream, which is kinda neat. If you don’t know the bases of this one, a guy for a month eats nothing but McDonalds. Now, 99% of Americans know fast food is not good for you and that it will screw up your body. A lot of people apparently were so grossed out after watching that they stopped eating at McD’s. Maybe I’m quirky but made me want it more, and so I did tonight on the way to bible study. Yummy.

I also saw “Garden State” recently. What a wonderful movie. At first my friend Rachel and I turned and looked at each other wondering where it was going. Then it just started to make sense and you just felt for every character on the screen. I recommended seeing it if you have no had a chance too. The soundtrack is also decent, especially for a movie soundtrack. Apparently my brother has seen it 5 times in the theater. The DVD comes out in December. Christmas present for Kenny, check.

If you didn’t know, Don Miller has a new book out called “Searching for God Knows What”. Great title. Ive been excited for this book since I knew he was writing another. After the great Christian bookstore search, I found it at Barns and Noble -yippee! Its sitting right next to me just waiting to be cracked open. I read the acknowledgments first, I don’t know why I do this, but I always read those. Not necessarily first, but they get read at some point. He thanked the writer of the Christy Miller books. He listens to Derek Webb and Andy Peterson (among great many others). Not that he wasn’t cool already in my book, but, yeah, that just adds the cherry to the top of the sundae.

This week I only have about 20 hours… the latest I work all week is 11:45am. I love the morning shift so I’m very grateful for that, but, hi, 20 hours? So I’m gonna have a lot of free time on my hands to do who knows what. I do have a list of endless “to dos” that I should draw a line through some. I’m trying to look at the bright side of this to keep my mind wondering how I’m going to stick to my budget on 15 less hours. I hate money.

I’m happy to say Jace comes to visit the west coast for the first time in about two weeks. So excited for that. Though he protests, I have a list of things I want to do with him or show him. Its kinda fun to have someone to show around town ya know? A lot of my friends have lived here much longer than I so they are always showing me treasures of San Diego area. Nice to be host for a change. I think that’s part of it too. Being I don’t have my own place anymore its rare I get to play hostess. I am happy beyond words that I get to near Jace once again, but I miss that role too.

See? Nothing really has been going on. Glad to know some of you missed me and my blog being updated. And just when I get new readers coming out of the wood works my computer craps out on me. Oh well, its back and better than before it seems, so I look forward to playing catch up on yalls blogs and sharing more with you soon.

Hi. I will return to update soon I promise. Two things have happened. 1) I lost a blog entry and was too frustrated to sit and write another. 2) After I got over the frustration, I realized I could no longer get onto the internet from my computer. Apparently, lots of little red bugs have been making thier home here where they dont belong, in my computer. Thanks to my wonderfully tech of a boyfriend I have, things are getting better. 705 is apparently a pretty amazing number.

(ps. the title is from the song on the radio right now, anyone know it?)