blogging…for?
what kind of people are more likely to blog? introspective personas? outgoing? people that fall into neither category? morgan made a post about her lack of posts recently because of an introspective mood as of late. and it kinda got my wheels churning about blogging in general and what prompts someone to do it. being introspective on a blog, for some, is what it’s all about. the sole purpose of that blog’s existence is to contain the owner’s feelings and thoughts on the world. others prefer a more light-hearted site. of course, most of this depends on the personality. but what moods will cause you not to blog? katey contends that she does not blog because she doesn’t feel like it is of interest (when introspectively thinking). she is afraid that carrying on about her inner thoughts is boring. me…i’m the opposite…much to the dismay of anyone that reads…haha. cause i DO carry on…and on…and on…and on…and on…and…well, you get the idea…i mean, it doesn’t seem like i’d want to write all that down…in fact, it would make perfect sense not to; these are MY deepest thoughts and dreams. why post them for an internet community of people i barely (if at all) know? yet i do it anyway. something about writing that down and knowing i have virtually no control over who will read it and that i will have to take responsibility for anything i say…well…it just kinda relieves me and brings everything to face. then again, maybe i do it because i am a naturally introspective person and in the early part of my life, never had a chance to share my deep-seeded emotions and ruminitions. and now (muahahahaha), i do have a medium for rambling. one thing i do know: we are all different…marvellously so. that’s why i love blogging and that’s why i surf to other blogs. perspective. that’s what i want to read about. i want to experience things from another perspective for once. or twice. i’ve been looking out these tired eyes my whole life. i wish i could, for just one day, see through a different set. i can’t comprehend what that would be like…what sort of revelations would be opened to me. or perhaps it would be traumatic…to not understand what was going on because the view had changed drastically, although that is the point…hehe. am i the only one that has wondered that? i want to see blue through another human’s eyes. i want to smell steak and remember why i’m a vegetarian. i sometimes feel trapped behind these eyes, inside my mind. and it’s in here that i’m destined to be forever (although, who knows what minds will be like in heaven). but what if? what if i could be another person…if only for a day.
you know you want to…
thanks to meg and michaela…
01: what is your first memory of me:
02: how long have we been friends:
03: tell about one memory we share together:
04: describe me in four adjectives:
05: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
06: name one thing you really don’t like about me:
07: name one thing you really do like about me:
08: if you could give me a gift what would it be:
09: have we ever gotten in a fight & about what:
10: have we ever hugged:
11: have we ever hung out with just the two of us?:
12: have you ever seen me cry:
13: have i ever offended you:
14: what is something embarrassing that i’ve done:
15: what do i usually look like when you see me:
16: what do i say all the time\whats my catch phrase:
17: do you think we will be friends in 5 years:
18: has there been anything you wanted to tell me, but didn’t:
19: what advice would you give me, in general:
20: suggest a band / cd for me to listen to:
21: is there a song that reminds you of me:
man…it really does feel like forever since i’ve posted anything. i’ve had the time, just nothing that has struck me as postworthy for you people. and i want every post to be worthy of your time…hehe. after all, if you’re on the internet, i want to not completely waste your time…or something. annnnnnnd i think i’ve used my quota of the word time for this entry…
jazz is such a beautiful form of music. not only that, it’s the original american genre. there’s a jazz for every mood i’m in. you’ve got your hard bop with art blakey and the jazz messengers, which is what i’m listening to right now. a song called “mr. jin.” then later, i’ll prolly cool down with miles davis and that beautiful trumpet. or maybe some ballads from billie holliday. then there’s always duke ellington, charles mingus, ‘trane, thelonius monk, wes montgomery and kenny burrell. the amount of good music is staggering. it’s really amazing what jazz does to me. i can’t imagine being able to listen to jazz and not being moved…at the very least tapping your foot or bouncing your head. jazz concerts are some of the most fun i’ve been to…i can’t help but put a smile on my face as the rhythms and chords sweep over me. last year, the ouachita jazz band had an amazing guitarist…i mean, he’s by far the best i’ve ever seen live…and he was only a freshmen! he wisely transferred to north texas where they have the resources to tap into his potential. not that we don’t have a decent music program, but ours is mostly a vocal institute. the instrumental department seems neglected at times. but, i knew that going in. i sure do miss playing in a symphony orchestra, though. wow…i started this about jazz and ended up talking about ouachita’s music dept. that’s the thing with me…music is my passion, and if i get started on any bit of it, i’m bound to go for awhile. and who knows where i’ll be led? so stop me if i move too fast.:) but for now, it’s time to go to bed. (d’oh!)
look in my eyes
i’m jaded now whatever that means
by sharing these things
i rip my heart out
it’s worth my time
whatever that means…
hard to see up
my neck feels stiff until i wake up
the orange i choked
and back to my neck
it’s worth my time
whatever that means….so
share with me
cause i need it right now
let me see your insides
or write me off
cause i’d rather starve now
if you won’t open up
give it to me
give me all… whatever you want
it’s never been me
to want this much from you
i can see
it tears me up
i am such a selfish man. it’s unbelievable the things i expect of other people, especially when i don’t do jack myself. and i’m really sick and tired of being mediocre at best in everything i do. i’ve gotta make a mark somewhere. and i want to learn to work hard. that might sound crazy, but i really need to develop a work ethic that is above 0. i feel like i’m disappointing everyone with my behavior and lack of attention to detail. they say life is in the details…and so i must not have any life. i pray that God will bless me with a better attitude; a better work ethic…but i don’t get anywhere. perhaps my prayers are self-motivated and not true at the core. but i think i mean them. is that enough?
questions…blah, blah, blah
1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space. adequate
2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer. whoops…i don’t have one
3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime. enlivening, creative, refreshing
4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day. sleepy, lonely, strange, contemplative
5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life. different, creative, love, unpredictable, established
dang it, blogger. you had to lose that post, didn’t you? *sigh*
so, last night i had an extreme longing to go camping. and so that’s what i did. for some odd reason, i keep a sleeping bag in my truck, and i finally used it. there is a little-known bluff overlooking the ouachita river that is just off of the campus. i took my bag and hiked the short distance up to it and lay beneath the stars in the crisp november air. it was a bit breezy, but not bad at all. in the morning, i awoke to see two giant birds (i think they were hawks) circling above me. realizing i was in an orange sleeping bag on the top of a bluff, i figured they might be looking at me and decided i had better get up before they made up their minds that i looked too good to pass up. upon getting up, i didn’t really know what to do other than leave. i really wanted to build a fire and cook breakfast. that would’ve been perfect on this clear and beautiful morning…why didn’t i have bacon and a frying pan? oh well…it was a terrific night alone in the woods.
i’m feeling it again. despair, loneliness, ineptitude…i don’t know what triggers these things. maybe it’s the truth…maybe i don’t have that much to live for. but i don’t think that’s the case. times like these, though, i just have the worst time convincing myself otherwise. and so in the meantime, i’m stuck in this terrible rut of what seems like an eternal wasteland. all i can do, i guess, is keep scratching and clawing until i find my way out again.
just got back from an excellent weekend in the studio with mayor dave and the shorter ones. what a time. i love being in the studio, creating music. it’s possibly one of the most fun processes on the earth. we touched up on all of our previous five tracks and added a new song. and let me tell you, this new one freakin RAWKS! i can seriously see it being the number one hit of the year. haha…just kidding. but i really dig it. and that ain’t no lie. or something. and stuff.
in other news, the war in the middle east is really starting to piss me off, especially now that i’m learning about it all in detail in my contemporary world class. i mean, i always thought it was rather retarded to begin with, but seriously…can’t we all just get along?! some may crucify me for this, but i don’t think the jews have a (more) legitimate claim to that land than palestinians. there is absolutely no reason why there can’t be some concession from both sides. it’s ridiculous. obviously, the jews claim it’s their promised land from God…but i submit to you that it is no longer their’s. God essentially has abandoned the notion that israel is his nation and has spread his love and salvation to all the nations. that pretty much revokes the whole zionist way of thinking, in my mind.
so…i copied off of megan and josh and started another blog to host my poems and stories…here it is…
drawn into being
hope you like at least one of them.
five questions
1. What food do you like that most people hate? hmmm…i don’t really know what most people hate. there are some things at the cafe that a lot of people hate that i like…for instance, the tater tot casserole.
2. What food do you hate that most people love? well, i don’t think there is a food i hate…but i’m not a huge fan of chicken…although i will eat it if that’s what’s served…
3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you? jennifer lopez
4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find
attractive? steve buscemi (haha)
5. What popular trend baffles you? the faded out look on jeans…especially on the butt region…
so…i must have either scared a lot of people or pissed some people off with that ultra-psycho post i made. i guess, in some sense, you have to understand me to appreciate that in any way whatsoever. wait…no one understands me…great. but here’s the deal, it was just a random rumination on the effect of death, albeit in a very twisted manner. i would not at all enjoy the experience. i don’t think charles manson was the second coming of christ. hannibal lector is not my hero. perhaps i shouldn’t have posted that. i’m not gonna apologize for it, unless i seriously offended someone, in that case, please e-mail me…i just want to put some context into it. and the context is that i, like many people i’m sure, think about death from time to time. the thing with me, is that i tend to over-analyze things…or really in this case over-ruminate about things. i like to consider so many different angles and that is one that i came up with. it doesn’t mean it’s my credo, or something i have on my “things to do before i’m 30″ list. and for those wondering, i’m gonna make one for real someday. anyway, to bring this to a close, take everything i write on here with a grain of salt. and consider that i’m often writing these things on the spur of a moment. and maybe take my words and think about it for yourself. sometimes i, not in this case, really, say stuff to challenge people. and by say stuff i mean take things to the ultimate level…no watering down. because if we don’t allow our minds to breathe, if we don’t consider life and all its twists and turns, all its ups and downs, all its rights and lefts (hah! you thought i was gonna say wrongs!)…what good is it having minds that reason?
everyone who has the capability, go watch this video by my dear pal jeremy
video of genius magnitude
and laugh.
well, this morning…
i’d been up studying all night for a german test and i got that urge to do something i’d never done before. you know the one. so i weighed my options…and it went something like this: i could drive to mexico…no. i could try to swim a mile…no, i could streak through campus…hmmm…no. i could dye my hair…yes! so, i drove to wal-mart at 4am and searched the aisles, trying to find the perfect match for my hair-type. it took awhile, cause i didn’t have a girl with me to help. and so, i now have bleached blonde hair…i know, you were hoping i went for the pink. maybe next time. i’m not quite as cool as meg and prolly couldn’t pull that off very well. i know when to stop…sometimes…
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