Happy Easter

Years ago the only holiday I was waking up for this early was one that rolled around the last week of December. I had a very important tree that awaited for me on that day. Well, the tree was just the meeting place I guess you could say. It was okay to wake up the rest of the family at the early hour, that every year grew later and later as my brother and I gained knowledge of the value of sleep. But this morning my church as they do every year had a sunrise service and last night I was planning on going to it. This was despite the fact Ive had to work early the past week and haven’t made up for that lost sleep yet. So when I was awaken by a very thoughtful dream at 4am I moved my alarm time form 5:30am to 9:30am as to go our 11am service instead of 6:30am. I thought, Ive been to the beach at 6 in the morning before, its okay if I hear the message later. Well, I think God had other plans because right at 5:30am my cats would not leave me alone. Usually I can throw a pillow at them and they get the hint. Not this morning, and isn’t it odd that it was just at the time I needed to get up? As Katie would say “Is that odd or is that God?”

So I made my way down to Starbucks, kind of pushing for time, but there was no way I was going to stay awake let alone focused if I didn’t have some sort of jump start. My coworkers wondered what had me up this early and why I came in on a short staffed day. I took my coffee (black) and muffin and drove over to the church. I realized I didn’t get up for anyone other than myself and whatever power woke me up. Weather God or the kitties. I didn’t know who I might see, I didn’t even know who I would sit with. I thought that was something because I don’t let to go to places where there’s a big group and sit alone. I feel much more alone than in an empty house. Riding on the shuttle from the church over to the beach I sipped my coffee and thought about Easter. Bobby had shared at Jr. High the night before about it being the day of hopeless. I connected the most with that short word he had on his heart. That’s real Christianity right there. Those followers of Jesus, saw Him on the cross and wondered “Is anything He shared with us true? He’s dying. How can he claim to be the Christ if He’s dying?” Once he was buried, what then? Those three days must of been the longest day of their walk of faith. Doubting all that day what they had come to believe so deeply. Their savior has died, what hope was there to have? It was a comfort to know that the men closest to Jesus when He walked this earth had that day.

Walking up the sandy hill to where a sea of thousands from my church gathered, I wonder who I would see. Would anyone welcome me to sit with them? I didn’t know the answer and that scared me. I loved seeing thousands of members of my church in once place. Over the weekend our church has 5 services with hundreds in each due to our too small of building. Its rare time to ever have this many of us in one place. I walk over to an old friend whom I haven’t seen more than once since returning to California and walked up to say hi. After doing so I realized that our new Jr. High pastor was standing with him and a fellow Jr. High staff worker. Brian (our Jr. High pastor) and I chatted a bit about how he had never been to a sunrise service before. He didn’t think to bring something to sit on and I offered to share my towel with him as it soften the rocky spot we sat because we hadn’t been up early enough to grab a soft sandy seat. Our friends and fellow Jr. High leaders, Bobby and Jenna, joined us on our spot in the back (which later turned into more of the mid-back when other filled in behind us). A lot more Jr. Highers came by and said “hi” to us than I expect to be there at 6:30 in the morning. A few of them sat with us, sharing the towel and part of Jenna’s blanket. At that time I felt a since of community with the people who felt close to me and again realized how I hadn’t asked for any of these needs I had secretly held to be met but were.

God is a God of details, big and small. A lot of times I see in Christian lives we fail to forget this, especially in the small details of our lives. God knew fear of being alone after a rough night last night and just needing to feel a sense of family on Easter Day. I never prayed for Him to give this to me, but He did anyway. Brian is new to the church and few outside of the Jr. High circle know who he is, so I welcomed him with my towel so he felt a sense of belonging. I thought of Jesus feeding the 5,000 (even though there weren’t 5,000 of us, there were at least a couple thousand there) and how it painted a visual picture of it this morning. Our pastor, Mark, talked about the importance of having women accounting for Jesus being alive on Easter morning in the bible. How women’s thoughts were not creditable in that day in age. He explained that the different gospels retelling of the story being different in the same way everyone has a different remembrance of say a car accident. “Oh it was a 4 car pile up.” As another would say “It was a 6 car pile up!” Same incident just different point of views. They let doves go at the end of the service who circled above the crowd. I don’t expect any holiday we celebrate as Christians to be this big moving sermon at all. In fact, I probably was more moved at Bobby’s short 5 minute talk than the half hour one I heard this morning.

More and more I find myself wanting to be closer to real Christians. I find it really dishearting when over and over again are fake with me. When the common question of “how are you?” is asked they give the fake smile slapped across their face because they are a Christian, they are always happy outwardly and say “Great! How are you?!”. Later only finding out they are going through a really hard time. Now, I wouldn’t share my hard times with just anyone, fellow believer or not. But, those who I am in a close community with, I like the fact they are real with me. I’m glad for the fact our high school pastor sat in our youth group last night venting about the thought of having to wear a tie when the rest of the year our church didn’t. He didn’t speak badly of anyone or wasn’t going to do what he was told by someone. He just vented about why on earth why the church leaders where doing it. That’s probably a poor way of saying it, but being real is something different to everyone else I suppose too. Real life happens to Christians. Real life isn’t a walk in the park like a lot of outsiders like to believe. I struggle with belief, but also know God has never once left me. He may feel like a silence to me at times, but I doubt He’s ever left me. He always right there, just in the details of our lives its harder sometimes to hear Him. That’s the reality of real sin too. Having a safety net of it built up around us, only to sadly realize we had walked ourselves down to a dark valley where it is not safe at all.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place this morning. Probably because they have been gathering over this past week and I have just now let them go in this fashion (and lack of sleep). Some sorted, some not so sorted. But, isn’t that how it always is? Well with me a lot of times it is. I cant claim to being a Christian whose got it all together at all. If I am truthfully honest, its not easy most of the time. Frankly, I don’t read my bible everyday, which as a constant reader may surprise some. I don’t have deep Christian thoughts a lot of times or even speak the nicest way I could to one of the kids. Despite of me, in the details of my life I know every inch of it is covered by grace. The grace that is smothered all over the gospel that was shared on that beach this morning. How I am ever thankful for a God of details who know mine so much deeper than I do.