the dreaming tree

*typed from a writing at 5:15 this morning in sea-tac airport*

i’m sitting in the airport on the verge of tears. i always get sentimental at times like this, and i’m so terrible at saying goodbye. not goodbye, i’ll see ya soon, but goodbye, i don’t know when or even if we’ll meet again. when i left pittsburgh after a week at the summer youth institute, i had only known those people since i got there the week before. i developed strong ties in a short time from nothing…and i’m still missing their company. i last saw them in january 2001. but this morning is different. i’ve already cultivated relationships before an actual meeting, through the wonder we know as the al gore…i mean internet. and going in, i already knew a lot of what to expect. and so here i am, having to say goodbye to these dear friends and heading home to no such group. it has been such a rarity in my life to find any group of people where i am comfortable being myself. within a matter of minutes among these friends, i was able to release myself to roam as it may. it frustrates me that i am unable to accomplish this in real life, despite many attempts to do so. i honestly can’t think of many other times when i had so much fun as myself. perhaps it is because…actually, i really have no idea why. if we were to see each other more often, maybe it wouldn’t last in the same manner. i like to think it would.

the internet has provided a way for me to find like-minded individuals and get to know them at a pace different from non-keyboard interaction. i’m not sure what the ins and outs of those different dynamics are, and at this stage, i don’t need to know. i know it works. but it is so fascinating that i long to understand what is happening. i’m developing amazing friendships with people all over the country, people i may only have an opportunity to meet a few times in this life. it has a blessing which compounds itself everyday. and then again God amazes me. never would i have so many wonderful relationships on my own. and the tears begin again as i realize how God has provided what i need, in places i never would have thought to look. i am so unworthy of these things, these people in my life. yet he sees fit to give me roaring waterfalls of abundant blessing. why do i continue to run to my own devices? why can’t i simply marvel at the wonders He provides and be content there? Lord change my heart into clay in your hands and mold me into a being who honors, enjoys and glorifies you. thank you for the wonderful, wonderful times with morgan, sarah, julie, julie, andrew, jim (sir), jesse, cory, tyler, carley, hannah and laura.

and thanks to all ya’ll for making me feel welcome. it was awesome.