the dreaming tree

happy new year, everyone.

i said in the last post i was tired of football, but today the razorbacks won in their bowl game against missouri! that’s boss. and tomorrow morning, at a salty 9 am, i’ll be playing in the 31st annual cereal bowl with guys from my church. last year, this was the very event in which i broke my left pinky finger, continued playing in the game, and had the game saving interception in the second overtime. i’m amazing. and usually humble, but when it comes to that…i guess not. see ya next year.

christmas 2003 is over, so they say. time to get amped up for new year’s, i guess…and football. actually, i’m tired of football. *gasp* it’s true, though. anyway, here’s a few random notes that have been on my mind this week…

•i will be 23 on friday…that still seems so old.
•i went to a methodist church on sunday…and it was one of the worst services i have ever been to. (no offense to you, geof.) i’m sure there are some decent methodist churches out there, but i just had a terrible time focusing on God…instead i found myself criticizing every aspect of the church…the woman preacher…the bad organist…the out-of-tune piano…the lack of the gospel being preached…the lackluster hymn-singing. it was sad, but so was my attitude, i guess. *sigh*
•i have a strange desire to be a truck driver for 6 months or so after i graduate.
•friendships, new and old, traditional and “modern,” are rad…but also difficult at times. and it’s at these difficult times when the bonds between two people show their true mettle. thank God for it all.
•texas might be one of the most overrated states in the union…although i do like a lot of it.
•i need a haircut.
•i don’t ever make new year’s resolutions…maybe that’s why i never really accomplish anything…so perhaps my resolution is to make some…
•punk is dead.

to my loyal readers (both of you):

this blogger will be on vacation in texas for the next 7 days. thanks, and have a happy christmas.

love
david

well, i just had a wonderful evening of packing up my room for the move across campus, and hanging out with my new friend emily. she experienced many things…most of them proving how much of a dork i am. lessee…i backed over a curb and side-swiped a tree. a small one, though…so don’t worry, my truck is ok. heh. also, i got insanely and unnecessarily excited about explaining what a balk is. of course i acted it out. and, i told many anti-climactic stories. i had fun, though. especially when i found out she has two mickey mantle baseball cards and a willie mays. now, how cool is that? quite chilly.

tomorrow i will be back home after a long semester. and even though i’m on break, i have a lot of things to accomplish before the beginning of next semester. i’m pretty intent on getting stuff done this time, too. i’m tired of wallowing in mediocrity, and so, God-willing, i am embarking on a new chapter of life in which i actually go to class, do my homework and finish projects before the last minute. it’s exciting to think of the possibilities…but also sobering to realize the many pitfalls that await me. i pray that Satan is kept at bay, and that the strength of Christ fulfills my every ache, desire and need. i can’t decide if that’s correct grammar there in that list, but oh well. you get the idea. and more importantly, so does He. i’ll see ya on the other side.

this.is.hilarious. enjoy…

well, this is gonna be one of those boring “here’s what i’ve been up to recently” posts. but here’s what i’ve been up to…

it’s the last day of the last week of the 2003 fall semester at ouachita baptist university. did i accomplish my goals this semester? no. did i come close? no. do i have hope for next semester? yes. many of you that read this already know that i struggle regularly with depression, and this semester has been one of the worst. some days, some weeks, i literally can’t force myself to do what i know has to be done. it is incredibly frustrating. things came to a front about two and a half weeks ago and i hit what i would consider my all time low. since then, i have really confronted myself and my illness and i think i am finally crawling out of the greased bucket i somehow ended up in. i say i, but really i mean God. i’m learning more and more daily, almost exponentially, how much i have to, have to, rely on him for everything. there isn’t a thing i can do for myself. i think that’s one issue that i was stumbling over big time. i kept thinking to myself, “well, if i can just do this, then i’ll let God take over…” nope. that isn’t how it works. surrender to God and then change will occur. so, thanks be to God that 1) he has rescued me from the miry clay AGAIN, 2) this semester is over, 3) i have hope for tomorrow. hope. what a satisfying word. i like for it to linger on my lips and stay on top of my mind…it is refreshing…like a cool breeze on a sultry day. yes…i think i will let that word stay for awhile. hope.

i want to run and hide
from the real, from the world,
from a part of me i know has died.
so why am i so callous,
why am i so cold?
why am i so frightened
by the thought of growing old?

and what has changed inside me?
what, if anything, makes sense?
why are we so captive to our earthly consequense?

i want to be something to someone
like i’m valid, like i’m pivotal, like i’m loved.
and i don’t want the footfalls to echo in my memory
to the garden that i could have owned

if the beauty of life’s a sunset, then i’m a silhouette,
why keep clinging to these empty chains,
i want to live life without regrets.

webbed morning

a freshly woven web
and a drop of dew
unite in the morning
sunshine.
and they are coerced
into a flame of glittering
beauty, shining full on
and it pleads to be loved.

i was looking through some old papers, and i found a collaborative poem that michaela and i did over IM a long time ago…

i fell down the spiral staircase
but you stole romance
and ran…
left me here, heart in hands
bleeding with the memory of you
cause i need you here,
and nowhere else,
should you think for a moment
that you might escape my stare.

and so i wrap you up in my circus charade,
pretend that everything is fine;
hiding beneath these shattered walls
in dreams you left behind.

(all the good lines are hers…just so you know.)

in my room i find solace
from a cloistral life that is mine and mine alone,
but outside the world keeps spinnin’ by,
waving hello and then goodbye.

and i can’t find exact change
so i can climb on board and
perhaps find my place inside
this not-so-merry-go-round.
excuse me please
i know i’m behind,
just give me a chance…

i’m runnin’ to make you believe
i’m worth somethin’ more
than what i’ve done so far.

mayor dave (my band) had a show in dallas on friday night. it was our first real travelling experience as a band. it went about as well as we could have hoped, i think. we played for around 30 people that had never heard us before, but after every song i heard plenty of yelling and clapping…for us…not some clown or anything. we really played well. i think we’re well on our way to the rock ‘n’ roll hall of fame…ok, maybe not quite yet. but i feel very confident about our direction right now. who am i? i sound like i’m answering questions in rolling stone or something. i’m no rockstar, i’m just a guy that loves being on stage and sharing music. it’s so exciting…i’m as a giddy as a schoolboy with his first crush.

as if that wasn’t enough, the band and i then got to hang out with chrissy…how dreamy. i mean…salty. i mean…we had a blast. if you don’t know chrissy…i’m sorry. i really am. you’re missing out on some good lovin’. hahahaha. gabriel?!

second list of 100 things…
read at your own risk…you could lose brain cells…

1. i love the beatles
2. when i started learning to play guitar, i tried to do it left-handed so i could be like paul mccartney
3. it didn’t work out.
4. i started playing baseball at age 5
5. it worked out.
6. sometimes i sit alone at night and watch sportscenter.
7. i love discovering new music.
8. and sharing it with someone else may be the best part.
9. i laugh a lot.
10. legos and g.i. joes were staples of my childhood.
11. i would still play with legos if i had time.
12. i barely have time to brush my teeth anymore.
13. not that i’m that worried…i’ve never had a cavity.
14. is my breath bad?
15. one of my favorite things to be able to do with a girl is nothing.
16. cause that means that i feel really comfortable with her and don’t feel like i have to force anything.
17. i think ponytails are hot.
18. my dad puts mayonnaise on his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
19. that is utterly gross.
20. i would love to learn a semitic language.
21. what do people with linguistic degrees end up doing?
22. i think my favorite animal would have to be…just dinosaurs in general.
23. i am clinically depressed.
24. which makes me feel like no one understands me.
25. i love looking at other people’s handwriting.
26. i used to practice my signature…and other people’s.
27. i hate being patronized.
28. i hate stupid people.
29. but sometimes i’m stupid.
30. if a=b and b=c, then a=c.
31. that’s called the transitive property.
32. a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced on whether or not i have bread.
33. i want to own my own recording studio.
34. when i was a young one, i called beans bim-bims.
35. and i used to call panting hef-heffing.
36. love is a risk i’m willing to take.
37. i know next to nothing about politics.
38. i never understood the purpose of parades.
39. martin guitars are better than taylors.
40. cause…they just are.
41. #41.
42. if you name a song untitled…isn’t it titled?
43. genius is a term that is used entirely too freely these days.
44. especially in music and writing.
45. am i a genius?
46. i hate bands that try to be who they aren’t.
47. mayor dave played in dallas!
48. i cannot decide if i’d like to live in a large city like dallas or not.
49. i’m on a rap kick recently.
50. can’t explain it.
51. the above phrase applies to much of my life.
52. i was in a 4-h club called the little rock leprechauns.
53. and yes, i approved of the name at the time.
54. i like taco bell.
55. i think i put that on the other list.
56. i practice writing left-handed in class.
57. i’m left-footed.
58. and my left eye is dominant.
59. i’ve only been drunk once.
60. and i hated it.
61. lemme repeat that.
62. and i hated it.
63. i fell asleep to the matrix: reloaded last night.
64. i like chinese food.
65. no, i love chinese food.
66. what is so evil about 666?
67. i am a civil war reenactor.
68. but i haven’t been to an event in about three years.
69. i fight for the union.
70. cause we won.
71. seriously…get over it.
72. i like trucks.
73. i think bubbles are so fun to play with.
74. i’ve got an eminem and a tupac sticker on my guitar case.
75. indian and oriental music is fascinating to me.
76. but then, so is every other form of music.
77. why is 7 the “heavenly” number?
78. speaking of numbers, those fascinate me, as well.
79. that doesn’t mean i always love math class.
80. i’m working on a hole in my guitar.
81. it’s next to the existing soundhole.
82. i still don’t have a cell phone.
83. chair is a weird word to me.
84. history is alive.
85. i was on the quiz bowl team.
86. rode the bench.
87. i missed being a national merit semi-finalist by one lousy point.
88. celebrity is an odd concept, don’t you think?
89. my mom wouldn’t let me play football till my senior year of high school.
90. i coulda been a contenda.
91. i’ve drawn on my keyboard with a sharpie.
92. apple computers are schweet.
93. too bad they’re too expensive.
94. i suddenly have a desire for a laptop.
95. not like, just then…in the past few weeks.
96. i am absent-minded.
97. where are my keys?
98. i used to get headaches on certain days of the week.
99. i have done every conscious thing possible to avoid a southern accent.
100. until next time…

today i’m feeling goooooooooooood. :big smile:

so here’s some mitch hedberg…

that would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, “it’s cool, he’s with me.”

hahahahahaha…he gets me every time!

it’s gonna be ok. that’s what i have to keep telling myself. i’m not sure i always believe it, but i think i know it somewhere in my mind. which, as much as that sounds confusing, it’s actually ten times worse. yet i have hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ. cause even when i don’t believe, it is true. even when i ran away, he is running ahead of me and leaving only what obstacles he deems necessary. he gives me the strength to manuever through them and eventually come out stronger, not of my own accord, but of his. and that is so incredible. that he takes a worthless sinner like me, and sows a seed that produces a being that glorifies him. wow. he knows my future and he’s preparing me for every step i will take. thank God.

so…i have a funny story about fire ants. this one time i decided i wanted to build a fire, and so i went to this park about an half-mile from ouachita. it was dark…about 8:30 or so. anyway, went around and gathered some really nice morsels of wood, if i do say so. satisfied with my pile of wood, i knelt down next to one of the grills to start building my fire. since the story isn’t about the fire, i won’t talk about it. because i never got it going. i felt something, actually somethings, crawling over me. so i got up after ignoring it for a few minutes and discovered that my arms were crawling…with fire ants. mmmm…i ripped off my shirt (does that make me sound like a super hero?) and proceeded to hop around the parking lot like a madman, insuring that not one was left to bite me. needless to say, i got bitten pretty good. and let me tell you, fire ant bites can itch like crazy. annnnnd they did. the moral of the story is, never kneel down to build a fire on top of a fire ant mound. it ain’t a pretty sight.