the dreaming tree

this is an older post, but i’m giving it to you again because i witnessed the same thing tonight at the flying saucer in little rock. from the exact same guy who i wrote about the first time. so yeah, here it is. i didn’t edit it, even though there was no opener (it was just the one guy, who shall remain nameless, even though a lot of you will know who i am talking about), and some other details aren’t the same…the basic message still applies, though…amazing that he hasn’t changed in three years…

i hate fake performances, maybe even moreso when the “artist” has a gleam of talent. i don’t understand the need these people feel to try and create some special aura about themselves. man, just play your songs. i went to a show friday night where this occured. the opener vs. the headliner. guess what? in my opinion, the opener kicked the headliner’s ass. and here’s why: the opener played what his heart was feeling; he didn’t throw some image at us, he let the music speak. and then along comes the high and mighty headlining act, and from the minute he stepped on stage i sensed the act. i’m not saying he doesn’t like, maybe even love, what he’s doing, but what i felt from watching him was that he was showing off to an audience. he wasn’t trying to reach us; wasn’t trying to connect on that higher plane of music where idle words outside the song cannot express near enough emotion. several times during the opener i felt chills running through my body, not because of an amazing performance (though it was very good), but because the words leaped into my soul and refused to be denied their chance to speak. i didn’t even come close to feeling that during the headliner. in fact, i was so put-off by the performance that i left after four songs. is this harsh? maybe. but i guarantee if i had felt an ounce of sincere, beautiful music, i would have stayed. but then, maybe i’m not in it for the same reasons as some. some do it because they can, and some do it because they have to. because there is something deep within them that demands to be released. that is the essence of music.

they just did a story on the local news about the ouachita baseball team, who at 30 wins has won more games this year then in the past 7 combined, and set a school record for wins in a season (and decade?). i was there for a few of those down years, and man it sucked. they have a new coach now (this is his second season) and he seems like a pretty good coach, especially after watching the brief interview on tv (and oh, the record thing, too). i’m glad they’re doing so well. in fact, with a sweep of delta state this weekend, they could win a division title. that’s a little bit of a stretch (delta is consistently one of the top 15 or so div. ii programs in the nation), but at least obu is already in the playoffs. so, good job guys…i wish i could be a part of it.

you can’t smile tonight
but it’s alright
lay your head on my shoulder
and we’ll wait for the sunshine
together
i’ll wipe away the tears
one at a time
i swear i don’t mind
just let me be here

you’ll enjoy this site:

BBC discovering music

i know pretty much none of you will really be interested, but i freakin’ love it. they basically talk in-depth about a piece for about 45 minutes, complete with audio examples of what they’re discussing. and there are many many different choices to explore (both standards of the repetoire and lesser-known works). like i said, you’re probably not gonna want to listen to any of it if you don’t really care about “fine art” music (and i mean besides enjoying listening to “pretty” music), because a lot of what they’re talking about is similar to what you might learn in music history/literature as a music major, basically dissecting the piece. there are even some small amounts of theory discussed. but hey, maybe you want to take a gander and learn a little, no, a lot more about one of your favorite pieces. plus, the hosts are british, so that’s always fun.

He rises and begins to round,
He drops the silver chain of sound,
Of many links without a break,
In chirrup, whistle, slur and shake.

For singing till his heaven fills,
‘Tis love of earth that he instils,
And ever winging up and up,
Our valley is his golden cup
And he the wine which overflows
to lift us with him as he goes.

Till lost on his aerial rings
In light, and then the fancy sings.

the above is an excerpt from the poem “the lark ascending” by english poet george meredith (1828-1909). in 1920, ralph vaughan williams unleashed unto the world a piece for violin solo and piano (later premiered for violin and orchestra in 1921) that is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever heard. i was first introduced to the work in high school when the youth orchestra i was in performed it (the solo played by the then-concertmaster of the arkansas symphony orchestra), and i immediately fell in love with it. if this was the only thing vaughan williams ever wrote, i would consider him a genius. i could go on about how gorgeous and lush the orchestra sounds, playing back and forth with the nimble, fluid arpeggios in the solo violin (the lark), or the beautifully intricate and introspective melodies…but it’s really quite pointless to write words about such a thing. instead, take 15 minutes to stop and listen: here. that’s hilary hahn playing with the london symphony orchestra, so it’s also a ridiculously great recording. and if you don’t like it…well, you may not have a soul, cause i just don’t believe anyone can honestly say anything negative about this masterpiece. i mean, really, it’s amazing. i also wish i was good enough to take on the piece myself…but sadly, i’m not. that’s all i got. listen to it.

father maple played a pretty great show tonight, if i do say so myself. i mean, at least we had fun. and i played three different instruments, so i felt more involved than ever. i did a little violin thing while michael played “saddest love song” and then played some slight keyboards during the closing song, which was the hymn “god of love, king of peace,” so that was a lot of fun for me. plus i’ve started using my delay pedal some, too, which is even more fun. this is one of those posts that no one really likes to read all that much, i don’t think. but whatever. the point is, the concert went well and i think that some of the students (we were at williams baptist college) really enjoyed hearing us. also thanks to katherine wallace and christian and whoever else for all their help in getting everything set-up and running as smoothly as possible, and for their tireless promotion.

now i’m going to go work on my new song about an assassin and a lonely boy. details to follow…

tonight i returned to the bubble. it was a brief visit, and i actually wish i had gotten to stay longer cause there were some people i wanted to see that i didn’t. the reason i was there was to take in the annual composers symposium. michael reed and i wanted to see how today’s students were doing, or something like that. anyway, we were pretty impressed overall with the quality of the writing. and now i want to write some music, which of course is an urge that will only last for tonight. once i get back to fayetteville and see my composition bag sitting on the floor, i’ll dismiss it just like i have been doing all semester. i’m not sure what the deal is, i just haven’t been motivated quite enough to actually sit down and do some work. oh yeah…i’m lazy. but seriously, i do want to start writing again (plus i kinda have to if i’m planning to ever graduate).

it was also great to hang out with old friends again. i know it’s cliché, but i miss being in a college atmosphere on a regular basis, where hanging out and great conversation happens nearly every night. i had a good meal and a fun time talking at cracker barrel tonight (with michael reed and his wife melody, phil waller and jess heath, for those that care). it’s funny to say that i miss all of that when i’m still around it a little bit, but it’s not exactly the same up at fayetteville since i’m not going to class everyday, and i’m rarely on campus. i also don’t know too many people that well, so i don’t do a lot of hanging out. fortunately i get to talk to friends online and on the phone, but it’s not quite the same as running into someone on campus and having a chat. anyway, i could write another long post about it, but i’m not going to. suffice to say that i had a great time tonight, listening to music, and then having some laughs with old friends.

and tomorrow is going to be equally awesome as father maple heads up to williams baptist college for a concert. if you’re anywhere near walnut ridge, come check out the show.

i don’t really want to talk too much about it, cause i want the words to just speak for themselves when i’m done…but i’m really excited about a new song i’m writing. really it’s just an idea i’ve got and i’m taking notes for it…which is something i’ve never done for a song before. it’s also gonna be the first story song that i write (or co-write, if michael helps me out). i got the idea for it while watching the history channel last night, so i’ve already worked up the backstory on how it came about in case we’re ever on vh1 storytellers. it’ll finally be my turn to take the mic after michael has been hogging it all night (just kidding…or am i?). i think it’s gonna be sufjan-esque, if i can be so bold as to make that claim, and will be a lot of fun to write. anyway, i’m really excited, and all i’ve got is a germ of an idea.

hey look, another long post…

i’m sitting here in my lovely apartment listening to mahler’s eighth symphony, the symphony of a thousand, it’s called. the piece is ridiculously amazing and just huge and beautiful and glorious…i sometimes forget how much “classical” music can move me. back in junior high/high school i was in a very good community, youth orchestra. it was so wonderful, because we got to play so many staples of the repertoire, including beethoven’s fifth, overture to the marriage of figaro, sibelius’ second symphony…the list goes on. i remember moments throughout performances that would just cause me to nearly start crying in the midst of sawing away on my violin. the beauty, the genius, the intimate portrait of a man’s soul…i can’t even describe it right. music is just too deep for idle words.

when i came to arkansas, i got play in an orchestra again after languishing in only wind ensembles for the previous five years. (i mean, there were some moments, but you really just can’t compare the two.) sweet majesty was i glad. i felt like i was playing meaningful music again, and where i belonged…in the violin section.

back in high school, i didn’t know jack about music, but i guess i had an intuition about it. i would listen to “classical” stuff here and there, but didn’t really know what i was listening to other than beauty. now, after 5 years of studying music, i know vastly more than i imagined there was to know, and there are still many, many, many things that i don’t know or understand completely. nowadays when i am listening to a piece, i often listen for specific things, like how the parts are interacting, try to follow the composer’s logic in going to where he goes…but it’s interesting how i’m still able to enjoy music. what i mean is, some people argue that learning too much about a subject (particularly music, it seems), causes a loss of enjoyment. not so for me, because i can choose to sit back and be absorbed with sound, ignoring any academic approach to hearing it, or i can attentively and actively study what’s happening in a piece. either way gives me great amounts of joy and the most superb feeling i know. i certainly love rock/folk/whatever, but there is something about the classical genre that moves me beyond those other styles. or maybe just in a different way.

the sheer amount of thought and design that goes into a classical composition is ridiculous. how do i know? i’m a composition major. so not only do i write “fine art” music, i study how pieces are put together to better understand what is happening and to further develop my skills (something i’m actually pretty terrible at doing). i just never fully realized how much hard work it took to complete a piece that was worth something. ya’ll just have no idea. it’s torturing, really. a composer named john corigliano (who is still living) said this about the composing process: “i hate composing. i love having composed.” i’m much the same way. the process is so long and arduous cause i want everything to be just right; i can’t accept mediocrity. beethoven was much the same. it’s encouraging to read that there are accomplished composers who feel the same way…which isn’t to say that i can even remotely place myself in the same league as them, because i shouldn’t even be talking about them in the same paragraph wherein i’m talking about myself as a composer.

i often just want to give up, especially when i go listen to someone like eric whitacre. his choral music just seems so far above what i could possibly accomplish. while it does discourage me, at the same time i am pressed to succeed, to surpass, to achieve greatness. i have this dream that i’ll actually break out of myself and produce something truly worthwhile someday.

from mitch hedberg, to lighten the mood before i get deep:

i opened-up a yogurt, and underneath the lid it said, “please try again,” because they were having a contest that i was unaware of. i thought maybe i opened the yogurt wrong…or maybe yoplait was trying to inspire me: “come on, mitchell, don’t give up!” an inspirational message from your friends at yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

since january of 2003, i have met and hung out with over 40 people from the dynamic singularity known as the rumor forum at caedmonscall.net (now rocksmyfaceoff.net), and a few that i have met via xanga. that.is.insane. a few years ago, i used the internet to check e-mail (which mostly consisted of occasional e-mails from one person and a lot of spam) and do some research for papers and whatnot. ok, fine…i used napster, too. but i got attracted to this online community for a variety of reasons, first being the band caedmon’s call, in whose honor the board was formed, in the fall of 2002. and it quickly escalated to an obssession, to be honest. i was quite concerned with attaining some sort of acceptance into the fold, and i eventually wiggled my way in. as is usual, i’m spending too much time on the pre-story, so i’ll jump ahead to what i really want to say.

i continue to be amazed at how integral a role a number of online persons play in my life. they pray for me, console me, challenge me, laugh with me–basically all the qualities found in any traditional friendship…traditional meaning sans internet. the only thing missing is seeing them on any kind of regular schedule. for some friendships, this isn’t a big deal…but then there are those precious few that just make my heart ache for an opportunity to see them, to experience them in a fuller way than is currently allowed. still, i know God knows what he is doing, and i’m trying to trust him for all things. i should be satisfied with the blessings God has bestowed on me in the form of these internet friendships…and i am. certainly it can be hard to have close friends so far away, sometimes so inaccessible it hurts. but it is God’s doing, i believe, and i expect his will to be accomplished. i’m content with that.

the thing that almost disturbs me is the contrast between my relationships in real life and those on the internet. i’m not one who has a lot of friends, and that’s not a huge concern to me anymore, because i value having close friends over numerous ones. the thing that bugs me is how i’ve settled into relying on the internet for building new relationships. i’ve always been a bit of a recluse, and now with the internet i can be both a recluse and talk to friends at the same time. i’ve got vastly more friends online than in real life…and this is especially true with girls.

sometimes i get sad that i don’t have a girlfriend, and usually i just reassure myself that there aren’t any girls around here that i’m interested in. but the truth is, how do i even know that? i haven’t spent any time whatsoever getting to know any of the girls at ruf, or anywhere else around here. but i do spend time talking to girls i’ve met online, some even on the phone. now, i greatly enjoy those conversations and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but i’ve just kinda wondered recently what my deal is with only becoming friends with girls from afar. (and i seem to be good at it, without trying to be cocky or anything.) is it because it’s safer? probably. should i alter my habit? i don’t know. i don’t want to lose any of the friendships i’ve garnered online, but i do want to make new friends that i can actually hang out with. because despite what i sometimes imagine, i desperately need and crave human interaction. and i especially want that with close friends, not just random people at a party. contrary to most guys that i know, i like to talk on the phone…usually. that medium often quenches my desire in a way that leaves me happy and encouraged (especially when one conversation lasts over 5 hours, without me losing interest).

i’m not complaining about having friends on the internet…in fact, i love it. i do, however, want to be equally concerned with making and developing worthwhile real-ationships (i just made that word up), with guys and girls that i know apart from the internet (but i’ll admit, this is mostly fueled by my desire to have a “girlfriend” again, because i love sharing a deep friendship like that).

this entry has over 800 words. good grief.