On Our Way To Crazy

I can’t believe I let you have this kind of power over me. I mean, every time? Really? Every time you suck me in and every time I get burned.

I don’t know how I let it happen. I know it’s bad. I know I hate it. But somehow, every time, I forget the pain, the struggle, the exhaustion, the drama. I forget how much WORK it all ends up being. I get sucked in by the fun, the color, the excitement, the novelty.

And you burn me.

You make me tired. You never deliver. You make me do all the work. I start out so happy and full of hope and I end up worn out and swearing you off forever.

But then I come back. Again and again and again.

It’s the aftermath that’s the problem. The aftermath is just so, so good. Things are nice and cool and so much better than they were before. It lulls me into thinking the whole experience was worth it and I can put up with the ugly. Or just forget the ugly entirely.

I love you. I hate you. I hate to love you.

I need to break your spell. I shake my fist at you, IKEA!

When I was in high school, I was a pretty big Dave Matthews fan. Me and every other teenager in the 90′s. I liked them for a lot of reasons, but one thing in particular really did it for me – the back up singers. I wanted to be one. Bad.

That’s right, people. My dream in high school was to be a black back up singer. For Dave Matthews. A long skirt wearing, turban sporting, dreadlocked flowy armed back up singer. I thought it was my calling.

But that was a long time ago. The dream has died. I’ve moved on to bigger, less turbany things. My back up singer aspirations were put on the back burner.

Until last weekend. Because last weekend? I saw TobyMac for the first time. Now I am not a huge Mac fan… I loved me some dcTalk back in the day, but I haven’t followed them onto their new (variably successful) frontiers. Thanks to Aaron’s job stuff, we got to go backstage at the show and sneak out to the front few rows and scavage some seats. We were right up front for Family Force 5 (awesome as usual) and Relient K (meh), and decided to stick around for a few songs of Toby before we headed home.

I wasn’t that excited about it, really. But Toby knows what he’s doing. That is one entertaining show. And the best part? The back up singers. He has three, two guys and a girl, and they do all kinds of dancing and jumping around and singing like crazy.

I want to be that girl.

My long dormant dreams came flooding back. All of a sudden I didn’t want to be a youth worker anymore. I wanted to wear tall puffy boots and a fuzzy hat and a scarf and vest and dreads and stomp and jump around the stage.

The dream is back. Now I just need to find my band.

Dear Gap,

You are on a roll lately. I have gotten so much stuff from you for so very little money. I love your coupons. I love your sales. I love your sweaters and your tall socks. Thanks for keeping me from walking around naked.

Warm and stripey,
Brandi

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Dear Group magazine,

Where have you been all my life? You are so full of information and resources and general awesomeness. I have been flying solo and pulling from my own brain for way too long, and you are replenishing me and stretching my creativity. My junior highers thank you.

Shooting rockets across the office,
Brandi

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Dear Brendan Fraser,

How on earth are you still famous?

Thinking you peaked in Encino Man,
Brandi

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Dear Southwest Airlines,

I don’t always love you. I don’t love fighting for a seat and an armrest and I really hate that snack mix stuff you always serve me and how I can’t fly straight to Dallas from Nashville. But I love your affordable rates in December that are allowing us to cut twenty hours off our holiday drive time. Twenty hours! I hate making that trip. Thank you for taking it away from me.

Resting my eyes in the middle seat,
Brandi

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Dear Rhino Theatrical,

I don’t care what Aaron says, my fireplace DVD is super cool and everyone knows it.

Thanks for making it,
Brandi

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Dear perfect flat and tall boots that are well made and cheap,

Where are you? Why can’t I find you? You are either too small at the top, or you have a weird heel, or you’re fake leather is especially fake looking, or you cost hundreds of dollars. I know you are out there somewhere. Track me down! I’m in the book.

Tottering on those pointy heels,
Brandi

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Dear Grey’s Anatomy,

You suck. Please release me from your spell.

Seriously? Seriously,
Brandi

Nov 1 – Aaron turned 30! We had a big surprise party! It was awesome!
Nov 2 – We got to have a lazy afternoon.
Nov 3 – I wandered around a used bookstore for an hour.
Nov 4 – I voted. For the winner. For the first time ever.
Nov 5 – An ordination class that was supposed to be about Ezekiel turned into a very interesting and thought-provoking and kind of intimidating two hour discussion on abortion.
Nov 6 – I maybe found a foundation that works for me. I know you’re excited.
Nov 7 – We watched way too many episodes of Arrested Development.
Nov 8 – My awesome friend Katie sent me an awesome gift.
Nov 9 – Fun lunch with some kids we hadn’t seen in a while.
Nov 10 – Productive and emotional meeting with a very dramatic kid.
Nov 11 – The reading I thought I had to cram for got canceled.
Nov 12 – A great evening of spanish hangman.
Nov 13 – An unexpected and really good conversation with our pastor.
Nov 14 – I went shopping at the Gap outlet and the girl in front of me in line gave me a coupon that saved me $30 and I got a fun new haircut and found my new home Trader Joe’s and had some fajitas and margaritas with Aaron and went to a fun Jackson Waters show that ended in a cover of the greatest song of all time.
Nov 15 – We had an extremely productive youth house work day and I took a sledgehammer to an old ugly brick facade and it was super fun.
Nov 16 – My first baptism!
Nov 17 – Aaron was gone and I took my time wandering around Target and trying on shoes.
Nov 18 – We actually got to sit down and eat dinner at home.
Nov 19 – Movie night with the kids watching Wall-E.
Nov 20 – I met a lot of cool women in youth ministry at the conference.
Nov 21 – Great seminar on building a questioning youth ministry.
Nov 22 – I took about a thousand pages of notes when Francis Collins spoke.
Nov 23 – Jars of Clay concert!
Nov 24 – Found a bunch of new opportunities in the exhibit hall.
Nov 25 – Paintball tickets for $5!
Nov 26 – Baking day. There are pies everywhere.
Nov 27 – Our orphan Thanksgiving was a big hit, and my pies were delicious.
Nov 28 – We spent some long overdue time hanging out with our neighbors.
Nov 29 – Our Christmas lights are up!
Nov 30 – So. Much. 90210.