6 days till my dad’s birthday (which means I have to get on finding that perfect gift)

8 days till a new episode of Gilmore Girls (evil promo guy showed a REALLY good preview only to find out tomorrow nights is a repeat.)

10 days till Starbucks Holiday drinks come back (November 9th)

25 days till Thanksgiving (yummy food. cant wait.)

40 days till I leave for Nashville to see the Andrew Peterson Christmas Show (and to see many friends whom I don’t get to see nearly enough)

56 days till Christmas Day (so really that’s 55 days left of Christmas Shopping)

57 days till Derek’s new album comes out (why do they release albums the day after Christmas? They did this to Garden State soundtrack last year.)

74 days till my birthday (what? Never to early to plan)

I thought maybe a list of things I’m looking forward to would help make me think more positive than I have been over the past few days. I am getting exciting for Nashville. Am I forgetting anything?

This morning I randomly picked the chapter titled “Christmas” in Lauren Winner’s first book “Girl Mets God”. Holidays make me happy and I thought with her wit writing would feed me some truth while making me smile. The chapter actucally talks about her not going home for Christmas, her sister being mad at her for doing so, her recently broken up boyfriend spending thier planned trip to New England with his new girlfriend leaving Lauren feeling very alone. Her main reason for not going home was “I just cannot bear to spend this Christmas tense and overly polite and all the other complicated ways that families are.” (and dont we all understand her there. I actucally skipped church this morning becasue of that very reason.) She goes on to talk about putting up icon picture of Jesus all over her bed room wall. She talked to them, at times yelling at them “Do something, make me feel better!” Then she goes on to say to them:

“You are supposed to be enough,” I tell the icon. “That you came to Earth is supposed to be enough. Even if I never go to New England again, even if I never plan another trip with somebody, even if I never feel happy for one more mintue, that you came to Earth is supposed to be enough.” I glare at my icon.
“And,” I say after a mintue, “it is enough. It actucally is. If this is all I ever have, this glimmer of knowledge that you were born in a manager, that really will sustain me.”
“But”, I add, “I really hope it doesnt have to sustain me.” I really dont want it to be just me and the icons for all these Christmases forever.

Now, I know she is more dealing with being lonely there, but she actucally vented her hurts to God. I have a big hurt right now that I feel I havnt broughten before God enough. Reading that, I wondered maybe I should scream at God, but then again Im not made at Him. Im mad at myself for somehow screwing up so dang badly. I told Jason all of this and he asked me:

“What if God told you that you are not in fact screwing up?”

Me:”Then Id counter that with the question of “Then do something about it. Or at least show me how to do something about it. Becasue I feel like Im failing at this aftermath.”

Funny thing though, I knew I would. I knew the moment this all went down that Id fail in how to handle it. Im not suprised at where Im at, but yet I dont know how to deal with it. Or make the outcome better as my Dad keeps asking me to do. Sitting here trying to find the positive side of the hurt is very hard for me to do. I have to move one stone at a time and the first one seems rather heavy.

“So much for celebrating Jesus’ birthday. I am more like the child who spends Mother’s Day demanding to know why there is no Children’s Day, not understanding that Children’s Day is every other day of the year.”

On a lighter note, I am being very cross-culture this afternoon. For lunch I am baking some orange chicken (Chinses) while snacking on some chips and salsa (Mexican) waiting for the chicken to be ready. I think its a good meal to help prepare me for one more closing shift for my so needed day off, dont you?

I don’t know what it was about it. Maybe it was the pretty fall colors the trees around here are not providing (but they are trying so hard). Maybe it was the tempting “foolproof” recipes to help heal my fudge failure. It wasn’t on the impulse rack at the check out, though I did not seek it out. But today I bought Rachael Ray’s new magazine “Everyday with Rachael Ray”

Very little do I watch the food network (that would be Jason, whom despites me for buying this. He hates all things Rachael Ray.) so I’m not real familiar with Rachael Ray, more from cookbooks I’ve seen in the bookstores. Or her name everywhere and her beaming smile (that annoys a lot of people but it doesn’t bother me). Living at home I don’t cook much (read:spoiled) but I have been wanting to more and more. Usually only thing I make (or attempt to) is bake good. Its about time I learned some actual food recipes that are my style: foolproof, easy and fast. I think half my battle with cooking is when I’m hungry I eat. Having to prepare the food to actually eat it is just torture. But somehow I did it when not living at home, so I know its me to do it. Maybe this magazine (not a book so less of a commitment) will be that helpful step towards this unsaid goal of mine to cook more. Plus, apparently its got “68 cool gift ideas” after all, as a sign at Wal-Mart told me, only 62 shopping days till Christmas! I’m not singing my praise of this magazine just yet, all I can attest to is that Rachael Ray is not half bad looking in glossy.

I had a really rough day yesterday and still emotionally dealing with it today. To help cheer me up my mom just brought me some Pumpkin Peeps. Now, I know some of you think Im gross to even like normal peeps, but I think these are kinda off. Firstly, peeps should not be orange. Nor does it make scene that the same shape of a bunny is the shape of two pumpkins (more like jack-o-lanterns than pumpkins). But that’s kinda not stopping me from eating them this afternoon. My mom is sweet to help my emotional eating (I had a green tea frappucino yesterday too.)

Finally got my photos back from my trip to North Carolina a couple weeks ago. My favorite? Probably this one:

To see more: Fall into North Carloina

Right now, I am enjoying (very much) a Cherry and Almond scone (best scone I’ve had in a very long time) along side a limited drink called Dulce De Leche (vanilla caramel latte) from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Yes, you read that right another major coffee company that is not Starbucks I’m enjoying my yummy afternoon treat from. Set that a side for a minute and lets look at what I wore to get this wonderful treat: long sleeve green strip shirt, jeans, socks and my mary jane dock martins. That seems like a warm outfit now doesn’t it? Well that’s because its a bit chilly here today with a slit mist of rain in the air! Fall is answering my cries for cold weather! This is what October was made for, warm drinks and warm clothes. I think I even saw some leaves trying really hard to change. And now, I’m off to make some Pumpkin Fudge to add to this pretty close to perfect fall day.

Driving home from church tonight it started to sprinkle rain. A bit of a chill was in the air…wait, it can’t be…is fall showing its face a little? I don’t dare get my hopes up just yet, I so know better. While in North Carolina last week I spent some time with Susan at the best used bookstore ever, Ed McKay’s where I picked up a Ben Folds cd. It was worth every penny of the $4 bucks I paid for it. Ive been rediscovering Ben Folds this year, having not listen to him since high school. His voice is just great, could listen to it for hours and probably not get sick of it. Piano is so underrated in this pop music culture we seem to live in today. Most of my favorite songs by Ben Folds has cuss words in it. I have been known to use a few time to time, but not as often and Ben. Usually the ones with the f word is the ones I like the most too. Even with a nice voice like Ben’s I still don’t like that word. It just doesn’t sound pretty coming out of anyone’s mouth. But that probably won’t stop me from buying another album of his which will probably have more f words in songs I will grow to love. His music is so good for driving too. Rain and Ben Folds – things are looking good.

A while back the youth group had an event where us leaders dressed up looking different than our everyday look and the kids would have to find us. Once finding us having a phrase depending on who you found had to say it (mine was “Your mom goes to college”) and we’d give them a letter spelling out where the “spy” (my friend whom none of them knew) was. It was a great game that went really well. I finally got a hold of some of those photos. Im amazed the kids didnt find me, let alone think I was “scary looking” as I was told. Enjoy.

After a failed attempt of getting some fall in (weather wise) in North Carolina you would think I had given up. No, I’m still wanting to bust out my scarves and warm jackets. I’m sure yall are sick of my whining wishing for fall to come. I’m kinda sick of myself, but then I stumbled across Alison Osenga’s blog and check out her current entry. Her and I could be friends (and they have a oh so cute baby).

You Are Such a Tease

New photos over at flickr for yall to check if you wish. They are not of my current trip (flying home tonight) but of a baby shower for an old coworker and last weekend’s camping trip. Enjoy.

Idyllwild Camping Photos
Lisa’s Baby Shower Photos

I judge coffee shops by their cappuccinos. And I don’t think that’s bad at all. Cappuccinos are a harder drink to make well (I should know). Greens Bean, my usual local coffee shop in Greensboro, makes a killer mint cappuccinos. Id highly recommend anyone going there and enjoying that. Here at Tate Street Coffee I also ordered myself a double (its really not that much) Irish cream (yum yum) cappuccino. And my gosh it is also very good. I hate to be unfaithful to Green Bean, but Tate Street put my cappuccino in a much better for here cup than there. Now, I could bring my own big soup mug to the Green Bean and get the same thing. And they are starting to know my face downtown (which is kinda scary because I come every few months but it is for like 8 hours. They probably think I’m the most strangest person with the type of hours I keep there) which is part of the great coffee shop feel. Tate Street does that very well. While standing in line the espresso bar guy recognize at least 5 people while I was standing there, it was great. He was even friendly to me “I like a women who knows what she wants” even though I had never step foot in here before. The set up of the coffee shop is very different than the Green Bean (less comfy chairs but when Marla and I spend time together we don’t normally sit in comfy chairs). Tate Street plays more typical coffee shop music which I highly enjoy, a light waltz of jazzy to go in harmony with the steam wand and call of the coffees. Basically, I approve of this coffee shop and need to really start exploring Greensboro for more great places like this.

After Farmers Market, Jason got a message from Kate wanting to hang out. I surprised Kate (she did not know I was in town) by returning the phone call to her. We made plans to hang out after Jason and I went and saw “Just Like Heaven” (I know I have the best boyfriend ever who willing goes with my to chick-flicks). Kate called to say she was bringing Starbucks. I knew I liked this girl, after all, she was the one who turned me onto americanos. After chatting over Chinese food with Jason’s room mate Tim (no match making here… but wed like to find a nice girl for Tim…any takers?) I told Kate my idea of rearranging the boys living room. Thus the night of late night decorating begun!

The guys moved into their apartment a few months ago and didn’t really ever finish settling in. To them, if its not broken then don’t fix it. They didn’t see anything wrong with all their furniture leaned up against the walls making the couch and Stevie (the TV) a hundred feet from one another. Okay so it wasn’t hundred feet, but close. I told Kate my suggestion to put the couch at an angle. We started moving things around much to the boys protest. Realizing we needed a couple key pieces to make this come together was dashed (literally) off to K-Mart and Wal-Mart. I now know why men do not decorate. I knew Jason would kill me if I brought anything back anything close to being girly. It all was girly! Not even a dark forest green curtain for his room like he wanted. Martha Stewart needs to do something about that. So we dashed over to Wal-Mart (can I just tell you its amazing how many people are there at 11 at night?!) and were still disappointed but did not leave empty handed. We found a modern-chic looking black coffee table and two end tables. Lugging the box in an awkward cart up to the check out picking the shortest line (we had been gone too long for the boys comfort). Don’t ever pick the shortest line because when you do, something always happens to make it no longer the quickest way out. The lady in front of us had a trash can that rang up as 9.83 and she was arguing its only 8.88. After arguing her pricing point and having the guy walk to where the trash cans are I was so close to handing her a dollar so she’s move right along.

Arriving back at the apartment Kate and I were welcomed back by a newly rearrange living room. No, not how we left it but the boys decided to be funny (as they usually are) by putting the couch on its arm, the bookcase upside down with a pumpkin on top, the dining room chairs stacked on one another… you get the idea. As we praised them for their creative we set up our new purchase of tables (all four of us, it was really quiet sweet). We set up the new pieces, stole a lamp from Jason’s room (in exchanged for one the end tables for a new bedside table) living the room not looking quite so bad. We still need to hang the photos they have on the wall, though the room still needs some color. Much to do in so little time. I think I have been watching to much TLC since being here.

Im getting little pieces of fall here and there, with or without showering of fall leaves. There are some around so that makes me happy. I might have Jason shake the tree so I can pretend we are deep into the heart of fall. We did get a pumpkin to carve in the next couple of days at from Farmers Market. They had the most awesome thing there, I mean the BEST thing EVER for me in the fall. Id say guess but yall will never guess… a house made out of pumpkins! Yes, tis true. Now on a strange note the Farmers Market had two very strange looking gourds in shape of a swan and another in shape of an apple. We took one the apple ones home, Abby the Apple. More to fall fun to come.

Dear North Carolina,

I’m coming to visit you this weekend. I got a little taste of fall in the California Mountains so I expect a big feast from you. You get snow, so your leaves should be changing to help prepare the trees for that frosty goodness. I’m not asking for snow, I know that would be asking way to much in October. But its pumpkin time. Its time to go to a pumpkin patch with falling leaves all around me as I pick out my perfect pumpkin. That would be a great fall day for me to have. To help you, here are some examples:

See these? They’re purpose in life is to be stomped on. Crunch crunch crunch.

Oh my gosh, PLEASE pretty PLEASE!

I’m really not asking much, its that time of year. I’m not asking for anything you haven’t done before. So please pull through for me and make me a happy fall girl.

See you tomorrow,
Alisa

Between an open and close shift this past weekend, I made a drive up the mountain to a little mountain town called Idyllwild . The Jr. High group had a fall retreat of camping there. With my trip to North Carolina coming up I couldn’t ask for more time off of work. So, I drove up (well rode) in the evening to enjoy the extreme drop in temperature, which kept going into the night. I knew it could be chilly; I brought a scarf and sweats to tackle that element. But it wasn’t nearly enough. My feet are just now defrosting. My friend David and I both had to work during the first part of the day, so we carpooled up together. It was a nice road trip, I miss taking them I realize. It was a great time for “bonding” as David called it, as we mocked a little too much at hick-like town we drove through at the base of the mountain we drove up. We arrived at the camp site with kids jumping on the car with excitement for us to be there. There are fewer things in this world that can make a youth worker happy than the joy on a kids face to see you. I quickly changed into a sweatshirt and scarf to fight the cold air before we headed the little village area Idyllwild has. We invaded the shops, especially a tiny candy store before heading to a pizza place for dinner. I finally got my fall, I thought as I walked around all bundled up with my hands in my pockets still not feeling warm enough.

After a quick coffee run for the leaders (hey, I was up at 3:30am, I so needed it) we headed back to the camp site. We all sat around the fire trying to find warmth as we played mind games for hours (I will have to play it with you NC folks) bonding our group greatly. A handful of kids couldn’t for the life of them figure it out, but it was fun watching the kids realize what it was and shear joy of knowing on their faces. We all started trickling into our tents, boys at the bottom of the site and girls at the top. There this one tent I kept calling “the house tent” because it was so large that 14 girls slept in. I fortunately was in a smaller tent with only three other girls. Needless to say with the freezing air and a rolling Jr Higher besides me, I did not get much sleep. When I made my way out of my sleeping bag (very morning fresh I might add) to warm near the fire someone mentioned coffee. Back to the “Java Lounge” with a list full of orders to fill. One of the moms who is also a leader went with me with the request for more firewood. As we were in line to pay I saw the front cover of the LA times with an image of a collapse apartment building with the headline reading “Quake hits Pakistan. 18,000 dead.” Nothing will wake you up in the morning more than something like that. Being in the mountains, away from the business of high-speed internet or the TV to bring you up to date news, its really serial reading it in the paper. Usually I see things in the paper I have already heard about. We went back to the camp site with the sad news. All the kids were around the camp fire we prayed. Prayed for the people of Pakistan and whatever they felt lead to pray about. Jr. Highers are not children by any means, but they do have a heart of a child when it comes to prayer. These kids blew me away as I sat and listened to their words to God. It was worth the lack of sleep and being cold to be there to hear some of these kids hearts towards God.

David and I drove back down the mountain, very tired but never regretting our quick turn around trip. It felt like a mini retreat for me as well. Seeing the stars so big and bright always amazes me. I could stare for hours at a fire crackle in the wood. Smell the pine trees that all look perfect for Christmas trees. The aftermath still remains from running myself ragged with not really a moments peace till this afternoon. Tired and weary but with a smile on my heart.

Well, its officially, my house has been taken over my insects. I’m just not talking about one kid of insect ether. Three different kinds! Don’t they understand they live outside and we humans live inside? Okay maybe, just maybe I killed their distance somehow relative and want revenge. But that would give bugs brains, which they don’t. Well, not the kind that plot revenge (though its hard to believe at the moment).

I’ve mentioned a bit about the baby termites in my room, well they returned last week and the bug guys came out to microwave them. I have a feeling they will return anyhow because, well that didn’t stop them before. This happened while my parents were in Hawaii and while I was at work. So I did not discover the dozens upon dozens of them trying to make new colonies (like knowing this was going to make me feel better I wanted to tell the bug people when told what they were doing) on my bed and windows! Shedding their wings all over the place, making a mess and grossing me out to no end. Needless to say I did not sleep in my room until the buy guys came out.

Then spiders have taken over the front walk way of my house and also making homes in front of my bed room window. Spiders come out in the fall, that’s the only joy I’m finding in this. They aren’t like little spiders who I could squish and move on with my life. They are huge spiders with big ugly spider butts who taunt me with their web walk across my pretty view of outside. I have not found out a way to rid my life of these things I feel crawling on my in my sleep because somehow they know I have bad thoughts about them. I’m open for suggestions.

Lastly, the ants. OH THE ANTS! They are running the kitchen right now and enjoying themselves. Too bad they don’t cook anything or else Id gladly welcome them. But all they do is scurry along in a line after nothing really, just here just to be here. Maybe I wouldn’t be so annoyed if I knew their reason to be here. Well, no that was given to me with the termites and it didn’t help to know they were mating. This is where I again am proven that bugs where created after the fall. Really, I live in a nice house but you wouldn’t think it on how bug infested we have been lately.

This song’s lyrics hit me on my drive home from a long afternoon at work today.

Daisy, give yourself away
Lookup at the rain
The beautiful display
Of power and surrender
Giving us today
And she gives herself away

When you go out looking for your copy of “She’s All That” by Kristin Billerbeck today (about stinken time) the covers maybe a bit confusing. All over the internet (amazon.com even) has this as the cover photo:

Do not be miss lead. This is not the final cover! This is why I am here, to help guide all of you. The colors are close but do not go out searching for a cute chick with a handbag.
Well, I have yet to see the actually on the book on a shelf to whether or not know whether the correct cover is out. Just the same, you are to look for this cover:

Good thing my only day off is on the day the book is released. Knitting will have to be on hold while I consume it over the next few days. If only it was cold enough to build a fire and sit in front of it with a warm drink and read. Its October and I want my fall!