I seriously don’t even like myself some days. I feel like I’m watching myself, thinking, “Wow, I would NOT want to hang out with that person.” The days that it’s the worst, when my self-loathing is at its peak, is when I’m mean to the people I love. Seriously…why do I do that? Why do I let someone walk all over me, treat me like crap, and still I say nothing. Then, I turn to a friend, someone who has shown me nothing but love and support, and act like a witch (it’s a family-friendly blog).
I know why I do it. Because I know they’ll keep loving me. I know they won’t treat me like I just treated them. I know that when I’m at my worst, they’ll think of my best–a best that I can’t even recall.
I hate it. I hate this human nature, this flesh that pulls me into sin. I hate my inability to harness my emotions. I hate my struggle to love and be loved.
And yet He loves us through it all. I can relate, my dear, I can relate.
And not only can I relate, but I also apparently can relate to your sometimes – and I say this lovingly – goof nature, because I tried to delete “Tammy” and type “Scott” in the name section of my last comment, and not only did I leave the “T” in from her name, but I got a “p” in there. What the heck?!?!
Anyway, once again, to summarize, I feel your pain…
i think we all do it…we feel safe with some people and not with others.