Sorry to be so complain-y. But it’s been that kind of week.

SUCKY THING THE FIRST

The Hills! It’s so bad this season, y’all. Now I know what you are thinking - it has always been bad. And you are right. But it’s always been more awesomely bad than just bad. Now? Just bad. Boo.

SUCKY THING THE SECOND

Our church meets in an elementary school. (That’s not the sucky part.) We, the youth group, meet in the cafeteria of the school. Recently the school board decided not to let churches use the classrooms anymore. What that means for us is that we have to hand the cafeteria over to the babies and children, leaving us homeless. This Sunday is our last week, and I have exactly five days to figure out a whole new plan for our group. I want to believe that we can move what we do to a weeknight and keep up the amazing momentum we’ve been building. But the truth is, if there’s nothing going on for parents at the same time, it’s hard to get non-driving kids to youth. And that sucks.

SUCKY THING THE THIRD

I wanted to show you guys a picture of my whole family in their matching plaid shorts that Nanny made, but I can’t find it. This is the best I can do (sorry, mom). Please note the matching hats.

SUCKY THING THE FOURTH

One of my most favorite kids is moving. This sucks for more than just the obvious reasons. This is a kid who had a hard time in high school but made it though. A kid with whom I have put in a million hours this summer to get prepared and registered for community college. A kid who is working hard to separate herself from her old life and her old friends and find a new way to live. A kid whose parents gave up parenting her several years ago. And, now, a kid whose dad has recently decided to act the part by issuing her an ultimatum. Whose dad made that decision three days before she was set to begin college, and weeks too late to get her registered where he is. A kid who has a support system for the first time in her life and who now has to start over in a new place. It’s weeks like these that make me wish I had some kind of legal means to make decisions for these kids.

SUCKY THING THE FIFTH

We are out of lime popsicles. I blame Aaron.

So last night was kind of frustrating. We had a great Sunday morning - lots of new kids, a really successful game and lessons, a big group for lunch after church. Yesterday afternoon I went shopping and bought a dress I already had in two different colors in a third. It was all set to be a fabulous day. And then last night happened.

I don’t want to go into the details, but the generics are this: last Sunday something happened. And it directly affected one of my people. Then a couple of follow up somethings happened and it turned into a Thing. So I said something, because I feel like it’s my job to take care of my people. Then someone else said something and someone else said something and before I knew it I was in the middle of a Thing that I did not want to be a part of. And that turned into an unnecessary Serious Conversation.

Y’all, I hate the Unnecessary Serious Conversation. We have a couple of friends who are Serious Conversation people, all day every day all the time, and it is exhausting. I am always up for talking about what needs to be talked about, but I do not love the Unnecessary Serious Conversation.

The gist of the USC was this - there is a way things are done, and people need to get on board with that. When you guys are older you will understand. Don’t rock the boat. Just let the grown ups handle it and everything will be fine.

Um, what?

Here’s the problem - the speaker was talking to me like I was on her team. Like WE, the adults, are in the right, and THEY, the young folk, are the issue. This is bad for multiple reasons. First, she has 15 years on me and I have 3 on the Problem Person. Second, even if I considered myself one of the Adults, she is still wrong. Like way seriously across the board wrong. Third, this is just another case of you thinking I think like you think when in fact I do not think like you think at all.

This whole thing is just exhausting. I am not a fan.

I don’t want to have sides or teams or any of that. But I work with the middle and high school kids, and we have the 20’s-ish care group. I do feel like it’s my job to speak up for those people. But more than that, I feel like it’s the ‘other’ side’s job to pay attention and listen to what they have to say. Their opinions aren’t less important because they have less life experience. There’s something to be said for optimism and for believing that you can change things for the better. You can tell me all day that you ‘remember what it’s like to be young’, but if you’re not letting people be who they are then it doesn’t make a difference.

Just don’t make me have an Unnecessary Serious Conversation about something if you’re not really interested in what I have to say about it. And please, PLEASE don’t quit on the USC when you realize that I’m not agreeing with you.

It’s just mean.

Does this ever happen to you? You’re talking to someone, and they are saying some stuff that you think is on the wrong side of crazy, and then they give you that look like, “I know you know what I mean.”

What is that all about? Why do people just assume that you think the way they do? I, as a general rule, do not think you think like I think. Because I? Think some pretty random stuff.

So, for future reference, here are some things. These are things that, in the last couple of weeks, I have discovered that people think I think. But I do not think these things. You may think them, and therefore think I think them, but if you would really think you would then think I do not think them. Got that?

TEN THINGS YOU THINK I THINK THAT I DON’T THINK
- lesbianism is contagious
- it’s wrong for grandmas to talk to their grandkids
- someone named David should win American Idol
- it’s okay to use cocaine
- Rascal Flatts are a good band
- you should get your validation from junior high kids
- dancing reality shows are lame
- it’s okay to live vicariously through your teenage daughter
- Barack Obama is the anti-Christ
- it’s wrong to watch Greek marathons on ABC Family

Sorry to write the third concert-related post in a row, but I have to tell y’all this story. It is insane.

Monday night, as part of GMA week, we got passes to go see Jars of Clay and Switchfoot. Jars of Clay is one of my most favoritest bands, so I was pretty excited. Switchfoot I could take or leave… I like a lot of their stuff, and the show was good, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see them again.

(Third Day was on the show, too, but as I am pretty sure they don’t only play songs from their first two albums in their shows, I wasn’t too interested.)

The show was at the Wildhorse Saloon, which is this huge country bar place that has a giant dance floor with tables all around. We were standing on the left side of the floor, kind of near the edge. Jars of Clay came out and put on a pretty good show… they did a lot of new stuff, which I liked a lot, but they seemed kind of out of it and it was weird to see them in an opening spot.

So then Switchfoot comes out, and everything is all fine and good, they’re doing fun songs and the crowd is really into it and Jon Foreman touched Julie’s hand. We are in roughly the same spot, and there is a table kind of behind us. At that table is a guy we’ll call Big Crazy Dude.

Now I am assuming, as a general rule, that you have been to a concert before. You are aware of the fact that, especially in a general admission show, people move around. They shift and adjust and the people you start out next to are probably not the people you’ll end up next to. It’s just how it goes. It’s live music - people clap and bounce and dance a little. It’s not a motionless event.

I don’t think Big Crazy Dude was aware of that. Clearly this was his first concert, and possibly his first time out in public. About halfway through Switchfoot’s set, Aaron gets a push in the back. He turns around, and the conversation goes like this:

Aaron: What?
BCD: Get out of the way.
Aaron: Huh?
BCD: You’ve been moving in front of us for three songs.
Aaron: Are you serious? *looks around* Where am I supposed to go?
BCD: I already asked you nicely.
Aaron: What? It’s a concert, man. People move.

So he turns around and we exchange that ‘what is up with this guy?’ look with each other and with the people around us. A few minutes later, and I swear I am not making this up, BCD comes up around the side of Aaron and stands directly in front of him. As in, it would not surprise me if he was standing on Aaron’s toes. Now, Aaron is a big guy, and this guy easily had six inches on him in all directions. And he is literally standing right in front of him. The conversation goes like this:

Aaron: Dude, what are you doing?
BCD: I asked you to move.
Aaron: Are you serious?
BCD: You kept sliding over in front of us until we couldn’t see.
Aaron: It’s a CONCERT. With music. That people move to. What did you expect?
BCD: I asked you nicely to move and you didn’t. You brought this on yourself.

Sidenote: This guy was easily in his late thirties and was wearing a Third Day t-shirt with a Bible verse on the back. Also, around this time in the show Jon Foreman started moving out into the crowd and BCD started rotating AROUND Aaron to stay in his line of vision.

Aaron: You can’t come in here and sit at a table and expect to have a perfect view.
BCD: You got in my way, now I’m getting in your way.
Brandi: *laughing* Is this a joke?
BCD: Nope. Just giving him a taste of his own medicine.
Brandi: Right. Because that is totally what Jesus would do.

At this point Aaron turned around and took the stool BCD had been sitting on and sat down. BCD was just about sitting in his lap.

Aaron: Hey, man, you’re right. I’m sorry I came to a show to see a band I like. I’m sorry I didn’t stand still through all the songs. I’m sorry I sought you out and deliberately stood directly in front of you. I’m such a jerk. You have taught me a valuable lesson.
BCD: Funny.

It went on like that for a while. Clearly BCD had no intentions of leaving. It was insane. All the people around us were moving and shifting and trying to give Aaron a better view. The girl in front of me told BCD that she teaches 5th graders and they behave better than he did.

Then they started singing Radiohead’s “High and Dry”. Aaron taps BCD on the shoulder.

Aaron: Hey man, do you know this song?
BCD: No.
Aaron: Really? Is it because it’s not by Third Day?
BCD: What?
Aaron: It’s by a band called Radiohead. You should check them out.
BCD: Whatever.

That’s right, y’all. Aaron decides that the way to win this battle is with MUSIC SNOBBERY. Genius.

No lie, BCD stood directly in front of Aaron for at least 30 minutes. He finally started moving back around the table when Switchfoot finished their set… but then they came out for an encore. And he came back! You guys! He came back! It was so awesome. He was determined to make Aaron miss Switchfoot’s set, and he would not rest until he did it. Insane.

We left when the encore was over, and Aaron gave him a nice “Enjoy Third Day” on the way out. Neither he nor his wife looked at us when we walked by.

It was one of the most crazy things I have ever seen. Seriously! Who does that? Is this typical behavior from Third Day fans? Christian music fans? GMA attendees? Nashville tourists? I have no idea. But let me warn all of those people… don’t mess with Aaron. He will break you down with his music knowledge. I know you’re scared.

Dear Target,

I love you. This is no secret. A ridiculous percentage of my clothes and shoes come from you, and almost all of my jewelry. You make me, so, very happy. Usually.

It does not make me happy that you regularly show clothes in your commercials that you don’t actually sell. I’m glad that girl gets to dance with paper towels and dog food in an funky plaid dress, I really am. But why does she get to have all the fun? I want to buy some Pringles and then juggle them in an adorable purple skirt, but alas, I cannot. Because you don’t sell that skirt.

You are a store that sells clothes. I don’t watch a Best Buy commercial and then go into the store hoping to buy one of those blue polo shirts. But I do watch a Target commercial and think I can actually buy the things you show in the ad. This is confusing. And also? It is mean.

Overloaded in t-shirts,
Brandi

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Dear Kroger,

I come to your store in Brentwood specifically because you sell a lot of organic and gluten-free products. You have saved me many a special trip to Wild Oats. But why, why, why can’t you sell Vitamin Water for a dollar a piece? At Target? A dollar. At Walmart? A dollar. At Publix? A dollar. But no, you have to sell it for $1.39, leaving me to decide between spending a few extra dollars or making a special trip to the store. This is not the kind of choice I like to make.

Shelling out the extra 40 cents,
Brandi

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Dear people who drive on the same roads I do,

Please, for the love of guacamole, get control of your windshield wipers. It is one of my biggest (and, admittedly, weirdest and most petty) pet peeves when the speed of someone’s windshield wipers is too fast for the level of rain. Doesn’t that scrapy rubbery sound drive you crazy? Doesn’t the insane speed with which you’re wiping away the sprinkles make you go a little cross-eyed? It’s not difficult! Just turn that little knob down a notch or two. There you go. Now we can all breathe easier.

(Sidenote to the Saturn people: I love your stupid little plastic cars. But don’t try to tell me I have nine speed options on my wipers when I really only have three - excessively slow, moderately slow, and seven settings of freakishly frantic. I keep turning the knob, but they’re not slowing down. I don’t think you understand how much this stresses me out.)

Squinting through the drops,
Brandi

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Dear baseball card shop down the street,

Are you open 24 hours? Ready to provide assistance for any 4am collectible card emergencies? Does the card business really get to booming after dark? No? Then why is your neon “OPEN” sign lit up at all hours of the night? Someday some kid is going to desperately need a Willie Mays Hayes rookie card at midnight and you won’t be able to help him. Way to crush a dream, baseball card shop down the street.

More of a Wild Thing fan herself,
Brandi

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Dear Counting Crows,

Oh, Counting Crows. I love you. You have been one of my favorite bands for years. But seriously, we need to talk.

What is up with these co-headlining tours? I did not want to hear an hour of Goo Goo Dolls, and I definitely don’t want to hear an hour of Maroon 5. Is it that hard to play a full set? Really? You don’t tour that often. You have a ton of songs. You have a new album. PLAY A WHOLE CONCERT. I want to see you live, I really do. But I don’t think I can justify a road trip for a one hour set. Why do you hate me?

Time and time again,
Brandi

The clothing gods have smiled on us. And also they hate us.

We have a black tie optional wedding to attend next Saturday. We do not, as a general rule, attend fancy occasions. Our jobs don’t really provide them anymore, and most of our friends are married. We just don’t do dressy all that often.

So we needed to buy Aaron a suit. He wears a suit… never. Seriously. His suit-needing occasions are spaced out perfectly - we have to buy a new one every time because the old one doesn’t fit anymore. The last time he needed a full suit was for Steffanie’s wedding, and that one is definitely not an option this time around.

Last fall we attended a semi-fancy event for my old job. Aaron bought a nice jacket, but because it was a music thing, could get away with wearing it with jeans. I found a great black halter dress with beading around the middle that I just loved. So in planning for this upcoming wedding, I figured I would just wear that dress again. No problem.

So last night I finally got Aaron out to shop for a suit. (I honestly think he thought that if he didn’t have anything to wear, he wouldn’t have to go. WRONG.) This is where the clothing gods smiled on us. He walks into Macy’s and what does he find? The pants that match the jacket he bought last year for the Reba thing. Dark grey with a slightly lighter grey pinstripe? Check. Calvin Klein? Check. Do they fit perfectly and are they on sale? Yes they do and yes they are. Holy moly.

He is thrilled to be done and get out of there, and I am thrilled that we are avoiding a last minute mall rush the afternoon before the wedding. We grab dinner and head home. I make him try it all on together to make sure it matches and everything will work. It fits, it matches, it’s perfect. Yay.

Then I decide to try on my dress and shoes to make sure it all works and I’m ready to go. And this is where the clothing gods started to hate us.

I don’t think I like that dress anymore. It fits funny in the top, it’s a little big all over, and I kind of hate the skirt. I think I need a new dress.

Here’s the thing. I love shopping. LOVE. I love clothes and shoes and bags and fashion magazines and jewelry and everything that goes with all that stuff. BUT. I don’t get dressed up that often. Most of my time is spent in cords and sweaters. I don’t want to buy a new dress. I want to spend the money on boots and a new bag and some of those sweaters I have my eye on at Anthropologie and a bunch of cheap jewelry from Forever 21. I don’t want to buy a dress I will wear once and then hate in two years when my next fancy event comes up.

So. I am going to go as simple and classic as I can. Also, hopefully, I am going to the sale rack. We will see. Wish me luck.

At least Aaron is going to look fantastic.

Dear fellow Baja Burrito patrons,

Baja is a small restaurant with a long line. The burritos and fish tacos and salads and fruit tea are definitely worth the wait. Clearly, you think so too, or you wouldn’t have brought your six kids to wait in a line that’s out the door on such a cold day.

But here’s the thing - all the people who are currently seated and eating will not be here all day. By the time you get through the line, most of them will have finished their lunch and left. So there is no reason for you to send your kids out ahead of you guys to hold a table while you wait in line.

Let me list all the ways your family is annoying to the rest of us.

One. Your kids aren’t old enough to take care of themselves once they sit down while you’re in line. So we have to listen to you yell across the restaurant at them to stop playing with the napkins, stop pouring salt on the table, stop stealing people’s chips.

Two. You didn’t ask them what they wanted and you don’t want to squash their individuality by ordering for them, so you get to the front of the line and start snapping your fingers to get your kids’ attention. “What do you want? Tacos? What? Do you want cheese? CHEESE? What? You want a quesadilla? QUESADILLA? Sit down! Do you want salsa on it? SALSA? Are you sure? It’s hot! HOT! *fans mouth to demonstrate* HOT! Sit down!”

Three. Some of us are in line ahead of you. Pretty far ahead of you. We have gone through the line, paid for our food, and are currently standing here with our trays full of burritos and salads and pineapple salsas. But there’s nowhere for us to go! Why? BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN ARE EVERYWHERE. Sprawled across tables THAT DON’T HAVE ANY FOOD ON THEM because you are still at the back of the line.

Four. I don’t like your face. And I hate what you’re wearing.

Please. People. Just follow the rules. If you don’t want to wait in line with all your kids and take a chance on finding a table for you all to fit around, there’s a Wendy’s across the street. They have plenty of room. And I won’t have to sit outside because of you.

GAH.

Brandi

DOG UPDATE!

Animal control came yesterday. I don’t know what they did, but we did see a note on the door yesterday afternoon. And today the dog is not outside.

There was a crate in the backyard that is not there today. So I guess he is now inside the house in a crate. I hope that’s a good thing. He’s not out in the cold and weather, but I hope they don’t leave him in that crate all day, even when they’re home. And I hope he has access to food and water. Short of breaking in (which I am not sure I am above), there’s no way to know.

I called animal control on our neighbors today. It was not fun.

I don’t know a lot about animals. I have only had one pet in my life, and his name is Miles, and he sleeps in our bed and flops all over the sofa owns a football jersey and licks our faces and I would make him three meals a day from scratch if I could. I love that dog so much.

So I will freely admit that I don’t know a lot about what is normal or acceptable care for an animal. I don’t know if it’s considered mean or perfectly ok to have an outside dog. I would never do it, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

But I do know that leaving your dog tied to a tree with no food or water is wrong. Especially when there is no dog house and the rope isn’t long enough to let him get under any shelter when it is pouring down rain outside.

Y’all, I’ve been struggling with this for a while. The dog is outside all day every day, tied to that tree. I think they take him in at night, but I’m not sure about that. They definitely don’t take him in when they get home from work. I’ve never seen him tied to the tree at night, but I’ve never looked either. I just feel so bad for him. I know some of you live where it is -50 degrees outside nine months of the year. But it’s been pretty cold for Nashville over the last couple of weeks. When we let Miles out, instead of sniffing every corner of the yard and checking for rabbits under the shed, he gets his business done and books it for the porch. And all the while that poor little dog is just laying there in the cold with no shelter or food or water.

But today was the breaking point. It has been pouring down rain all day. When I let Miles out this morning that dog had the rope pulled taut, stretching as far as he could to try and get under their swingset. I couldn’t take it. So I called.

I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. We don’t know our neighbors, but they seem like fairly nice people. I don’t want them to have their dog taken away from them. But maybe animal control coming by will be what gets them to take better care of him. Or at least, for the love, buy the dog a house. How hard is that?

Here’s the thing.

You eat lunch at lunchtime. Especially if you make an appointment to meet someone in a restaurant at noon. You eat lunch. You do not get there, let the other person order, then say, “Oh, I’m not hungry. I ate a big breakfast/packed my lunch/am an anti-foodite/hate you and want to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ll just have a drink.”

That is mean.

It is especially mean when it is the second time it’s happened to me THIS WEEK. What is up with the universe? I order lunch, the other person does not, and then I spend the rest of the meeting, a meeting that requires a lot of talking to be done BY ME, eating in front of them while they sip their soda or whatever. AWKWARD. If you don’t want to eat lunch, don’t make a lunch appointment. It is not brain surgery. It’s lunch. For me anyway.