I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain..
A customer came in today and told me that his wife works for a plastic surgeon. I knew where he was going with the conversation but I smiled and listened like I had no idea. He explained to me that they’ve worked on many birthmarks and said he’d bring me her card next time he was in. I told him that I had work done on my birthmark when I was younger and kinda over getting surgery at this point in my life. He said that they are doing it for free (I didn’t ask how or why) and just thought he’d let me know. He did this in a very tactful way. He didn’t make me feel bad for having it or anything. I believe he thought he was doing a kind thing letting me know. I have had comments made to me like “if you’d just cover it up you’d be so pretty”. Those I don’t appreciate at all, in whatever way they meant for them to come as. At the same time, it never bothers me when people ask about my birthmark. After 22 years with it I hardly notice it when I look in the mirror in the morning.
It did bother me when I was little my mom tells me. Hence the five hospital bracelets I have in a jar on my bookshelves from surgery. I remember going to the hospital clearly. The laser surgery was very new at time that’s the reason for five surgery and I still have a birthmark. The first couple of times they numbed my face, placed cotton patches over my eyes and I screamed the entire time. I wrote a “book” (its like a sentence on each of the 5 pages with a drawing) in grade school called “The Hospital”. Its quite disturbing “book” for a 6 year old to be writing. My parents decided the less painful way for me would to “put me under” as the saying goes. This scared my mom to death at first, afraid Id never come to. As a child I enjoyed much more. I remember nurses letting me pick any stuff animal to take with me into the surgery room. I of course took the one that was as big as I was every time. Having the animal next to me they put a mask over my nose and mouth and told me to count to 10. I never remember making it past 3. Id wake up hours later with a swollen eye in what I recall as a giant crib. After the surgery Id have a patch over my eye till the scab from the lasers healed.
I thought about the man’s offer for the rest of the afternoon while making coffee. What if at this point in my life I did remove my birthmark? Me with no birthmark… that’s a strange thought really. There’s only three times I recall covering up my birthmark with make up my mom purchased for me. My reasoning was so no one would ask me questions. I used to have my mom answer for me when I was younger. I didn’t like people noticing me for something I felt then was “wrong” with me. As much as I’m now comfortable with having my birthmark, I do have my days. There are days I wish I looked just like everyone else. I wonder why God gave me this red spot that takes up most of the left side of my face. Its those days I feel the stares from little kids that make me sad. They look at my like I’m scary and there’s something wrong with me. So, the idea of getting it removed for those days would be nice. But still, there wasn’t really an interest in my mind when this man was telling me about what he had to offer. Why is that? Who wouldn’t jump at this chance? I don’t have an answer for myself other than Ive have a grasp on understand I’m created in God’s image. Its in His will I have this birthmark. I may never know why, but I do believe its because He chose for me to have it.
![[caedmonscall.net]](http://rmfo-blogs.com/images/ccneticon.jpg "The official unofficial fan site of Caedmon’s Call.")
![[derekwebb.net]](http://rmfo-blogs.com/images/dwneticon.jpg "The official fan site of Derek Webb.")
[...] Alisa, a friend of mine through the caedmonscall.net Rumor Forum, recently posted a beautiful piece about going through life with a birthmark that [...]
I loved this post, Alisa. Before Josh and I met you last January, we wondered what you were like in person and whether or not you felt self-concious about having a birthmark. After we left Alabama, we both told each other how we hadn’t even noticed you had one! You’re Alisa, you’re not “the girl with a birthmark”.
We think you’re really beautiful just as you are. (With a personality to match!)
I concur with the intelligent and eloquent Mrs. Reilly.
I’m with Kat, too
I think it’s awesome that you are so willing to talk to kids about it — one of my college roommates has a congenital malformation of her hand, and she’s the same way. When you’re open with kids, it really takes the scary factor away, and I think they deal even better than most adults do, in the end!
Alisa you rock! You are pretty and I’m glad that you have confidence in yourself.
yall are too kind.
But whats intersting to what you said Kathleen, to a lot of people I am Alisa, the girl with the birthmark.
So if I did get it removed say tommorow, yall wouldnt notice?
I prefer “beauty mark”.
As I left camp yesterday, I actually thought about you, Alisa. All weekend we talked about our significance in Christ and all of our uniquities. When I was driving home, I (of course) popped in Derek Webb and every time I do, I think “Alisa would be so proud right now!”. Which got me thinking… I LOVE you, Alisa. I can’t imagine you without your “beauty mark” because it’s part of you… it is something that I don’t really see anymore… it’s just… you. And if you did have it removed (“fixed” is not the word because there’s nothing wrong) I WOULD notice and I’d probably have a stroke!
When I have spent time with you, Alisa, I haven’t noticed it at all. I thought about it afterwards, and realized that I hadn’t noticed it. I had to think about it to notice it in the pictures of us that I have. I don’t know that I would notice right away if you did have it removed (unless you had told us about it and I was thinking in those terms).
I think that our online relationships can often be like that, since I knew you before I knew what you looked like, you know?
I found your site while searching for Eastmountainsouth lyrics. Odd. I was moved by your entry labeled “As the music at the banquet, as the wine before the meal, as the firelight in the night, SO are you to me.” I believe it was posted back in July. Anyway, “to soak in Jesus”…what an equisite and beautiful way to put it! Your words are touching. I am a seventeen year old high school student caught in the midst of non-believers. It really helped me to read your July entry on this rainy November day. God Bless.
Just don’t tell the little black children it’s like a freckle. Stick with the volcano story…;-) I love ya chica!
In response to your question Alisa… in pictures I would probably notice your birthmark was gone. But in real life? I wouldn’t even realize anything was different.
Maybe it’s because I have been away from the board, but when you mentioned how you knew where the conversation was going, I had no clue what you were talking about until you mentioned your birthmark specifically. At this point I don’t think I would mention the birthmark if someone asked me to describe you even if it was to point you out in a crowd.
Its such a interesting dynamic having “school friends” who knew my words before me. So I don’t know, I never thought of it from yalls point of view, so thanks for your thoughts.
Funny…. I had to go back and look at pictures to remember what you look like entirely. ‘Cause, you know… in order to become you, I must look like you, act like you, dress like you…. I’ve already got the music down…
…. and by the way…. I totally checked out Donald Miller’s new book. Uh huh. Go ahead. I’m a copycat.
Alisa, I can’t tell you how much I loved this post and how open you are about a subject some people would think would be too “touchy” to mention.
I thought about you last week in my counseling class when we were discussing how it is “so hard” for people with something unusual about them that is very visible…how for all of their lives the first thing any new person who sees them will look at is the “deformity.” But you have proven that relationship overcomes that. I was thinking about you during that class because it reminded me of the only time we’ve met, at the Lynchburg Caedmons concert. Of course, in the first moments, my eyes were drawn to the famous birthmark. But it seemed that within minutes, as we laughed and talked it just disappeared until there was only Alisa there.
Alisa…what can I say…
You are an inspiration to me.