the dreaming tree

this is an older post, but i’m giving it to you again because i witnessed the same thing tonight at the flying saucer in little rock. from the exact same guy who i wrote about the first time. so yeah, here it is. i didn’t edit it, even though there was no opener (it was just the one guy, who shall remain nameless, even though a lot of you will know who i am talking about), and some other details aren’t the same…the basic message still applies, though…amazing that he hasn’t changed in three years…

i hate fake performances, maybe even moreso when the “artist” has a gleam of talent. i don’t understand the need these people feel to try and create some special aura about themselves. man, just play your songs. i went to a show friday night where this occured. the opener vs. the headliner. guess what? in my opinion, the opener kicked the headliner’s ass. and here’s why: the opener played what his heart was feeling; he didn’t throw some image at us, he let the music speak. and then along comes the high and mighty headlining act, and from the minute he stepped on stage i sensed the act. i’m not saying he doesn’t like, maybe even love, what he’s doing, but what i felt from watching him was that he was showing off to an audience. he wasn’t trying to reach us; wasn’t trying to connect on that higher plane of music where idle words outside the song cannot express near enough emotion. several times during the opener i felt chills running through my body, not because of an amazing performance (though it was very good), but because the words leaped into my soul and refused to be denied their chance to speak. i didn’t even come close to feeling that during the headliner. in fact, i was so put-off by the performance that i left after four songs. is this harsh? maybe. but i guarantee if i had felt an ounce of sincere, beautiful music, i would have stayed. but then, maybe i’m not in it for the same reasons as some. some do it because they can, and some do it because they have to. because there is something deep within them that demands to be released. that is the essence of music.

they just did a story on the local news about the ouachita baseball team, who at 30 wins has won more games this year then in the past 7 combined, and set a school record for wins in a season (and decade?). i was there for a few of those down years, and man it sucked. they have a new coach now (this is his second season) and he seems like a pretty good coach, especially after watching the brief interview on tv (and oh, the record thing, too). i’m glad they’re doing so well. in fact, with a sweep of delta state this weekend, they could win a division title. that’s a little bit of a stretch (delta is consistently one of the top 15 or so div. ii programs in the nation), but at least obu is already in the playoffs. so, good job guys…i wish i could be a part of it.

you can’t smile tonight
but it’s alright
lay your head on my shoulder
and we’ll wait for the sunshine
together
i’ll wipe away the tears
one at a time
i swear i don’t mind
just let me be here

you’ll enjoy this site:

BBC discovering music

i know pretty much none of you will really be interested, but i freakin’ love it. they basically talk in-depth about a piece for about 45 minutes, complete with audio examples of what they’re discussing. and there are many many different choices to explore (both standards of the repetoire and lesser-known works). like i said, you’re probably not gonna want to listen to any of it if you don’t really care about “fine art” music (and i mean besides enjoying listening to “pretty” music), because a lot of what they’re talking about is similar to what you might learn in music history/literature as a music major, basically dissecting the piece. there are even some small amounts of theory discussed. but hey, maybe you want to take a gander and learn a little, no, a lot more about one of your favorite pieces. plus, the hosts are british, so that’s always fun.

He rises and begins to round,
He drops the silver chain of sound,
Of many links without a break,
In chirrup, whistle, slur and shake.

For singing till his heaven fills,
‘Tis love of earth that he instils,
And ever winging up and up,
Our valley is his golden cup
And he the wine which overflows
to lift us with him as he goes.

Till lost on his aerial rings
In light, and then the fancy sings.

the above is an excerpt from the poem “the lark ascending” by english poet george meredith (1828-1909). in 1920, ralph vaughan williams unleashed unto the world a piece for violin solo and piano (later premiered for violin and orchestra in 1921) that is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever heard. i was first introduced to the work in high school when the youth orchestra i was in performed it (the solo played by the then-concertmaster of the arkansas symphony orchestra), and i immediately fell in love with it. if this was the only thing vaughan williams ever wrote, i would consider him a genius. i could go on about how gorgeous and lush the orchestra sounds, playing back and forth with the nimble, fluid arpeggios in the solo violin (the lark), or the beautifully intricate and introspective melodies…but it’s really quite pointless to write words about such a thing. instead, take 15 minutes to stop and listen: here. that’s hilary hahn playing with the london symphony orchestra, so it’s also a ridiculously great recording. and if you don’t like it…well, you may not have a soul, cause i just don’t believe anyone can honestly say anything negative about this masterpiece. i mean, really, it’s amazing. i also wish i was good enough to take on the piece myself…but sadly, i’m not. that’s all i got. listen to it.

father maple played a pretty great show tonight, if i do say so myself. i mean, at least we had fun. and i played three different instruments, so i felt more involved than ever. i did a little violin thing while michael played “saddest love song” and then played some slight keyboards during the closing song, which was the hymn “god of love, king of peace,” so that was a lot of fun for me. plus i’ve started using my delay pedal some, too, which is even more fun. this is one of those posts that no one really likes to read all that much, i don’t think. but whatever. the point is, the concert went well and i think that some of the students (we were at williams baptist college) really enjoyed hearing us. also thanks to katherine wallace and christian and whoever else for all their help in getting everything set-up and running as smoothly as possible, and for their tireless promotion.

now i’m going to go work on my new song about an assassin and a lonely boy. details to follow…

tonight i returned to the bubble. it was a brief visit, and i actually wish i had gotten to stay longer cause there were some people i wanted to see that i didn’t. the reason i was there was to take in the annual composers symposium. michael reed and i wanted to see how today’s students were doing, or something like that. anyway, we were pretty impressed overall with the quality of the writing. and now i want to write some music, which of course is an urge that will only last for tonight. once i get back to fayetteville and see my composition bag sitting on the floor, i’ll dismiss it just like i have been doing all semester. i’m not sure what the deal is, i just haven’t been motivated quite enough to actually sit down and do some work. oh yeah…i’m lazy. but seriously, i do want to start writing again (plus i kinda have to if i’m planning to ever graduate).

it was also great to hang out with old friends again. i know it’s cliché, but i miss being in a college atmosphere on a regular basis, where hanging out and great conversation happens nearly every night. i had a good meal and a fun time talking at cracker barrel tonight (with michael reed and his wife melody, phil waller and jess heath, for those that care). it’s funny to say that i miss all of that when i’m still around it a little bit, but it’s not exactly the same up at fayetteville since i’m not going to class everyday, and i’m rarely on campus. i also don’t know too many people that well, so i don’t do a lot of hanging out. fortunately i get to talk to friends online and on the phone, but it’s not quite the same as running into someone on campus and having a chat. anyway, i could write another long post about it, but i’m not going to. suffice to say that i had a great time tonight, listening to music, and then having some laughs with old friends.

and tomorrow is going to be equally awesome as father maple heads up to williams baptist college for a concert. if you’re anywhere near walnut ridge, come check out the show.

i don’t really want to talk too much about it, cause i want the words to just speak for themselves when i’m done…but i’m really excited about a new song i’m writing. really it’s just an idea i’ve got and i’m taking notes for it…which is something i’ve never done for a song before. it’s also gonna be the first story song that i write (or co-write, if michael helps me out). i got the idea for it while watching the history channel last night, so i’ve already worked up the backstory on how it came about in case we’re ever on vh1 storytellers. it’ll finally be my turn to take the mic after michael has been hogging it all night (just kidding…or am i?). i think it’s gonna be sufjan-esque, if i can be so bold as to make that claim, and will be a lot of fun to write. anyway, i’m really excited, and all i’ve got is a germ of an idea.

hey look, another long post…

i’m sitting here in my lovely apartment listening to mahler’s eighth symphony, the symphony of a thousand, it’s called. the piece is ridiculously amazing and just huge and beautiful and glorious…i sometimes forget how much “classical” music can move me. back in junior high/high school i was in a very good community, youth orchestra. it was so wonderful, because we got to play so many staples of the repertoire, including beethoven’s fifth, overture to the marriage of figaro, sibelius’ second symphony…the list goes on. i remember moments throughout performances that would just cause me to nearly start crying in the midst of sawing away on my violin. the beauty, the genius, the intimate portrait of a man’s soul…i can’t even describe it right. music is just too deep for idle words.

when i came to arkansas, i got play in an orchestra again after languishing in only wind ensembles for the previous five years. (i mean, there were some moments, but you really just can’t compare the two.) sweet majesty was i glad. i felt like i was playing meaningful music again, and where i belonged…in the violin section.

back in high school, i didn’t know jack about music, but i guess i had an intuition about it. i would listen to “classical” stuff here and there, but didn’t really know what i was listening to other than beauty. now, after 5 years of studying music, i know vastly more than i imagined there was to know, and there are still many, many, many things that i don’t know or understand completely. nowadays when i am listening to a piece, i often listen for specific things, like how the parts are interacting, try to follow the composer’s logic in going to where he goes…but it’s interesting how i’m still able to enjoy music. what i mean is, some people argue that learning too much about a subject (particularly music, it seems), causes a loss of enjoyment. not so for me, because i can choose to sit back and be absorbed with sound, ignoring any academic approach to hearing it, or i can attentively and actively study what’s happening in a piece. either way gives me great amounts of joy and the most superb feeling i know. i certainly love rock/folk/whatever, but there is something about the classical genre that moves me beyond those other styles. or maybe just in a different way.

the sheer amount of thought and design that goes into a classical composition is ridiculous. how do i know? i’m a composition major. so not only do i write “fine art” music, i study how pieces are put together to better understand what is happening and to further develop my skills (something i’m actually pretty terrible at doing). i just never fully realized how much hard work it took to complete a piece that was worth something. ya’ll just have no idea. it’s torturing, really. a composer named john corigliano (who is still living) said this about the composing process: “i hate composing. i love having composed.” i’m much the same way. the process is so long and arduous cause i want everything to be just right; i can’t accept mediocrity. beethoven was much the same. it’s encouraging to read that there are accomplished composers who feel the same way…which isn’t to say that i can even remotely place myself in the same league as them, because i shouldn’t even be talking about them in the same paragraph wherein i’m talking about myself as a composer.

i often just want to give up, especially when i go listen to someone like eric whitacre. his choral music just seems so far above what i could possibly accomplish. while it does discourage me, at the same time i am pressed to succeed, to surpass, to achieve greatness. i have this dream that i’ll actually break out of myself and produce something truly worthwhile someday.

from mitch hedberg, to lighten the mood before i get deep:

i opened-up a yogurt, and underneath the lid it said, “please try again,” because they were having a contest that i was unaware of. i thought maybe i opened the yogurt wrong…or maybe yoplait was trying to inspire me: “come on, mitchell, don’t give up!” an inspirational message from your friends at yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

since january of 2003, i have met and hung out with over 40 people from the dynamic singularity known as the rumor forum at caedmonscall.net (now rocksmyfaceoff.net), and a few that i have met via xanga. that.is.insane. a few years ago, i used the internet to check e-mail (which mostly consisted of occasional e-mails from one person and a lot of spam) and do some research for papers and whatnot. ok, fine…i used napster, too. but i got attracted to this online community for a variety of reasons, first being the band caedmon’s call, in whose honor the board was formed, in the fall of 2002. and it quickly escalated to an obssession, to be honest. i was quite concerned with attaining some sort of acceptance into the fold, and i eventually wiggled my way in. as is usual, i’m spending too much time on the pre-story, so i’ll jump ahead to what i really want to say.

i continue to be amazed at how integral a role a number of online persons play in my life. they pray for me, console me, challenge me, laugh with me–basically all the qualities found in any traditional friendship…traditional meaning sans internet. the only thing missing is seeing them on any kind of regular schedule. for some friendships, this isn’t a big deal…but then there are those precious few that just make my heart ache for an opportunity to see them, to experience them in a fuller way than is currently allowed. still, i know God knows what he is doing, and i’m trying to trust him for all things. i should be satisfied with the blessings God has bestowed on me in the form of these internet friendships…and i am. certainly it can be hard to have close friends so far away, sometimes so inaccessible it hurts. but it is God’s doing, i believe, and i expect his will to be accomplished. i’m content with that.

the thing that almost disturbs me is the contrast between my relationships in real life and those on the internet. i’m not one who has a lot of friends, and that’s not a huge concern to me anymore, because i value having close friends over numerous ones. the thing that bugs me is how i’ve settled into relying on the internet for building new relationships. i’ve always been a bit of a recluse, and now with the internet i can be both a recluse and talk to friends at the same time. i’ve got vastly more friends online than in real life…and this is especially true with girls.

sometimes i get sad that i don’t have a girlfriend, and usually i just reassure myself that there aren’t any girls around here that i’m interested in. but the truth is, how do i even know that? i haven’t spent any time whatsoever getting to know any of the girls at ruf, or anywhere else around here. but i do spend time talking to girls i’ve met online, some even on the phone. now, i greatly enjoy those conversations and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but i’ve just kinda wondered recently what my deal is with only becoming friends with girls from afar. (and i seem to be good at it, without trying to be cocky or anything.) is it because it’s safer? probably. should i alter my habit? i don’t know. i don’t want to lose any of the friendships i’ve garnered online, but i do want to make new friends that i can actually hang out with. because despite what i sometimes imagine, i desperately need and crave human interaction. and i especially want that with close friends, not just random people at a party. contrary to most guys that i know, i like to talk on the phone…usually. that medium often quenches my desire in a way that leaves me happy and encouraged (especially when one conversation lasts over 5 hours, without me losing interest).

i’m not complaining about having friends on the internet…in fact, i love it. i do, however, want to be equally concerned with making and developing worthwhile real-ationships (i just made that word up), with guys and girls that i know apart from the internet (but i’ll admit, this is mostly fueled by my desire to have a “girlfriend” again, because i love sharing a deep friendship like that).

this entry has over 800 words. good grief.

here’s some more words i’ve been moving around in my head because of something that won’t leave my head. i hope you don’t hate it. it’s not finished (as is the case with most of what i write), so feedback is greatly appreciated.

i fell down the spiral staircase
but romance was gone
and you ran…
left me here, heart in my hands
full of bleeding memories

so i wrap you in a clever charade
vainly devoted to an empty notion
and pretend everything’s just fine
when the sun is rising in the evening

cause i still dare to miss you

hiding beneath shattered walls
in dreams you left behind
the truth doesn’t comfort me at night

though it’s over
you’ll always linger
and give rise to a shiver
full of yearning
for a new day

it’s time once again for 100 things…of pure and utter randomness…here we go…

1. i use chap stick everyday.
2. i wish i could invent something awesome.
3. i got my first cell phone last august.
4. it’s still kinda weird, but i’m getting used to it.
5. this list is gratuitous.
6. andrew osenga is one of the coolest musicians you will ever meet.
7. i hope you do get to meet him one day and take in one of his stellar shows.
8. i need to be a better bass player.
9. i’m bi-polar.
10. i wish i was/had been a better student.
11. my mother is right…i don’t eat healthily.
12. (sshh…don’t tell her.)
13. i wrote a song called wander for voice and piano.
14. yes, it’s an “art song.”
15. i have a recording of it, if you’re interested…but you’re probably not.
16. at one point i was going to be a music and physics double major.
17. yeah…i didn’t go through with that.
18. i like to think up band names.
19. ten cent soda, sunrise in the evening (that’s the emo one), the gloaming, history says smile
20. those are pretty lame, i know.
21. eddie izzard is brilliant.
22. there was a british king named ethelred the unready (978-1013 and 1014-1016).
23. i wish i would work really hard on something for once in my life.
24. i like to talk about myself.
25. i hate it when people tell me aaron copland is their favorite american composer.
26. he’s good, yeah, but it always seems like they’re just saying that because they don’t know anyone else.
27. my favorite american composers include: john corigliano, samuel barber, eric whitacre and ned rorem.
28. puns can be cool, but also annoying.
29. i’m not a very good storyteller.
30. one time…nah, i’m not even gonna bother.
31. i think till we have faces is c.s. lewis’ best book.
32. i was doing my honors program thesis on that book…but like most things, i didn’t finish.
33. i love when i discover a band/artist no one has heard of and then they become huge.
34. like i did with john mayer.
35. i also totally called the emo craze.
36. i have been in a phase of not really caring about girls at all.
37. i think that phase is over, for better or worse.
38. i’m lazy.
39. i don’t really want to finish the rest of this list.
40. but i will.
41. i don’t have a crush on any celebrities.
42. bass can make or break a good song.
43. that’s a lot of pressure.
44. if i was a professional athlete, i would change my number every year.
45. my favorite numbers i have worn are: 23, 17, 11 (all in baseball).
46. i wish i was still playing baseball.
47. i always wanted to wear 47.
48. i’m going to play baseball again.
49. softball is ok, but just not the same.
50. it might be cool to be in a movie someday.
51. yeah…right.
52. even though tom cruise is a moron, i still like his movies.
53. scooby-doo.
54. i’ve never seen any of the godfather movies.
55. your mom.
56. i love learning about ancient egypt.
57. my science fair project one year was about how they built the pyramids.
58. i won first place.
59. i love crossword puzzles.
60. i really want to go to outer space.
61. i’ve been trying to finish the brothers karamazov for like three years.
62. it’s a really dense book.
63. marriage seems so far off i wonder if it’ll ever get here.
64. …when i’m 64?
65. handwriting is fascinating to me.
66. lots of things are.
67. like numbers.
68. i love listening to live recordings of the dave matthews band.
69. they make me so very happy.
70. that’s what i’m doing now (bartender).
72. usually when i play guitar i’m playing some dave matthews song.
73. i’ve garnered a lot of great relationships because of the internet.
74. mainly from rocksmyfaceoff.net, but also some from xanga.
75. but that’s a whole ‘nother post.
76. i write poetry.
77. this list is getting really lame.
78. sorry.
79. i’m actually amazed if more than two people read all the way through this.
80. 479-409-0305
81. simon cowell said the thing he wants most in the world is money.
82. at $90 million, he still doesn’t have enough.
83. i hate money.
84. i just finished this list and xanga lost it.
85. fortunately i had copied it up to here.
86. but i had some good ones in the last 15.
87. your loss.
88. i wore this number when i played football.
89. i don’t know everything.
90. but i pretend i know a lot.
91. sergei federov.
92. i like to feign that i’m a graphic designer.
93. although i did make the design on our t-shirts.
94. which i think is pretty cool.
95. soon i will be asleep.
96. i like to laugh.
97. and to make other people laugh.
98. i wish i was better at that.
99. the year i graduated high school.
100. i need a new pair of birkenstocks.
101. this is a lame ending, i know…but it’s late…so…the end.

this is actually gonna be something like a guest post. this past weekend we (being father maple) were scheduled to play a show with andrew osenga. i was going to write something about it, but michael wallace (lead singer of father maple) wrote a post on his own site that i decided said exactly what i wanted and needed to say. i love being in a band with these guys, cause we have such similar philosophies on what we’re doing. anyway, here it is:

A near empty room on kirby street with two bands, a sound guy, and video guy, a girlfriend, a roadie, and a lifesize cardboard cut out of toby mac were the setting for what has turned out to be one of the saddest yet interesting nights of my life. A week ago, andrew osenga (amazing musician) emailed me about setting up a last minute show in little rock on his and his band’s way back to nashville. Luckily, I just started helping out with a church here in little rock who gladly offered the youth building to me. I just knew this was going to be an amazing night. This would mark father maple’s second performance with andrew and it would be the first show in a while that we actually even had a chance to sound decent with a decent system and room.

The band showed up, we saw a movie, we did load in and sound check and we waited….
The show was supposed to start at 7:30 with nick flora playing an acoustic set. then father maple then andrew.

As the room remained empty well past 7:30, andrew and the guys decided it really wasn’t worth it to play for no one when they had a 5 hour drive ahead of them that night (which was completely understandable). They decided to pack up and leave. I was able to round about a hundred bucks from fm and some of the few people that actually showed up, so that we could pay them something, and upon giving them the money, andrew didn’t want to get payed with out playing at all, so he played 3 acoustic songs. He does more with three songs and no microphone that most bands do with a full set and pyrotechnics. It was great.

Then nick played one of the best sets i’ve ever heard him play. It was phenominal, and if you haven’t heard his new stuff you should, because it is real. We then played for about 45 minutes or so and then it was over. The crowd ended up consisting of mostly girlfrieds, friends and parents, and by all normal standards was a complete failure, but somehow i’m beginning to look at it a little different. here are the things i learned

1. Even your heroes get homesick and even down about what you think they are great at. Andrew seemed like he was just totally down about the tour. I think maybe he thinks that people don’t really get into his music, or maybe that people don’t care, and i can totally i didentify with thinking that,but I wish i knew how to tell him he is wrong. i know for a fact that the four of us in FM wouldn’t be the musicians we are without his and the normal’s influence. and i know a ton of other people who could say similar things. It encouraged me to know that even or maybe especially good musicians have a hard time getting people to listen because of what popular music has turned into.

2. Sad nights allow you to be more honest than you normally are. Nick had a terrible weekend. this turned his normally jubilant and adolescent stage presence into a powerful and revealing honesty that allowed me to listen to his songs in a way that i never have before. I’ve always been a fan, but i’m even more of one now.

3. these are the times that are preparing us for tomorrow. Not the idealistic tomorrow which is far away, but the tomorrow that is the today of yesterday. I was devastated the after the show the other night, but i’m beginning to see beyond then to today. I learned today that saturday night was testing my dedication to what i believe. If i can’t continue doing what i believe i am called to do when there is no one there, then how can i expect people to take me sincerely when there is a room full of people. You can’t connect with people if you are not committed to being honest in every circumstance. For me, part of being honest involves playing music about my life and my beliefs. This is what i must do and this is the way i must do it, and so i will; even to 13 people crowds. We will continue to share ourselves with people through our music until the door closes in our face. On that day i will have no regrets.

-Michael

here’s a poem/future song:

hey babe,
i saw you again last night
still sneaking around my dreams;
i thought i invited you to leave,
but i guess i can’t let go.
though the dance is over
the steps are still familiar:
just yesterday i loved you
(it’s been forever, baby),
but my heart is surrounded,
siphoned by a broken dream
of what will never be.
leave me alone, babe,
and i’ll move on this time.
before you go, tell me the truth:
will i ever forget you?