I have tired to keep as upbeat as to celebrate my 24th during the whole month of January. Celebration was set a side during the hard week of my Grandpa’s passing. When my relatives asked what I was doing for my birthday it had been pushed in the back of my mind that it came to me as a surprise. Monday even, I was still celebrating with a shopping trip to the mall with my mom to cash in on a gift she promised me (but I had to pick it out). Mom went outside to call my dad wondering if she had found him the right skin to keep his iPod free of scratches. I paid for a cheap but cute sweater at GAP walking out hearing my mom say “It will work out. We can make the kids pay rent.” I was confused by this comment which usually only follows after my brother makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn’t clean it up. But then wait, why was my dad home in the middle of a work day if this was the case? I never expected for my mom to say “Your dad got laid off this morning.”

There is this picture in our family photo album of Kenny, no older than 3 or 4 in a long-johns shirt and batman underwear with his arm out stretched over our front door. He didn’t want dad to go to work, he wanted him to stay home from work. My dad has worked as long as I remember. Heck, he met my mom at a nursery they both worked at in their early 20s. He keeps long hours, going in around 7am and not getting home till 7pm. It was a constant battle between my parents, my dad coming home on time for dinner. It was just a norm for me growing up for dad to be home late or not at all for dinner. My birthday happen to fall on a conference his old company would send him on. Hated them for taking my dad away on my birthday, in my mind he worked hard enough with long hours. His way of showing love for his family is to work hard which includes long hours and short overnight trips. Providing for his family in the best way he knows how.

As I said before, January has been a busier month than planned. My thoughts and prayers seem to be tossed around like a flower in a field on a windy day. As many changes have happened lately, there is a peace in it all. My parents are handling this new season of their life really well. My mom loves having my dad home (she’s a quality time type of person) and they have been working on the “honey-do” list she usually saves for the weekends to work on together. Saw my Grandma for a little bit this past Sunday and she is handling things better than I expected her to. This weekend she will be having her first day alone since January 3rd, the night my Grandpa passed away. So as much as God is showing himself in the peace we have, I’m still scared the hard times are just around the corner. I don’t want to feel like that, but I am that girl with whom struggles with faith. I trust God to take care of all my family’s hearts but my faith feels weak at times.