who i am…the search continues

recently i’ve started to buy into some of the stuff that people have been telling me recently…that i’m funny, good to hang out with, cool, etc. i’m kinda going against my typical self-deprication and reveling in it, because i haven’t ever had the chance to make that impression on people. i just went to out to lunch with a husband/wife piano duo that will perform tonight at ouachita, along with some of the guys from phi mu alpha. and i found myself being pretty outgoing and producing a lot of laughs, which made me laugh and just feel joyful. i’ve not thought that highly of myself in the past and often doubted why anyone would spend time with me, and that has led to lots of lonliness…and generally speaking, i only have myself to blame for that. maybe i’m a late-bloomer or something, but it looks like i’m emerging from the shell i built around myself in junior high and high school. i’m feeling more and more confident that i might actually have something to offer to certain people and that is mighty nice. but there is always the temptation to feel secure in myself, when in fact i have nothing without Jesus. he wakes me from the depths of sin everyday, and everyday i realize how much more i need him. i want to find my niche and at the same time be identified by nothing other than Christ. i want people to see Jesus through me, in whatever capacity or position i may be in. i’m feeling more confident and carrying myself a little differently these past few weeks, and i want that to continue. it sure is more enjoyable than being a prune.