the dreaming tree

get ready, here’s another potentially long and boring post with no resolution.

i’ve been having difficulty lately, it seems, with forming original thoughts, or even thinking like i’m accustomed to thinking. i can’t write poems cause i can’t come up with any ideas, or develop the meager ones i have; i struggle to finish school assignments when the answers are literally right in front of me…i’m having a hard time just writing a stupid xanga post. i’m on adderall, which is for add if you didn’t know, and that’s supposed to help me concentrate–sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. maybe it’s one of the other medications i’m taking. it doesn’t seem like i feel or experience emotions as deeply as i once did, at least not too often. i’m still introspective/introverted, but a lot of the time it’s like my mind is looking at a blank wall and there’s nothing to introspect about. (of course right now i’m managing to accomplish at least a little thought.) another thing is that i’m having trouble thinking of the right words to use to express my thoughts, however shallow they may have become, or even sometimes in my assignments i have to think and grasp for the right words, which may or may not present themselves to me.

i don’t want to be on medications that take away so much depth from my mind, if indeed that is what is causing my present state. however, at the same time, it appears they may be necessary for me to function on a somewhat dependable basis. that is a thought that greatly annoys and frightens me. do i have a choice? yes, of course i have a choice, but what i have to consider is what will be most profitable for my life. i’m just generally frustrated, with practical life and the problems i encounter (which are certainly not much different from anyone else’s), trying to figure things out and arriving at no conclusion, and especially at the apparent decline of my mind. as per usual, i don’t know what to do, or if there’s anything i can do.