the dreaming tree

¹ Lord, you are the God who saves me;
day and night I cry out to you.
² May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.

³ I am overwhelmed with troubles
and my life draws near to death.
⁴ I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like one without strength.
⁵ I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.

⁶ You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
⁷ Your wrath lies heavily on me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
⁸ You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
⁹     my eyes are dim with grief.

I call to you, Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
¹⁰ Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do their spirits rise up and praise you?
¹¹ Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction?
¹² Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

¹³ But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
¹⁴ Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?

¹⁵ From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
¹⁶ Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
¹⁷ All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
¹⁸ You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend.

despite the fact that i remain in darkness much of the time, it’s still encouraging to know there is literally nothing that i can come up with, no feeling or philosophy or desire, that is not addressed in God’s Word. it still sucks to feel this way–i’d much rather relate to the happy songs–but at least i can know that God understands where i am. more than that: he put me here. i wish i knew why, but that doesn’t matter as much as whether or not i trust him and continue to call out to him. may i never cease to do so.