Preparing for marriage is hard.

There… I said it.  Step one, right?

I’m not just talking about figuring out reception seating arrangements and hoping for clear skies for our outdoor ceremony.  I’m also talking about the actual preparation going on between me and my bride-to-be.  I struggle with treating her like some kind of object that I need to fulfill my needs.  I’ve struggled with that for as long as I can remember.

I can easily recall my single days and the constant voice in the back of my head that kept reminding me that if I were to find someone, I would be completely happy and fulfilled.  Instead of digging deeper into that feeling of incompleteness, I could go on with my day and feel like I had figured out the answer.  All I needed was another person.  It doesn’t take too much probing to realize that I was not looking for a future wife… I was looking for an object.  A product that could magically take care of all of my needs.

I still struggle with that approach to life - both with my fiance and pretty much everything else.  My friends, my job, my possessions - pretty much everything in my life that at one time or another I have appreciated solely for the fulfillment that they bring me.  Specifically with me, this objectifying manifests itself within my relationships with women.

It’s hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I so easily have objectified women in the past, and I’m sure that it is a struggle I will continue to have.  It’s a struggle that I have to acknowledge and steadfastly work against.  When I look at marriages that are ripped apart by infidelity, I wonder if it is because the marriage itself was created to fill a need.  I wonder if the marriage stopped providing that fulfillment - even temporarily.  It makes it so easy to justify searching elsewhere.

So the question is, what else could fill that emptiness?  What else could erase that void?

I heard a guy say last night that true happiness is found by looking within yourself.  I was not amused.  Yourself?  That is the exact kind of thinking that leads right back to objectifying your friends, your significant other, your job, or whatever else might provide the temporary satisfaction you need to function.  I don’t understand at all the thinking behind believing that if you think about and want fulfillment enough, it will magically happen.

But maybe I’m the crazy one.  Maybe I’m the only one that struggles with finding it easier to plug others into my life to give me the fulfillment I need.  Maybe it means I should be a politician.