the dreaming tree

ryan adams, how are you so good?

i told a gentleman at my parents’ small group that i was in a rock band, and then went on to mention that we are playing a concert at a church this week. so he asked me if we played christian rock, and i said, “no…i mean, we’re all christians…” but this confused him. he pointed out that we were playing at a church and that we wouldn’t play “hey jude” there, would we? all i could do was give him a look like, oh really? maybe we would, if we were so inclined. i didn’t say anything further to him because i wasn’t comfortable causing a stir at my parents’ small group, but i really wanted to. and ever since then i’ve been wishing i had. because it really pisses me off that there is this so-called thing of “christian rock.” we play rock ‘n’ roll. look, as a christian, by definition every thing i do will be “christian.” that is, from a christian worldview. it doesn’t mean that everything i produce has to be categorized in a special christian section and labeled as such. how ’bout let the words speak for themselves like they do for everyone else? not every song is going to have jesus referenced specifically in it, just like everything a christian artist paints doesn’t have a cross in it (or at least, i hope not). there are certainly times and places for those kinds of songs, but sometimes we write songs about girls or loneliness or being angry…this does not mean we aren’t christians, or that what we’re producing is not honoring to God. if i write a symphony, i’m not going to make sure to note that it is a “christian symphony” so that christians will know it’s ok to listen to and will be able to properly enjoy it. how silly does that sound, anyway? it’s so disappointing to me when christians refuse to listen to music that isn’t labeled by someone as christian…open your little mind. i could go on about this, but i won’t. i’ll just say that there is a great need for christians who actually make good music (and write good books…that area is even worse sometimes). there are a few, but overall “christian rock” is pitiful. probably because they’re worrying more about making sure it’s “christian” and accessible to christians, rather than making the best art they can.

i’m not very assertive in most of what i do, and this is especially true in regard to my relationships with girls. on more than one occasion i have lost an opportunity to date a girl i was interested in, and it was because i failed to “make a move,” as it were. even the one real dating relationship i managed to have was a result of her taking initiative to move things along, whereas i was still content to simply “hang out,” even though i was sure i wanted to be “official.” now, i do like to move slowly when i’m getting to know a girl; i want to be friends first, and then maybe later i’ll be interested in dating her. i mean, i want to know who she is and what she’s like before i just bound into something more serious. i’ve never been one to just meet a girl (or see her) and suddenly have a desire to jump into a dating relationship…that’s probably obvious. anyway, the point is that i have gotten to know girls to the point where i was interested in the so-called next step…and then that never comes, because i never say anything and they get bored and move on. i’m stupid. or as rhonda pointed out, maybe it’s because i know they’re not what i really want. and she might have something. there was one girl i was really interested in, so interested that i actually told her…unfortunately the situation wasn’t really ripe for a relationship, for a number of reasons, but mostly because she lived a long way away. she’s soon to be married, and i don’t have any regrets about that because i actually was assertive, it just wasn’t in God’s plan, so that’s fine. the thing is, i like being just friends with girls. i really enjoy the girls i talk to and most of the time i’m not even thinking about anything further. i guess i get nervous after that of messing things up if i try to pursue a dating relationship. or i feel like i have to be 100% confident that’s what i want before i attempt it. i don’t really want to date just to date, but maybe it’d be a good idea to be a little more proactive and take a few girls i might be interested in on a few dates just to see if anything happens…i don’t know. i know there are definitely times i need to just go for it and not be such a wimp about it. as usual, i don’t have a conclusion here, it’s just something i’ve been thinking about, so i’m writing it down, as undeveloped as it is.

this just in:

andrew osenga will be playing a special concert with father maple and coin laundry loser on april 1 at the parkway place baptist church youth building (in little rock). if you’re in the area, come to the show and i guarantee osenga will blow your mind.

this is not a joke.

and whatever george mason’s cheer is…yeah!

well, i got it chopped off. of course she took off much more than i wanted, but i s’pose i’ll live.

on a side note, i’ve been listening to the dave matthews band’s newest live release, weekend on the rocks, and it’s pretty much freakin’ amazing. yeah, we were all a little disappointed with stand up…but those songs live are ridiculous and make me so happy to listen to. and they play some old favorites, which still rock. dmb still has it…live, at least.

oh, and muchos thanks to scott for hooking me up with the new mute math album. it’s very very very good. thanks for the love, man.

the end of an era…

see, i get happier as more hair is removed. until tomorrow when i get the hair on top of my head cut…and i mean really cut. no more long hair for david. it’s a sad day. sorry for posting so many pictures lately. i’m vain, i know.

i was actually thinking about that today as i’ve been in distress about the shearing of my hair. i love my hair. and i like it when it’s long, even though various people have told me it looks better short. i, being vain, am of course concerned with how i look (most of the time), but i like having long hair, despite the potential of looking better otherwise. there’s just something about it that thrills me. i just like how long hair feels. (of course, i do have bad hair days when i’m greatly annoyed by it.) i love when my hair is blowing in the breeze, as dumb as that might sound. and in revealing that to you, i’m risking much mockery…of which i’m somewhat prepared for. i think.

my hair has become an idol. it’s not a sin of itself, but has become one because i’m addicted to it. i worship it. and not that any idol is more or less of a sin than another, but this one is probably one of the biggest idols in my life right now. maybe that means it needs to be dealt with in a more severe manner, i’m not sure. i don’t even know exactly how i should deal with it. that’s because i can’t remember a time when i’ve consciously sought to erase an idol, or even specifically identify one–except perhaps a few times in church when i’d feel guilty about something and sort of half-heartedly confess it. i didn’t even consider the possibility of my hair as an idol until today, as i’ve been concerned with losing it…losing something i love.

the reason i’m getting a haircut isn’t because i’m keen on getting rid of an idol. it’s because i’m trying to find a job, and, since this culture is very much based on appearances, shorter hair greatly helps my odds in that search. i don’t want to do it. i’m even now trying to figure a way to both get the job, and keep my hair at length. (the haircut is gonna win.)

the question is, will a haircut effectively purge this idol? i’m pretty sure the answer is no. i’ll most likely still be thinking about it, wishing it was there, looking forward to it’s eventual return, bitter that i had to cut it. i need to be changed from within. it’s not a simple matter of cutting my hair, or adjusting bad habits; what needs to be destroyed are the very desires and urgings of my wicked heart. because the truth of the matter is greater and more dangerous than one idol: i worship myself. at the same time, i deceive myself, feeling complacently satisfied with my heart and life; i have not only become more important than God, i refuse to recognize the truth of my idolatry or mark its significance. i avoid contact with the truth so it’s easier to maintain the lie…and it doesn’t bother me.

i want to be bothered.

we now have t-shirts available for the first time. here’s one of our models wearing one:

you will have the opportunity to buy one at any show, or you can send us money and we will mail you one. we have a new paypal account we’re getting set up, so that will be an option soon. t-shirts are $10, and of course we still have cds for $5. if you have questions, or need to know where to send money, e-mail me at caedmondave@yahoo.com.

so i finally saw elizabethtown the other day. i knew i was going to be writing this post about seven minutes into it, but i still don’t know exactly what i want to write. i liked it and i hated it. i started this post last night, and i still don’t know what to write. i liked the story alright, but the movie confused my emotions. i’m pretty confident that’s what cameron crowe was trying to do, because he’s too good to not know what he’s doing. and so i appreciate that he was able to do that. i did like the last part when he’s following her map. that kinda made me sentimental for some reason. i guess the main thing i didn’t like was how my emotions teetered between laughing and crying so much. i was confused, not from the story, really, but of how i should feel. maybe that was the point.

this is a lame post, because i just can’t figure out what to say exactly. so here’s this…

i have begun the process of losing the beard. i was going to wait until it was all gone to post any pictures, but i can’t wait, it’s too awesome to suppress any longer…

the apex of my beard:

the burnsides, or reverse goatee:

pretty ridiculous, huh? i’ll post more as a i shave more. yes, i went out in public with it looking like that.

i just realized that paul mccartney played bass in his band. as much as i sometimes wish i was the guitarist in mine, i’m becoming increasingly more satisfied with the role i have as bass player. i’ve been listening to a lot of the beatles lately, and paul’s bass lines are well-thought out and enhance the music so much, often in very subtle ways. until i became a bass player (when my band needed one, like paul did), i almost never listened to a bass line, or really cared what might be going on. bass may not always be a position of glory, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less important, and i still have plenty of opportunity to influence things. of course, it’d be nice to get to play some guitar every now and then…maybe i’ll get that chance like paul did. but for now i’m going to concentrate on improving my playing and writing of good bass lines that help the song as much as possible.

i hope more people than commented read my last post. actually, i know that’s true. comments weren’t important to me, as long as you read it.

anyway, here’s a couple of pictures from father maple’s debut show at vino’s, and also the swan song for my beard.

the show went really well. there weren’t a lot of people there, but that wasn’t what mattered. first of all, we had some people travel from arkadelphia to come support us, so that was awesome. thank you. there were also a few people there from little rock to see us, which was also really cool. thank you. second, fletcher really seemed to enjoy us and promised he’d book us again, so that’s encouraging. he recorded the show, as well, and so if it came out alright, we’ll have a bootleg to share of one of our new songs. lastly, we’re playing a show on thursday night @ thrio’s in arkadelphia. we’re playing with a band called lorien (www.myspace.com/lorienmusic), as well as old favorite coin laundry loser (i’m not sure if it’s just nick or full band…). if you’ve been dying to see father maple, here’s your chance (kara, this means you)…thursday at 8:00. thanks, and i promise the next post won’t be full of father maple promoting.

i got smacked in the face tonight by something (we’re talking figuratively here, not another literal incident). but first, how come abc doesn’t have a good late night show?

every year, my church has a missions conference the last weekend in february. we bring in a few of the missionaries we support from around the world so that we can all meet them and hear about the work they’re doing. it’s usually a pretty cool time, and very encouraging.

tonight we were told there would be a mystery guest speaking for a bit. i kinda didn’t know what to expect. it was a chaplain from the u.s. army, who returned from 370 days in iraq at the end of january. i can’t remember his name, but i remember he’s a lieutenant colonel, stationed at fort bragg…and a pca (that’s presbyterian church in america) chaplain. i guess denomination doesn’t make him better or anything, but it is mine, so it’s kinda cool.

for most of the time, he just spoke about his role in the army and some about his family. it was mostly pretty general stuff because he isn’t one of the missionaries we support (he’s actually paid as an army officer, so he doesn’t have to raise support anyway), and so we didn’t really know much about him at all (especially since he was a mystery guest). so you’re probably wondering what i’m building all this up about.

he was of course talking a little about the war, and why we were over there. then he mentioned jonah, and i was kinda wondering where he was going exactly. of course we all know the story of jonah. how God commissioned him to go to nineveh and tell them, if you don’t repent in 40 days, you’re toast. now nineveh was the capital of the assyrian empire, and the assyrians were not what you’d call a nice group. they were infamous for their brutal treatment of enemies and horrendous atrocities; pretty much just being bastards to everybody. the people of nineveh were utterly wicked (see nahum 3:1-7…it’s pretty clear) and the Lord demanded repentence, or destruction. but jonah did not want to go to nineveh, so he ran the other direction. and we all know what happened after that.

still i wondered where the chaplain was taking us, exactly. probably because i am as blinded as jonah was.

jonah did not turn and run because he was afraid to preach to these people, he ran because he did not want to preach to these people. do you see the difference? the assyrians were regarded by everyone as wicked, and the hebrews were no exception. jonah did not want God to grant grace to the people of nineveh (something he surely knew could and would happen were he to preach as God commanded)…jonah wanted the people of nineveh to pay for their sins with their lives, not be excused, nay, expunged from them. we see this in jonah chapter 4. following jonah’s proclamation to them, the people of nineveh did what jonah was afraid of: they repented and God relented from the promised destruction. and jonah sulked. he became angry. for God had extended grace upon a nation jonah did not believe should have the privelage. after all, israel was God’s chosen, not these gentiles. not these enemies who had done so many dreadful things. surely not they would be saved. right?

what an embarassament to jonah and his people, the people he was supposed to have been shepherding and leading. israel had been told a thousand times, by many prophets, what the Lord required, and still they turned from God. still they sought other gods. still they behaved as a harlot, whoring themselves out to so many, when their Husband was always waiting for them, always pleading with them to come home. and then one man, a stranger, walks into nineveh and cries out against their sin one time (once!)…and the people believe and are spared.

oftentimes i will share jonah’s feelings for the ninevites when i think of iraqis or those who seek to destroy america through terrorism. in fact, i may not even get as far as jonah, who at least knew God could save 600.000 sinners if they heard God’s truth. i simply assume they won’t be saved. that what they have done is too terrible to warrant any chance of redemption. that who they are is outside of grace. but God wants to, and will, save men and women in iraq, afghanistan and everywhere else. he will change hearts. he will reform lives.

the chaplain sees iraq, on top of everything else, as a mission field where God is working. it became painfully clear that i see it as a chance to get back at people who have done wrong and then abandon the smoldering heap to ruin. i could care less about the people of iraq, and i have a terrible feeling that i would be resentful of God if i heard tomorrow that mosul, modern day ninevah, had just renounced islam and now proclaimed themselves as believers in the one true God, and followers of Christ. i might be skeptical and sneer at the thought of 1 million plus being saved. i might even be like jonah and stand back and watch, hoping God would still see fit to strike them down.

my own heart is as dark as the most loathsome place on earth, and yet i have been freed by grace that is not of my own merit or ability or ethnicity. it’s like the parable of the man who was forgiven a great debt, who then turned around and threw a man in jail for owing him a small amount. should not we who have been forgiven also forgive? i need to be praying for the people of iraq, as well as the armed forces of my own country who are over there.