i went to my little brother’s high school graduation tonight. it was mostly what i expected, since i had graduated from the same high school four years previously. but it still made me think some things. i realized how far i’ve come after four years of college, and how drastic of a difference it has made, despite my ineffable belief that it has not. and even worse, as far as i have come, it’s really nowhere at all. i’m still a very selfish person, obsessed with convincing myself that i can change the world. but since elementary school, i have been a supreme underachiever. the kind that makes you just sick. i mean, sometimes i look at a superior athlete my age, but not making efforts to go to the next level, and i just can’t comprehend why he wouldn’t make that effort. and suddenly, tonight, i realized that’s me…just not on the athletic field. i’m really not wanting to come across as bragging, cause i certainly have nothing to brag about, but all my life, teachers have somehow thought i was smart. even while making a c in my tenth grade biology class, my teacher said i was brilliant. so now all i have to do is apply it. as if that was the easy part. what i really wanted to say in this space was how empty i’ve made my life, reflected by my look back to high school and reflections on college…the things i’ve witnessed and heard, and seen my classmates do. i’ve gotta do something with my life…got to make a difference. but where?