the dreaming tree

happy new year, everyone.

i said in the last post i was tired of football, but today the razorbacks won in their bowl game against missouri! that’s boss. and tomorrow morning, at a salty 9 am, i’ll be playing in the 31st annual cereal bowl with guys from my church. last year, this was the very event in which i broke my left pinky finger, continued playing in the game, and had the game saving interception in the second overtime. i’m amazing. and usually humble, but when it comes to that…i guess not. see ya next year.

christmas 2003 is over, so they say. time to get amped up for new year’s, i guess…and football. actually, i’m tired of football. *gasp* it’s true, though. anyway, here’s a few random notes that have been on my mind this week…

•i will be 23 on friday…that still seems so old.
•i went to a methodist church on sunday…and it was one of the worst services i have ever been to. (no offense to you, geof.) i’m sure there are some decent methodist churches out there, but i just had a terrible time focusing on God…instead i found myself criticizing every aspect of the church…the woman preacher…the bad organist…the out-of-tune piano…the lack of the gospel being preached…the lackluster hymn-singing. it was sad, but so was my attitude, i guess. *sigh*
•i have a strange desire to be a truck driver for 6 months or so after i graduate.
•friendships, new and old, traditional and “modern,” are rad…but also difficult at times. and it’s at these difficult times when the bonds between two people show their true mettle. thank God for it all.
•texas might be one of the most overrated states in the union…although i do like a lot of it.
•i need a haircut.
•i don’t ever make new year’s resolutions…maybe that’s why i never really accomplish anything…so perhaps my resolution is to make some…
•punk is dead.

to my loyal readers (both of you):

this blogger will be on vacation in texas for the next 7 days. thanks, and have a happy christmas.

love
david

well, i just had a wonderful evening of packing up my room for the move across campus, and hanging out with my new friend emily. she experienced many things…most of them proving how much of a dork i am. lessee…i backed over a curb and side-swiped a tree. a small one, though…so don’t worry, my truck is ok. heh. also, i got insanely and unnecessarily excited about explaining what a balk is. of course i acted it out. and, i told many anti-climactic stories. i had fun, though. especially when i found out she has two mickey mantle baseball cards and a willie mays. now, how cool is that? quite chilly.

tomorrow i will be back home after a long semester. and even though i’m on break, i have a lot of things to accomplish before the beginning of next semester. i’m pretty intent on getting stuff done this time, too. i’m tired of wallowing in mediocrity, and so, God-willing, i am embarking on a new chapter of life in which i actually go to class, do my homework and finish projects before the last minute. it’s exciting to think of the possibilities…but also sobering to realize the many pitfalls that await me. i pray that Satan is kept at bay, and that the strength of Christ fulfills my every ache, desire and need. i can’t decide if that’s correct grammar there in that list, but oh well. you get the idea. and more importantly, so does He. i’ll see ya on the other side.

this.is.hilarious. enjoy…

well, this is gonna be one of those boring “here’s what i’ve been up to recently” posts. but here’s what i’ve been up to…

it’s the last day of the last week of the 2003 fall semester at ouachita baptist university. did i accomplish my goals this semester? no. did i come close? no. do i have hope for next semester? yes. many of you that read this already know that i struggle regularly with depression, and this semester has been one of the worst. some days, some weeks, i literally can’t force myself to do what i know has to be done. it is incredibly frustrating. things came to a front about two and a half weeks ago and i hit what i would consider my all time low. since then, i have really confronted myself and my illness and i think i am finally crawling out of the greased bucket i somehow ended up in. i say i, but really i mean God. i’m learning more and more daily, almost exponentially, how much i have to, have to, rely on him for everything. there isn’t a thing i can do for myself. i think that’s one issue that i was stumbling over big time. i kept thinking to myself, “well, if i can just do this, then i’ll let God take over…” nope. that isn’t how it works. surrender to God and then change will occur. so, thanks be to God that 1) he has rescued me from the miry clay AGAIN, 2) this semester is over, 3) i have hope for tomorrow. hope. what a satisfying word. i like for it to linger on my lips and stay on top of my mind…it is refreshing…like a cool breeze on a sultry day. yes…i think i will let that word stay for awhile. hope.

i want to run and hide
from the real, from the world,
from a part of me i know has died.
so why am i so callous,
why am i so cold?
why am i so frightened
by the thought of growing old?

and what has changed inside me?
what, if anything, makes sense?
why are we so captive to our earthly consequense?

i want to be something to someone
like i’m valid, like i’m pivotal, like i’m loved.
and i don’t want the footfalls to echo in my memory
to the garden that i could have owned

if the beauty of life’s a sunset, then i’m a silhouette,
why keep clinging to these empty chains,
i want to live life without regrets.

webbed morning

a freshly woven web
and a drop of dew
unite in the morning
sunshine.
and they are coerced
into a flame of glittering
beauty, shining full on
and it pleads to be loved.

i was looking through some old papers, and i found a collaborative poem that michaela and i did over IM a long time ago…

i fell down the spiral staircase
but you stole romance
and ran…
left me here, heart in hands
bleeding with the memory of you
cause i need you here,
and nowhere else,
should you think for a moment
that you might escape my stare.

and so i wrap you up in my circus charade,
pretend that everything is fine;
hiding beneath these shattered walls
in dreams you left behind.

(all the good lines are hers…just so you know.)

in my room i find solace
from a cloistral life that is mine and mine alone,
but outside the world keeps spinnin’ by,
waving hello and then goodbye.

and i can’t find exact change
so i can climb on board and
perhaps find my place inside
this not-so-merry-go-round.
excuse me please
i know i’m behind,
just give me a chance…

i’m runnin’ to make you believe
i’m worth somethin’ more
than what i’ve done so far.