Dear Locker Neighbor,
Maybe I’m a little too modest. I know lots and lots of people walk around the gym with very few clothes on. But really? You were standing right next to me, rummaging around your locker like you had all the time in the world. Did you forget that you weren’t wearing any clothes? Did it not clue you in when you saw other people wearing clothes? Did I mention that you were standing right next to me? Just wondering.
Fully Dressed in the Locker Room
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Front Desk Fellow,
Look, I know what I looked like when I left the gym. I realized my face was red, and my hair was sticking out. I know I was sweaty and nasty. I was at the gym for goodness’ sake. It’s how I was supposed to look. So, please don’t grin at me and say “did you have a nice workout.” You KNOW I didn’t have a nice workout. Just go take your toned muscular fast-metabolism self and stay out of my way.
Passed Out in the Parking Lot
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YMCA managers,
Why, oh why, do you have an ice cream vending machine in your lobby? It makes no sense to me. Hey, let’s promote healthy living. And sell fatty ice cream. All at the same time! You are sick. Sick and twisted. And I will avoid your chocolatey, waffle-coney siren call. Mainly because if I ingested dairy right after working out I would most likely vomit. Although maybe that would teach you a lesson.
Cursing the Cone
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Dear Work Out Friends,
I feel I owe you an apology. You see, sometimes I forget that you can hear me when I’m singing along with my iPod. It starts quietly. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. But then suddenly, over the whooshing of ellipitical machines and the creaking of my knees, I hear it. Some godawful Justin Timberlake song. Only, it’s not his voice. It’s mine. I promise, nice man next to me on the ellipitcal. I wasn’t trying to come on to you. It’s a song. Please don’t turn me in.
Bringing Sexy Back to the Gym
there are women who walk around completely naked in the locker room? i thought it was just middle aged men. i can’t stand those people…i mean, who do they think they are?
I have a story about someone who works here and an unfortunate experience in the locker room in which I saw way, way, way too much. . . . I can’t look at her in the eye anymore. It scarred me! I’m with you on the please-wear-clothes bandwagon! And I love that you’re bringing sexy back at the gym. Someone really needs to. (BTW, there’s a guy at the Y here who reminds me of Ben Folds and I spend all of my workout staring at him trying to decide if it actually is Ben Folds. I think he thinks I’m a stalker.) Sorry, I should have just posted on my own blog!
great post, Brandy! What you said is too true. I laughed out loud as I read it.
Oy. When I work out in the fitness center here at school, I live in fear of one of the female profs who likes to walk around naked in the locker room according to several other students - it’s already uncomfortable if it’s the little old lady who lives across town at the Y, but even worse for it to be someone who will later get up and teach a whole class in front of you. Gah.
I always sing to my iPod!!! And it’s JT too! YAY.
Can I post this for all 12,000 members of my gym?? Pleeeease. Better yet, can I just blast our database at the fitness center. That would reach some 80,000 workout-ers. I’m begging you, people NEED to read this.
[...] thought this would be the perfect story. It goes with the gym kick I was on recently, and I’m also in the midst of training right now. (Every time I say that, I [...]