On Our Way To Crazy

When I started my job, I had no real idea what I was walking into. I knew I loved students, and I knew I loved my church, and I knew that my job with Reba was not the long-term solution for me. So I jumped in.

Do you now, in the presence of this church, commit yourself to this sacred trust and its attendant responsibilities?

I didn’t know what it looked like to work in ministry. I didn’t know how to have a pastor who was also your boss. I didn’t know how difficult it would be to balance work and personal time when so much of it was one and the same.

Will you, who are called to lead, still humbly follow pastoral direction?

I didn’t know how to teach. I didn’t know how to write Bible study lessons. I didn’t know what was important for students to learn about God and faith. I didn’t know what they would be interested in and what would make them think and what would change their lives.

Will you be diligent in your study of the Holy Scriptures, workmen who need not be ashamed, rightly dividing and applying its precepts?

But I did know how much they needed to be loved. And I did know what a difference it makes for a teenager to have an adult who cares about their well being. I knew that the only way they would care about God and faith and the Bible after high school was if someone gave them room to ask questions and learn and doubt in a safe place. I knew I could provide them that.

Will you undertake to be a faithful, loving and courageous pastor to all who need your care?

I learned quickly. Trial by fire. I learned that this was no ordinary job. I learned that who I was at home mattered in my work. I learned that a job you love can come at a cost. I weighed that cost daily. I struggled and struggled and struggled. I tried to be a good person and care for the people in my new world, even when it hurt and burned and they didn’t care for me in return.

Will you pattern your life and ministry after the life and ministry of your Lord and will you first teach by example what you will teach by words that the cause of God be not mocked?

I learned the value of words and the weight of actions and that how you speak matters more sometimes even than what you’re saying. I am still learning how to keep my defenses in check. How to turn the other cheek. How to hold my tongue when necessary.

Will you be a person of prayer and private devotion: a contemplative shepherd who spends time alone with God?

I know now that I can’t do this on my own. That no combination of organization and planning and personality can make this job happen. You can’t give what you don’t have, and trying will knock you out faster than LL Cool J. I am learning to take time for myself when I need it, whether that’s a quick road trip or a weekend in Texas or an afternoon at the park. It’s part of my job. It has to happen or I am ineffective before I even get started.
……………………

This past Sunday, I stood in front of my family, my students, my friends and my church body and said “I Will” and “I Do” to the requirements of an ordained pastor. The spiritual giants in my life stood over me, laid hands on me, robed me and presented me to the congregation. I helped lead communion for the first time. I went from pastor to Pastor.

May the Lord who has given you the will to promise these things forever give you the grace and power to perform them.

Amen, and amen.

It appears that I am on a crusade against down time these days. In addition to my 30 Before 30 list, I am so excited to tell you guys about The Button Club! Because what I need is another list of stuff I’ve never done before.

The Button Club is a group of amazing women from all over the country who will be going through the book How To Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew by Erin Bried. (You can’t go wrong with anything that has the word ‘nifty’ in the title.) We will take on the tasks one at a time, and by the end we will all be domestic and relational wonder women who will take over the world. So, you know. Watch out.

My first post went up today, so head over and read about how I’ve pretty much been faking everything I’ve ever done. This is going to be a really fun project. I can’t wait.

Back in December, I was walking Miles around the neighborhood. We came around the corner and saw a desk on the street with a big “FREE” sign on it. Free desk! Sweet! Aaron was out of town, and when he got back I made him go with me and pick it up. I had big plans to turn it into something awesome. Aaron was not so sure.

Luckily, we had some space in the shed and I had a few months before it was warm enough to start a project outside. So it sat. And sat. And sat. And then I decided to make a list of stuff to do before I turn 30. And we had a bunch of beautiful days in a row. And I knew I had to make it happen.

Here’s the before:

Not bad, right? Small, lots of drawers, awesome shelves on the side. Can’t beat it, especially for free.

It had a lot more damage then I remembered. I spent most of the first day sanding, wood-filling, drawer-gluing, and sanding some more. I had to rebuild the entire back corner with woodfiller and prayer.

I finally got it smoothed down and primed. I did what the internet told me and did four thin coats, sanding in between. It took a hundred years.

Then, FINALLY, it was time to paint. A couple of my youth girls came over in the afternoon and really sped up the process. We did the same thing, painting and sanding and painting and sanding and painting and sanding. And I have to say… it turned out awesome.

When I first started working, I thought the drawer pulls were fake wood. I had planned to replace them with something sleek and modern. But when I took them off it turned out they were brassy underneath some serious discoloration. I liked the way they looked, so I kept them. I think it works.

Please ignore the coverless outlet. We are classy.

So! First item checked off the 30 Before 30 list! It took way longer than I anticipated, but I am thrilled with how it turned out. Not too bad for a free desk.

There are a lot of four-minute time frames in our lives. The four minutes it takes to check out at the convenience store. The four minutes it takes to microwave some soup. The four minutes you spend waiting for the light you missed because the person in front of you didn’t pull out into the intersection on green. The four minutes it takes for your stupid DVR that has never been the same since it got hooked up to the new TV two years ago to warm up and respond to the remote.

All of those four minutes are worth it, though. Because, sometimes, you get to spend four minutes sitting in the balcony of the Ryman listening to David Gray sing “Shine” with just his voice and an acoustic guitar.

I don’t know what else I can say about David Gray. We love him. Love love love him. His music has been the soundtrack of our entire relationship. We’ve probably seen him play ten times. This show was great, as usual. He played a good mix of old and new, and he played a ton of our favorites. But instead of giving you the play by play, I am going to give you lyrics. Because it’s National Poetry Month, and Kari reminded me that lyrics count as poetry, and he writes beautiful ones.

(via @haleybragg)

From “The Other Side”:

I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
That trick ain’t worth the time it buys
I’m sick of hearing my own lies
And love’s a raven when it flies

From “Silver Lining”, which is totally gorgeous AND was covered by Bonnie Raitt, hello perfect Brandi song:

We were born with our eyes wide open
So alive with wild hope
Now can you tell me why
Time after time
They drag you down
Down in the darkness deep
Fools in their madness all around
Know that the light don’t sleep

(via @blusanders)

He writes a lot of dark songs, for sure, but it’s his love songs that really get me. I try, as a general rule, to not be cheesy. But he kills me.

From “Be Mine”:

And maybe when your heart and soul are burning
You might see
That everytime I’m talking with you
It’s always over too soon
That everyday feels so incomplete
Till you walk into the room
Say the word now girl I’ll jump that moon

From “Please Forgive Me”:

Please forgive me
If I act a little strange
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you

Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And there’s so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way
When you look at me that way

And the all-time favorite, “Shine”. You guys. This song makes me cry every. single. time.

For all that we struggle, for all we pretend
It don’t come down to nothing
Except love in the end
And ours is a road that is strewn with goodbyes
But as it unfolds
As it all unwinds
Remember your soul is the one thing
You just can’t compromise
Take my hand
We’re gonna go where we can shine

(via @jonnydicus)

There are a lot of imperfect moments in life. But every now and then, sitting in a dark historic auditorium with a bunch of strangers, watching an Irish guy in a fancy suit stand alone on a stage in the dark singing his heart out, you get a perfect one.

I’ve been talking to Aaron about this 30 Before 30 business now for a while. The list went through several revisions and I made him read them all. Clearly he found it inspirational, as he has made a list of his own.

A list for me. So helpful. He went easy on me, though, only giving me fifteen things to do. He didn’t want to overload me with tasks. What a guy.

15 Things Aaron Wants Me To Do Before 30

1. Get a tramp stamp.
2. Go to massage school.
3. Win the lottery.
4. Buy the Dallas Cowboys.
5. Hire Aaron to work for the Dallas Cowboys.
6. Mow the yard.
7. Stay away from men named Clive Bixby.
8. Talk the Friday Night Lights people into continually making episodes for us.
9. Buy jet skis.
10. Pick up the forty pairs of shoes in the living room.
11. Give Miles a bath and a haircut.
12. Get David Gray to do weekly house shows for us.
13. Watch less ABC Family.
14. Start liking action movies.
15. Keep being awesome.

Mar 1 – GREAT meeting about the future of the youth group with my amazing staff.
Mar 2 – Spent the evening talking church planning and marketing with our pastors and some friends. Very interesting.
Mar 3 – Looooong day that ended with pineapple salsa and fruit tea. Delicious.
Mar 4 – Attended a hilariously awesome middle school production of Willy Wonka.
Mar 5 – I FINALLY got our camp plans nailed down. For real this time.
Mar 6 – Taco and game night with our care group.
Mar 7 – Lazy dinner and Oscar watching with Aaron.
Mar 8 – Good night planning a youth event and hanging out with fun people.
Mar 9 – Breakfast with a friend. Days that include pancakes are always good.
Mar 10 – Drove to Rome, GA, for a last minute and totally free youth conference at a beautiful retreat center with amazing food.
Mar 11 – Long long long awesome day of seminars and conversations with youth workers from all over the country. Also, apple pie a la mode.
Mar 12 – After stopping because it was raining so hard I couldn’t see, I googled lunch places in Dalton, GA, and ate the most delicious chicken salad sandwich ever made.
Mar 13 – Spent the afternoon at a middle school girls volleyball tournament. It was a blast and made me want to coach.
Mar 14 – Giant Smarties.
Mar 15 – Took the afternoon off and went outlet shopping. The people are insane but the deals are awesome.
Mar 16 – Made contact with some local youth pastors about a big event we are hosting. It’s always fun to talk to other people who do what I do.
Mar 17 – Green shoes.
Mar 18 – From my front door to my parents’ in four hours. American Airlines is awesome.
Mar 19 – Shopping shopping shopping, followed by pancakes for dinner with two of my favorites.
Mar 20 – Breakfast with my high school girls. LOVE.
Mar 21 – Manicures with my entire family, free dinner and a movie, second dinner with an old friend and his family.
Mar 22 – Spent some time with my old youth pastor. Very fun and encouraging.
Mar 23 – A tough day was made better by pancakes for dinner.
Mar 24 – A mini-service project that I thought would kind of suck turned out to be really fun with the kids.
Mar 25 – Delicious sushi awesomeness at Peter’s with a friend.
Mar 26 – A couple of our students put together a city-wide youth service event and it turned out really great.
Mar 27 – Aaron and I found a sweet vintage furniture store and ate pineapple chicken salad at Calypso Cafe.
Mar 28 – We hosted an impromptu birthday party for old and new friends and I laughed until I cried.
Mar 29 – Lasagna, salad, apple dumplings and wine with good friends and a sweet new baby girl.
Mar 30 – Windows down, flip floppy, Texas music kind of day.
Mar 31 – Super fun pizza/plastic egg stuffing party with the kids.