Dear Germ-a-Phobe Coworker,
I love that when you hear someone coughing, you haul out your tub-o-Clorox wipes and and coat your whole cubicle with their germ-killing goodness. I fully expect to see you wearing a mask to work one day like those people in Asia who are scared of catching some kind of flu from birds. But now I have an overwhelming urge to sneeze on your desk every time I walk by.
Love,
Your Germy Friend
—————-
Dear Car,
I don’t normally write letters to my car. But you are the exception. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you hate me so much. Maybe it was because I called you the chariot of satan when you left me stranded for the fourth time. I didn’t mean it. I was only joking. So please stop mocking me by working for the mechanic and giving me the proverbial bird every time I try to start you.
Can’t we just be friends?
Your Submissive Driver
—————
Dear Mechanic,
Look, I know you and my car are plotting against me. I don’t know what you’re slipping in her gas tank, but she obviously likes being with you more than she likes being with me. But please know that I will show up at your garage at 7 a.m. every morning until she works like she’s supposed to. Because I’m persistent like that.
Signed,
I JUST WANT MY DARN CAR BACK
Dear Germy Friend,
You may mock the giant tub of towelettes, but we must take whatever precautions we can. Beware, the germs are spreading.
Sincerely, a newly acquired germ host.