We all have them. Those private little quirks we only tell a few people about because they’re just that weird. Over the years, I’ve seen that list grow longer, so I’m just going to put them out here in the open. You’re welcome.
5. Sometimes, and more frequently over the past year, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that someone is in my house. Not in a scary way, but just that someone else is there. Sometimes I wander into the guestroom to check on them. Other times I think I’m hogging the covers from them. Inevitably, at some point I have to stop, try to clear my head, and explain to myself that I live alone.
4. There have been numerous occasions that I have left the office at the end of the day, brain full of work stuff, hands juggling my keys and laptop and purse. And then I turn toward my cubicle, and hit the lock button on my car key fob. Yes. I’m trying to lock my cubicle with my car keys. My cubicle that doesn’t even have a door.
3. I get lost on walks. Two times in the past year I have set out on a walk in my neighborhood and gotten lost. Helplessly lost. Once was in the summer, and I literally ran away from three dogs, fell into a ditch and got scared I was being followed by a shady teen. The other time was in the winter, and I began to panic that I would freeze to death. But then I realized I was on a residential street, so I could, you know, have knocked on a door and asked for help.
2. I can’t remember names. Like, really. I’ll be introduced to someone, and immediately forget their name. I’ve already forgotten it before they’ve even finished saying it. Want to know how bad it is? My brother and his wife are having a baby. A girl. They told me what they’re going to name her. Which I immediately forgot. I am going to be the best aunt ever! That’s why I think we should institute global name tags. It would make my life so much easier.
1. I lose my car in parking lots all of the time. I’m not talking a few minutes of wandering around in a parking lot (which I do on a regular basis). I’m talking HOURS. I lost my car at an Air Force football game for an hour and a half one time, and the one reason I found it was because it was the only car left. And I lost my mom’s car so thoroughly in a parking garage once that I contemplated calling the police, convinced it had been stolen (but knowing deep down that I had just lost it because THAT’S WHAT I DO.)
So there we are, the top 5 signs I’m losing my mind. So if you see me wandering around a parking garage, and I don’t remember your name, I may be sleepwalking. Be forewarned.