I am pretty much the queen of awkwardness. Whether it’s an inappropriate comment, an uncomfortable pause, or just a word vomiting, I am often either the recipient or the cause of awkwardness. So here, for your reading pleasure, is my top five list of awkwardness.
5- When are you due…to go to the store?
Okay, so this has never actually happened to me. But I’ve seen it happen. And it’s cringe-worthy. The two most awkward instances of mistaken pregnancies that I’ve witnessed are:
Man: When are you due…
Woman: (cold stare)
Man: To go to the store?
Woman: (cold stare)
-and-
Old Lady: Oh, look how much your baby has dropped!
Woman: Yeah, she dropped right out of me two weeks ago.
Old Lady: (stroke)
4-Your Mom
Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m still living in the early 90s. Why else would I say “Your mom?” But this outdated phrase can morph into awkward when the conversation goes like this:
Friend: I think I’m going to go back to college to work on my masters.
Me: Your mom goes to college (snicker)
Friend: My mom’s dead.
Me: Crap.
3- Someone’s in Here!
We’ve all done it. Accidentally walked in on someone in a public restroom. What elevates the awkward quota on this one is when you REALLY have to go, so you can’t relinquish your place in line, and the person walks out, and there’s that moment of “I can’t believe I just saw you sitting on the pot.”
2-What’s that?
I hate it when you draw attention to something awkward. There’s the minor: “Hey, you have something on your cheek, let me get that…hairy mole.” And the major: “I love the dress your wife was wearing at the party. Oh, that wasn’t your wife? This is your wife! How nice to meet you.” Classic case of open mouth, insert foot, surgically remove foot.
1-Phone Etiquette
I think I have some of my most awkward moments on the phone. You can’t see the person, you can’t pick up on their body language. It’s just awkward. You laugh at a joke that wasn’t a joke (hahaha, your dog died, that’s classic…oh, wait, you weren’t kidding…please, stop crying!) You get distracted and lose your train of thought (I really need you to come to the meeting because…right…that would be great.) My favorite, by far, is the screaming mother awkwardness. (Sure, I’d love to help at the church carnival…MARY, IF YOU DON’T GET OFF OF THE TABLE I WILL BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE, I SWEAR TO…So, would you like me to run the children’s games.)
So, that’s my list. There’s lots more. Leave some of your own awkward moments in the comments! 
I actually have two. The first happened 14 years ago. My grandmother had just died (4 days prior) and we were pretty close. I was a mess. My friend stopped by to visit. I just saw her the week prior, so she’s probably thinking nothing’s changed:
Friend: How’s your grandmother?
Me: She’s dead.
End of conversation.
The second happened two weeks ago. Dad, Mom, and I were talking about where we are with our lives right now, how satisfied we are, things like that.
My Dad: You don’t use your degree anyway, since you’re just a stay-at-home mom.
Me: (Silence due to extreme anger)
My Dad: (Fear after seeing my face in reaction to the comment)
Tammy
The lady that became my wife accompanied me to dinner. We ran into my godparents. My godfather was sick with cancer and I was told he had not been doing well, but on this day, he looked surprisingly good. I said, “Wow, you look great, everybody has been saying how sick you look.” As soon as I finished the sentence, I realized what I had done and wanted to crawl under a table.
My godfather replied, “Who’s everybody?”
Oh man. Have you ever turned so red in the face that you could feel your heart pounding?