girls

i’m not very assertive in most of what i do, and this is especially true in regard to my relationships with girls. on more than one occasion i have lost an opportunity to date a girl i was interested in, and it was because i failed to “make a move,” as it were. even the one real dating relationship i managed to have was a result of her taking initiative to move things along, whereas i was still content to simply “hang out,” even though i was sure i wanted to be “official.” now, i do like to move slowly when i’m getting to know a girl; i want to be friends first, and then maybe later i’ll be interested in dating her. i mean, i want to know who she is and what she’s like before i just bound into something more serious. i’ve never been one to just meet a girl (or see her) and suddenly have a desire to jump into a dating relationship…that’s probably obvious. anyway, the point is that i have gotten to know girls to the point where i was interested in the so-called next step…and then that never comes, because i never say anything and they get bored and move on. i’m stupid. or as rhonda pointed out, maybe it’s because i know they’re not what i really want. and she might have something. there was one girl i was really interested in, so interested that i actually told her…unfortunately the situation wasn’t really ripe for a relationship, for a number of reasons, but mostly because she lived a long way away. she’s soon to be married, and i don’t have any regrets about that because i actually was assertive, it just wasn’t in God’s plan, so that’s fine. the thing is, i like being just friends with girls. i really enjoy the girls i talk to and most of the time i’m not even thinking about anything further. i guess i get nervous after that of messing things up if i try to pursue a dating relationship. or i feel like i have to be 100% confident that’s what i want before i attempt it. i don’t really want to date just to date, but maybe it’d be a good idea to be a little more proactive and take a few girls i might be interested in on a few dates just to see if anything happens…i don’t know. i know there are definitely times i need to just go for it and not be such a wimp about it. as usual, i don’t have a conclusion here, it’s just something i’ve been thinking about, so i’m writing it down, as undeveloped as it is.