falling

i’m not sure why i let myself get carried away into fantasy realities with such a long shot of fruition. i become so confident that i’ve figured out what the future holds that i wash away the nagging voice and replace it with someone so sure of success that the slightest perceived setback produces devestation. where is God in all of this? that appears to be the source of trouble–the fact that i am asking that question at all. i convince myself that i am seeking God’s will, when the fact of the matter might just be that i instead wish to impose my will, or my interpretation of what i think i need, upon God’s skeleton outline of my life. istruggle with permitting his perfect will to, not just guide, but rule my life’s course. i deny that i do not adhere to that which God plans and i pretend, still, to revel in his grace. therefore what must i do? repent. i must fall to my knees and ask forgiveness for this sin, and seek guidance from Christ alone. when i venture out on my own, i will encounter nothing but my own destruction. it appears to be something i’m quite practiced and rehearsed at. will i never learn?