Ive been in a rout lately as some of you may know. Now, I don’t say this to get praises so I will feel better by you guys. I know a lot of what I’m dealing with I have to deal with alone. But that’s the thing, I have never felt so alone in my life before. Looking back Ive always had a close group of friends. Ive had girlfriends I could call just to grab coffee or run errands with. Last week a coworker invited me out with a crew of them from work to see a movie. It happened to be one I saw not even the day before and I wasn’t willing to spend almost 10 bucks on it. I was so bummed I couldn’t go, I don’t get those types of invites often. The only close friends I have are what it seems a million miles away. Makes me wish I never left Alabama where I seemed to have a lot going for me. I know sitting here playing the what if game never helps anything. I just know I never felt lonely there (other than when Carla moved out) like I do now. Closest friends I have here are some of the guys on the leadership team for Jr. High with me. One of my friends invited me to go shopping with him and his wife. I think I might of jumped a little too quickly at the invitation but I saw it as a desperate cry to myself. I miss having girlfriends around greatly. Ive changed, my friends have changed. Ive moved, my friends have moved. I haven’t gotten married but some of my friends have. I know we all have different paths of life’s now, but, why cant it include one another? I don’t want to push myself onto someone ether. Making new girlfriends kinda scares me, I don’t know for what reason but it does. I think all of this though is effecting other relationships in my life. One person cant full fill my every need, especially not my boyfriend. Id never expect or really want him to have the same effect on me as a girlfriend would. But I realized in the mist of a frustrating conversation that it was more that just the topic at hand. We both knew it was something deeper, I just didn’t know what. I said that over and over again too. It wasn’t till the sweet words of “I’m on your side” came through from the other line I just melted. The power of those words sank in deep because it has felt like nobody has been on my side. Whether is true or not, it has felt like that lately. So, thank you Jace for sending me that hold I need so much in words.