And in the end…there is love.

Dear Rude Woman with the Pop Up:

Excuse me? Ma’am? EXCUSE ME! Please don’t act like you don’t see me standing at this camping spot. I don’t just loiter around camp sites for the heck of it. I do it because in a few moments, I would like to pitch a tent here. So please don’t walk by me and start directing your friend to back your camper into this spot. Yeah, THIS spot. The ONE WHERE I’M STANDING. We both know this is the last spot in this whole campground. And I will fight you for it. I’m scrappy.

Sincerely,
YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE

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Dear Cute Single Guy at the Site Next to Mine:

I am really much cuter than this normally. You just happened to see me at a bad moment. I had my camping cowlick, I had just finished running, and I was exiting the port-a-pottie. I’m not normally that shade of green. Usually a much more pleasant ivory. You should see me with make-up. And brushed hair. And clean clothes. I promise, I clean up good.

Sincerely,
Use Your Imagination

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Family to the North:

I’m normally a pretty sympathetic person. And I have NO idea what you were going through to make you cry ALL NIGHT in your tent. For the first hour, I felt sorry for you. For the second hour, I felt pity. But around 2 a.m., I started feeling homicidal. I hope things are better for you now. I’m sorry I wanted to kill you.

Sleepy Girl in the Pup Tent

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Dear Coppertone,

I thought your spray-on sunblock was a brilliant idea. I can reach all of this hard-to-reach spots with a simple press of a button. But there is some kind of flaw in your product. I don’t know exactly what that flaw is, but it left my knees sunburned. Yes, just my knees. My bright red, on fire knees. Because surely it wasn’t me that couldn’t figure out how to put on sunblock. I refuse to believe that.

She with the fiery knees (that’s my Native American name0

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Dear Pedicure Man,

I owe you an apology. Getting a pedicure the day I got back from camping was a wonderful idea for me…I fear it was less wonderful for you. I promise, I showered. I scrubbed my feet. But there are some things that require more than a loofah and a washcloth. More than a pumice stone. A sandblaster may have been the best possible solution.

Sincerely,
Your Stained Footed Friend