On Our Way To Crazy

I was reading through my notebook from last year’s youth worker’s convention, looking for some game ideas, when I found a couple of very important thoughts I wrote down. They’re not dated or titled from any particular seminar, so I’m not sure where I heard them, but I think they may be the wisest bits of wisdom I picked up while I was there.

And now I will pass them along to you.

“Just because I love God doesn’t mean I have to disrespect Jeff Buckley and Leonard Cohen.”

and

“There’s always that one guy who has completely unnecessary sideburns and a newsboy cap, and if that sounds a little too familiar than you should maybe look into that.”

You’re welcome.

You can be who you are without wearing it like a badge everywhere you go. Don’t be in such a rush to define yourself for people before they get a chance to find out for themselves. Be careful of shouting from the rooftops all the things you wish you were as though they were true… when it comes to light that they aren’t you will lose all the people you wanted so badly to like you.

Just be. Let it be confusing. Let it be gray. Let it be undefined. Even let it be ugly. Let it ebb and flow and change. Maybe those convictions you’re holding onto so tightly today will knock you over tomorrow. Maybe you’re not the person you thought you were after all. Maybe that’s okay.

Remember who you were ten years ago? Remember how sure you were that you had it together and knew how it worked? Remember how different everything turned out to be? Your future self will look back at you today and think the same things. And she should.

The things you’re experiencing now don’t negate the things you experienced then. I know it feels like they do. You’re not undoing them, you’re building on them. Growing from them. They always told you life was complicated. Now you know they were right.

Keep moving forward. Except for the days when you’re moving backward, or being pushed sideways, or standing perfectly still. All those days, those directions, those loop-arounds and double-backs and repeats… they’re getting you somewhere. Somewhere you want to be. Even if you don’t quite know where that is. Yet.

Hello, normal life. Nice to see you.

I feel like our summer is finally winding down. I thought that school starting would make a difference, but I feel like the last four weeks have been busier than ever. We’ve had friends in town, one or both of us has been traveling almost every weekend, we’ve had tons of events in the evenings. Life has been all over the place.

Today I went to the grocery store for what felt like the first time in ages to just buy regular food to feed us for the week. Not a quick trip because we’re out of milk, or a huge load of hot dogs and sodas for the youth group, or eighteen kinds of fruit to make salsa for a party. Just normal lunch and dinner stuff. We cooked tonight. I was a little worried we’d forgotten how to turn on the stove.

I love being busy. I fee like busy means I’m doing something right, you know? The youth group has so much going on! The band is in town! We have so many obligations! But I also think I cling to my business (busy-ness? Neither one of those looks right.) because it makes me feel important. Like I’m really DOING something. And maybe I’m doing it incorrectly, or I’m focusing on the wrong things, or there’s some gaping hole in my life that needs some work. But I can’t think about that now. I’m so busy.

So I’m mostly looking forward to a bit of a slower period. The school year doesn’t slow down my work, but it does shift the hours around a bit and gives me some structure to my days. Aaron has traveled a lot with the guys this summer, but that will slow down for the fall. We will be back in a regular routine. The Cowboys are back in our lives. Fall is very exciting.

And I have some things to look at. Some gaps to fill. Some patterns to re-evaluate. I mostly want to take care of the things I’ve been glossing over all summer. Mostly. The rest of me just wants to eat soup and be cozy and push them into next year. We’ll see how it goes.

Yesterday my mother-in-law sent a message on facebook to what appeared to be all of her friends. This list included both Aaron and myself, several relatives, and a whole mess of people I’ve never heard of. The message read:

“I hope you all are filled with the awe of God, as I was after viewing this video.
Love,
Judi”

And this video was attached (you don’t have to watch it, I will tell you what happens: cool videos of the earth, inspirational music, bible quotes. You get the idea.)

Because Aaron and I had spent a good portion of our evening laughing at a different video, I decided to reply. To all. My message read:

“I hope you are all also filled with awe, as we were, after viewing THIS video.
Love,
Brandi and Aaron”

And then I attached this, which you HAVE to watch, because it is the most awesome thing ever to appear on the internet.

I think it might hurt her feelings, but it was so worth it. So so worth it.

Aug 1 – I had more stuffed mushrooms and chardonnay than you should legally be allowed to consume.
Aug 2 – Solo road trip to North Carolina.
Aug 3 – Fun girly day with Kari, Alisa and Andrea.
Aug 4 – Pool! Taco Tuesday!
Aug 5 – I had a Thin Mint blizzard on the drive home.
Aug 6 – Nice relaxing afternoon with Aaron.
Aug 7 – Holiday World! My favorite summer day.
Aug 8 – Aaron and I won a spontaneous water balloon fight.
Aug 9 – I got to baptize five kids at our end of summer service. Amazing.
Aug 10 – I turned 29 for the first time.
Aug 11 – Counting Crows at the Ryman! The show was just okay, but still. Fun.
Aug 12 – I had an epically successful shopping trip.
Aug 13 – Ate a delicious steak salad.
Aug 14 – Sad but fun party for our awesome admin’s last day.
Aug 15 – We moved the furniture around in the office to make room for my new youth space.
Aug 16 – Our last care group meeting as leaders was a big success.
Aug 17 – Actually took the day off and went swimming and to the movies. Was surprisingly not disappointed by the Time Traveler’s Wife.
Aug 18 – I painted my new office a lovely ocean-y blue.
Aug 19 – Made $1200 selling church furniture on Craigslist.
Aug 20 – Took the edge off a super stressful day by walking a million miles with Aaron and Miles.
Aug 21 – Finished my office! It is awesome.
Aug 22 – I bought skinny jeans. Lord help me.
Aug 23 – We had more kids than ever before, including a ton of new ones. So exciting.
Aug 24 – Went to the doctor. Not currently dying. Yay.
Aug 25 – Free fridge for the youth room! Thanks Craigslist!
Aug 26 – Fun text conversation with a random friend.
Aug 27 – Pappasitos, british candy bars and an amazing hotel in Atlanta.
Aug 28 – Ikea! H&M! Red Robin!
Aug 29 – My awesome youth staff helped me convert a bland conference room into a fantastic youth room in about ten hours.
Aug 30 – My excessively wise junior high girls summed up our lesson with these words: Make peace, don’t not make peace. So simple, yet so genius.
Aug 31 – Fun lunch AND dinner out with girlfriends. Can’t beat it.