On Our Way To Crazy

Top Six! Only one hour! Yay!

PERFORMANCE SHOW

Cat looks pretty good today. Great hair and a disco-ish dress, nothing too insane.

Guest judge tonight is Adam Shankman, who is excessively less crazy than Toni Basil, thank goodness. I like this guy as a judge, he seems to really like all of the dancers and has good criticisms. You know, unlike the other two judges who blatantly hate certain dancers and only give gimmicky criticisms.

First up, Courtney and Mark. They pull a Viennese waltz and Courtney complains a lot about Mark touching her boob. I find her completely annoying.

Aw, this is really pretty, even if they are making us listen to David Cook sing. They look great together. It’s very graceful and simple and sweet and flowy. I love the costumes and the lighting and the mood. The whole thing is really nice.

Adam thought it was really beautiful and says Mark is the best waltzer so far this season. Mary screams about the choreography (GAH) and calls them effortless. Who dresses her, y’all? Seriously. Nigel calls it romantic and says they started the evening really well. Yay!

Our first solo is Chelsie. Ballroom solos are tough, man. She could be doing all kinds of crazy things up there, but it all just looks like walking.

Twitch solos next to a song called Midas Touch with lots of gold accents. He puts on a gold grill and big gold glasses and it’s all pretty cute. I’m glad he’s not wearing another Twitch shirt, even though he was wearing one during the intros. Shameless self-promotion, party of one.

Next up are Katee and Joshua, which Cat tells us happened because the girls pulled their partners out of a hat. I bet. I was really hoping to see Katee dance with Mark. They’re doing a contemporary with Tyce that he says is a Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story type of thing.

All By Myself? Seriously? Joshua appears to just be there to catch and lift her. Not much else coming from him. At one point she jumps up in a split in the air and he catches her by the legs and keeps her in position. It’s pretty awesome. It’s also really dark on the stage, so I probably miss a lot. Really, though, it’s just a lot of jumps and lifts. And lame music.

Adam calls it the best thing Tyce has done all season, which, no, and then spends about 20 minutes talking about how he and Tyce know each other and that Paula Abdul is there. He calls them two of the most exciting dancers ever on the stage, which, again, no. Mary calls it passionate and strong and the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen on the show. WHAT? Insane. Y’all. The judges are STANDING UP for this routine. I am dying over here. Nigel talks a lot about choreography, AGAIN, and how this other famous choreographer is there. Fascinating. He also can’t believe Joshua has no classical training, which not only do I think is not entirely true but also… he just caught her. That’s all. I know it’s hard, but it’s not the amazing dancing they want me to think it is. NO.

Twitch and Chelsie are bringing us the mambo. They tell us how the counting is tricky in the mambo and Twitch has trouble with some of the moves because his pants are too baggy. This should be interesting.

Chelsie looks great in a bright red feathery thing and some seriously awesome shoes. She is all over this routine, shaking and kicking and hipping it up all over the place. Twitch does okay, I think… he seems pretty awkward but I think he keeps it together. He might as well not even be there, though. She is outshining him like crazy.

Adam says Chelsie was on fire and burned up the stage. He thought Twitch was a good partner but could have sold it better. Mary says Twitch did a pretty good job of staying on beat in what is apparently a pretty difficult counting situation. She says Chelsie was tremendous and fabulous and no one can touch her in latin styles. Nigel praises Chelsie to high heaven and says Twitch kind of lost it in the middle.

Katee is up next with her solo and it is not good. She’s just not really doing anything. Remember last week, when we all gave Comfort a hard time for being great in choreography but not so great in solos? I think, yet again, Katee needs to hear that speech. At least this one didn’t have any slow motion reaching.

I hate that Olive Garden commercial where the dad is all, “I love our family tradition where I totally boost my kids’ food because it looks better than mine!” Hey, Dad? It’s the Olive Garden. None of that food is good.

Joshua’s solo is the best one so far, I think. It has lots of tricks and is fun to watch. That guy can jump crazy high.

Courtney and Mark’s second routine is jazz with Sonya of the crazy hair. It’s a French burlesque battle of the sexes. I don’t know entirely what that means, but I think Sonya is awesome so I am excited.

Ok. I love this. It’s dark and weird and jumpy and awesome. The whole thing is kind of crazy, with lots of posing and lifting and crazy walking. They have great emotion and musicality (my new favorite word) throughout the whole thing. It’s the only one I rewound to watch again just because I liked it so much. This is really the perfect kind of routine for Mark, and he is great in it, but Courtney is great too, which I didn’t entirely expect. They are awesome. I love it.

Adam is freaking out about how awesome it was. Yay! He calls it sick and says they are unbelievable together. Mary calls it crazy, raw, interesting and weird. Which, yes. And she screams about loving it. Nigel loved it and says it was perfect for Mark and Courtney was great. He calls it a highlight of tonight. Yes!

Katee and Joshua pulled the pasa doble for their second routine. Should be good.

Hey! Joshua is actually dancing! This is good. I don’t usually like pasa dobles very much… they always feel so forced. But they both do a good job. The routine has some cool tricks and they both pull of the emotion of it completely. Except… aren’t pasa dobles supposed to have some anger and hardness to them? I’m not seeing that, particularly from Katee. But overall, very cool.

Adam can’t believe Joshua has no training and can do what he does. He loved it. Mary, I think, is going to scream. She calls them true magic. And… there’s the scream. Nigel specifically talks about their footwork and says Joshua is stealing the show. Mary is standing up again. What the heck.

Courtney is back with a slow motion reaching solo.

Does your local Fox news report on American Idol like it’s actual news? During the show the teasers are always about how got kicked off that week, and just now we had a news promo about how auditions are going on. NOT. NEWS.

Mark has the last solo. It’s fine. Nothing he hasn’t really done before. I would totally make out with him, though.

Chelsie and Twitch’s second routine is a NapTab hip hop routine about conductors battling over the stick. Isn’t it called a baton? Do I know anything about conducting? No I do not.

Fun! This one is really cute. They really are battling over the stick throughout the routine. The one who has it appears to have the ability to ‘conduct’ the moves of the other person, which is really cool. They seem to hit it equally hard, or as hard as you can in a NapTab routine. I don’t think Twitch was much better than her. They were both totally in character and I thought it was really fun.

Adam blah blah blahs about the choreography, then calls Twitch hot and says they can’t find anything Chelsie can’t do. Mary says Twitch is awesome always, which he is not. She says Chelsie kept up and was unbelievable. Nigel praises their ability to entertain and says whoever is cut tomorrow is just as good as whoever stays. Interesting.

My favorite: Mark and Courtney’s jazz
Least favorite: all the solos

RESULTS SHOW

Cat’s dress hot streak is over. This teal sequin-y fringe-y off the shoulder thing is no good. Her hair looks fabulous, though.

Group routine! I just paused it at the beginning, so all I can see is that the song is “The Rose” by Bette Midler. I do not have a good feeling about this. It starts with a Chelsie spotlighted solo, then the other two girls join in before the boys join them. And… it’s all mopey and slow and boring. Boo to the whole thing. Mandy Moore! This was not your best work.

Voting voting blah blah blah. Also, Adam Shankman is offering the winner of the show a role in one of his movies. Not a starring role, but a role. That could be cool. Also it could be lame.

Before we proceed with the eliminating, the judges would like to talk. This should be good.

Nigel tells them they will face rejection in their dancing careers and they can’t let that get them down. Also, five of them will be rejected by the end of this show in front of millions of people. Uplifting! Then he tells them that they all got over a million votes after last night’s show. Is that a lot? Did one of them get one million and one of them get ten million? We have no idea. Twitch and his glasses think that is a lot of votes. Mary thought they were dignifed and classy in the opening number and they have all grown and matured throughout the show. She will be proud of the winner. Not the rest of them, though. Adam’s comments reference a David Cook song. He lost me after that.

All six of them will be dancing solos tonight. Courtney is first and gets points for dancing to A Fine Frenzy. She is still a pretty generic contemporary solo girl, but I do think she’s gotten better as the season has gone on. Mark is next and starts off with some pretty cool suspender work. Here’s what I have decided about Mark’s solos – they are weird, and I don’t always get them, but if you had a bunch of people on stage doing that choreography together it would look awesome. Katee starts off with reaching, so we can pretty much see where this is going. Spin, reach, spin, reach, writhe, reach. Meh.

After the break Cat tells us that there were 11 million votes last night, so that gives some perspective. If they all got at least one million… I guess someone could have gotten the other five all to themselves, but I bet it was pretty even across the board. Interesting.

Joshua does some cool popping (?) moves to a song that keeps changing tempo. At the end he kind of bounces into the splits and that is pretty cool. Also, he got his braces off. Chelsie is somehow ballrooming to Travis Tritt. It’s actually really cute – she’s laying off the latin twisty steps and doing some cool kicks and spins. It’s probably the best solo she’s had so far. Twitch is dancing in another Twitch t-shirt. Ugh. There is very little dancing involved in this, but a lot of “Hey! Look how adorable I am!”

Next we have this little kid breaker who is cooler and has better moves than most of the guys on the show this season. Dang, y’all. He’s awesome.

OK. I’m not saying I want to see House Bunny. I’m just saying when she does that demon voice to remember people’s names, that’s funny stuff.

Elimination time! The girls are up first. We watch clips of everything they each did last night and listen to the judges rave about all three of them. The first safe person is… Katee. Well, duh. Who will be joining her in the finale? We’ll find out after we send a guy to safety. We go through the same motions – clips of last night and judges praising them – before sending to safety… Joshua. Again, duh.

Someone named Lady GaGa is performing. What is happening here? She has about 25 people onstage dancing with her. The song is called “Let’s Dance”, so at least it’s related to the show. At one point they do the kid’n'play! That’s my go-to move.

OK! Now we’re eliminating for real. The girls are back on stage. Which one is going home? Chelsie. Whoa. I loved her all season, but honestly here at the end Courtney started growing on me. Her dancing, not her personality. Mark and Twitch are next. I am nervous! And the person going home is… Mark. Nooooooooo! Blast. I hate that. The only good thing about this is now we get to watch Mark’s clip reel. I love him so much. Way to get rid of the only interesting person on the show, AMERICA.

Well, that’s that. Get ready for a boring finale. I hate that I feel like this, but I’m glad it’s over next week. This season has been so meh.