“Its been almost two years now since I saw you last
Sorry I remember you anyway,
’cause you wont escort me out of your past.
So youd better just leave me here, ’cause I knew you when
Just take you’re new shiny shoes you don’t have to my friend…”
Many of you know about my struggle with a friend from my past that I wish was in my present. Long story short for those of you just joining, heres the story in a nutshell. She is the one who is now engaged to my high school sweetheart. There is no hard feelings at all (whole unwritten rule you don’t date friend’s exs and all). I couldn’t be happier for them, its been a lot time coming. Shortly after their relationship started in so many words she told me we couldn’t be friends. Every since that conversation we’ve had a broken glass type of relationship. Nothing has left a burse on my heart like this friendship has. I made efforts again and again to try and mend it. I finally had to realize that it would have to be on her terms. That was one of the harder things for me to swallow but I stepped away and let go.
Letting go of her was one of the hardest things I felt Ive ever had to do. She was my closest friend who I knew I could be completely myself around. I gained my sarcastic side from her. Her and I discovered many music we both loved together. I wrote a paper about her in college. Songs upon songs remind me of her. My addiction to Starbucks was started by her lead. The list goes on and on to what will trigger a memory of her in my life. It slowly started to fade when I truly gave up any hope I thought our friendship might of had. The year I was in Alabama gave us both space, whether for good or bad. In some ways I feel in a way we both needed it.
This past weekend her and I happened to go the same service at church. I watched her walk in late and sit across the sanctuary from me. I passed her later when talking to a mutual friends of ours. We made eye contact and I smile at her and kept walking. She walked up to me and our friend not too long later and all three of us talked for a bit. The conversation ended and I started to walk back to the sanctuary the same time she did and she said to me “We should get together and have coffee sometime.” I almost couldn’t believe what I heard, the glimmer of hope I didn’t let go to beat loudly at me. She said shed call the next day to get together, but she never did. You’d think Id feel let down but I don’t. Maybe I’m on to much of a high to let it bother me. But I don’t feel rejected by her anymore. Even though nothing happened, her showing interest in a relationship with me again over joyed me.
“I took you for granted, Left you there stranded
I cannot change circumstance; I just need a second chance
So draw a line in the sand, bring us bak to the homeland…”