I'm Just Sayin'

Who only blogs once a week? So, in an effort to bring back the fun (and readers) on this here blog, I will post a To Whom it May Concern. And you people better comment. Because this post is sucking every bit of humor and happiness right out of me.

To Whom it May Concern–Weekend Edition

Dear Couple in the Car in Front of Me,
Seriously? You think a red light is an invitation to make out? When I’m at a red light, I normally change the radio station or check out my zits in the mirror. Making out seems like a rather lofty goal for a 30 second stop at a busy intersection. And if you’re going to play tonsil hockey, at least keep one eye on the light. Because I will lay on the horn as soon as it turns green. Because you annoy me that much.

Sincerely,
Irritated at the Intersection

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Dear Pet Owner,

I’m not an animal person by nature. Part of that is the fact that most animals contain copious amounts of dander that make my eyes swell shut and my lungs take a vacation. But, I can usually deal with pets. Some, I even like. BUT, I don’t like them when they’re jumping all over me with their evil claws and their drool. Seriously, keep your pet away from me. And if not, don’t be shocked if I kick it. I’m one of those people.

Petless in Colorado

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Dear Parents of my Sunday School Kiddos,

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY, PLEASE STOP FEEDING YOUR CHILDREN SUGAR BEFORE THEY COME TO CHURCH. YOU’RE KILLING ME.

Happily Childless in the Springs

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Dear Alton Brown,

You make me happy. You are delightfully nerdy, and you provide more information about food than I’ll ever need to know. But I have a habit of providing too much information about things too, so I think we’re kindred souls. And this weekend, I made your individual peach cakes, and if you had been in my kitchen, I would have hugged you. But alas, you weren’t, so I just ate peach cake.

Your Friend,
Peachy Keen

This entry was posted on Monday, September 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.