On Our Way To Crazy

- There is a line that divides the people who should be allowed to walk around in public in a teensy bathing suit and the people who should not. As one who should not, I am not opposed to federal laws enforcing this line.

- Even if a roller coaster is super awesome and the line is crazy short, it might not be the best idea to ride it four times in a row.

- Roller coasters where you stand up in the car are BAD BAD BAD.

- When you talk a kid into riding a ride she’s kind of scared of, and during said ride you can hear her screaming, “THIS IS AWESOME!”, it is really fun.

- When you hear another kid yelling, “MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP”, not so fun.

- Airbrushed t-shirts were not cool when you were in junior high, and they’re not cool now.

- When you’ve been walking around an amusement park in Kentucky in the middle of August for seven hours, the giant wave pool so full of people of all shapes and sizes that people aren’t so much ‘swimming’ as ‘stewing’ that kind of skeeved you out when you got there suddenly looks like heaven and you don’t think twice about jumping right in.

- Seventh grade girls somehow gain energy at the same rate that adults lose energy.

- Deli-sliced turkey does not, as you might expect, fly like a frisbee when thrown from a van window at 70 miles an hour. You have to ball it up to get any kind of movement out of it.

- Half-empty Dairy Queen Moolattes, however, have excellent flying power and will cover another van’s windshield almost entirely.