concerning hair
the end of an era…
see, i get happier as more hair is removed. until tomorrow when i get the hair on top of my head cut…and i mean really cut. no more long hair for david. it’s a sad day. sorry for posting so many pictures lately. i’m vain, i know.
i was actually thinking about that today as i’ve been in distress about the shearing of my hair. i love my hair. and i like it when it’s long, even though various people have told me it looks better short. i, being vain, am of course concerned with how i look (most of the time), but i like having long hair, despite the potential of looking better otherwise. there’s just something about it that thrills me. i just like how long hair feels. (of course, i do have bad hair days when i’m greatly annoyed by it.) i love when my hair is blowing in the breeze, as dumb as that might sound. and in revealing that to you, i’m risking much mockery…of which i’m somewhat prepared for. i think.
my hair has become an idol. it’s not a sin of itself, but has become one because i’m addicted to it. i worship it. and not that any idol is more or less of a sin than another, but this one is probably one of the biggest idols in my life right now. maybe that means it needs to be dealt with in a more severe manner, i’m not sure. i don’t even know exactly how i should deal with it. that’s because i can’t remember a time when i’ve consciously sought to erase an idol, or even specifically identify one–except perhaps a few times in church when i’d feel guilty about something and sort of half-heartedly confess it. i didn’t even consider the possibility of my hair as an idol until today, as i’ve been concerned with losing it…losing something i love.
the reason i’m getting a haircut isn’t because i’m keen on getting rid of an idol. it’s because i’m trying to find a job, and, since this culture is very much based on appearances, shorter hair greatly helps my odds in that search. i don’t want to do it. i’m even now trying to figure a way to both get the job, and keep my hair at length. (the haircut is gonna win.)
the question is, will a haircut effectively purge this idol? i’m pretty sure the answer is no. i’ll most likely still be thinking about it, wishing it was there, looking forward to it’s eventual return, bitter that i had to cut it. i need to be changed from within. it’s not a simple matter of cutting my hair, or adjusting bad habits; what needs to be destroyed are the very desires and urgings of my wicked heart. because the truth of the matter is greater and more dangerous than one idol: i worship myself. at the same time, i deceive myself, feeling complacently satisfied with my heart and life; i have not only become more important than God, i refuse to recognize the truth of my idolatry or mark its significance. i avoid contact with the truth so it’s easier to maintain the lie…and it doesn’t bother me.
i want to be bothered.
