On Our Way To Crazy

I was a sophomore in high school when I became a music snob.

There was a guy, John, in my English class that I knew but didn’t really know, you know? You know. One day, out of the blue, he got my number from the class list and called me. He thought we should be friends. We started talking and the conversation quickly came around to music. Favorite bands, favorite songs, stuff we hated. I had recently been gifted the entire Beatles Anthology and was eager to discuss it. We awkwardly talked about how, like, so totally awesome the Beatles are and shared our favorite songs. His was “Strawberry Fields”. Mine was “Yesterday”.

Then it got interesting. Instead of continuing to be an awkward 16-year-old boy fumbling his way through a conversation with a girl he liked, he shifted into teaching mode. He refused to believe that “Yesterday” was really my favorite Beatles song. He told me that I was being a lazy listener, and that I needed to look deeper than the surface and find songs that spoke to me. “Everybody likes ‘Yesterday’”, he told me. “Find the song that’s yours.”

Pretty wise stuff from a dorky high school kid. I don’t remember much else about him, but I really took our conversation that night to heart. I didn’t want to be a lazy listener. So I listened to all the Beatles music I could get my hands on. Over and over and over. I learned that I liked the later Beatles better than the earlier, and that I liked the ones with the crazy lyrics. I discovered songs like “Across the Universe” and “I’m Only Sleeping” and “Something”. I found the songs that were mine.

His advice that night has carried over into other parts of my life, too, particularly my faith. I developed (what I hope is) a healthy skepticism toward the easy. I never wanted to believe something just because someone told me that was how it worked. The problem with operating that way, though, it that it takes work. Paying attention is hard.

But I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. We’re meant to dig deep and search and ask questions. Not because we’re working towards a goal of having all the answers and finally figuring it out but because the journey IS the goal. God honors the questioner and the process of questioning. I’m learning to believe that if we were just meant to glean the highlights and easily define what it means to be a follower of Jesus, then we wouldn’t have the book we have with all its different writers and crazy narratives and confusing contradictions. If it was about finding the right answers, we wouldn’t have a book at all, we’d have a pamphlet. Maybe with some bullet points.

In The Sacredness of Questioning Everything, David Dark puts it like this:

We should take advantage of every chance we have to lose our religion. As wonderful as our religion might feel, it’s never so fresh that we should settle for it. A living religiosity will be sustained by questions, revelations, and a determination to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

We are called to be active participants in our faith, not to sit and watch and consume. Called to make room for new ideas and fresh revelations and challenging people. If we let our beliefs get so set in stone that they can’t be broken, we miss out on something beautiful. We were created with brains and intellect and reasoning skills, and we don’t have to let them go unused. The questions are what cracks our hard hearts and shallow faith. And the cracks are how the light gets in.

So thanks, John Judy, wherever you are. Thanks for taking a chance, thanks for “Only a Northern Song”, and thanks for teaching me to pay attention.

(This post can also be found on GracePointe Conversations, our church’s new blog site. You should read it. There’s lots from Aaron and he’s a smart one.)

This week we are all about Ben Folds. Specifically, the new Lonely Avenue album. Have you guys heard this record? The lyrics are by Nick Hornby and the music is by Ben Folds. I remember hearing a single (“Saskia Hamilton”) when it first came out and not loving it, so I didn’t really listen to the album. But I pulled it up again over the holidays, and haven’t listened to much else since. I’m pretty sure I wake up with one of these songs in my head every day.

“From Above”
I really like the idea that we are surrounded by people who we could really connect with if we didn’t keep missing them. It’s hopeful and sad at the same time.

“Password”
My mom bought us the actual physical CD of this record for Christmas, and I am so glad she did. I’ve gone so digital in my music buying that I forgot how much the packaging can add to the experience. I didn’t really get this song at first, but when I could read the lyrics instead of just hear them, it clicked. It tells the story of a guy trying to break into his girlfriend’s email and gets an unfortunate surprise when he finally gets in. So awesome.

“Picture Window”
This song breaks my heart every time I hear it. I feel like I want to argue with the girl he’s singing about, but I can’t, because I have felt how she feels. Some days I bounce between “the useless luck makes her want to cry” and “she tries and fails to stop her spirit’s rise” several times before lunch.

(The video is a little Blair Witch-y, but it sounds great and you get a bonus performance of “Levi Johnston’s Blues”, which is amazing and brings me so much joy. “I live to hang out with the boys, play some hockey, do some fishin’ and kill some moose.”)

Dec 1 – Unexpectedly spent the afternoon getting manicures and coffee and almond cake with a friend.
Dec 2 – Spent a thousand hours at a high school wrestling match with one of my favorite families.
Dec 3 – Got to hang out with a kid we don’t see much anymore, and it was awesome.
Dec 4 – Fun morning with the kids ministry at breakfast with Santa.
Dec 5 – Really beautiful music in church made me cry.
Dec 6 – Interesting youth discussion on what from the Bible you ‘need’ to be true.
Dec 7 – Got the last of the gracetree angels adopted.
Dec 8 – I wrote a guest post for a youth ministry website that didn’t totally embarrass me.
Dec 9 – Sanity-restoring lunch with a fellow female youth leader in town.
Dec 10 – Delicious lunch and gift exchange with one of my favorite friends. Avett Brothers hatch print! I win!
Dec 11 – Youth group service day and Christmas extravaganza in the freezing rain. Super fun.
Dec 12 – Amazing Christmas music service at church. We got super fancy and looked fabulous for a party. We got stuck in the snow on the way to the party and ended up eating frozen Trader Joe’s meals in our fancy clothes.
Dec 13 – Snow canceled youth group and I worked from home in my pajamas.
Dec 14 – Good coffee and conversation with a friend.
Dec 15 – A predicted ice storm sent me home early from work and then didn’t happen.
Dec 16 – Had a blast wrapping the church gracetree gifts with the women’s ministry ladies.
Dec 17 – Hung out at the ‘kids table’ at the very grownup church leadership party, then packed up the snacks and drove all night. Thankful for trivia podcasts.
Dec 18 – Slept way in and spent the whole day with my parents.
Dec 19 – A rare Sunday morning at a non-GracePointe church. It… made me miss GracePointe.
Dec 20 – Shopping at the good mall, wrapping extra pretty gifts, eating late night Whataburger with my parents.
Dec 21 – Really, really good night with my high school girls. Lots of crying and eating and telling REALLY old stories. I am so lucky to have them.
Dec 22 – Dinner with Aaron’s high school friends.
Dec 23 – Spent the day with my favorite college friend.
Dec 24 – Really nice visit with my grandma, catching up on family gossip and drinking extra sweet tea out of Schlitz malt liquor glasses.
Dec 25 – Christmas Day! Bedazzled zonk repellers, cinnamon rolls, winning lottery tickets, major family drama over the rules of dirty santa, homemade wahoo boards, Avett Brothers DVD watching, bananagrams, reading the books we got for Christmas by the fire, general awesomeness.
Dec 26 – Family Christmas with the Maneses. Hung out with our awesome niece.
Dec 27 – Good, lazy day with Aaron’s extended family.
Dec 28 – Good shopping with my sister-in-law followed by delicious engagement dinner with the Manes siblings.
Dec 29 – Free lunch at La Madeline and a fun birthday party for Aaron’s brother.
Dec 30 – Delicious Taco Cabana lunch with my family. Broke down on the drive back to Nashville in a place that had a restaurant, motel and a mechanic (and literally nothing else). Very lucky.
Dec 31 – We made it home! Celebrated new year’s with pizza, wine and a movie on the couch.

I feel like I was writing up my 2009 book list about five minutes ago. And I remember thinking, “Man, I didn’t read very much this year. How weird. I will definitely do better in 2010.” Well, lookout, folks. I really knocked it out of the park this year, reading about HALF of what I read last year. And most of that reading was young adult series, apparently. I am awesome.

On the plus side, I really liked most of the reading I did this year. Lots of rereads, lots of classics, lots of youth ministry and faith books. The problem with those books is that they don’t draw me in the way novels do, so I don’t read them as quickly, and then I feel bad about reading something else instead so I get stuck on the same book for weeks.

But whatever! Books are fun! Here’s the 2010 list.

1. Jesus Girls – edited by Hannah Faith Notess
2. The Dive at Claussen’s Pier – Ann Packer
3. The Maytrees – Annie Dillard
4. Anne of Green Gables – LM Mongtomery
5. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – Don Miller
6. Anne of Avonlea – LM Mongtomery
7. Anne of the Island – LM Mongtomery
8. Real Sex – Lauren Winner
9. Austenland – Shannon Hale
10. Anne of Windy Poplars – LM Mongtomery
11. Anne’s House of Dreams – LM Mongtomery
12. Anne of Ingleside – LM Mongtomery
13. Rainbow Valley – LM Mongtomery
14. Rilla of Ingleside – LM Mongtomery
15. A Separate Peace – John Knowles
16. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
17. Sustainable Youth Ministry – Mark Devries
18. Franny and Zooey – JD Salinger
19. A Room With a View – EM Forster
20. Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll
21. The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
22. Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
23. Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins
24. Going in Circles – Pamela Ribon
25. The Good Book – Peter Gomes
26. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – JK Rowling
27. Chasing Francis – Ian Cron
28. Super Sad True Love Story – Gary Shteyngart
29. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – JK Rowling
30. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – JK Rowling
31. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – JK Rowling
32. Angry Conversations with God – Susan Isaacs
33. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – JK Rowling
34. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – JK Rowling
35. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – JK Rowling
36. The Sacredness of Questioning Everything – David Dark
37. Relationships Unfiltered – Andrew Root
38. Everything Belongs – Richard Rohr
37. Soul Pancake – Rainn Wilson