from mitch hedberg, to lighten the mood before i get deep:
i opened-up a yogurt, and underneath the lid it said, “please try again,” because they were having a contest that i was unaware of. i thought maybe i opened the yogurt wrong…or maybe yoplait was trying to inspire me: “come on, mitchell, don’t give up!” an inspirational message from your friends at yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
since january of 2003, i have met and hung out with over 40 people from the dynamic singularity known as the rumor forum at caedmonscall.net (now rocksmyfaceoff.net), and a few that i have met via xanga. that.is.insane. a few years ago, i used the internet to check e-mail (which mostly consisted of occasional e-mails from one person and a lot of spam) and do some research for papers and whatnot. ok, fine…i used napster, too. but i got attracted to this online community for a variety of reasons, first being the band caedmon’s call, in whose honor the board was formed, in the fall of 2002. and it quickly escalated to an obssession, to be honest. i was quite concerned with attaining some sort of acceptance into the fold, and i eventually wiggled my way in. as is usual, i’m spending too much time on the pre-story, so i’ll jump ahead to what i really want to say.
i continue to be amazed at how integral a role a number of online persons play in my life. they pray for me, console me, challenge me, laugh with me–basically all the qualities found in any traditional friendship…traditional meaning sans internet. the only thing missing is seeing them on any kind of regular schedule. for some friendships, this isn’t a big deal…but then there are those precious few that just make my heart ache for an opportunity to see them, to experience them in a fuller way than is currently allowed. still, i know God knows what he is doing, and i’m trying to trust him for all things. i should be satisfied with the blessings God has bestowed on me in the form of these internet friendships…and i am. certainly it can be hard to have close friends so far away, sometimes so inaccessible it hurts. but it is God’s doing, i believe, and i expect his will to be accomplished. i’m content with that.
the thing that almost disturbs me is the contrast between my relationships in real life and those on the internet. i’m not one who has a lot of friends, and that’s not a huge concern to me anymore, because i value having close friends over numerous ones. the thing that bugs me is how i’ve settled into relying on the internet for building new relationships. i’ve always been a bit of a recluse, and now with the internet i can be both a recluse and talk to friends at the same time. i’ve got vastly more friends online than in real life…and this is especially true with girls.
sometimes i get sad that i don’t have a girlfriend, and usually i just reassure myself that there aren’t any girls around here that i’m interested in. but the truth is, how do i even know that? i haven’t spent any time whatsoever getting to know any of the girls at ruf, or anywhere else around here. but i do spend time talking to girls i’ve met online, some even on the phone. now, i greatly enjoy those conversations and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but i’ve just kinda wondered recently what my deal is with only becoming friends with girls from afar. (and i seem to be good at it, without trying to be cocky or anything.) is it because it’s safer? probably. should i alter my habit? i don’t know. i don’t want to lose any of the friendships i’ve garnered online, but i do want to make new friends that i can actually hang out with. because despite what i sometimes imagine, i desperately need and crave human interaction. and i especially want that with close friends, not just random people at a party. contrary to most guys that i know, i like to talk on the phone…usually. that medium often quenches my desire in a way that leaves me happy and encouraged (especially when one conversation lasts over 5 hours, without me losing interest).
i’m not complaining about having friends on the internet…in fact, i love it. i do, however, want to be equally concerned with making and developing worthwhile real-ationships (i just made that word up), with guys and girls that i know apart from the internet (but i’ll admit, this is mostly fueled by my desire to have a “girlfriend” again, because i love sharing a deep friendship like that).
this entry has over 800 words. good grief.