It’s the finale! Finally! Let’s get this thing over with.

PERFORMANCE SHOW

Cat looks extra fabulous tonight. They really get it right with her about half the time.

I am just bummed out this season, y’all. I don’t really have any affection for any of these people. I did love Mark, but other than that, meh. The top four are hugging and smiling and I should be happy and excited. But I’m not. Bummer.

Jidges! Mandy Moore is our guest judge, so no routine from her. I hope we get a Sonja. My money is on Mia choreographing Katee tonight… maybe with Courtney?

Our first couple tonight is Courtney and Twitch, choreographed by NapTab. They call it raw, and say it’s about a crazy girlfriend looking for her boyfriend at the club. Shockingly, the crazy girlfriend character comes easily for Courtney.

This one is pretty fun. They pull it off awesomely, of course. They are totally in character and they dance it well. He is seriously taller than her, though, and it kind of looks awkward. There’s not a ton of dancing passages where they have to really do much, and it’s a lot of running around and making faces and fake fighting. But it’s fun.

Mandy thinks they are awesome pulled off the characters really well. Mary squeals and yells. I was watching clips from past seasons, and it really showed how over the top she is now. Just last season she was calm and coherent and about two octaves lower than she is this season. I am so over it. Nigel calls it fun and perfect, but says they lost momentum in the middle. In a perfect way, I guess.

This week we’re getting a more in depth video with each contestant, talking about where they come from and how the show has been for them so far. They are long, and interesting, and I am not recapping them. I appreciate them, though. Good stuff.

Courtney solos first, in a shirt that I think is made of a vinyl table cloth. Spinny reachy rolly contemporary solo. Hopefully we’re done with those for the season. Also, the judges are critiquing solos, but I am not recapping that either. This thing is already going to be a million words.

Katee and Joshua are next with a Wade Robson routine. It’s a routine about a couple having a big fight and making up. I hate how much I am going to like this.

Well crap, y’all. This actually made me tear up. TEARS. What is wrong with me? It’s very un-Wade like. It’s really beautiful and emotional, and it really captures something true to life, I think. This isn’t some big blow out yelling fight. It’s the kind that has you up talking at 3am with puffy eyes and a brick in your stomach because you can’t see how it will ever get worked out. But you figure it out. They just danced that. Dang. Wade=awesome. Also, Katee=awesome. I hate her solos, but she is amazing in these contemporary routines.

Mandy calls it honest and says anyone could relate to the story they were telling. Mary thought it was beautiful and they are magical together. Nigel talks for about twenty minutes and basically says he liked it.

It’s Katee and Courtney time! They get broadway with Tyce. I hope this goes better than the Heidi and Donyelle fiasco from season two.

Oh, the costumes are really bad. They are supposed to be two girls who miss a trolley and then hang out together in floofy dresses and parasols. It’s very frolicky. They do some cool stuff with the parasols, throwing and catching and spinning them, and it’s pretty cute. It’s fine, but not amazing.

Mandy says they did a good job and it was fun to watch them dance together, but she is very unenthusiastic about it. Mary says umbrellas are difficult as props but they pulled it off and looked effortless. Nigel takes a moment to tell Courtney that Katee is better than her, but no one would have noticed if he hadn’t pointed it out. Nice.

Twitch’s solo is pretty fabulous. Definitely his best one of the season. I remember now why he’s on this show and why I was so excited when he made it. I don’t think he should be top four, especially over Will and Mark, but this is really great.

Joshua and Twitch are next, and the audience goes nuts. And… they are doing a Russian trepak, which is that dance where someone is squatted down and bouncing and kicking. Whoa. I was totally expecting hip hop. This should be interesting.

There’s a girl standing behind Cat on the tower holding a sign proposing to Twitch. That’s gonna get annoying.

Joshua does about a million toe touches about ten million miles in the air. Twitch… walks around. Joshua does a backflip, Twitch walks on his knees. Joshua spins around in the air a bunch of times, Twitch jumps around. Seriously, Joshua blows Twitch out of the water in this one.

Mandy praises their athletic ability and lets them trash talk a lot. Then we have a jumping contest that Joshua totally wins. Mary calls them fabulous entertainers and talks about how glad she is that we have two hip hop dancers in the finals, like they would have had it any other way. Nigel says it was a routine that will be remembered for years to come. Hmmm.

Katee jerks and flails around to Imogen Heap. I know I have said this a million times already, but she is not good in solos. Her routines are great, her solos are bad.

Katee and Twitch are doing a foxtrot and they have a hard time with the frame and footwork. They are supposed to be romantic together. Katee is glad to finally get a routine where she gets the boy at the end instead of chasing them around all the time.

This is pretty good, I think. Katee is all ruffles and fringe and Twitch does a good job lifting her up. They don’t actually do a whole lot of partner dancing, and when they do it’s kind of awkward. Overall I think it goes okay, though.

Mandy praises the lift and says they were beautiful. Mary calls Twitch smooth and controlled and says they blew her away. Nigel says Katee has been great in everything they’ve asked her to do and says they were fantastic.

Joshua pops and locks his way all around the studio and does most of his solo up on the judges platform. He is good. I think he is going to win. They are certainly selling him to us.

Courtney and Joshua are paired up for the jive. It looks like it’s fast and tricky and fun. We will see.

Um, Courtney is wearing some kind of red leotard fringe thing with knee high boots, and Joshua is wearing jeans and a brown leather jacket. What is happening here? These costumes do not go together at all. The routine is fun… it’s really fast with lots of tricks and they do a good job. I am just so distracted by what they are wearing.

Mandy was impressed by how easy they made the whole thing look. Mary says the routine was hard enough on it’s own without all the tricks the had to do on top of it and they did an amazing job. Nigel says it didn’t have the feel a jive should have, it wasn’t bouncy and fun enough. He says they were tired and not great and he wants to be honest so they will learn. Lame.

Our last routine is all four dancers working together on a Mia Michaels contemporary. Will this be as memorable as the model dance? I think not. I don’t even remember what the top four routine was last year.

They come out pulling this seriously enormous purple satin sheet around the stage. Then they run around and jump a lot, all in plaid dresses and kilts. It’s really kind of insane. There are some weird moves and some cool lifts, but when they are all doing the same movements they are not together. It’s fine, but it’s no model dance. Have I mentioned the model dance? It was pretty awesome. You should watch it.

Mandy says they are super tired but as a dancer you have to learn to deal with that and they did a good job. She calls them amazing. Mary specifically praises Twitch and Katee and tells Courtney she fell short. Nice. Nigel, AGAIN, talks about how the guys are untrained. WE KNOW. WE KNOW YOU WANT A HIP HOP GUY TO WIN. WE GET IT. I don’t even care what else he says. I am so over this.

My favorite: Joshua and Katee’s contemporary

RESULTS SHOW

So… it’s Sunday, and you guys all know who won, but I don’t, so I am still going to recap this, but it’s gonna be much less detailed and interesting than usual. I really just want to be done. I don’t think I totally knew what I was getting into with this idea! It has taken over my life. Unless somehow there was a coup and Mark managed to win, I just don’t care that much.

The whole top 20 come out for the intros. Man, I really liked Kourtni and Matt. I wish they had lasted longer. Also, Will or Mark should have been top four over Twitch for sure, and maybe over Joshua. Did you guys know I thought that? I can’t remember if I mentioned it.

There are six judges on the panel, but sadly the awesome Sonja isn’t one of them. Adam talks again about how the winner gets a role in his next movie, which is Step Up 3D. Interesting. I will definitely not be seeing that.

Season recap! Fun. I liked this season more than I thought.

Top 20 routine. Shane Sparks! Get out! I didn’t think he could do this show. The routine is pretty great and has a sweet Gev feature where he kind of bounces across the floor and all the girls jump over him. At the end the top four are left standing while everyone else falls to the floor. Cool.

We are now in the portion of the show where the judges pick their favorite routines from the season. I am not going to rerecap this stuff, so I will just list them for you.

Nigel picks Bollywood with Katee and Joshua. Mary picks Courtney and Gev’s rumba.

Next we have that dance battle between weird popper guys Robert and Philip they alluded to early in the season. I am fast forwarding this… it looks a lot cooler sped up. Plus I can’t really see what they’re doing because apparently it’s really important that I know that 41 people voted for Barry Barlow in the school district elections. Awesome.

Adam picks Twitch and Comfort’s hip hop. Lil C picks Mark and Chelsea’s hip hop (yay!).

And… now Mary is dancing with Dimitri. What is happening here? She is wearing a super short fringy red dress. Yikes. This is awkward. And no one is talking about it afterward. It just happened and went away. Weird.

Mia picks Katee and Will’s pas de deux. Ok, seriously y’all. How can anyone watch this and think Joshua or Twitch should be the winner of this show? That guy is unreal.

Adam is up again and he picks Courtney and Mark’s jazz routine with Sonja. I love this one. I think it might be my favorite of the whole season.

Results time! The pull all four on stage and let us know that…Courtney is not America’s favorite dancer. Well, yeah.

The top five guys come out and reprise their “Five Guys Named Moe” routine, which I really liked even if it was choreographed by Nigel.

Next up we have the cast of a show that has Chris Angel in the title, so I am definitely not interested. Except it’s choreographed by Wade Robson, so maybe I am a little. It’s an ‘homage to innocent rabbits killed by incompetent magicians’, and it’s a bunch of creepy people dancing around in rabbit costumes Seriously. Creepy.

Results again! The next person out of the competition is… Katee. Well, there you go. They got their hip hop guy winner. Hey, at least she gets fifty thousand dollars.

The Debbie Allen Dance Academy comes out and dances. They are cute. Nigel participates. It is not cute.

Mary picks Twitch and Katee’s contemporary with the door. Meh.

The Jonas Brothers perform. I am not recapping this.

Debbie picks Twitch and Kherington’s… waltz? They don’t tell us what it is. It looks waltzy. Oh! This is the one that was for Tony’s daughter. Right.

Nigel picks Katee and Joshua’s hip hop from the first episode. It is good.

Video montage of past contestants! Allison does not look good. Donyell is getting married! We don’t hear from Danny or Pasha! Sad. I still heart Travis.

Ok. Sitting through this whole show was totally worth it for this. It’s a bunch of people from past seasons! Dancing! Travis! Anya with Dimitri! Oh, this brings me joy. See how good it used to be?

And it’s time for the winner. FINALLY. My money’s on Joshua. Am I right?

The winner is… JOSHUA! I am awesome. I’m glad it was him over Twitch for sure.

So there it is! We made it through the season. Yay.

Top Six! Only one hour! Yay!

PERFORMANCE SHOW

Cat looks pretty good today. Great hair and a disco-ish dress, nothing too insane.

Guest judge tonight is Adam Shankman, who is excessively less crazy than Toni Basil, thank goodness. I like this guy as a judge, he seems to really like all of the dancers and has good criticisms. You know, unlike the other two judges who blatantly hate certain dancers and only give gimmicky criticisms.

First up, Courtney and Mark. They pull a Viennese waltz and Courtney complains a lot about Mark touching her boob. I find her completely annoying.

Aw, this is really pretty, even if they are making us listen to David Cook sing. They look great together. It’s very graceful and simple and sweet and flowy. I love the costumes and the lighting and the mood. The whole thing is really nice.

Adam thought it was really beautiful and says Mark is the best waltzer so far this season. Mary screams about the choreography (GAH) and calls them effortless. Who dresses her, y’all? Seriously. Nigel calls it romantic and says they started the evening really well. Yay!

Our first solo is Chelsie. Ballroom solos are tough, man. She could be doing all kinds of crazy things up there, but it all just looks like walking.

Twitch solos next to a song called Midas Touch with lots of gold accents. He puts on a gold grill and big gold glasses and it’s all pretty cute. I’m glad he’s not wearing another Twitch shirt, even though he was wearing one during the intros. Shameless self-promotion, party of one.

Next up are Katee and Joshua, which Cat tells us happened because the girls pulled their partners out of a hat. I bet. I was really hoping to see Katee dance with Mark. They’re doing a contemporary with Tyce that he says is a Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story type of thing.

All By Myself? Seriously? Joshua appears to just be there to catch and lift her. Not much else coming from him. At one point she jumps up in a split in the air and he catches her by the legs and keeps her in position. It’s pretty awesome. It’s also really dark on the stage, so I probably miss a lot. Really, though, it’s just a lot of jumps and lifts. And lame music.

Adam calls it the best thing Tyce has done all season, which, no, and then spends about 20 minutes talking about how he and Tyce know each other and that Paula Abdul is there. He calls them two of the most exciting dancers ever on the stage, which, again, no. Mary calls it passionate and strong and the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen on the show. WHAT? Insane. Y’all. The judges are STANDING UP for this routine. I am dying over here. Nigel talks a lot about choreography, AGAIN, and how this other famous choreographer is there. Fascinating. He also can’t believe Joshua has no classical training, which not only do I think is not entirely true but also… he just caught her. That’s all. I know it’s hard, but it’s not the amazing dancing they want me to think it is. NO.

Twitch and Chelsie are bringing us the mambo. They tell us how the counting is tricky in the mambo and Twitch has trouble with some of the moves because his pants are too baggy. This should be interesting.

Chelsie looks great in a bright red feathery thing and some seriously awesome shoes. She is all over this routine, shaking and kicking and hipping it up all over the place. Twitch does okay, I think… he seems pretty awkward but I think he keeps it together. He might as well not even be there, though. She is outshining him like crazy.

Adam says Chelsie was on fire and burned up the stage. He thought Twitch was a good partner but could have sold it better. Mary says Twitch did a pretty good job of staying on beat in what is apparently a pretty difficult counting situation. She says Chelsie was tremendous and fabulous and no one can touch her in latin styles. Nigel praises Chelsie to high heaven and says Twitch kind of lost it in the middle.

Katee is up next with her solo and it is not good. She’s just not really doing anything. Remember last week, when we all gave Comfort a hard time for being great in choreography but not so great in solos? I think, yet again, Katee needs to hear that speech. At least this one didn’t have any slow motion reaching.

I hate that Olive Garden commercial where the dad is all, “I love our family tradition where I totally boost my kids’ food because it looks better than mine!” Hey, Dad? It’s the Olive Garden. None of that food is good.

Joshua’s solo is the best one so far, I think. It has lots of tricks and is fun to watch. That guy can jump crazy high.

Courtney and Mark’s second routine is jazz with Sonya of the crazy hair. It’s a French burlesque battle of the sexes. I don’t know entirely what that means, but I think Sonya is awesome so I am excited.

Ok. I love this. It’s dark and weird and jumpy and awesome. The whole thing is kind of crazy, with lots of posing and lifting and crazy walking. They have great emotion and musicality (my new favorite word) throughout the whole thing. It’s the only one I rewound to watch again just because I liked it so much. This is really the perfect kind of routine for Mark, and he is great in it, but Courtney is great too, which I didn’t entirely expect. They are awesome. I love it.

Adam is freaking out about how awesome it was. Yay! He calls it sick and says they are unbelievable together. Mary calls it crazy, raw, interesting and weird. Which, yes. And she screams about loving it. Nigel loved it and says it was perfect for Mark and Courtney was great. He calls it a highlight of tonight. Yes!

Katee and Joshua pulled the pasa doble for their second routine. Should be good.

Hey! Joshua is actually dancing! This is good. I don’t usually like pasa dobles very much… they always feel so forced. But they both do a good job. The routine has some cool tricks and they both pull of the emotion of it completely. Except… aren’t pasa dobles supposed to have some anger and hardness to them? I’m not seeing that, particularly from Katee. But overall, very cool.

Adam can’t believe Joshua has no training and can do what he does. He loved it. Mary, I think, is going to scream. She calls them true magic. And… there’s the scream. Nigel specifically talks about their footwork and says Joshua is stealing the show. Mary is standing up again. What the heck.

Courtney is back with a slow motion reaching solo.

Does your local Fox news report on American Idol like it’s actual news? During the show the teasers are always about how got kicked off that week, and just now we had a news promo about how auditions are going on. NOT. NEWS.

Mark has the last solo. It’s fine. Nothing he hasn’t really done before. I would totally make out with him, though.

Chelsie and Twitch’s second routine is a NapTab hip hop routine about conductors battling over the stick. Isn’t it called a baton? Do I know anything about conducting? No I do not.

Fun! This one is really cute. They really are battling over the stick throughout the routine. The one who has it appears to have the ability to ‘conduct’ the moves of the other person, which is really cool. They seem to hit it equally hard, or as hard as you can in a NapTab routine. I don’t think Twitch was much better than her. They were both totally in character and I thought it was really fun.

Adam blah blah blahs about the choreography, then calls Twitch hot and says they can’t find anything Chelsie can’t do. Mary says Twitch is awesome always, which he is not. She says Chelsie kept up and was unbelievable. Nigel praises their ability to entertain and says whoever is cut tomorrow is just as good as whoever stays. Interesting.

My favorite: Mark and Courtney’s jazz
Least favorite: all the solos

RESULTS SHOW

Cat’s dress hot streak is over. This teal sequin-y fringe-y off the shoulder thing is no good. Her hair looks fabulous, though.

Group routine! I just paused it at the beginning, so all I can see is that the song is “The Rose” by Bette Midler. I do not have a good feeling about this. It starts with a Chelsie spotlighted solo, then the other two girls join in before the boys join them. And… it’s all mopey and slow and boring. Boo to the whole thing. Mandy Moore! This was not your best work.

Voting voting blah blah blah. Also, Adam Shankman is offering the winner of the show a role in one of his movies. Not a starring role, but a role. That could be cool. Also it could be lame.

Before we proceed with the eliminating, the judges would like to talk. This should be good.

Nigel tells them they will face rejection in their dancing careers and they can’t let that get them down. Also, five of them will be rejected by the end of this show in front of millions of people. Uplifting! Then he tells them that they all got over a million votes after last night’s show. Is that a lot? Did one of them get one million and one of them get ten million? We have no idea. Twitch and his glasses think that is a lot of votes. Mary thought they were dignifed and classy in the opening number and they have all grown and matured throughout the show. She will be proud of the winner. Not the rest of them, though. Adam’s comments reference a David Cook song. He lost me after that.

All six of them will be dancing solos tonight. Courtney is first and gets points for dancing to A Fine Frenzy. She is still a pretty generic contemporary solo girl, but I do think she’s gotten better as the season has gone on. Mark is next and starts off with some pretty cool suspender work. Here’s what I have decided about Mark’s solos - they are weird, and I don’t always get them, but if you had a bunch of people on stage doing that choreography together it would look awesome. Katee starts off with reaching, so we can pretty much see where this is going. Spin, reach, spin, reach, writhe, reach. Meh.

After the break Cat tells us that there were 11 million votes last night, so that gives some perspective. If they all got at least one million… I guess someone could have gotten the other five all to themselves, but I bet it was pretty even across the board. Interesting.

Joshua does some cool popping (?) moves to a song that keeps changing tempo. At the end he kind of bounces into the splits and that is pretty cool. Also, he got his braces off. Chelsie is somehow ballrooming to Travis Tritt. It’s actually really cute - she’s laying off the latin twisty steps and doing some cool kicks and spins. It’s probably the best solo she’s had so far. Twitch is dancing in another Twitch t-shirt. Ugh. There is very little dancing involved in this, but a lot of “Hey! Look how adorable I am!”

Next we have this little kid breaker who is cooler and has better moves than most of the guys on the show this season. Dang, y’all. He’s awesome.

OK. I’m not saying I want to see House Bunny. I’m just saying when she does that demon voice to remember people’s names, that’s funny stuff.

Elimination time! The girls are up first. We watch clips of everything they each did last night and listen to the judges rave about all three of them. The first safe person is… Katee. Well, duh. Who will be joining her in the finale? We’ll find out after we send a guy to safety. We go through the same motions - clips of last night and judges praising them - before sending to safety… Joshua. Again, duh.

Someone named Lady GaGa is performing. What is happening here? She has about 25 people onstage dancing with her. The song is called “Let’s Dance”, so at least it’s related to the show. At one point they do the kid’n'play! That’s my go-to move.

OK! Now we’re eliminating for real. The girls are back on stage. Which one is going home? Chelsie. Whoa. I loved her all season, but honestly here at the end Courtney started growing on me. Her dancing, not her personality. Mark and Twitch are next. I am nervous! And the person going home is… Mark. Nooooooooo! Blast. I hate that. The only good thing about this is now we get to watch Mark’s clip reel. I love him so much. Way to get rid of the only interesting person on the show, AMERICA.

Well, that’s that. Get ready for a boring finale. I hate that I feel like this, but I’m glad it’s over next week. This season has been so meh.

Top 12! Next week it all gets mixed up. Hopefully without Thayne.

PERFORMANCE SHOW

OK, seriously. Where do they find these dresses for Cat? This one is much better than last week, but still. Y’all. I know there are better dresses out there.

Jidges! Our guest judge this week is Mia Michaels in a Debbie Gibson hat. Mary is 80’s drag queening it up, as per usual.

Here we go!

Chelsie and Mark. First up they get the salsa, which should be good for Chelsie.

Dudes, I think Mark is my overall favorite. He can sell these things. They look great, even though Chelsie is a little more smiley, less sexy. They do this intense spinning combo where they keep linking arms on opposite sides and Chelsie is just spinning around and around and around Mark. It’s very cool. They end with her up on his shoulders and then they do this sweeping dismount where Chelsie just about busts her teeth on the floor.

Nigel thought they were great but Mark could have relaxed a bit and is, again, skeevy about Chelsie’s outfit. Mary compliments Mark’s partnering ability and says he is strong and passionate. She calls Chelsie phenomenal and says she is ‘beautiful dynamite’. Mary says they were smokin’ hot and they danced it really well. She calls Mark a star and an actor, which I have been saying for weeks. I should totally be a judge on this show.

Their second routine is broadway. This should be fun! Mark calls her ‘hot and stuff’. Love him.

They are dancing to that song that says “I’m a woman, W-O-M-A-N”. She’s dancing all mad because she has to do his socks and pay the bills and make a man out of him, and he’s kind of following her around begging her to love him. But who wouldn’t love him? I mean. Really. It’s fun, with lots of character and big expressive movements. The routine kind of loses steam in the middle, I think, but overall I really like it.

Nigel says it was hotter than the 110 degrees it was in Vegas when he was there last week. Fascinating. He calls Chelsie all legs and says they were great. Mary calls them sultry, sexy, bluesy. Mia thought it was fun and entertaining, and that even though it showed Mark’s lack of technique he performed amazingly. She deems it ‘cool’.

Comfort and Thayne. They get hip hop with Tabitha and Napoleon. So it’s not so much hip hop as it is ‘hip hop’. Got it. Thayne says he doesn’t want to go out there and be like this goofy white guy trying to do hip hop. Um… sorry Thayne. It’s way too late.

She is good at this, which she should be, but I wasn’t sure if she would be, honestly. Thayne is… not. He’s about a half beat behind her the whole time. I think he’s supposed to be hitting on her and she is avoiding him, but neither of them are selling that story at all. There are a couple of beats in the music that are supposed to hit hard, and they just don’t. Not so much with this one.

Nigel talks about how awesome the choreography is, again, blah, meh. He says they didn’t pull the emotions off and they will be in the bottom three. Mary agrees and says they weren’t connecting at all and it was ‘just good’. Mia thought it was a little bit more than good, but it went downhill as the routine progressed. She really likes Comfort but she isn’t getting better with the show like she should. She also says she loves Thayne, which makes me question everything I’ve ever thought about Mia.

I got excited when I saw Mandy Moore in the audience earlier, but she’s choreographing their second routine. That makes me nervous. Mandy says she thinks Comfort can step it up and she’s giving them a difficult contemporary routine.

I just do not buy Comfort as a dancer, really, at all. Thayne is good in this… it’s perfect for his style of contemporary and he lays off the big smiles. But Comfort looks like she’s really struggling. I can’t really get into it. Plus the music is George Michael, which, no.

Nigel says the choreography was great but he would have preferred to see a different couple dance it. They are just not connecting. Mary agrees and says they just don’t have it. Mia tells Comfort she can only fake so much and criticizes their technique. She also says if they had performance value and connection it would have been a lot better. She praises Thayne again. Boo.

Jessica and Will. They’ve got a Tyce Diorio contemporary. I don’t think I knew he did that! They both feel really strongly about the piece and are totally trying to sell the ‘we are partners, 50-50’ thing. I hope that’s true!

Will is barely dressed, which I am totally in favor of. Hello, muscles. The routine is really beautiful… they do a lot of interesting tricks and it’s all so graceful and dynamic. There is barely music at all, just a girl kind of singing and breathing. It’s great.

Nigel says Jessica caught up with Will this week and they were great. (He also talks about the choreography but I’m not recapping that anymore. Just assume it happened.) Mary calls it one of the most amazing pieces she’s ever seen on the show. Mary calls it: body art, alive, a painting, a breath… and probably more crunchy words I can’t remember. She loved it.

Next up they draw a quickstep. This could go either way. The quickstep is a scary one.

It opens with Will tumbling across the stage, which is pretty awesome but not so ballroomy, I don’t think. The routine is super cute – it has a 50’s feel and lots of personality. I have no idea if they do the steps well, but it’s fun to watch. It has a lot of non-ballroom stuff that is great, but the ballroom stuff just seems okay, I think. I like it.

Nigel says all the non-quickstep parts were great, but the quickstep was not. Then! Mary says that she’s calling the fashion police on Will’s jacket! Mary! Who dresses like an extra on Dallas. She was not impressed. Mia brings her bitch out big time, talking about how Will looks like he’s tired of carrying Jessica and he needs a new partner. Wow.

Courtney and Gev. They pull a cha-cha with Anya and Pasha! I love Pasha. He’s my backup SYTYCD boyfriend. There’s a cute exchange where Anya, Pasha and Gev are all speaking Russian and Courtney has no idea what’s going on.

This? Is great. Really. They totally pull it off. Gev is the Dominic (or Sarah, really) of this season. He can do everything. They are sexy and fast and together and it all looks great. The choreography is very cool. The whole thing is just awesome.

Nigel says they are one of the best couples on the show as far as how well they work together. He thought the routine was fantastic. Mary screams that it was magic and praises Gev for being committed and passionate. Then she says hot-cha-cha! I say that all the time. She took my word. Then she screams about the hot tamale train and I am so over that. Mia calls it ‘fabulosity at its best’. Stop saying crazy things! She says they are not the best dancers on the show but their performance quality is amazing.

Next up they get a jazz routine with Mandy Moore. Fun!

They are dressed like they’re on safari and the whole routine is them fighting over a map and who knows how to get where they’re going. It’s really cute and Gev gets to pull out some breaker moves, and they are awesome. I think they do a lot of tricky lifts and moves and stuff, but you can hardly tell because it all looks so easy. It’s cute.

Nigel says it was fun but didn’t really have much substance. Mary disagrees and says there were some complicated things going on there. I knew it! Mia calls them one of her favorites and says they were great. I think we are close to running out of time because the judging keeps getting shorter.

Twitch and Kherington. They are krumping with Lil C. She is not going to be good at this. Get ready for the white girl hip hop face.

Hey! A hip hop routine that looks like hip hop! So exciting. I have found, as a general rule, that I watch the girls more than the guys during the routines. But this one is all about Twitch, and not just because I like him so much. His movements are bigger and harder and stronger. She’s good, though. I think they pull it off for the most part. They’re not always together and she is weaker, but overall I like it.

Nigel says they were good and Kherington was great until the last 16 bars. I don’t know a lot about keeping time in music, but in a 90 second piece, wouldn’t 16 bars be kind of a long time? He doesn’t think so, choosing instead to just pretend they didn’t happen. That’s fair. Mary says this is the first time she’s believed in this ‘krumping’ thing. What? The judges are on my nerves with this routine. She says Kherington was brilliant (no) and calls her GANGSTER. Because she knows. Mary calls it dirty and real and scary and says Twitch was amazing and Kherington did really well.

Their second routine is a smooth tango. Is that a thing? I didn’t know that.

I feel like this should be dramatic and interesting, but I am pretty bored by it. They seem bored, too… they have these weird faces on and I am not buying it at all. They’re supposed to be fighting, I think, but it doesn’t look like it. It doesn’t really look like anything.

Nigel says Twitch looked uncomfortable and his performance was dishonest. Mary liked the beginning and end but hated the middle. Mia gives us a dance philosophy lesson and says they didn’t have personality or commitment.

Katee and Joshua. Their first routine is the Viennese waltz where Joshua is a ghost and Katee is dancing with him but can’t see him.

Again! So good! I don’t usually love these slower ballroom routines, but this one is really nice. There are some great moments where he is reaching for her and she goes right past him. Because he’s a ghost! Why do I like that so much? I am lame. They’re not totally together the whole time, but they pull of some cool lifts and, I think, really pull off the emotions of it. I like it a lot.

Nigel calls Joshua ‘bouncy’, but that was the only thing he didn’t like. He compliments Katee’s movements and lines. Mary says the routine and the lifts were great but the dancing and technique were weak. Mia says Joshua was clumsy and rough, but that Katee is a gift to dance. Whoa.

Last dance! Finally! It’s a… Bollywood routine? What? Is that an actual style of dance? Or does it just mean ‘loosely based on Indian culture’?

Their costumes are AMAZING. Katee has beads and gold all over her and she looks beautiful. I’m not sure about this at first, but by the end I am totally sold. It’s so cool. They are bouncing around all over the place and at the same time doing these really intricate hand movements and poses. It’s great.

Nigel talks about how he’s wanted this style on the show for three years, but somehow, as the executive producer, he couldn’t make it happen. Lame. Then he talks about how the world needs to come together in dance instead of ‘what we’re doing at the moment’. Thanks for the life lesson there, Nige. Mary screams and yells and loved it. Mia thought it was fun and a great piece and talks a lot about world dance. Awesome.

My favorites: Courtney and Gev’s chacha, Katee and Joshua’s Bollywood
Least favorites: Comfort and Thayne’s everything, Twitch and Kherington’s tango

RESULTS SHOW

Wow, Cat’s hair looks terrible. Seriously. Is she sleeping when they dress her? Surely she is allowed to speak up for herself.

Group dance! Hip hop! This is mostly cool. Their jackets have glow in the dark stripes on them, and they turn out the lights for some of the routine. That part is less cool. I like it overall, though… there are a lot of sections where they are all in a bunch together and doing the exact same choreography and it’s really fun. I like it a lot. Thanks NapTab!

First two couples out are Comfort and Thayne and Katee and Joshua. Comfort and Thayne did a terrible hip hop routine and an even worse contemporary. Katee and Joshua danced a beautiful waltz and a really interesting Bollywood routine. Obviously Comfort and Thayne are in the bottom three. Am I right? Of course I am. Thanks for the fake drama, show.

Next two: Jessica and Will and Mark and Chelsie. Jessica and Will danced a contemporary that involved lots of Will, so, you know. Yes. Then they danced a quickstep that was really fun but not very quicksteppy. Mark and Chelsie did a muy caliente salsa and sultry dramatic broadway routine. Who’s in the bottom three? Will and Jessica. Dude, I bet they send her home. That is so wrong.

Last up we have Gev and Courtney and Twitch and Kherington. Gev and Courtney danced a super hot chacha and a super cute jazz routine. Twitch and Kherington krumped and tangoed and it was all very meh for me. And the couple in the bottom three is… Twitch and Kherington! Whoa. They were definitely worse, but I did not see that coming. Wow.

Our Very Special Dancers this week are from the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. I honestly don’t have the words to describe this to y’all. It’s so beautiful. If you’re not familiar with them, YouTube is your friend. For real.

Solo time. Comfort comes out first and runes around a lot. I don’t know y’all, I just don’t see it. She’s fine, I guess. Thayne is next and… well, he’s really good. It’s graceful and interesting and strong. I don’t like him, but his solo is good. Next up we have Jessica. Let’s see… floaty shirt, black tight shorts, rolling around on the floor, high kicks… yup, it’s a female contemporary solo. Better than Comfort, for sure, but boring. Will comes out shirtless. Smart move. He is all muscles and leaps and flips. The last girl out is Kherington. She has all the same elements as Jessica, but less compelling. Meh. Last up is Twitch, bringing us the only solo tonight that actually feels choreographed and planned in advance. But it ends with what looks like a failed shirt ripping, so that’s not so good.

Katy Perry kissed a girl and she liked it. And WOW, she is a bad performer.

Elimination time. They pull Kherington up first and call her brilliant. What? Really? She was obviously safe, but brilliant she was not. They don’t really like Jessica or Comfort, but the keep Jessica because sometimes she’s not awful. So sweet. Later Comfort!

Time for the guys, where we watch the judges pretend they had trouble before sending Thayne packing. Twitch is pulled out first and they say they are glad he was in the bottom three so we could see his solo. He is obviously safe. They tell Will he is as good as the Alvin Ailey guys (which, not quite), and they can’t lose him. Thayne is out. Awesome. He has a bright future ahead of him in toothpaste commercials.

I love it when things work out like I want them to. Top ten next week!

Top 14! Woo-hoo! Sorry this is so late, we had guests this weekend and I didn’t want to force them to watch this with me. Some people just don’t understand Things That Are Awesome.

PERFORMANCE SHOW

CAT. What is that dress? Seriously. Is her hair red? What is happening?

Jidges! This week our guest jidges are Tabitha and Napoleon. Does that mean no hip hop routine? Or does it mean we get a REAL hip hop routine? Exciting!

Up first we have Will and Jessica. Because everyone is dancing twice, there’s no filler video. Awesome. They are performing a jive in some pretty boring costumes, but the routine is fun. They dance it well and look like they’re having a good time. It’s cute. They do this freaking awesome flip thing where he bends at the waist and she kind of dives over him and then he stands up and she flips under his legs around to the front. It’s awesome. I like this pretty well, which is saying a lot because I still do not like her.

Tabitha and Napoleon (Taboleon?) thought it was good and could see the fight in them. Mary says they nailed the tricks but missed some connections. She makes sure to sell Will to us a bit more. I feel like they are beating us over the head with him. Every week it’s “Will was great, Jessica was just okay.” Which is generally true, but give us a break already.

Their second routine is lyrical jazz with Mandy Moore. What is the difference between lyrical jazz and contemporary? It looks the same to me. They are dancing to “Alone” by Heart, which is pretty awesome. And… Wow. Y’all, I am a whole different person tonight. They are fantastic. The routine is sexy and dramatic and they are so so good. They do some amazing lifts and twists and, also, Will isn’t wearing a shirt. Two thumbs up for that. It’s really good.

Taboleon says Will was amazing and Jessica held it back, blah blah blah. That poor girl. I don’t particularly like her, but they are so harsh tonight. Mary thinks they were amazing, Jessica included. She puts them on the trainwoohoooooooooooooo. Nigel says they are fabulous and points out that Jessica is a great dancer. He calls them beautiful.

Comfort and Thayne. They get Broadway with Andy Blankenbueller and are doing a routine from West Side Story. And… I like it. A lot. It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore. Blast. The whole routine is really fun and they do a great job. It’s kind of a cat and mouse thing with him chasing her around the stage. The dancing looks great and they get the faces and emotions right. I enjoyed the whole thing. It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.

Napitha thinks they have good chemistry and got the flirtiness dead on. Mary loves the new partnership and spends some time praising Comfort. Is there a point in the show when they stop saying that people were good ‘for someone dancing outside their style?’ Aren’t they all doing that most of the time? Isn’t part of the reason they’re on the show at all is that they have some proficiency there? At some point it feels like they should just be judged on the performance, that’s all, the end. Nigel talks about how awesome the choreography was (again) but didn’t think they were that good. Then! He totally makes the point I just made about how we’re in the top fourteen and it doesn’t matter where you come from, you have to be good. How can I hate and love him so much at the same time? I am so conflicted.

In the second round they get a smooth waltz. I do not see this going well. It’s all very… smooth, I guess? These routines always bore me. I don’t know much about technique on this kind of thing, but it doesn’t look very good. It’s pretty, though. I don’t know.

Napitha says they enjoyed it and Comfort looked like an angel. They’re not feeling Thayne, though. Me either. They call him phony, which is totally true. Boo to Thayne. Mary loved it! I did not see that coming. She also loves Thayne, though, so she cannot be trusted. Nigel thinks they did well and, shockingly, talks about the choreography. WE GET IT.

Kourtni and Matt. They get hip hop (yay!) with Cicely and Olisa (boo!). Ugh. This routine is weak all around. I hate the choreography (hip hop lite, AGAIN) and I don’t think they’re doing a very good job. They don’t seem into it at all, and it kind of feels like they’re not really trying. The moves are small, they’re not very together, they seem disconnected from each other and the performance. Not good.

NapTab talk about all the different styles of hip hop and say that while Matt was really good they couldn’t cut it in any kind of hip hop competition. Well, duh. Neither could that routine. Mary says it was fine, and she thought it was good, but she wants to be entertained and get excited about a routine and they just aren’t making that happen. Nigel didn’t like the choreography, or the performance, or the style, or the music, and calls it ‘hip hop on sleeping pills’, which is exactly right. I hate it when Nigel puts words to how I feel.

Next up they get the mambo with Alex DiSilva. It goes pretty well, I think. The problem here is that I think the mambo is supposed to be sexy, and they are not sexy. They are fun and cute and freakishly tall, but not sexy. They pull off some crazy spins and lifts, though. At one point he has her over his head and she’s moving all around and he’s just spinning and spinning. It’s good, but they don’t have the spirit of it.

NapTab agrees with me. They say they need to get down and dirtier. Mary thought Kourtni was smokin’ hot, but they were not smokin’ together. No chemistry. She’s totally right. Nigel didn’t think it was big enough or low enough but he thought they danced it well. They are not feeling it.

Chelsie and Mark! They get jazz with Mandy Moore, which is very exciting. They come out to “Kiss Kiss” by Holly Vance. The styling and the music both have kind of an 80s feel, with fingerless gloves and blue and purple and Mark’s bad hair. I like the routine, but it’s not my favorite of theirs. I think they do a good job and it has a lot of complicated moves, but I’m just not totally feeling it. They do pull off some pirouettes and leaps in perfect unison and they look great.

Leonitha praise their storytelling abilities and chemistry. Mary says, “I hate to be such a downer tonight…” which means she’s totally going to pull the fakeout. Which she does. She thought they hit everything and did a great job. Nigel compliments Chelsie’s hips and calls them ‘magic’.

Their second routine it the foxtrot. Chelsie comes out in this insane furry blue dress thing. Also, they are dancing to a Paul Anka cover of Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”. Funny. I like this routine, and I as a general rule don’t enjoy ballroom. Mark is going to get far in this competition totally on his acting abilities. He always just looks the part. It looks good, they are together and energetic and fun. I think it goes better than Matt and Kourtni’s routine. It definitely helps them that it’s a ‘cleaner’ style of ballroom, as opposed to the ‘down and dirty’ mambo.

Leonitha loves that they look like they love to dance and says they are professionals. Mary says it was a really difficult routine and they pulled it off and were ‘elegant and classy’. Nigel thought Mark looked uncomfortable Chelsie was fabulous.

Twitch and Kherington pull a pasa doble. The routine is a fight between a matador and a… matadoress? I’m pretty sure that’s not a word. There’s a chance he might kick her in the face. Something to look forward to. Kherinton has on this insane cape/dress/boot combo. Oh! That’s not a cape. They both have them. It’s supposed to be like the cape you wave in front of a bull, I think. They are fantastic. Everything is dramatic and sharp and really, really cool. Kherington is definitely not smiling, so that’s good. I think they nail it. They really do seem to be in the middle of a battle. They totally pull it off. I love it.

Napoletab thought it started slow but it picked up and blew up after that. Mary says it was full of passion but thought they were just okay. Nigel loved the choreography and was entertained but critiques their technique. They all liked Kherington more than Twitch.

Their second routine is a Mia Michaels contemporary. It involves a bed. Twitch appears to only be wearing boxers. I am in favor of this so far. I am not, though, in love with this routine. I’m pretty sure they just flail around on the mattress and jump up and down. They are totally into it, and they pull of the emotions for sure, but for me it’s just okay.

Napoletab loves it. They give it six awesomes. Six! I don’t think so. Mia does lots of woo-hooing and calls it powerful and dynamic. Nigel is skeevy, this time about Twitch, and compliments how commited they were to it.

Katee and Joshua. Their first routine is a Mia Michaels contemporary. OK. I am fully aware that I am a sucker for Mia’s stuff. But this is really good. The song is Hometown Glory by Adele. It’s pretty typical Mia… emotional and jerky and lots of running into each other’s arms and big huggy lifts and stuff. It kind of reminds me of Lacey and Cameron from last season. They do a great job. I am impressed. Especially by how Katee’s hair is standing straight up like that. How did they do that?

Tabitheon praises their presence and says they command the stage. They loved the storytelling and says they just got it. Mary says they haven’t messed up yet all season says they made her feel something from the get go. Nigel loved them and says something about how they will be on the list when history is written. I don’t know what means. He had me, then he lost me.

In the second round they get west coast swing with Benji, which makes everyone in the audience squeal. And Lacey is there, so Susan is excited. I… am bored. I don’t think it is so great. For a swing routine, there doesn’t seem to be much going on. It feels too slow for the music and their personalities feel fake to me. Meh.

Tabitheon loved it and thinks they are fantastic. Mary loved the choreography and thinks they were great. Nigel calls them adaptable and spends some time talking about how great Benji was when he was on the show, which, sure, but why are we talking about it? He is on my nerves tonight.

Courtney and Gev got hip hop with Cicely and Olisa. Meh. I was nervous about this, but I think they do a good job. The routing is really fun. It hits harder than most of the hip hop we’ve seen so far and they perform it really well. I actually think Courtney does a better job than Gev. She is certainly a better contemporary-turned-hip hop dancer than Kherington was last week. It’s fun and bouncy and they are great. I like it.

TabNap (Sorry! I’m running out of ideas!) echo my sentiment about Courtney doing better than Gev. Mary is feeling it half and half. She expected more from Gev but thought Courtney killed it. Nigel was also watchng Courtney because he’s skeevy. He says it wasn’t strong enough.

Their final routine is broadway. Fun! I think they will be good. They are playing tourists seeing New York for the first time. It’s cute, but if feels like all they’re really doing is running around the stage and pointing at things. Seriously. Running and pointing.

TabNap thought they played the characters well and sold the routine well. Mary calls them dynamic and loves them as a couple. Nigel calls them underdogs and says they pulled it off. He talks for a really really long time.

Whew! That was exhausting.

My favorites: Will and Jessica’s lyrical jazz, Katee and Joshua’s contemporary
Least favorites: Kourtni and Matt’s ‘hip hop’, Katee and Joshua’s swing

RESULTS SHOW

Group routine! This one is awesome. It’s a broadway routine to “Money Money” from Cabaret. It’s got a 20’s feel, with flappers and bowler hats and feathers. There’s lots of spinning and some cool partner tricks and a ton of fun and personality. It’s still hard for me to pick out individual dancers in these routines, but it seems to star Will. And we see way too much Thayne. I am so over him.

We are getting right down to business. The first two couples out are Kherington and Twitch and Katee and Joshua. Kherington and Twitch did a pasa doble that I loved and the judges thought were just okay, and a contemporary that the judges loved and I just thought was just okay. Katee and Joshua did a beautiful contemporary and a boring west coast swing. Cat tells Katee and Joshua that they are not in the bottom two… and neither are Twitch and Kherington. Sneaky! And not at all surprising. There is much jumping and screaming on stage.

Next out are Kourtni and Matt, Gev and Courtney, and Chelsie and Mark. Kourtni and Matt were underwhelming in both their hip hop and mambo routines. They’ve been in the bottom three twice before… and they are there again, DANCING FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun). Gev and Courtney did a hip hop routine that I loved and a broadway that was cute but kind of plain. Mark and Chelsie did a fun jazz routine and a really entertaining foxtrot. Have I mentioned that I love them? Because I totally do. Who’s will DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun)? Gev and Courtney. I still like him, I think, but I’m kind of over her. She’s a little too ‘look at me I am so adorable!’ for my taste.

The last two couples out are Thayne and Comfort and Will and Jessica. Holy moly, it better be Thayne and Comfort. Will and Jessica were awesome last night. The Personality Twins danced a broadway routine that was pretty fun and a smooth waltz that put me to sleep. GAH. Seriously, y’all. Thayne is #1 on my annoying list. Will and Jessica did a jive that was really fun and a lyrical jazz that was one of my most favorites from last night. Will and Jessica are safe. Yay! Comfort and Thayne are DANCING FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun). I am so over them.

Performances. They brought back Robert from the auditions, the guy who does crazy popping stuff but not much else. I don’t know… I think what he does is really cool, but I’m pretty bored. Nigel gives him a hard time about quitting in Vegas, then starts talking about someone named Phillip who is also very talented and he would love to see them battle, although he doesn’t know how that could happen. I bet that guy is there somewhere. Oh, he’s not. So we just talked about him for about five minutes for no reason. Awesome.

Ugh. Just say no to the Snuggle happy dances. That is a total Brotherhood 2.0 ripoff.

Solo time! Kourtni is up first with a crazy mohawk and a dress with bones or something on the back. I love her solos… I think she uses the music really well and has a… dance personality, if that’s a thing. It’s not generic. Matt is next and is generic. Meh. I hate the little moves they add at the end to go along with the So You Think You Can Dance voice. It’s awkward. Courtney comes out and is really energetic and spunky. She’s a pretty dancer for sure. Gev breaks the contemporary monotony with some freaking awesome breaker moves. He’s great. I want to buy his t-shirt for Aaron. Comfort comes out and the same move fifteen times in a row. Thayne is last and ugh, I really hate him. Have I made that clear? He’s so lame.

Conference by the stairs! Performance by OneRepublic! Finally someone I at least find interesting and don’t want to fast forward. Well, not the whole thing.

Why do people wave their arms from side to side during slow songs? I don’t really see it at concerts, but always on this show and shows like American Idol. What is that? I have never in my life felt the need to wave my arms around like that. Is there something onstage next to the APPLAUSE sign that says AWKWARD ARM WAVE? That is the only explanation.

Elimination time. Nigel takes some time to tell us how he’s connected to American Idol (lame) and that he’s more attached to these contestants than any other season. They call Courtney up first and tell her she’s safe. Comfort comes up next and Nigel says he wanted her to go home, but he was outvoted and Kourtni is going home. What? Really? GAH. I am with Nigel. Comfort was not good tonight. Boo.

Boys. They loved Gev’s solo and he is totally safe. They don’t think Matt has grown since he’s been on the show and he is cut. Lame again! I don’t think Matt is awesome or anything, and he definitely wasn’t going to win, but Thayne? Boo again.

Next week we find out who’s in the top ten! It better not be Thayne.

Top 16! Bring it, So You Think You Can Dance!

PERFORMANCE SHOW

Has the guy who does the big jump at the beginning of the theme song always had on plaid pants? I have never noticed that before.

Cat is wearing some kind of crazy trashy wedding dress thing. Yeesh.

Jidges! Guest judge this week is Adam Shankman from Hairspray. I think he’s potentially pretty crazy. He recently choreographed… and Adam Sandler movie. Huh. Mary, whose hair is still crazy and appears to be wearing a mother of the bride dress, thinks this season is great because there are no frontrunners yet. Then she screams. Nigel spends some time talking about Cyd Charisse, a dancer who passed away this week and was in Brigadoon and Singing in the Rain, among others.

First up! Kherington and Twitch. This week’s video theme is… telling us about each other. Didn’t we do this last week? CREATIVE. Kherington says that Twitch sounds like a bear when he laughs and Twitch says Kherington has a shopping problem and has bought 427 shoes in the three weeks they’ve been there. Shoes, or pairs? Does she have an odd number of feet?

They get hip hop with Tabitha and Napoleon, who I think I really like. The routine is a prison break routine that looks like fun. They say it’s really difficult and they will have to be staccato and smooth at the same time. Sounds tricky.

They come out in orange jumpsuits and skull caps to “Don’t Touch Me Now” by Busta Rimes. It’s a really cute routine, but Kherington is bugging me. She’s making what I’m sure she thinks are hip hop faces, but it just looks silly. It reminds me of that SNL skit where Natalie Portman is a gansta rapper. Except, you know, not funny. Twitch is pulling it off, if for no other reason than he’s believable. I think she’s dancing it well, I’m just not buying it. They do a pretty sweet move where she does a handstand behind him and he picks her up over his head by the feet. But overall, meh.

Nigel says they are both brilliant dancers with lots of spirit and energy and does a fakeout about how there was nothing negative about it. Lame. I’m not sure what Mary is going to do with her fakeout plan taken away like that. She says they killed it and screams and screams and screams. Adam calls it awesome. I don’t really see it.

Next up is Courtney and Gev. Courtney tells us that Gev looked like a little girl when he was a kid, and Gev tells us Courtney is going to school to be a special ed teacher. I think he likes her a lot more than she likes him.

This week they’re doing a Tony Meredith rumba routine. Scary! It looks pretty sexy and he gets to touch her all over the place. So that’s fun. For him.

The song is “Wishing On a Star” by Rose Royce. Hee. I want to change my name to Rose Royce. They start out with a lift that turns into a pretty shaky move where she kind of slides down his leg. I have to say, this is not hot at all. I get how it’s supposed to be, but… no. The song isn’t helping, it’s possibly the lamest song I have ever heard. I think, again, they dance it well, but it’s boring. Courtney is wearing this schizophrenic dress that is completely modest with long sleeves and a long skirt on one side and pretty much nonexistent on the other side.

Here is where I take a minute to comment on the fact that any time a move is featured in the rehearsal video, the audience cheers when it happens on stage. Gev grabbed Courtney’s butt in this totally awkward way, and they went nuts. Cool it, audience!

Nigel thinks they are really good and compares Gev to Dominic. While I think that is a fair comparison, it feels a little forced since Dominic just happens to be in the audience. What are the chances! Nigel and Gev both get skeevy about Courtney’s dress. Mary thought it was great and only has minor criticisms. Adam talks about how exciting it is for the judges when dancers do well and has specific praise for Gev. Then he talks for about 20 more minutes and the other judges pretend to fall asleep.

Comfort and Chris. Comfort says Chris is a food moocher and we get footage of him actually eating off someone else’s fork. Gross. Chris tells us about Comfort’s stint in a beauty pageant as a kid. We see some footage from their trip to the bottom two last week, and I remember now that I don’t particularly like Chris and would not have been sad to see him go.

They are doing a Tyce Diorio jazz routine. Tyce calls it raw and earthy. It also involves some brown bedsheets that represent mud. Comfort says it will be “off the chain”.

They are dancing to the only Marilyn Manson song I know, “Beautiful People”. Interesting. Hmmm. I don’t particularly like it at first, but I think it gets better as it goes on. They’re don’t stay together very well. I like the choreography, but it feels like the kind of routine that should really hit hard and be big, and… it’s not. It’s like they’re dancing on the surface of the mud instead of getting down in it.

Nigel agrees with me. Finally! He says it was too soft and they didn’t sell it. He also criticizes the choreography a bit and the prop use, which is kind of out of their control. Mary says it should have been wilder and more animalistic. No screams from her. Adam says they didn’t have the performance value the routine called for.

Next up! Jessica and Will. Will tells us that Jessica goes by the nickname Ariel and Jessica says Will is an absolute gentleman and is super sweet. I have such a hard time with these two – I like him a whole lot but could do without her. But before she goes I would like for her to teach me how to put my hair up in a wrap like she has hers. That is cute.

This week they’re doing disco with Doriana Sanchez, who informs us that disco is ‘serious business’. Seriously? Why is this a real style on this show? I do not understand. Jessica plays around too much during rehearsal even though they are all pulling together to make sure she’s the one who shines this week.

The song is “Heaven Must Have Sent You” by Bonnie Pointer. Is she a Pointer Sister? I hope so. That would make me SO EXCITED. They are fine. Well, that’s not true. He is great. They can talk all day about not wanting her to be in his shadow, but he is EXCESSIVELY BETTER THAN HER. He just is. I like this routine… it feels like more ‘grownup’ disco than the routine Courtney and Gev did earlier. They do a few cool lifts and things, but they seem to make a few mistakes, too. He is just so much more fun to watch than she is – he has more personality and bigger movements and is just better.

Nigel says disco can look cheesy if you don’t do it well, which I would disagree with since it really looks cheesy all the time. He points out the mistakes but says they carried it off and danced it well. Mary agrees and says this routine was a turning point for them, in a good way, and that they owned it. Adam thought it was fantastic and challenging and calls Jessica a great dancer but calls her out on confidence issues.

Kourtni and Matt. Matt tells us about Kourtni’s neck tattoo that says “…and so she would dance”, which comes from a poem her mom gave her. Kourtni tells us that Matt has a ninja mask that he wears a lot. Do ninjas wear purple and white striped masks? I don’t really think so.

Contemporary! Oh, this better be good. They are working with Sonja Tayeh, who we have never seen before and who has INSANE hair. It’s like a mullet/mohawk hybrid. Seriously. It’s bad. The routine sounds awesome, though. It’s about comic book characters who are fighting and flirting, and it’s meant to look like the frames in a comic book so it has a lot of holds and freezes. Cool.

The song is “Wrestlers” by Hot Chip. I don’t entirely get the comic book thing, but I love it. It’s so fun. Lots of crazy movements and faces and jumps and flips. They both get to show a ton of personality, which is something I think they have been lacking in their routines so far. They do a string of jumps and turns and are perfectly in sync with each other. I like the whole thing.

Nigel praises the quirky choreography and loved their technique. He tells Matt to relax, again, but overall liked it. Mary says it showcased their talent and points out the synchronized leaps I mentioned earlier. Adam says they have amazing control and says they are meant to dance.

Carrie Underwood and I drink the same VitaminWater.

Next up! Chelsea and Thayne. Chelsea says that she thinks Thayne wants to be a fashion designer because he is always telling her what to wear and he makes his own t-shirts. Thayne tells us that Chelsea steals flowers from gardens, restaurants, hotel lobbies. I think he is trying really hard to have a personality.

They are dancing a quickstep with Heather Smith. Uh-oh.

They are dancing to “You Can’t Hurry Love” by… Phil Collins? Really? Not The Supremes? Have I ever mentioned my severe dislike of Phil Collins on here before? Because, no. The only quicksteps I have ever seen in my life have been on this show, and I have never particularly enjoyed them, but I feel like they do a pretty good job. The song is really dragging the whole thing down. And isn’t a lot of the quickstep in their feet? Because she is wearing a big flowy metallic skirt. Bad job, wardrobe. I think they are good, but I am bored. Until the end, at least, when they appear to do the Kid’n’Play. That I can get behind.

Nigel says they danced it well but didn’t have any personality. He praises them and then… tells them to get their solos ready. Okay. Mary calls it okay, and says that is pretty good for a quickstep. She thinks they fell short. Adam says they are great dancers but did not look comfortable on stage.

I swear these are the longest commercial breaks ever.

Chelsi and Mark. Blah blah blah, they are adorable. Chelsi says that Mark’s pinkies are crooked, and Mark says Chelsi is a tomboy offstage.

They pull hip hop with Napoleon and Tabitha. He is a workaholic and she doesn’t want him to go to work. I think. They talk a lot about how they choreograph to the words. Interesting. Tabitha kind of looks like Sandra Bullock.

The song is “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis. Okay, you guys. They are great. Like, great great. The routine is awesome on its own, and they perform it amazingly. There’s a point where he walks around her in a circle and she just breaks down in the middle. It’s gorgeous. It is not, however, hip hop. I don’t think so, anyway. It’s more pop/jazz, bordering on contemporary. We really haven’t had any good hip hop so far this year, I don’t think. I like Tabitha and Napoleon, but calling what they do hip hop is a stretch. Either way, this routine is great. They are seriously so so good. They have so much emotion and life. They are definitely my favorite couple… I like some other individual dancers better, but as a couple, they are the best for sure.

Nigel says they were excellent and passionate and praises Napoleon and Tabitha. Mary loved it and gives us all a little speech on the state of the family in America these days. Adam talks a lot about the status of hip hop and says they were perfect and totally sold the story. Which is true. They were great. He calls them the couple to beat.

Last couple! Katee and Joshua. Katee says that Joshua is a softie and very sweet like a big teddy bear. Joshua says that Katee screams like a boy. Fascinating. I have the same problem with them that I do with Will and Jessica - I like him better than her. Maybe this week we cut Jessica and Katee so that Will and Joshua can dance together. (I would also accept cutting Thayne and Chris and pairing Comfort with Chelsea.)

They draw a samba with Tony and Meredith. This is going to be tough. Nether of them have ever done ballroom before and they seem to be struggling.

They come out to “Baila, Baila” by Angela Via, not “Balla, Balla” like I thought the first time I saw it. I think Katee’s dress was made by the same designer as Courtney’s. Joshua does a better job than she does, again. Katee seems to do well, though, I just don’t think she pulls off the sexy thing very well. She’s cute and smiley. Overall they are good but not great.

Nigel makes the same dress comment I did, then gets skeevy with Joshua for a change. He says they had great samba rhythm and pulled it off. He calls them outstanding. Mary calls them hot and yells a lot about personality and technical skills. She’s hurting my ears and my brain. She puts them on the hot tamale train, I think, but I can’t tell because I have lost my hearing. I think Adam liked it. I seriously can’t hear anything.

Favorites: Chelsi and Mark, Matt and Kourtni
Least favorites: Chelsea and Thayne, Gev and Courtney

RESULTS SHOW

Group routine! Based on the costumes and the feel of this, I would guess it’s Wade Robson if I didn’t know better. A handful of guys are onstage in these big black and white outfits with top hats and ruffles and canes. They start tapping the canes on the ground and screaming while some girls do a kicky awkward dance walk down the stairs. There are people everywhere running onstage with canes, umbrellas, all kinds of madness. Then they’re all in formation and dancing together… it’s flowy and jerky and contemporary-ish. Mia Michaels? It’s interesting to watch, and I think my new boyfriend Mark is the main guy, so I approve. Except… is that Comfort? She has a starring role in a group routine? Again? This time she is sucking her thumb and crying. No. More screaming and cane tapping. I think there’s a lot of cool stuff going on, it’s just so hard to tell when there are 16 people doing 16 different things. Mark is definitely the leader of this group - they are all dancing around him while he holds his cane in the air. The end all in a line with him at the head, and when he points at them they dance off stage. Cool. It doesn’t take much to make that boy look creepy. I love him.

Mia Micheals! I am good.

Jidges. They all look less crazy than yesterday, except Nigel who is wearing leather. Gross. We must have a full show, because we don’t talk to them.

First three couples: Thayne and Chelsea, Katee and Joshua, Chelsi and Mark. Thayne and Chelsea danced a quickstep that overall did not go well. Thayne has such a manufactured personality. Mary stretched the hot tamale train thing about as far as it can go. Nigel thought they needed to prepare their solos. Was he right? Yes he was. Chelsea and Thayne will DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun). Katee and Joshua did a samba that everyone loved but I was not feeling. They are safe. Chelsi and Mark danced a contemporary hip hop routine that I thought was fantastic. Probably my favorite so far this season. The judges loved it, maybe a little too much, and they are safe. Love.

I think Cat’s dress might possibly be trying to eat her. It’s a gorgeous color, but that ruffle has got to go.

Next three: Kherington and Twitch, Gev and Courtney, Comfort and Chris. Twitchington did hip hop that was fun but not great. The judges inexplicably loved it. They are safe. Duh. Gev and Courtney danced a rumba, that, again, was okay but not great in my opinion. Something about them rubs me the wrong way. The judges fell all over themselves praising them and they are safe. Comfort and Chris had jazz with an African feel to it. It didn’t go well and the judges were not fans. They will DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun).

Cat says America’s Best Dance Crew, Quest, is coming out later. Who is that? Is that show already over?

Last two: Kourtni and Matt, Will and Jessica. Kourtni and Matt danced an upbeat contemporary routine about comic book characters that I thought was super fun. The judges loved it. Have y’all noticed how much time we spend listening to the judges praise the choreographers? It’s too much. Will and Jessica got disco and he was way way better than her. I feel like they are trying hard to sell her to us but I am not buying it. Sadly, they are safe and Matt and Kourtni have to DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES (dun dun dun).

Ohhhh… they are not America’s Best Dance Crew, they are America’s best dance crew. I see. Apparently there’s some kind of dance reality show battle going on, and this is SYTYCD’s dig at ABDC. Quest is a dance crew that Dominic, Hok and Ryan, all former SYTYCD contestants, are members of. Gotcha. They are very cool. I love this kind of stuff. Obviously, I am a SYTYCD fangirl, but I love me some ABDC, too. At least they have hip hop.

Solos! Chelsea is up first. I think she is a really strong dancer and her solo is pretty, but I have a feeling this might be it for her. Thayne is next and does the same solo all those contemporary boys do. This week he dances to “Always” by Bon Jovi, which was my favorite song in eighth grade. He bores me and I hate his face. Cat says, “When the chips are down, bring out a bit of the Jovi.” Words to live by. Comfort comes out to Mary J, and I feel like she has danced to this before. She is losing her shine to me… I think she’s a one trick pony. I bet they keep her, though. Then Chris dances and I fall asleep. The last girl onstage is Kourtni, who once again is beautiful and does a great job. She is just so much more expressive than the other girls, and I feel like she puts work into her choreography instead of just flailing around. Matt is last and has on a terrible outfit. Seriously, did he raise his 3-year-old brother’s closet. No. I’m not gonna lie, I like his solo better because I like him more than the other guys.

Conference by the stairs!

Jordin Sparks is singing. I am not writing about that. Except to say that she is dressed like a bridesmaid.

Elimination time! The girls are first and they waste no time at all cutting Chelsea. We don’t even talk to anyone else. Wow.

Boys. They pull Matt out and Nigel apologizes for giving him a hard time. He calls him brilliant and he is safe. He then talks about how maybe America doesn’t like contemporary dancers since they keep ending up in the bottom two. OR! Maybe you guys cast too many versions of the same guy and America is bored by them. I mean, just a suggestion. Thayne is safe and Chris goes home. Excellent.

So next week Thayne and Comfort will be partners. Get ready for an annoying personality overload.

PERFORMANCE SHOW

Top 18! Last week we lost Rayven (sad) and Jamie (not so sad). Who will it be this week? Cat and her fluffy black dress would like to welcome you to So You Think You Can Dance!

Twitch goes last in the dance intros AND is wearing nerd glasses. Love.

Jidges. The guest judge this week is Mia, which means no Mia routine. Sad. I love her as a judge, though, so it’s okay. I guess. She declares this season ‘banoodles’, which is apparently defined as ‘insane’, or, perhaps, ‘Mia’.

First up! Chelsea and Thayne. This week’s video theme is good thing/bad thing about their partners. Oh my gosh, y’all, we do this with our kids sometimes on Sundays. You ask a junior high girl one good thing and one bad thing about her week and you are in for 20 nonstop minutes of talking. Just FYI. Thayne likes that Chelsea is super positive all the time, and… Chelsea likes that Thayne is in a good mood all the time. Wow. On the flip side, Chelsea falls asleep all the time and Thayne is super superstitious.

This week they’re doing jazz with Mandy Moore. We see lots and lots of shots of Thayne knocking on wood, but Chelsea thinks they’re going to kill it. No knocks.

The song is “Untouchable” by the Veronicas. I don’t think I like this very much. Mandy said the story is “a king and his forbidden love”, but the only reason we would know that is the weird jokery outfits they have on. It doesn’t seem like much happens in the routine. The music is about twice as fast as they are moving and it just feels like a lot of walking around. Meh.

Mia loved the concept but not the execution. She says he wasn’t regal and kicks them off the hot tamale train. Mary didn’t think they had chemistry and thought Chelsea looked uncomfortable. She puts them in the caboose. Nigel found it unbelievable and doesn’t like the costumes. Me either! I like it when the judges agree with me.

Mark and Cheslie. Mark likes how her hair smells and Chelsie likes how quirky Mark is. She thinks he is too quiet and he thinks she’s like an annoying little sister sometimes. I think they are both totally adorable.

They get argentine tango with Alex DiSilva. Mark says he loves ‘meaty dancing’ and calls himself a dancing carnivore. Interesting.

They are dancing to “Mi Confision” by Gotan Project. I don’t generally enjoy ballroom routines, but I think they do a good job. It’s all very intense, and Mark has a good intense face so they pull it off really well. Especially for the style of dance that Mark usually does, he really pulls this off. They look fantastic and are really really good.

Mia loved it. She calls them “fantastical” and praises both of them lavishly. Mary loved everything and thought they had great technique. I would like to take a moment to talk about how insane Mary looks tonight… she has ridiculous hair and huge necklaces and this awful off-the-shoulder leopard dress. It is bad bad bad. Nigel thinks they pulled it off but thought Chelsie wasn’t quite sleazy enough. Yes, he really says that.

Jessica and Will. Will likes Jessica’s personality and crazy attitude. Jessica likes that Will is so focused and professional… but sometimes he is too serious and internal. Will wishes Jessica was more confident in her abilities. Strangely, he does not say, “I wish she was a better dancer because I am freaking awesome.” Maybe next week. They will work twice as hard this week since they were in the bottom two last week.

They get hip hop with Cecily and Olisa, who I hope don’t make a guest judge appearance this year. They are excited to have something fun that will allow them to show personality, and Jessica proclaims that “America can relate to hip hop.” I… don’t know what that means.

They come out to “Whatever U Like” by Nicole Scherzinger. Will is clearly owning the stage in this routine. Jessica is… fine, but Will is blowing her away. The choreography is pretty fun, but the costumes (big jeans and blazers) make it hard to see what they are doing. I like it, though.

Mia loves the choreography but didn’t think Jessica held her own next to Will. She calls her “cheerleader-y” and says Will is a genius and Jessica has to step it up. Mary agrees and says Jessica is too powder puffy. She calls Will a “dancing machine” and a “force”. Nigel agrees with them about Will but disagrees on Jessica, saying she did a good job and pulled it off. He says Will will be in the final four.

Kourtni and Matt. Have I mentioned that I love them? I totally do. Matt likes Kourtni’s eyes and sometimes gets lost in them. Kourtni likes that Matt is always complimenting her. Selfish, but honest. She does not, however, like his singing. Matt doesn’t like how Kourtni doesn’t know good singing when she hears it. Cute.

They’re doing a foxtrot with Jean Marc. Kourtni feels confident that Matt will not drop her, but I am not so sure. Rehearsals do not go so well.

The performance, however, is great. I think, anyway. They are graceful and pretty and it just looks fantastic. I think their height really serves them well in this routine… everything looks long and the lines are beautiful. (Do you like how I am using dance words? Nice lines!) It’s totally charming and fun.

Mia takes a minute to talk about how she likes Matt and thinks he has personality and pizzazz. She calls him refined and elegant, and I agree with her. She also thinks Kourtni needs to “own her size and length” and be more confident. Mary loved the choreography but thought the performance was mixed. She was a little disappointed. Nigel calls Matt strong but says he’s soft everywhere else and lectures them a bit about giving an honest performance, but then says he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Next up is Courtney and Gev. Courtney likes how strong Gev is, and Gev likes that Courtney is really pretty. He does not like that she has a boyfriend. Courtney doesn’t like that Gev is short. Awesome.

Contemporary with Mandy Moore. Yay! It’s your basic love story routine. Gev comes off as a bit of a creeper in rehearsals.

The song is “Lost” by Anouk, and it is a really beautiful song. I am a sucker for a good contemporary routine, and I think they are pretty good. The choreography is great… really sweet and intimate and romantic. I think she is really good. She has great expressions and really sells the emotions. Gev does a good job supporting and lifting her. Overall I am a fan.

Mia loves the choreography but wants to see more “organic purity” from Courtney. Sometimes I think Mia has a grab bag of crunchy words and just pulls a couple out and mashes them together. She is proud of Gev and says he partnered her really well. That’s what I said! I should so be a judge on this show. Mary gets loud and crazy and just LOVED it. Nigel praises their partnership but didn’t believe the emotion in the routine.

Hey! America’s Best Dance Crew! I am a fan. Really. But proclaiming yourself “the best dance show on TV” during SYTYCD is just wrong. WRONG, I tell you.

Joshua and Katee, who I don’t want to like but do. Katee likes that Joshua is such a great partner and Joshua loves Katee’s smile. She doesn’t like how he is always picking on her, and he doesn’t like how she always does the same awkward dance.

They pull a Tyce Dio