i am needy

the week in florida was great and i’ll have pictures later. but i want to talk about something else: i’ve realized how self-absorbed i really am. i wanted all the girls on the beach to stop and look at me, so convinced i am that i look that good. i have so much pride that i convince myself i am worthy of attention, and when i don’t get it, i become upset. i’ve come to expect compliments. i deem many things stupid, because i imagine i know so much, yet i’m practically failing school and don’t know when i’ll graduate. i let down so many people, especially my parents. and worst of all, i don’t really believe and trust in the gospel.

the thing i love about reformed theology is that it paints a true picture of my desperate need for Christ, and that was reinforced over and over this past week in florida, both in song and speech. i’m broken, a sinner. i need a savior. Jesus was killed that i might have life. and not only do i not have to do anything, i can not do anything. it is only by God’s grace that i even recognize my absolute need for him. and i need to be reminded every hour of the day, lest i lean on myself again. i have been distant from Jesus and from his church, and it has eroded my heart into unbelief. i have not been loving. i confess that i have sought only my own good. i could literally go on and on about this, but i will spare you, the reader. the good news is that i have been redeemed by Christ and i am a child of God. all praise and glory to him forever and ever.