I cant name everything I am thankful for because I have to go cook some goods for Thanksgiving dinner at my wonderful friends, the Pells home which is in a few hours. So this is a very limited list but I am thankful for…

As much as I havnt seemed it lately, I am so very grateful that God has blessed me with an amazing job working with high schoolers. There has been a lot of days of discouragement as of late, but today, thinking back and looking at photos of these amazing kids who have touched my life probably more than I have touched theirs, I can not believe this is my job and what I feel called to be apart of for my life.

My community at 5:14. They have helped ease the pain of homesickness this past year. Not going home for the holidays was a sad thing (that of course I agreed to right after spending two weeks in one house with my family. As much as I love my family, who wouldnt say yes to that? Trickys Jace, very trickys) but my church community who I am so thankful for, make room for me in their lives making the home sickness almost disappear (almost).

Roommates. The gal I have lived with the longest (two years!) moved out last month to prepare her own home because she is getting married in January (and as asked me to shot her wedding). It was sad when she moved out, thankfully though a wonderful friend moved in her place. Its bittersweet for my old roommate to be gone, but my new one has be such a delight to live with. And not because she makes me coffee every morning we are up at the same time.

Moments that make me laugh that I still look back on and laugh at. Jon and Kate Plus 8 (today is a marathon!). Friends who share their hearts with me. Pumpkin, pretty much anything. A guy who takes really good care of me – especially on my thoughtless days. My new (as of yesterday) Nikon D90. The weekly cards I get in the mail from my Grandma. Green t-shirts. A boss that is beyond encouraging. Weekends in Nashville. People who get me. Hugs on days I need them the most and the giver of the huge has no idea how much I need one (nor did I). My first Fall Retreat! Photography, photos, and all that I have been taught this past year. Just to name a few.

Taking a short break (well, a long break I guess you could say) from my list of favorites to tell you about something that I find important.

Heard of World Vision? Maybe you have, maybe you havnt. I had heard of this organization before, but simply sound-bites from friends. I learned a lot about World Vision a lot this past week thanks for an exhibit called When I first heard of this event I was super excited. Just the idea of learning of the stories of four children and being a sponsor myself (through Compassion, but still a sponsor). Of course I jumped at the chance and told my church who also thinks very highly of World Vision. Im going to try and explain what this exhibit is and all about. I dont feel I do a very good job at describing it, so bare with me. Its an exhibit set up to tell stories for four different kids who live in Africa whos lives have been effected by AIDS. Now, I dont know much about AIDS. I probably should be more educate that I am. Thanks to World Vision, Im a step in the right direction to learn much more about it. My first experience was when I volunteered to help run the exhibit. The staff at World Vision wants all its volunteers to experience what they are helping be apart of. You are given an orange iPod shuffle and instructions by the narrator whos in your ears to become a child. The narrator tells you took the door with your name (the child you have been asked to become) on it. The first story I walked through was Babirye. She was my favorite of them all, since I got the chance to walk through them all over the weekend. Maybe it was Babirye beautiful face that I saw the moment I pulled the curtain to the first room. I listened to her story, how she is part of a twin set and of her sick mother. Alone, I walked through rooms that showed Babirye home, country, her clothes through photos and props. Some props matching what I saw in the photos. Next, I sat in the health clinic, waiting for my turn to find out wether I (B—) had AIDs. This was the only part of the exhibit where I was with other people. I place my hand out to get stamped and down came a red cross. I had the “big disease” and was asked to sit in the area of the clinic that was reserved for people who had AIDs. My heart feel for this little girl, who had suffered so much at such a young age. As much as it could at the moment, I let the heaviness of of Babirye story set in as I walked into the chapel. There were dozens of pictures, many who had passed away from AIDS. As I starred at the wall of children that people could support through World Vision, all effected by AIDs I wanted to grab all of their photos. I wanted to know every single one of their stories. As I walked out, putting my thoughts to process aside to volunteer, what I was there to do. I saw a lot of people come through the exhibit that I knew. One of my high schoolers parents came through and we talked a bit about the experience something was said that was sobering “The American church can not ignore this.” I could not agree more, but even now I cant tell you all that it means. Its a heavy statement but at the same time so very simple. How can the American church know about this and not set a side $35 dollars a month to send to a kid who doesnt have anything and we have more than enough? Why is it so hard to give up those thing we just cant give up for the sake of another? I dont have the answers, but Im thankful for the Step into Africa exhibit to be awareness to the church and the country. Im glad its raising questions and stirring hearts. I dont know where readers of this blog might be, but just in case Im posting the cities that this exhibit its going to be at with its dates. If its anywhere near you, make a point to go. Its free and open to the public, if its bit of a drive for you, stay and walk through more than one story, they about a half hour at the longest each. Its a really powerful and great experience that I highly recommend to everyone I know. Check it out.

9.6.08-9.14.08 Glen Ellyn IL
First Presbyterian Church of Glen Ellyn

9.12.08-9.15.08 Charlotte NC
St. Johns Episcopal Church

9.18.08-9.23.08
Turlock CA
New Life Christian Center

9.20.08-9.23.08
Jamestown NY
Jamestown Partnership

9.25.08-9.29.08
Dallas GA
West Ridge Church

9.30.08-10.3.08
Loveland CO
Crossroads Church

10.3.08-10.6.08
Sewickley PA
St. Stephens Church and Chippewa Evangelical Free Church

10.9.08-10.13.08
Ft. Collins CO
Colorado State University

10.10.08-10.13.08
Bethlehem PA
First Presbyterian Church of Bethlehem

10.18.08-10.20.08
Fargo ND
Atonement Lutheran Church

10.23.08-10.27.08
Chelmsford MA
Grace Community Church

10.24.08-10.27.08
Otsego MN
Elk River Community

10.31.08-11.3.08
Edina MN
Colonial Church of Edina and Christ Presbyterian Church

11.7.08-11.10.08
Cedar Falls IA
Orchard Hill Church

11.14.08-11.18.08
Bethpage NY
Shelter Rock Church & Arumdaum Presbyterian Church

11.20.08-11.24.08
Bellingham WA
Bellingham Initiative

12.4.08-12.8.08
Richland WA
Bethel Church

12.12.08-12.15.08
Redmond WA
Overlake Christian Church

Been struggling this week with my season of church. It was such a hard decision to accept my job that I love knowing it meant I couldnt be at the church that I love on a weekly basis. Last week I cried durning the end of the service. I hadnt been there in a month and I deeply missed it. I know I see a lot of my church community outside of Sundays but it isnt the same. Im sure some people frown upon me not going to a Sunday morning service when I have the morning free to do so. The church I work at is massive and Id love to go to see how the chaos functions, but that really isnt the point of going now is it? The going to church part of my faith is about fellowships and worshiping with other believers. I feel as thought I do those things weekly it just looks completely different. I have to try harder, as in schedule in a time durning the week for an actual bible study. Its the only way I seem to make time for things I find important. So while my church life looks so different than it ever has before, I have the most peace in my life than Ive had in a long time. Its a sea of mixed feelings since I dont miss my church when Im in the mist of kids who I love being around. I missed the kids when I was on vacation for two weeks missing out on things like Christmas get together and last youth group night of 2007. Through it all, I know God has me here, otherwise I dont think Id feel this much peace about it all. Its reshaping my thoughts of church and what Ive known it to be.

“Just as I am, you rush in without a warning
I didn`t think that you would want to come to this place
and make it feel like a sunday morning. ”
-Sandra McCracken

“Look how pretty the sky is, Jason.”

He might be sick of me saying this. Whenever there is clouds after a rain storm or a wonderful sunset filling the sky full of colors like tonight, it makes me stop. Ive always loved the sky. Growing up in near the beach, I looked forward going away to camps to see the stars. Here in North Carolina, I think the sky is just clearer to see them, yet how often I forget to look up. Its evening like tonight I can help but be amazed at this huge sky. It helps me to be comforted in how big God is. Big sky. Big God. I dont know where that connection is made, but its a comforting thought to me.

My church was talking about living simply last night. This could be about a few couples getting together and buying bulk at Costco together. It could be about managing your time better. Could be about just being instead of being busy all the time. Simple isnt so simple to me. I think being simple takes a lot of planning which at times can be far from simple. Maybe it just takes practice for it to become simple. I have a stack of Real Simple magazines and time managing websites bookmark to help me to simple. But then I find myself managing my time, then not leaving room for the spirit to just be. Usually those simple things happened when they are unplanned. Do you plan to go love on your neighbor? Do you plan to help someone out in a time of need? I cant think of a time I have planned for those things to happen. They just do, in a wonderfully unplanned matter.

Last week I had a meeting at my new job and was given the history and low-down of the current state of the youth group. My friend and boss came from the same church to where we are now. We both felt that our past church was good about just being – but thats it. There was no vision most of the time because we kept waiting to be sure it was Jesus calling us to do this thing. Where at this church, theres a lot of doing and not much waiting. Is there a balance to all of that? Id like to fool you all that I find the happy medium ground between doing and waiting on God’s voice on things in my life. Truthfully, I dont. I want to be that very organized girl who has her time managed well and does thing God has told me to and doing it well. Most of the time I just do things I think God is saying to do but not out of waiting on Him. Do I take the time to simply ask? Sometimes but not all times. Not in the daily things. Because well that takes time which we seem to run short on a lot of times. Excuses that make a wall to keep me boxed into this westernized Christian culture that frustrates me to no end.

Maybe planning a day of just being. Wait, a day of rest. This isnt a new idea of course. Its what God did after creating the world. One of my favorite books talks all about taking time out of the week, to plan around that day, of resting. Hard is it for us to do that. Really hard. We are called to such a life as Christ followers though. We called to stop, be still and listen. Jesus isnt going to shout at us, as much as I wish he would most of the time. I do think the road down this life of being simple will be in small steps. Instead of great leaps I think we want to take. Its sorta madding how those steps are easy at first then get hard in the middle of the journey. Or to feel defeated in if a few steps are backwards rather than forward. Im thankful for a Savior who is there, with open arms at all times. In the celebrating times and in the hard times of this not so simple of life we have created for ourselves.

Growing up in pretty much 72 and sunny weather, I didnt really change my wardrobe too much. Here in beautiful Carolina, I hear all the time about people having winter and summer wardrobe. This is the time of year where they move thier summer close into thier chest or box or whatever confines their other season wardrobe. This is sort of a mystery to me still. How does this really work? I have all my my wardrobe in my closet and a dresser. What if you have unseasonably warm day in December? Do you go and get down that box of tank tops? In California we had cool nights most of the year. Sweaters where a good thing to keep along side our tanks. When its warm here its warm, day and night. If I did this two wardrobe thing, I more than likely would buy more clothes. Right now, Im pretty much full as far as space goes in my closet. It could probably take a few more items and maybe even say good-bye to a few. But if my “winter” wardrobe, things I regular wear when its cooler out, were not in there all summer, Id have a closet full of tank tops. Not that I really believe having a closet full of tank tops is a bad thing. My pocket book on the other-hand would disagree with me. If I make this place, (land of where women tend to have two wardrobes they store and rotate) a long term dwelling place, am I going to have to learn this system?

My parents are coming tomorrow! And there is a 20-30% its going to rain a few days while they’re here. That’s not my idea of a good time, but Im gonna look on the bright side that it wont be too warm for them. Im looking forward to being a tourist around town. Showing them my town and my favorite places and people that make me love it here. Also checking out those restaurants and places I just haven’t checked out becasue I do live here, now I really have an excusable reason.

Scott made me a few years ago Ed on DVD. For whatever lame-crazy reason NBC wont release Ed on DVD. I have made up with they them a little since bringing into my life, The Office. Last few days Ive been watching Ed while Ive been home getting ready for my parents to come. Why is it they always cancel the best shows? I mean, Ed had a great few seasons and the story really couldn’t go on forever, but of course we all wish we it could. Ive missed Mike and Nancy, Carol, Molly, Warren, Phil and of course, Ed. Im a sucker for a show in a small town I guess. Just really been enjoying Ed now that Gilmore Girls are gone (forever) and Office is gone for the summer.

Summer is officially here. I went to a graduation. Humidity is a live and well. The bright crisp colors of spring have toned down a bit. I hope this summer will be good, by that I mean, zero car issues. Im all for a tune up or oil change but no more of this leaving me on the side of many of roads like Gwen did last summer. Jason and my three year anniversary will be coming up soon too. With my parents coming, all planning has been focused on that, so we haven’t really talked about what we want to do to celebrate. Surprisingly, Im happy summer is here and look forward to what it might bring.

There is a cafe style restaurant I drive by everyday. Its sort of out of place, somewhere you’d not really expect a restaurant. I remember seeing it when I drove home one day shortly after moving to my current home and wanting to try it. Be a fun thing to take a little walk to it and pick up a sandwich for lunch or something. I took many walks and always forgot to go in the way of the restaurant. Today when I drove to work I noticed there was a for lease sign up in it’s parking lot. I didn’t want to believe my chance had pass, that something else was for lease. The sign in the window and empty case that was still lit up said otherwise. Its a small thing, but I really wish I took the time to check out that little spot. Never would of thought I would have such a little window of time to be adventurous in a small way. I have nothing really profound to offer with this post. No cliché saying of letting the moment pass you by sorta sentiment. It does though encourage me to just do something instead of putting it on the another day list. Maybe in some way its a reminder that I keep myself too busy for the small stuff, like a place I pass by everyday that I didn’t take the time to check out. Id like to think theres a reason I pass the same things everyday, bigger than me.

Lately, I haven’t really missed home. Maybe that’s because I have June to look forward to with my parents coming for almost a week. But the other day my coworker, who also goes to the same church as I do, asked if I was going to the sunrise service. I gave a very quick, almost laughable response of “Oh no.” Whats really interesting about that to me is that for the past 5 years that I lived in California I did go to the sunrise service. My church is huge, 5 services huge, and the idea of getting most of us on a beach near by the church is really ridiculous but really great at the same time. We all buddled up in our sweats, blankets and grabbed chairs for the untraditional service. I saw folks I don’t normally get to see going to different services. The sound system would always go out in the middle of the sermon. Some seagull fly over head and poo on some poor person’s head. Last year towards the end of the service I tuned out as I watch whales swim past our little set up. I think even my pastor would of been distracted had he known what was taking place behind him. I missed that this year, even though I really enjoyed being at church today. Jason played music with a great group of people I’m getting to know and it sounded wonderful (even if I didn’t like most of the songs). The high schoolers just returned from a week in the Dominic Republic and was sharing about their time there (Jr High and High School in one room together). Rekindled that place in my heart for missions, and recalled in my mind of times in Thailand and Hungry years ago. I sat up in the balcony today and looked over the sea of people and smiled at the thought I knew more than dozen people whom I consider a friend and would say the same of me. It surprises me how much of a community I have been blessed with in such a short time at this church.

In a relationship, you have a pretty good chance of getting hurt. We may not mean too, but since we are sinners we are going to fail the other person in some way. Its when you become comfortable and vulnerable with someone that there’s really a chance to be hurt but if you never opened up in the first place it be hard to have a true relationship. Most of the time this hurts the most with the person you share a romantic relationship with. I know sometimes I find myself a little taken by how much Jason does know me. You really know the person, becasue you usually are most intimate with them. Sometimes they can hurt you with them just being, well them, and other times its to actually help.
The very things that person is trying to sharpen you with (though it takes time to know its actually sharping and not pointing things out that are wrong with you) is what Jesus saved me from. Jesus saved me from these bad things that makes up the ugly side of me. When I sin, I’m basically saying, I don’t need your sacrifice. That’s a hard thought to sallow, it really is. I think its something everyday I have to chose to believe and then act upon. I hope these Easter thoughts stay with me, as I learn to grow more in God’s grace that he showers over me more than I will ever understand.

Nicole said it well, “I’m tired and I really didn’t do anything today.” Even though most of us were tired at the end of this early afternoon wedding, we stayed up late catching up with old friends. Well, really, they were Jason’s old college friends who were catching up. Nicole and I, who buddied up for the weekend, stood more so on the sidelines remember those good old times when we were still in high school or middle school for her when the stories took place. This group of friends who over the years have collected spouses and kids are always fun to see each other at each mini reunion they find themselves having at each others weddings. They stay close it seems through such celebrations and its been fun over the past year to learn of their community. Part of my community at church is closely tied to the couple that got married today. You can see how each of them poured into each others lives as they shared their love for the bride and groom. To see our casual church dressed up fancy to celebrate this marriage that many had waited a long time for. It was wonderful to be apart of their day, mostly from sitting back and watching. Taking in these friends who over the years have changed but still are deeply important to each other. To watch my friends be flooded with emotion for this couple. It was a beautiful day for a wedding.

Spring time seems to be approaching just as the groundhog said it would. It was a big chilly this morning, which is actually fine with me. I wouldn’t mind another snow before the leaves and flowers start to appear. Though I am looking forward getting back into the routine of walking, I miss that a lot in the cold.

Tomorrow will been a week into lent. It hasn’t been the longest week, but it hasn’t been the shortest ether. Interesting process I’m already seeing how lent has effected me. I didn’t think it would hit this soon I was giving up something. But then again, if I gave up something that didn’t effect much then what would really be the point, right?

I’ve been thinking about youth ministry and my role in it. Not how I was this time a year ago, doubting my place in it. The community that I have found myself in that really “Came in without notice and settle all around my heart. Took up residence in all the places
That were vacant and dark.” We’ve been talking about ashes (in relation to lent) with the idea of God bringing beauty from ashes. I love watching the kids heads spin as they keep thinking dead people when they see ashes to the amazing thing God has really done in their life. I was asked to “share my story” with the kids soon, so I will be working on that up to the Sunday I will have to speak. I cant think of a group of kids Id rather share my story with.

I love when God speaks really loudly to me. Or maybe its just I’m actually listening. I’ve been thinking a lot about community and art as of late. Those will be saved for another time of sharing but two things are near and dear to me right now. Art, as something I find to do alone as an expression of so many things. As part of worship or capturing a moment that you could no other way or simply making art for the beauty of it. Community, which to me is harder to describe. Its a scene of belonging, a safe place found in a group of people who have a common ground shared between them. Now to me, this what I think of when you pull these two things together, a photo blog shared between two women who live thousands of miles away from each other. Amazing photography mixed with the art of a friendship. I don’t know anything about these women other than what I just told you, but the idea is brilliant if you ask me. So check out their site 3191 (via Alissa .)

If you had told me 12 years ago at my 13th birthday party where my best friend outted me on my family video camera whom I had a crush on, that I would be living in North Carolina, I don’t know if I would of believed it. Three of my closest girlfriends and I saw a Huck Finn (yes, Jonathan Taylor Thomas) movie while my best friend’s white jean’s collected melted chocolate. Now you and I both know that’s not a huge deal, but I still remember it after all this time, it was a huge deal. Funny, I do believe if you had told 13 year old me that I would be having wine on my 25th birthday, she would of believed you.

My 18th birthday was a surprise…because my friends through me a party in March. The great circle of friends I had in high school were into discovering different places around downtown San Diego. We’d had been wanting to go the Hard Rock Cafe and planned on going that night. A friend of mine said she’d pick me up from work so we could car pool down there. We stopped by her house “to get something” and then I start seeing all these familiar cars. And yes I did get a lotto ticket as a present that day.

I believe I was 5 or 6 in which I had a Minnie Mouse birthday themed party. I remember, upon my request getting a piñata. Not those whatever character you were into at the time ones, but a just a good ol’ donkey to smack around with a bat. Donkey get the touch jobs, we also had a pin the tail on the donkey too. My aunt made this amazing Minnie Mouse birthday cake while I wore my matching Minnie Mouse sweatshirt. Most of the guest consisted of my daycare (which my grandma ran) friends who kept popping my birthday balloons.

When I turned I think 14, my birthday landed the same weekend as a winter retreat with the youth group. It was my first time ever snowboarding, got help from the boy I had a crush on (funny, it was the same guy at my 13th party!). There was a rival of 49ers vs. Cowboys in my youth group, and my friend let me wear her very nice 49ers jacket (sorry Brandi) on my birthday. All weekend I prayed it would snow (were we stayed and were we snowboarded were different) and Jesus answered my prayer and it was the only day we got snow, it was awesome.

Now a quarter of a century (yes lets make me sound old!) I cant believe all these years have gone by.

Lately I’ve been really into raspberry and cheese. Not together, but they seem to appear a lot when it comes to pick out what to eat. I like berries a lot, but it being winter and their crazy prices right now, frozen ones is as close I get. When a fruit favor of something comes into play I’ve been picking raspberry over say blueberry or strawberry, the more popular of the berries. I’m unsure what the draw is to raspberry for my taste buds lately but I cant seem to get enough! Same goes with cheese, there just doesn’t ever seem to be enough. During the past week I ate two blocks of cheese. Usually with crackers or a sliced apple, but then probably half of the block was eaten alone. To remedy running out cheese frequency I bought a very large block of cheese from Costco. Just take a second to think about that, a Costco size block of cheese. I could left it as a weight for a good work out. But already I’ve made a good dent into the block. I find this more strange than the raspberries because I like cheese probably a little more than the next person but a Costco size block for one person? Especially when I normally chose swiss for cheese on anything and these blocks have been good old cheddar cheese. What is the funny thing about this, I know its a phase. I will eat so much raspberries and cheese, then one day not have the craving for them anymore for a good long while. Kinda like when I get a new cd, I listen to it for days (or weeks depending on how good it is) then get tired of it. But once I rediscover it, its like a new comfortable friend who is new again. Food cravings are oh so weird.

Dana, Owen and I took a little walk around our neighborhood today. Cant believe how great my neighborhood is and I just now taken advantage of a nice walk around it after all these months. I didn’t make resolutions or really goals this year, just a thought process of living life a little fuller. Which includes eating better and walking, because really I’m not going to diet or exercise, but I enjoy eating good food and taking walks. I’m doing something good for my well being all around really. Besides that tingling feeling in my butt, I didn’t feel really tired after my walk like I thought I would. It was really enjoyable and could be playing tricks in my mind, but I felt great all day despite the fact I’m fighting a sore throat.

With having my own place, Id love to have guests over more than I have since moving in. The set up is there is no real living room, we each have couches and big enough rooms to hang out in. But I have yet to completely unpack and organize my room, thus creating a big mess of piles. After my walk today I tackled most of said piles and got my room along quite nicely. Now I just need some art and photos to put on the wall to give it a more homey, moved in feel.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?

Lived in North Carloina.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last years was to not buy anymore books till I read the ones I already own. Yeah that went out the window really quick. I think this new year I will have the resolution to make realistic resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Seems as though half of my friends gave birth this year, all boys too. Soon David and Rebecca will have a little girl! And I just found out Kathleen and Josh are having a little girl too!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My Grandpa last Janunary. It was a hard month to start the year.

5. What countries did you visit?

None, wish I had though. 2007 I hope to make it to DC and New York. (I know they are not othe countries but its traveling)

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Time. Since moving I felt like its been the busiest time of my life. Maybe thats what its like having a full time job, youth minstry and a full time boyfriend to jungle?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Jan 2nd, the day my Grandpa passed away. June 12th, the day I left California. July1st-5th Kari’s birthday weekend, it was a lot of fun. September 11th, when Gwen got hit.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Moving to North Carloina and getting through all the crap with my car.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not knowing how to be there for my family when durning out rough times durning the year… and there were a handful. I just felt unable to help my parents or brother, so I felt like I failed.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

My body didnt know what to do with all the new things it discovered in North Carloina, it felt like I was sick for the first months I lived there. Nothing like a new place and being sick far away from “home”.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I got my car in Janurary, that was great…love Gwen dispite the bad luck she seems to bring. I also bought a nice film camera from a friend that I adore (spite my new found love for Own the new ditigal).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Every person who listened to me whine about car troubles does. Hate that its a running theme of 2006 but it happened a lot.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Gosh I dont know, but if I did I dont think I would publize it on my blog.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Developing film. Moving costs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Thats a lot of reallys. I was excitied to move to NC but scared too. Visting Stars Hollow. Getting Gwen.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?

I cant pick a song, I really tried but I cant. Im gonna go with mix cd: Mike and Kari’s mix for my drive from Ca to NC. I adore those three cds.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a)Happier. Being close to your boyfriend does that sorta thing.

b)Fatter. Which is intersting since usually when Im sad I eat more. I maybe I was sadder this year but dont over all think so.

c)Richer. I say this becasue I have a savings account. I think I mange my money better than I did last time I was out of my parents house. And its cheaper to live in the south.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Cleaned more, that seems to be my down fall. I lived in three different places this year none of which I seem to keep neat enough to make my life feel in order. Isnt there something about how you keep your home/car is how your life feels?

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Not returning phone calls and emails. I hate the amount of them that went unanswered, hope to improve that soon.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent Christmas in California with Jason and my family. It was wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?

With North Carolina, yes.

22. How many one-night stands?

Really? This is a question?

23. What was your favorite TV program?

The Office, Gilmore Girls, House MD, Amazing Race, Project Runway and How I Met Your Mother

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I dont think Ive hated anyone even I did I wouldnt share it for all the world to see.

25. What was the best book you read?

To Own a Dragon by Don Miller and Contemplative Youth Minstry by Mark Yaconelli I really didnt really a lot this year… I hope to keep a record next year of all the books I read.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

M. Ward for sure. I didnt discover him though, Mike introduced me.

27. What did you want and get?

A new camera but didnt expect it but low and behold I got one!

28. What did you want and not get?

Some books. But this is the perk of having your birthday so close to Christmas. More presents will come soon.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Devil Wears Prada and Little Miss Sunshine (I looked through list of 2006 movies I didnt see nearly as many movies as I usually do. I guess thats good?)

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 24. Jace and I had a joint birthday party.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Knowing my girls more in my small group. It takes time, and we’re getting there but I wish I were closer to them.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

More earth tones have made it into my clothes more than ever this year. I really like earth tones though but I still have splash of other colors outside of those.

33. What kept you sane?

Good music and lots of it.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I got really into Meryl Streep this year.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Nothing stirred me… I didnt register in NC in time to vote and I forget to get an mail in one from California so I didnt read up on anything. Heard a lot on the radio and from others, but those are opions not mine. As much as I loved studying goverment in school, Im suprised Im not more into political things than I am.

36. Who did you miss?

My family. I didnt know how much till I cried the night before I left California.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Hmmm hard to pick. Ive made some increadible friends in the other girl leaders at church, so I will have to say them.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

I cant think of just one, I feel like I have learned a lot this year. Between all my car troubles and moving to a new city theres a lot to learn.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Grows up like wild flowers, free and restless with the wind. I dont half reconize myself for this condition that Im in. ‘Casue its like a shelter above my head. Turn the sky and moon to red…but we walk the distance another day, the road is thin but does not give way…He walks with us make no mistake, He holds us when our hearts they brake.” All the Miles by Sandra McCracken

Since the day after Christmas I’ve had a hard time adjusting holiday’s. Its not longer “Merry Christmas” its now “Happy New Year”. I have nothing against the New Year but all this build up all month long of lights, parties, music, and yummy food and now its all over. Day after Christmas I didn’t know how to feel, what holiday spirit to be in. Being that Christmas felt different this year, without some traditional Christmas things to make it feel like it was coming, maybe I never really settled into accepting Christmas was here. It felt like I did when I was sitting around the tree with my family opening presents. Going to church on Christmas Eve to a very dressed up church that normally is littered with people in reefs and shorts. Or seeing my extended family at my Grandma’s home for a big meal. Now I sit here with two days left if 2006 wanting to soak in every last piece of Christmas there is since it feels like it just went right through me. As if the moment my Christmas vacation ended, so did Christmas which is not what I wanted. So on with the Christmas music as I drive around enjoying the glow of the remaining houses with Christmas lights on them.

Nevermind the fact that my Advent calendar has Santa across the front of it, I’m trying to keep the purpose of it on Jesus and not forming a chocolate habit. (Though I bet you if chocolate was around in the days when Jesus walked the earth, He so would of had some.) Due to a last minute decision to see Tara Leigh into the late hours of Saturday night, I slept in. Meaning, I only made it to middle school group and not big church. I’m unsure if my new church does much for Advent but John teached out of Luke when Mary was spoken to by the Angel. John asked the kids to close their eyes while he read the verse again. They were to think of the feelings that would be going on in that room. Scared. Overwhelm. Shock. Amazement. Then John reminded them that Mary was a Jr. Higher when she was give the news about baby Jesus.

Next to the story of Adam and Eve, the Christmas story is one I really can never get tired of hearing or reading. I think mainly because the more I grow up, the more I learn from the women in those stories. This time of course being Mary. Lets look what she has going for her; she is unmarried and now pregnant in a culture where her rights are really, are none. She trusts in God’s promise to her and with Joseph goes to the town of David to give birth to this baby. Things are already been really tough for Mary, but now in this town where God told her to go, there are no inns for her to have the Son of God in. Poor girl cant catch a brake now can she? You’d think that God would open some doors for her, like on in a nice inn. Of course God knew better than us all, and Mary may never had this mind set. Though when I read this story, putting myself in her shoes, Id be wondering what the heck God was doing. At the same time, its comforting to know that God uses people who don’t have it all together. She was out of the norm (so it really seemed to everyone else she didn’t have it together) for her culture and no home to give birth to this baby in. Yet, God provided this setting for his Son to be born in. Makes me take a back the not all together parts of my life and if I look, really look, usually after the fact, God is using that for His greater glory.

Who knew a window could bring so much joy? Being downtown there seems to be always something going on outside, even if its just the busy traffic. The trees in my front yard dance in the windy sky with a few brown leaves still hanging on to fall. From my view, it seems like such a large view. When I look up at my window from the street it seems rather small, as if anyone would ever notice me staring out my window. Amazing how much this window has distracted me from unpacking my new home. I will just sit on the edge on my bed or elbows prompt up on the seel peering out to the world below me. No hurry to winter, but Im looking forward to watching the trees grow new green leaves. Then when fall comes watch them pop with autumn colors.

If you came to my home you’d be greeted by a wreath with tiny soft pink, green and silver ornaments complete with a silver bow. My roommate has set up some mini Christmas trees in a row with, as I call “Cindy Lou themed”. We both have purchased a chocolate advent calendar to have each day this month. Looking into finding Advent verses to read each day too, though I’m unsure if there is any such thing. I just thought I should celebrate Jesus a little more than eating a bit of chocolate each day. Time to start wrapping presents to put under our mini trees. It does and doesn’t feel like Christmas time is quickly approaching; 25 days folks. I wish my decorations where here instead of California. One can never have enough twinkle lights.

Beneath my shying away from the cold wet rain, I wish I could stand in the middle of street with my arms stretched wide open. The practical side of who I am takes over, not wanting to deal with the consequences of wet clothing or hair. Instead I dash from shelter to shelter avoiding the rain that I love. At what point in life do we stop being that girl who wants to dance around in the rain, without a care in the world to the women who seems to always have an umbrella in the car? Sure it’s not an overnight thing, more so a gradual process of trading those childlike things for adulthood.

I’ve been thinking about growing up a lot lately. The sermon on Sunday was geared towards parents. Sitting in my seat wondering if Id remember this Sunday someday when I have kids of my own. Wondering if I really could simply just tell my parents how I thought they could make better parents. This past week, no reason in particular I’ve been missing my family greatly (so much in fact that a country song about a father and daughter made me cry). Anyone knows that their parents are humans so they will screw up in parenting. That is something else I realized I traded when becoming an adult. I no longer solely saw my parents as these two people who would never let me down. Children should have that idea and comfort in their parents. But the older I’ve become it would almost be too great of an expectation to place on my parents expecting them to be same as they were to me as a child. They will not say the right things or do the right things every single time. Even so, I will still turn to them for advice on life because of the trust they have built in my relationship with them.

Officially, we are adults at age 18. Do our parents (or to many of my friends, as parents) have only that short of time to help form who we will be when we are no longer under their care? That really is a very short amount of time, I never really thought about how short of time that is. Just thinking back on how the early 90s don’t seem that long ago to me, but it was almost twenty years ago. I believe parenting doesn’t ever really stop, but the most dominate time of influence you have your childs life is those first 18 years or so. 18 they start to go off to college or find themselves as an adult (I was the ladder). The role of the parents doesn’t lessen, rather, changes roles. My parents are still my parents, but I turn to them for different things than I did even a year ago. Those small windows of time have different seasons of your child being a small baby to toddler to a 5 year old going on 30 to a teenager and so on. All of those times seem to pass by in a blink of an eye (so Ive been told) and during those times of savoring this blessing you are to train up your child in hopes you can give them all you want to offer them.

To all the parents out there, kudos to you. To those of you trying to start a family, you are so brave. To parents of grown children, we still carry a part of the small little one you still think of us as, even if our mask looks like an adult. To my parents, thanks for the love and support I know I have to still grown up in.