I wouldn’t consider myself a shopaholic (though I do love the books). But I wouldn’t say I dislike shopping ether. I’m pretty run in the middle girl when it comes to shopping. I am a GAP girl and proud of it. Probably one of my favorite things about shopping, finding deals. I happen to live near a GAP outlet store which helps me stretch my buck when it comes to shopping. So when I got a gift card for the GAP as late birthday present, I made my pilgrimage.

I am in need a paid of jeans and GAP seem to be my fit. I had been putting off jean shopping because I hate it. Hate. It. Its something I wear often enough that they need to be almost perfect. Often I taken about eight pairs in the dressing room. But before I could do that today, I had to get my size in all the different styles they have jeans in now a days. Now,this is the point when my delight of being in GAP gets tossed to the wind. I’m a small girl pretty much all around, including my height. So when I go to search of my size jeans and I find that its two feet above my head, how on earth do they expect me to get them down? I don’t know too many tall girls who wear my size. Not enough to make it my size’s spot on the shelf that high. They have the size Id be swimming in at my eye level. Explain the reasoning behind this to me please! I really believe its an evil plot to all short girls everywhere. Hey, I can take the easy way out cant I? Isn’t the idea behind a retail store, such as GAP, is to sell clothes in order to make money? If their customers cant reach the desired item, how are they going to buy them? I could ask someone to get them down for me, yes. But if I didn’t end up buying the pair I made the sales girl (or guy) get down for me Id feel bad. But never fear, I made do and got my size down (step stool only for employees. Ah, what they don’t know wont hurt them).

After my time in the dressing room, I ended up with two pairs. I needed a second option and the dressing room attendant was a guy. If he was gay, I probably would of ask which ones he liked better. This is why girls shop in packs in case any of you guys were wondering. We need a second opinion most of the time. Especially me when it comes to jeans (since they have to be perfect). With no one around to assist me, I charged two pairs to bring home and get a second option on. So, really, the jean search is still in progress.

So on my way to church last night I stopped by the library to pick up my books on hold. I always enjoy picking up new books, its exciting. It isn’t till near my due date and Ive only read one of them (I usually get three) that I start to panic over the dirty late fee. I still have to finish my last book, The Red Tent . I’m less than a handful of chapters away. You’d think with me being sick this past week Id have read this book more than once, but my cottonball of a head wouldn’t let me. I could barely focus on Ed let alone making words form a sentence to make sense of what was going on. Its the end of the book, I can just skim it! So I have laid out a reading plan that forces me to read at least a chapter a day so I can move on to my other books. Though, I have already started The Know-It-All and enjoying this mans humor greatly. I also cracked open The Birth Order Book to see what they have to say about first borns.

On my drive last night I was talking to Jason, asking him where I should have dinner. I knew I wanted protein (read: meat) but didn’t know from where. Being I was a little press for time because I had one other stop to make before going to church it need to be quick. Jason couldn’t recall the name, but said it was the first place I had taken him when he arrived in California in October. In-N-Out! Brilliant idea he had! Also being it is right on the way to church, it was perfect. He’s very helpful most of the time and I need to make sure to use this talent of his more often than I have. I get in line in the drive through to order my cheeseburger with no onions, fries and a Diet Coke. I was telling Jason while in line I was hoping they were a carrier of Coke because I couldn’t remember. I was thrilled to find out they proudly do serve Coke. If you haven’t had the pleasure of In-N-Out, you do not know of its low prices and freshness. And also, the people are always nice (at starting wage of 10 bucks an hour you’d hope so) and at the bottom of every cup there is a bible verse address. I always look at the bottom of my cup for the verse and smile at my confirmation that its still there every time I visit In-N-Out.

I show up to church with my feast and two of the kids who play on the worship team wonder what I brought them. I realize my mistake of not eating it in my car but I took the chance so I didn’t have to eat alone. Anne, our drummer, asked for a bite. I told her I had a cold, so no. Good reason I thought to get this girlie away from my meat. She said she would just eat from the end I hadn’t eaten from yet. I gave her some fries to distract her from my cheeseburger. Then Simon, our guitar player, wanted some of the fresh fries too. I told Anne to share as I quickly ate my dinner. They were trying to find all the songs we had played at camp the past weekend for the nights service. Anne confirmed with me if we had sang a certain song or not. Then Simon asked how I even know if I wasn’t at camp. My eyes got big. I told him I was at camp, with a little bit of an authority in my voice (froggy but authoritive). He said there were so many girls it was hard to remember who was there. He was right, there were 23 students and 3 female leaders. Sure, I got lost in the crowd, fine. He asked who the other two girl leaders where. I almost couldn’t believe this kid. I told him their names and he couldn’t place the one girl. I described her and he said Oh yeah, she does the games on Wednesday nights. Mark, the leader of Saturday nights, over hearing our conversation laughs and he said to Simon, Alisa does the games on Wednesday nights. I shake my head in disbelief at this kids and head downstairs to finish my last errand of the night before Jr. High starts.

We have a small bookstore at my church where the two older ladies who work there know me by name. I had come to spend my birthday coupon they send out if your on their mailing list. I didn’t really have a book in mind and it actually broke my New Years goal of not buying anymore books till the ones on my shelf where read. But I had a coupon! So, I bought the newest printed Elisabeth Elliot book, but also, a book on mentoring teenage girls for 60% off. Which turns out is forwarded by Elisabeth Elliot and the author lives in Birmingham, AL. I think it was fate (since I believe in fate and all). I ran into a mother/daughter team that I had baby sat for a little for some extra money before moving to Alabama last year. Reminded me again how big our church is that I can being going there for six months and never see people I know. I headed back upstairs to the Jr. High room and came to discover that I was not the only one who had a cold during the past week. The guy leaders who went to camp also felt pretty congestive during the week but they seemed fine last night. I on the other hand had my box of tissue by my side all night. Even though the night worn me out, I was glad I ventured out into the world for an evening.

I have a couple of hours before I have to make a final decision about going to Saturday night service or not tonight. My heart tells me go, don’t even think about it. But my body is saying the opposite and telling me to just stay in bed like I have been doing all week. Youth meetings are always to best right after a camp because everyone is still on the “camp high”. Everyone has stories to share and cant wait to spend time together again. Also, a large portion of my “fellowship” time comes from hanging out with the guys who also lead Saturday nights. I am the only female who comes to that service, so that’s another thing I’m tossing around, I cant be there for my girls. But being that my voice sounds like a frog and I keep coughing like a smoker, I don’t know if its fair. Selfishly I want to wear a cute outfit (since I have been in black work clothes then sweats when I turn to my couch all week) and go spend time with the kids and my guy friends. I also have to work during the morning services tomorrow, so this really is my only time to make it to church this weekend. Will my body hate me for doing so? I don’t want to get anyone sick for going, but how contagious can I be if they didn’t send me home at work?

There was a rule growing up in my house that if we were too sick to go to school we were too sick to do anything else. This included youth group. I remembered more than once being grounded and not going to youth group. I thought it was so wrong of my parents to keep me from church and that God will have His way with them for doing so. But then again, a lot of times I just wanted to sit with my girlfriends and giggle about a boy who just made eye contact (on purpose or not) with me from across the room while my youth pastor spoke. I still have this mind set today as an adult. I was well enough to go to work, so I’m allowed to go out. I’m also not one to call in sick unless I am throwing up. I don’t throw up, even if it will make me feel better, Id rather suffer through than throw up. That would have to mean my body was forcing me to give up what I had taken in, so no work for me. Its not in my ethics, unlike many of my coworkers, to just call in sick with no replacement. Being I didn’t have anyone to cover my shift, in I went. Hopefully my germs didn’t spread to anyone’s coffee, that would be sad. They might think coffee is bad for you and never drink coffee again and Id never want to be what came between someone and their coffee. Then again, I do that on a daily bases! (That’s your friendly reminder to be nice to your baristas) Being that my cold has a mind of its own, I cant really say how I will be feeling in a few hours. Its hard to make such simple decisions when your head feels like a cottonball.

Its raining here again today. Perfect weather for a girl with a cold. Thankfully my “Friends” buddy at work understood how much my head feels like a cotton ball and let me go home a few hours early. When asked how I was by customers I said “fine”. A couple of them ask “Are you really?” then I answered “Well I have a bit of a cold.” None of them got too grossed out. But few of my coworkers did with my blowing of my nasty nose act I did every few moments. Id be polite to customers and walk into the back room to do the deed, but gross none the less. I will not share with you all the new developments my body has, well, developed over my afternoon on the couch catching up on ED episodes (while writing on index cards the episode names and air dates that are on which tape).

I thought it was Christmas time when everyone got sick. I’m not the only one I know who is spending their days on the couch in front of a computer or TV. Nor am I the worse when it comes to conditions. But last I checked, Christmas was over a month ago. The New Year is about taking on the day, trying new things, and so on. Not downing nasty tasting liquid medicine. They really should do something about that taste by the way. I’m not talking cherry or grape, those so don’t count, because well, those are nasty. I’m not asking for it to taste like coffee or ice cream when it goes down my throat. It could be a just nice taste, not something that has be gagging afterward. Your already feeling bad, so having to swallow something gross doesn’t help me any means. Its a small request dint you think?

I have freshly watched taped episodes of Ed. I am a very happy girl at the moment despite the fact my nose has taken on the characteristic of a faucet. Carol makes me want to do a few things. Firstly, I will go out and by some Eggo waffles tomorrow. Its been forever and a day since I have had Eggo waffles. And thank you Ed for giving the rest of the world the cutest idea of throwing them at her window. The other thing is that I want to cut my hair. But I need to remember that Carol is cute with whatever hair cut she has so I need not to make decisions on her. Besides, blondes always have cuter hair. Why is this? No wonder my old hair dresser was always telling me I should get blonde highlights. Not that the idea of chopping my hair once again wasn’t already being tossed around in my head. Before any scissors get anywhere near my head again, my bangs need to grow out. Just a tad too short still, but surprisingly everyone likes them. Besides me or the boyfriend (he rather me not have bangs at all). If you happen to be flipping channels around noon time during a weekday, go to TBS. This is when Ed is being played, the first season which I sadly missed. I love how Ed and Carol can just casual and non-awkwardly sort out the issues of their friendship or non-friendship problems. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was just as simple as a TV show sometimes? If we are dreaming in that direction, Id like to add a dash of Gilmore Girl dialogue as well since I think they are so witty. I like being witty and they are far more witty than I. Plus, who else could have such great relationship with snow that I would find it sad as Luke did this past week thatLorelai and snow where in a fight? Id have to say, as much as it pains me, I lean closer to a Carol. I over think like she does, though I drink coffee like Lorelai does. Oh wow, I’m comparing myself to character on shows I love, its way past my bedtime.

This past weekend went rather well. Even if it started off kind of rocky. Did you know you are suppose to tip a bus driver?Yep. I had a note and everything still forgot once we got to camp. It was dark. I was the only female leader who knew the camp well enough to get us to our bottom of the hill, furtherest end of the camp cabins. Despite the fact that he took us through downtown LA during rush hour, taking us 4 hours instead of two and half hours to get there, I felt bad. I was worried it was the start of a series of things I was going to forget to do.

Probably the highlight of my weekend was during free time on Saturday. Nothing spiritually huge, as the main attractions should be at a church camp and all. I headed back to the cabin to grab a Diet Coke and found one of my girls alone in the cabin. She had gotten lost from the group of girls and didn’t know where else to go. I invited her to come with me to met with the other girl leader at the craft cabin. The three of us went to the center court to find few of the guy leaders tossing around a Frisbee. This is a tradition that two of them have had for every camp trip Ive taken with them. Its the worse place to play a game of frisbee because its where everyone walks to get to places. But that is the very reason why they play it there. Three of them, three of us, I lean over to the girls and say “get the frisbee from the them.” And it turns into hours long of more and more of our kids getting in on the game. I enjoyed myself, despite realizing how out of shape I was, but it really gave the kids a sense of community without it being forced. It was during their free time, they could of done whatever they wanted, but they chose to hang out with each other, it was a really sweet time.

All of that not say that the speaker and the worship weren’t awesome as well. The President of Youth Specialties, Marco they called him, did a great job connecting with the kids. He and the game of frisbee were many of the kids highlight of the weekend. As a lot of speakers miss with Jr Highers that they don’t have a long time where the kids are going to listen to them. This guy was funny, spoke on their level simple but powerful truths, and never thought boring to anyone. The worship was also great. Louder the better with Jr Highers since many of them don’t sing or like to sing. If they or others around them cant hear them sing, then they are more than likely to get into it. David Cowder songs where the theme of the band, which I highly enjoyed.

As a leader I’m always hoping to see some huge change in the kids when we go on trips. That’s always having too much pressure on myself to make something happen. Or feeling like the kids just don’t care about a relationship with Jesus when they don’t show something. Thinking back though, as much as I feel my time as a Jr. Higher is when I felt my relationship with the Lord really started, I couldn’t tell you one thing spiritually really about trips I went one. But, what I do remember to this day is every single one of my leaders names. It wasn’t about the band or the speaker or even the bible studies, it was the way the leaders loved on me. I hope that through the ups and downs I feel as a Jr. High leader, the kids feel God’s love through me.

I told Kari that I’m turning more and more into her and Mike the other day. Well, its official now. I’m unsure if Forest Home (the camp I will be at this weekend) will have Diet Coke. So I am packing some to take with me. I may even stow away some Splenda for my coffee (they do proudly brew Starbucks which I am eternally grateful for). This is bad. This is very very bad. I have now officially crossed over to the dark side when I’m packing such things into my belongings for a weekend.

If you think to, please pray for me and my group this weekend. As some of you may know, I have last minutely been put in charge of the girl side of things. I am the “go to” girl leader now. I’m kinda nervous about that since Ive never had to go without my “go to” girl which is sadly flying right now back home to be with her family as her grandfather just past away last night. I’m not going to get any sleep this weekend, hence my need for Diet Coke. Need? Oh boy.

The best part to me about traveling, well, one the best things is the travel section at Target. No not the bags, though I do always love a new bag. I’m talking the travel size toiletries! I think at some point in time I have bought a mini shampoo, shaving cream, lotion, etc when traveling. Tonight I made a Target run before I leave for a youth retreat in the mountains for the weekend. Did I go with anything in mind? No. But I made a bee line towards the travel toiletries and found my prize. I use Q-tips quite a lot, everyday actually. Now, its unhealthy Ive read to clean your ears out everyday, so I don’t (they don’t get that dirty anyways). Q-tips are great for getting that mascara from underneath your bottom eye lashes or getting nail polish off your toes. Love Q-tips. But what I love more is Q-tips that come with its own mini travel case! How awesome is that? So I of course scooped those babies up, along with some sweet tarts conversation hearts and headed for the check out.

Id like to add one other note before I get accused of it. On a episode of Friends, Ross fills his suitcase with the free soaps and things from the bathroom. Getting his money worth, including not checking out a minute before he has to. When I stay in hotel, which isn’t often, I barely grab the mini toiletries. I guess shampoo and bars of soap don’t excite me since they are freebies at hotels. So don’t think of me as that type of person we see Ross as. But, I do love mini things. That might explain why the mini iPod was more appealing to me than the bigger one. Small things are just cute and I just cant help myself to part take in them.

Few house up from me there is toilet paper blowing in the branches of the trees and hanging on the brushes of the front yard. I have the fondest memories of TPing (or for you southerners, rolling) houses. Growing up I always wished someone would TP my house. Strange thing to wish for isn’t it? Though, think about whose houses you did TP when you were younger. It was ether one of two types of people. First being the popular kids, it was a sign you were popular if your house got TPed. Second, you’d do it, still as sign of a good thing to the boy you have a crush on. It kinda showed something about you to others, or what others thought of you through a prank. At least in my youth group, who were always pulling pranks on one other.

The first time I ever went TPing I was in the Jr. High. A crew of about 10 girls from my youth group were spending the night Jenny’s house. We all thought it was too cool that someone of her age wanted to hang out with us Jr. Highers. She told us all to bring a couple rolls of toilet paper for our adventure over to our youth pastor’s house that was planned later that night. I remember Doug, our youth pastor, knowing about the sleep over and he came over to visit with another guy leader, Ben. In Jenny’s bathroom is where we had stored our ammo. We didn’t think anything of Ben asking where the bathroom was despite the wall that was no longer visible due to the stacks upon stacks of toilet paper. He walked out, told Doug they had to go, cutting Doug and Jenny’s conversation short. We realized our mistake and all of us screamed at the discovery. Oh no, they know! So what do we do? We jump into a couple of different leader’s cars and case after Ben and Doug. Why on earth we did this, I’ll never know, but it seemed for some reason we thought we could “stop” them. We speeded, scrapping the bottom of Jenny’s car trying to catch them and sadly, lost them. We drove around for a little while, stocked up on more toilet paper (as pay back for discovering our plan). By the time we made it back to Jenny’s house it was covered in TP. We had been out smarted by the boys! We loaded the trunks and waited till the wee hours to do the deed. The next morning Jenny felt bad because we, a great TP job on Doug’s house. Part of the greatness that TPing someone’s house is that they have to clean it up right? Funny, all of us girls where out there helping Doug clean up the mess the next morning. Such a Christian prank. Thinking back on it now, I understand why we picked Doug, our youth pastor, to TP. At the time I didn’t think anything of it since we were a close youth group, leaders including. This was transparent when you entered the world of Jr. High at EvFree church. Again, lets think of whose houses get TPed? Did I mention that Jenny and Doug are married now? Their romance bloomed right before us that night, its not till the reminder of this night did I understand the flower that was bursting with color that night.

So who knows what last night held for whoever did the deed of wrapping white sheets of tissue paper around someone’s front yard on my street. Maybe there’s a boy whose really cute that lives there and the paper offering was his clue that someone is into him. Or maybe it was a start of a life long friendship between the ones who stayed up late and in the quite of the night shot toilet paper into the air and held in giggles. All I know is the photos that my mind holds were brought to the surface as I past that house. It uncovered the secrets that were held in that night was so long ago. Makes me wonder how many other simple, tiny things they may seem at the time maybe the start of something so much bigger than us. I do believe God works in mysterious ways, I wouldn’t put TPing past Him.

I was planning on sleeping in, being my birthday at all. But that hope was dashed when a friend of mine who’s on staff with IV at UCLA called at 7:30am as a wake up call. I turned off my phone, something I should of done the night before, I know. I listened to her message after I got out of bed around 8am and she said “I hope your sleeping right now! Have a wonderful birthday today.” I did not call her back and tell her what she did, I wasn’t that tired, even if I did stay up too late watching the Amazing Race. My mom and I had plans to go to brunch so after we watched some morning news we started to get ready for the day.

My mom teased me about the amount of time I took getting ready since normally I don’t tend to really work at my appearance. I was trying to make myself feel special by looking nicer than I normally do. I worn my newly bough GAP black teed skirt that I had been eyeing all season but never bought with a price tag of 80 bucks. When receiving a GAP gift card during their sale, 20 bucks was its newly sticker price. I didn’t need to think twice about that purchase. Same day of getting the skirt I bought a shirt at American Eagle. I was actually with a girl friend of mine who’s main reason for coming to the mall near my house was American Eagle. I’m not really an AE you could say. I think I own one t-shirt from them I bought almost four years ago, but that’s it. So when I laid down 26 bucks for a sweater from a place I didn’t shop much I was a bit weary. But it went adorably with my new skirt, which I paid nothing for. Also, its one of those kind of off the shoulders sweaters and made me feel so girly. After trying on the outfit together when I got home I knew I had to keep it. Couple days later I went with the rest of my GAP gift card to the GAP outlet and found a darling teed black and white checkered coat/jacket. Its light enough to wear it around here but also good for when I travel to NC. I showed Jason the coat and he said I looked like I belonged in London. That complement sold me on it, I love most anything British. Plus it was only 35 bucks, but again, free cause of the GAP card, which sadly died after the coat purchase. I wore this outfit along with some cute black shoes Carla gave to me when she moved. I took sometime with more make up than I normally wear along with doing something with my hair. I haven’t really liked my new hair cut so its been hard for me to do anything with it to make me feel pretty. So, that’s really what took a good chuck of time making my mother all the more impatience as I got ready.

We went to Mimi’s Cafe for brunch and had waffles with eggs sunny side up with bacon. I got a latte we talked about of all things, EBay. My mom has a store on there right now and she told me the highs and lows of that. I have been getting a lot of used books off of EBay as of late and one of my more recent purchases has me turning into a EBay hatter. So it was funny to me that we talked about a website for the course of the meal, but fine just the same. We were seated so we had a view of the lovely Carlsbad Lagoon. We didn’t realize how pretty it was due to it being right along the freeway but Mimi’s was up high enough that you didn’t see the freeway at all. It was quite pretty. After brunch we went to Best Buy to exchange my iPod from silver to pink. There’s a funny story on why I got silver. My parents went to pick it out together and my dad said silver and my mom said pink, remembering I had mentioned how cute it was. My dad talked my mom into the silver. When I opened it I was happy, didn’t say anything about the color at all, but was asked if Id rather have the pink one. I said yes, so the offer to exchange it was free game. My dad had a business trip in Northern Cali on my birthday so when called to see how the iPod was working out for me he asked if he could borrow it sometime. I said sure, but you know its pink right? Then everything clicked, he rather carry around a silver mini than a pink.

After returning home I played with, or shall I say, fought with my computer and iPod to met. It was quite a frustrating afternoon full of me trying to be my own tech with something I know nothing about. I began to hate the idea of an iPod. They really should make them user friendly. I don’t like Mac computers, the process I went through yesterday doesn’t make me like Apple much more. But in the mist of all of this, I get an email from my brother at work. It was a gift card for iTunes. I thought that was way too fun. I bought David Sedaris Live at Cargaige Hall, couple of songs from “In Good Company” soundtrack and a long loved song “Danny’s Song”. While learning the ways of the iPod I called a few of my Jr. High leader friends to see if they wanted to carpool down to the Cheesecake Factory, were we agreed to have dinner that night. My one friend was already down in San Diego at IKEA and the other agreed to ride with me. Him and I had a nice conversation full of get to know you questions. Being we work with Jr. Highers we talk some about our personal lives, but more so about what’s going on with the youths. Plus, he had just shared his testimony this past Saturday night and we talked about that.

We arrive at the Cheesecake Factory meeting up with the IKEA friend while waiting for two more to arrive. I adore the Cheesecake Factory normally, but this time, service was horrible. I never go not expecting to wait a long period of time (we waited 40 minutes). But then they gave us such a hassle and treated me like a 5 year who didn’t understand the rule of “your whole party has to be in the building!” Reason I got kinda upset at the hostess girl was that she was going to give away our table if they other two weren’t there in 5 minutes. I told her she would not, she would seat us, we weren’t going to wait another 40 minutes for a smaller table. I understand rules, but the way she treated us was rude. Finally, the other two arrived but one was parking. The hostess gave us a look “all of the party must be in the building” I wanted to say “He is in A building, just the parking building!” Finally they seat us with 5, being they could tell I was upset. One wanted to get up and go the bathroom, we stopped her with the fear that they’d make us leave with only three sitting at the table. Dinner was fine, only a few strange moment and them almost not having what I ordered. Then the bill got kinda screwy but in the end it worked out fine.

My carpool buddy and I drove home again playing the get to know you game, more so my turn since it was rumored that all leaders will be sharing their testimony on Saturday nights now. He told me I could practice on him to get over my fear. I told him sharing isn’t the fear so much as standing up in front of all the kids. He reminded me its just Jr. Highers. I know in the girl leaders circles we all struggle with feeling like we fit in with the girls. A lot of times we feel too old and wonder if they even want us around. So if I get up there and make a fool of myself, my relationships might be shot. That’s my fear, but God may want to do something greater with it, who knows. But it did help to take a practice run through thinking about different things that happened to me as mild stones in my life, filling in with the God gaps. He figured out that I knew a lot of people all over the country and wondered how. He asks this right when we pull into his drive and I say “that’s another story for another time.” Not that I wasn’t going to tell him, but that’s just not a one sentence explanation. I definitely felt a little found out.

Today’s to do list:

Go to work from 4:15am-10:15am.

Check.

Be goofy on the board for a while then rise off coffee smell.

Check.

Go see “In Good Company” on opening day.

Check.

There was much rejoicing.

Actucally, Pinkie is a temp. name. She needs a different name … Im working on it. Tell then… Im just gonna show her off.

23 isnt too bad.

I finished reading “Save Karyn” a couple days ago. I bought it not even a week ago, so Id have to say I enjoyed it. I remember hearing about www.savekaryn.com when it was the buzz in the news, never checked it out for whatever reason. So with a Barns and Noble store credit burning a whole in my pocket I purchased it. Its not a mystery that I like chic-lit books time to time. So when a real life shopaholic (those are great — British AND chic-lit) wrote her story, I was a pretty easy sale for me (I’m a sucker for a good cover). Wondering how this gal wrote, I sat down on the floor in front of the biography section and flopped it over my lap. Does anyone else do this? I can never find one of those comfy cars to sit in and standing up reading is just silly. Well, in a bookstore at least. Okay fine, I don’t really have a good reason to sit on the floor, but I do it, please tell me I’m not alone in the world.

If you haven’t already, check out Karyn’s site. There’s a section she kept up telling folks how she saved money while paying off her $20,000 in debt called “Daily Buck” where she kept what could be called a blog. You become quite attach to this funny, shopping lover chick. Some of the times I don’t agree with some of the ways she “saves money” but I think she is cleaver none the less. I brought the book to work one day to read on my brake and one of my coworkers asked what it was about. I told her and she didn’t believe me it was real. I told her it was true. She got kind of heated that it was a moral issue. I hadn’t really thought about it before she said that. Karyn talks about tons of folks her sent her hate mail, anywhere from she got herself in debt, she should get herself out of it. Or that there are starving children who could use the money more than her. I can see their point along with my coworkers. But I also can see Karyn’s creative idea. I mean really, why not do it? She wasn’t harming anyone was she? I guess I see it as if I gave Karyn a buck or two, I wouldn’t get myself Starbucks. Its me giving something up to give to her. That’s usually how I see most “gifts” I have given money wise. That’s a sacrifice sometime giving up my cup of coffee, or whatever I would normally spend my spending money on.

As I read got comfortable with Karyn. I will probably write her an email just telling her I enjoyed her book. She makes me want to visit New York even more than I did before. Short nut shell review, but I say check it out, Id like to hear others people’s thoughts on it. Even just check out her site, but you have to read all of it before casting your verdict about this girl and her site (make sure and check out the original site where it all took place). Funniest thing, no one remembered this being in the news other than my brother. Of all people my brother remembered this? I find that funny.

Its been a rainy week here and Ive actually enjoyed it. Despite the lack of closed toed shoes and the leak that keeps getting bigger and bigger at work. Its fun to carry around an umbrella, even if its broke on one part, but it makes a perfect back to it. I don’t know if its all the shopping related books I have been reading, but I so want to go out and buy a cute umbrella. Right, southern California, I need a cute umbrella? Not so much, my broken blue one will do just fine.

I walked around Barns and Noble for at least an hour tonight with a gift card burning a hole in my wallet. I didn’t really have my mind set out to get anything. My mind went blank to any book title I may want to own as I wondered the familiar isles. Only thing I picked up and actually got in line for was a book light. I know, I’m turning more into a book nerd as time goes on. But once I got my gift card out I realized it was a barnsandnoble.com gift card. So I put the light back and now shopping. Maybe they have cute umbrellas.

I was at the grocery store tonight and was standing in line and the security camera flashed scenes it was capturing around the store in different places, the bread isle being one of them. This guy was in the bread isle for at least the time I was in line of about four people. How long does it take to pick out bread? Don’t you already know what kind of bread your getting? Kind of like milk, good people of the world drink non-fat, so its a no brainier to grab a gallon of non-fat. Same with the bread, just grab a loaf and move on.

Tomorrow I have my six month review at Starbucks. Can you believe I have been there for six months? I cant. That means Ive been back for about 7 months. I’m a tad nervous because, well, its like another interview almost and those always make me nervous. I have a job, I thought I was done with those for a while. But hopefully I have done a good job to where I get a good review and maybe a raise. Raises are always nice.

On my way into church this morning I was stopped by a regular at Starbucks who I knew I saw before. When he came up to me, the connection was made, we go to the same church. He wanted to let me know that he knew I was a sister when he interact with me at Starbucks. That was probably the best review I could of gotten because so many days I walk out of there thinking I did not shine Christ at all. But according to this guy, that all my doubts where wrong. It was nice to be proven wrong.

Even though I’m a bit tired because I got a triple latte instead of a nap this afternoon. Why don’t I learn? Always a nap. Always. All and all, it was a pretty good rainy day.

Ive collected some new books as of recently that has made me come to the realization, my bookshelf was in need of reorganization. I took my books off the shelf, along with some nick nats that adds some character. Its not as easy as I thought it was going to be. I liked the way the book shelve was before, but that left a stack of books on the floor under my night stand. I remember reading a story about a man who grew up in a house where there were books everywhere. In the kitchen cupboards, in dresser draws, in the bed. The image made me smile, wishing I could be apart of a family like that. Maybe if I keep up on my collection of books my kids will have a house cluttered with books. I ended up having to find new homes (which of right now is the floor next to the books shelf) for some of the frames and candles that used to live on the book shelf. It is a book shelf after all, books are suppost to be there over cute things (not that books aren’t cute).

One of my goals in 2005 is to not by any more books (if I just say new, then I could reason why a used book on ebay is okay) and what is it today, the 4th? I bought two books today. Actually, I’m gonna only own up to one. One was fully bought with a gift card (Muddhouse Sabbath) and I used up part of the balance on the other book (Save Karyn) then 7 bucks of my own money. And no I’m not taking it back, it looks like a good book, but yet, it will sit on my shelf till after I read “The Red Tent”. A girl I know came into Starbucks today holding the first book of the Francine Rivers trilogy. I felt guilty because Ive tried to start that series four times. Ive always needed a chapter or two to get into her books. Even “Redeeming Love”. Its also probably the size of those babies too. I mean I have no problem reading on that size, but just to know two more come after the first is a little intimidating. Yet, I still hope to have them read by the end of this year. I might have to get really sick though to do so, good attitude towards that goal huh? But so back to the no buying rule, there is one expectation (there always is). This isn’t a budget cutting back goal, this is a read-the-books-you-already-own rule. So that said, if its a deal I really can not get again (say a out of print Elisabeth Elliot book on ebay…who says its on my watch list? Hey, it doesn’t cost money to watch it) then I’m allowed to buy it. But none of this full price just because its a new book and it would look so nice stuff. Deals only.

Ive thought of sticking some of my books I know I will never read onto ebay. Does this mean then I’m allowed to trade a new book for one I sell, hieratically speaking of course. I don’t know just yet, there might be a second acceptation added to the new years book goal. I realize I own a lot of Christian books. I did work at a Christian bookstore with a discount, but still, my bookshelf is a good chunk of the Christian Living section. Actually I take that back, I don’t own or have read a since Max Ludcado book. I wont even go into that, but still, I should have a little more diversity in my life. I should read my bible more than a book written by a Christian author you know? That sounds kind of snobbish doesn’t it? I’m too good for Christian books or something. That really isn’t the case, I just don’t want to be caught in a Christian book bubble, that’s all.

Books I own two copies of: “What a Girl Wants” and “Anne of Green Gables”
Reasons: Well, I highlighted like crazy my first copy of “What a Girl Wants” because, well, its quite quotable. But then if I ever wanted to lend it to a friend they would have a tainted view of it. I was given (read: free) my second copy which is clean. “Anne of Green Gables” was also free when I got the second copy. I was at McKay’s in Greensboro, NC and forgotten I owned a copy of it so I picked it up (it was marked free). So actually, if someone would like a copy of Anne of Green Gables, let me know.

Side project Ive been working on and in the middle of trading emails with someone about is my missing Christy Miller book. Somehow in the shuffle of moving from my apartment to my parents to Alabama and back, number 11 “Sweet Dreams” has come up missing. I have the first printing of them, so I’m kinda picky on what cover I get. Have you seen the reprintings? Can we say cheesy? So finding someone knows what cover I am looking for and just about the same wear and tear as my books have had for over 10 years of living with me, its not an east task. I will keep yall updated on that task at hand.

“I need love, not some sentimental prison
I need God, not the political church
I need fire, to melt this frozen sea inside me
I need love” ~ Sixspence None the Richer

Here I am again. Back to a feeling of loneliness and the constant struggle to feel I’m doing nothing thing right. I must admit though, bowling and dinner last night helped my spirits greatly. You never would have thought I was caring a blue heart from these feelings over the past weekend. Shifting things around I try to see what is the root of the matter. I’m actually really enjoying my relationship with Jesus at the moment. He’s teaching me ways to keep a new years revolution with very little asking. Usually when things aren’t right with me and God I can connect my sadness back to that, but that isn’t the case.

Ive been reading “Angry with God” and really enjoying it, even if its a heavy read. Looking back on my Christian walk, I don’t think Ive ever really been angry with God, at least according to this book. Last night I read a chapter with the hopes of maybe a clue to emptiness I’m in. You know what came to mine? People who claim to be God’s people, that’s who I have some anger for. I wouldn’t consider myself mad at anyone inparticular, but as a whole, I feel let down by Christians. Everytime I hear a sermon or read something on fellowship I feel convicted I haven’t kept up on my end of the bargain in a friendship. But then, I get unreturned calls and I can only stroke myself with the “they are busy, I understand” line so many times before I see through my own lies. Its no mystery that all the friends I thought I left back home aren’t really here anymore. I’m still trying to understand if its a balance between us all growing up and it just being me.

Little things have been setting off my I’m not good enough trigger lately. I leave my dishes out and my mom asks why I didn’t put them away. I beat myself up over something so little as that. I feel like I’m failing my parents, I could be doing so much better in their eyes. I got a late Christmas letter from some friends of mine who got married this past year (I sadly wasn’t able to be at their wedding) and it reported him getting a promotion at work and her really enjoying marriage life along with working at her job. They have something to report, I feel like I don’t have anything to report so many times. When I feel not good enough even to my fellow Christians, I feel like I’m truly feeling. Again, this has nothing to do with my contentment with God, I am content with him. Its really is about love isn’t it? I wish I felt love more from the very people who’s lives should reflect it the most. I know I’m not perfect in this department, I never claim to be once. I also don’t expect anyone to be perfect, we all are equally in the sins we fall into. I just wish I could stop finding myself in these slumps of emotions.

I watched two things on TV that Id love to do someday within the last 24 hours. I don’t want to do them because they were on TV, but maybe that’s part of the novelty of them. Last year I missed watching the Rose Parade due to a trip from Atlanta, Ga to Huntsville, AL. Sadly, I actually forgot about it. As a Californian, it really is a tradition. I cant really think of another time in the past I haven’t watched the Rose Parade wishing to be there someday. It probably sparked my interest in sleeping on the streets of Pasadena (which I think is a very random place of all of Cali to have a parade) when reading the Christy Miller books. I live close enough that I really should do it sometime in my life. I think the floating building part is quite fascinating too. I TiVoed a behind the scenes of the Rose Parade this morning before watching the parade (TiVo of course, I slept in). Did you know that three weekends is only how long they have to put all the dried flowers, seeds, etc on the floats? It takes them two months just to take apart a float after the parade. As soon as they finish that, they start building the new floats in March for the following years. A week before (Christmas Eve) the parade is when the flesh flowers start getting placed on the floats. Pretty amazing process it goes through. The special also showed the Rose Queen process along with what the marching bands go through. That turn is a 190 degrees and a bit hard to make it around at first for the bands. The bands that were from snowy states probably were thankful to be in the warm weather, but I miss it feeling like winter. I know I only had it for only one year but I like seasons I’m realizing (plus I have a new coat I really wanna wear).

After working a long shift with some over time due to someone calling in “sick” I didn’t make it home till 11:30pm last night. Most people I talked to didn’t have any big plans. Most people were staying home, avoiding the drunks and the rain at home. I actually liked the idea, plus took the pressure off of me when coming back to work to share with everyone I just watched the ball drop and went to bed shortly after. Sometimes I hate having the pressure of always needing of done something on a holiday. So it was nice to seem not of have that this year. Watching it “live” from New York without Dick Clark was very sad. He is all I know of who rings in the New Year, its part of the New Year tradition. He wont live through my kids growing up ringing in the New Year, who will be their “Dick Clark”? The streets of New York were packed to the brim with people and I wanted to be there. This from the girl who didn’t mind being wrapped in a blanket watching the ball drop. But Ive always wanted to be there, even in the craziness of it all. I didn’t read about it in a book even! I think its part of New York to me, ringing in the New Year in time square with confetti sprinkling the streets. I usually don’t like odd years, but 2005 seems to not rub me wrong, so maybe that means it will be a very good year. I have some things I like to accomplish this year, but unsure if I will share them. Having them safe in my journal means no scene of accountability. Whatever you did, whether watching all of the Lord of the Rings movies in one sitting or just simply watching the ball drops with friends, I hope everyone had a wonderful time bringing in the New Year. 2005 is here.