On Our Way To Crazy

I don’t have kids, and I’ve never been terribly good with them. I like babies, I think most kids are cute and can be counted on to baby-sit in a pinch, but as a general rule I don’t really know what to do with them. I’m good with older kids and teenagers, because I can talk to them like adults. But I don’t really know how to talk to kids. I don’t know what to talk about, and I’m not good with baby talk. I don’t have a good happy voice. It’s awkward for me.

That said, when a kid in a restaurant (such as, oh I don’t know, Chik-Fil-A) is sitting at another table and talks or waves to me, I engage them. I think it’s cute. I say hi and ask their name and make faces. I know how to do all that.

What I don’t know is what to do when said kid then gets out of his seat, waddles over to my table, and takes a fry off of my tray. Or what to do when his mom, who can see everything that’s happening, stays in her seat and just laughs and calls out, “Loooooogaaaaaaaaaaan! Those aren’t yours!” I do know that when the kid goes for your nuggets and you grab his hand because he’s about to fall over, said mom will give you a look, come get her child and walk away with him while telling him what a silly boy he is. And she will not say a word to you, apology or otherwise.

I don’t know whether or not it’s appropriate to speak up when, for example, a mother lets her couldn’t-be-more-than-two-and-that’s-being-generous child into the play area and tells him to be careful before joining her friend back at their table to loudly discuss all their friends. But I do know that when that kid wants out of the play area but isn’t strong enough to open the door and is about to cry, I am going to get up and go help him, lest he get stuck between the door and the wall. And I know that when I do that, his mother will lean around the corner to see what’s going on and ask, “Is he trying to get out?” like I’m her hired babysitter and she’s just checking in to see how I’m doing.

Now, like I said, I don’t have kids, so maybe I’m missing something. Maybe these are totally appropriate mothering tactics and I am judging something I know nothing about. Maybe it’s en vogue in parenting circles these days to just let your kid roam free in a public place and to use the playground and surrounding customers for child care. Maybe she was teaching him to fend for himself? Toughen up? Find his own food? I don’t know. Apparently I have a lot to learn before I start having kids.