A customer came in today and told me that his wife works for a plastic surgeon. I knew where he was going with the conversation but I smiled and listened like I had no idea. He explained to me that they’ve worked on many birthmarks and said he’d bring me her card next time he was in. I told him that I had work done on my birthmark when I was younger and kinda over getting surgery at this point in my life. He said that they are doing it for free (I didn’t ask how or why) and just thought he’d let me know. He did this in a very tactful way. He didn’t make me feel bad for having it or anything. I believe he thought he was doing a kind thing letting me know. I have had comments made to me like “if you’d just cover it up you’d be so pretty”. Those I don’t appreciate at all, in whatever way they meant for them to come as. At the same time, it never bothers me when people ask about my birthmark. After 22 years with it I hardly notice it when I look in the mirror in the morning.

It did bother me when I was little my mom tells me. Hence the five hospital bracelets I have in a jar on my bookshelves from surgery. I remember going to the hospital clearly. The laser surgery was very new at time that’s the reason for five surgery and I still have a birthmark. The first couple of times they numbed my face, placed cotton patches over my eyes and I screamed the entire time. I wrote a “book” (its like a sentence on each of the 5 pages with a drawing) in grade school called “The Hospital”. Its quite disturbing “book” for a 6 year old to be writing. My parents decided the less painful way for me would to “put me under” as the saying goes. This scared my mom to death at first, afraid Id never come to. As a child I enjoyed much more. I remember nurses letting me pick any stuff animal to take with me into the surgery room. I of course took the one that was as big as I was every time. Having the animal next to me they put a mask over my nose and mouth and told me to count to 10. I never remember making it past 3. Id wake up hours later with a swollen eye in what I recall as a giant crib. After the surgery Id have a patch over my eye till the scab from the lasers healed.

I thought about the man’s offer for the rest of the afternoon while making coffee. What if at this point in my life I did remove my birthmark? Me with no birthmark… that’s a strange thought really. There’s only three times I recall covering up my birthmark with make up my mom purchased for me. My reasoning was so no one would ask me questions. I used to have my mom answer for me when I was younger. I didn’t like people noticing me for something I felt then was “wrong” with me. As much as I’m now comfortable with having my birthmark, I do have my days. There are days I wish I looked just like everyone else. I wonder why God gave me this red spot that takes up most of the left side of my face. Its those days I feel the stares from little kids that make me sad. They look at my like I’m scary and there’s something wrong with me. So, the idea of getting it removed for those days would be nice. But still, there wasn’t really an interest in my mind when this man was telling me about what he had to offer. Why is that? Who wouldn’t jump at this chance? I don’t have an answer for myself other than Ive have a grasp on understand I’m created in God’s image. Its in His will I have this birthmark. I may never know why, but I do believe its because He chose for me to have it.