On Our Way To Crazy

Hey people! Big news! I am still alive.

Barely.

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve had. This church stuff is… tough.

Not that I didn’t expect it to be a challenge. It’s just a different kind of challenge than I was anticipating. It feels weird to only have youth stuff to do all day. I don’t exactly know how to fill my time. I don’t really have an office right now, so I’m spending parts of the workday at home or the library, working on lessons or events or calendars. But it feels wrong to be at home during the day, even though I am totally allowed and even encouraged to work where I feel comfortable and can be most productive.

I worry a lot about how the rest of the staff perceives me. I want them to feel that I was the right choice for this job, that I’m doing it well and can do good things for our youth group. It’s a weird position, though, because they only see me do the administrative stuff. When we’re all together, the kids are in school. I worry that they see me sitting at a computer for hours at a time and wonder how that’s youth ministry.

I think I made the right decision. I don’t miss working for the Reeb. I definitely don’t miss country music or press kits or crazy fans or reporters.

I feel… hesitantly good about the whole thing. We kicked off our new youth service setup last week, and our first two services went really well. We had more kids than we’d expected and we’re getting a lot of positive feedback. A lot will start happening with school ending and summer kicking off.

I will get my feet under me. I will settle in. I will figure out my place. That little knot of anxiety in my chest will start to go away.

It’s going to be good. Just gotta get there.